When Others Try To Take Control
By KrauseHome
@KrauseHome (36448)
United States
April 16, 2011 11:43pm CST
Have you ever done something and then wished you had not? Learning a major lesson from it all as well. Well, it has really come to this in my life at this time, and it makes me wonder what some people see in wanting control and never seeing that they might need to listen more and stand back? I continue to see this time and time again where others end up getting involved in something and then want to take control and not let anyone else have a say. And well, they never consider themselves doing anything wrong either.
Right now we have this guy who has been renting a room from us since the first part of February. We actually thought he was a nice guy to begin with, and were trying to help him out thinking he had a lot of Health issues, etc. But now I am not so sure what the real story is, but we gave him a notice to move out as of the end of this month, so hopefully things will be a lot better for us then.
It just seems like it has been one thing after another anymore, and personally it is making me sick. It is getting to the point where I could care less about people needing any help anymore, but know there are tons of people out there needing the help with no one out there who want to help them. He just personally in my opinion is LAZY, manipulative, argumentative, and expects everything to always be his way. Personally I feel this is the reason he has had to move around so much even though all the time, none of it is his fault, it is always everyone else.
He tries to take control and run the house like it is his. He cleaned and straightend up the kitchen about a week after he moved in here, which was nice, but he has NEVER cleaned the kitchen floor feeling that this was ok. We let him move in with a Big mastif dog who dirties up the carpet when he comes in after it being wet. We had to beg for the carpet to be vacumed at least, but the excuse was he has only lived here for a month so that was not his responsibility, even though he and the dog come upstairs to watch TV.
Then to take the cake... the upstairs bathroom which we share (we fixed a toilet in the bathroom by his room just for him because he would not quit bugging us), he made a comment about the bathtub being filthy, and the bathroom a mess and saying it was our responsibility. I then said so you want to lay around all day doing nothing, expecting us to pay all the bills, etc. and you not help around the house? Personally I am not his Slave. We own the house, and was just renting him a room as a favor. Personally we need the $$ right now, but not this bad so we will be way better off when he is gone.
~~TINA~~
6 people like this
16 responses
@tiffnkeat (1673)
• Singapore
17 Apr 11
I can see your frustration in the post, and why should you suffer in your own house? As you said, you own the house. If he cannot respect the owner, then maybe he should find another landlord.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
21 Apr 11
We asked him to move last Saturday and did not give him until the 1st like he was hoping. He just totally was hard to live with, and unrespectful etc. It was not a good situation for sure, and how someone can be like that is beyond me. For now we are enjoying the Peace and quiet, but considering renting out to someone else by the first just to help out with the bills, but making sure we are going to be a little more stern with what we expect from the start.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
17 Apr 11
Sometimes we just have to make a choice for sanity and or hour health to let go of someone like this no matter how much the money can help. Sounds like this person will not function no matter where he lives, unless he has a place of his own.
Just know you tried to help and reason and well he simply does not care, I certainly can't understand why some are difficult knowing they are renting in a home, in which rules and understanding are very important.
I do hope his departure is a smooth one, and that you and your hubby can resume back to your great routine without this person in your lives. Tina, you did the right thing, you do not need the additional headaches. Wishing all the best.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
21 Apr 11
He has been gone since Sunday evening, and it has been nice and quiet. With people like him it is easier to just kick them out, which we did, and know that we are much better off. We have been considering renting out again, but going to be a little more strict with rules and what we expect, and hope for the Best from here.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
17 Apr 11
Been there done that but never again. People do not appreciate what u do for them i found out the hard way. I don't understand why some people thinks everybody owes them something but alot do. I think u will be happier when he is gone. I hope so anyway.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
21 Apr 11
It has been HEAVEN since he moved out. One of the Best things we ever could have done. Personally even with this experience we have not given up wanting to try it again. Just more prepared with time with rules and such we expect, when money is due, and not allowing them to think they can take control as they will just be renting here not family who owns part of things.
@yoyo1198 (3641)
• United States
17 Apr 11
Oh, my!! I would never, never, ever let out a room in my house that I had to share any part of with anyone else. Maybe an upstairs apartment and only then with the stipulations that the renter would be responsible for the maintenance of the simplest things. Did you not have him sign an agreement with some stipulations?
Of course, helping out with some of the housework is part of his responsibility. An ounce of common sense would have told him that even if he didn't sign an agreement.
I think you are right in evicting him. The sooner the better. Knowing the way these kind of persons are these days, expect him to find excuses to stall. It's not worth your mental and physical health to have a person like that around.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
18 Apr 11
Well, we have definately learned our lesson here with this one. From now on when we rent out again to anyone, there will be an agreement or house rules of things we expect, and make sure we get all $$ upfront, etc. I just wonder why there seems to still be people like this out there. What lack of teaching did they not get?
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
17 Apr 11
He sounds like a real pain KrauseHome! It sounds as though you would be a lot better off without this menace and his dog! I have a few pets and I love them but I do not understand why people let them run around other folks’ homes without cleaning up after them, it is so inconsiderate! Although you need the money you are better off with someone new who is more polite and aware of others around him or her and is willing to pull their weight!
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
18 Apr 11
For Sure... I cannot believe that some people actually are still like this, especially in their late 30's. Shows not much for the way they were brought up or have had their friends teach them was acceptable. When I asked why he was not living with Friends, he could bring up no real reason, except for ask them.
1 person likes this
@commonground (367)
• United States
17 Apr 11
I've heard it said that you never really know someone till you've lived with them and I've found that to be true. My husband and I used to rent rooms to others to help out with money. It never really ended up making us much money. I usually pretty much had control of things but it was never really easy living with other people in our home. You really do need to have a set of rules agreed upon from the start and stick to them. Have them in writing. Then you should try to keep your lives as separate as possible. And never let them bring pets. Lots of room for trouble right there. Make it clear that you are renting them a room, not inviting them to share your life. It would make things a lot easier if you could keep it to a business arrangment That's hard to do, I know. But it will save a lot of misunderstandings and hurt feelings. We had a couple of people who thought that because they lived in our home they could just live our life with us. That was always a touchy situation. You don't want to hurt someones feelings but you do want your own life, you didn't take them to raise, as my mama used to say.
And then it's always a relief when someone moves out. You have that time of finally being in your house alone and it feels pretty good til you start needing the money again. It can be a good experience if you get just the right person to move in. I hope you will have a better experience next time, if there is a next time. Just remember that it's your home and you are in control. Good luck to you.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
18 Apr 11
Well, it has been an interesting experience for sure, and it is so true that you never really know someone until you live with them, and when he expected us to be friends and he could act as if we were roomies, but then not expecting to help clean up around the house? I think from now on a Business arrangement will be the Best thing. We have actually already been talking with people and willing to give it one more chance. Just going to set some rules from Day 1 and hope for the Best.
@GardenGerty (160697)
• United States
18 Apr 11
I am sure his personality has a lot to do with his unstable living arrangements. I hope you eventually find someone that is a good renter. I got tired of trying to help people and renting to people who just trashed the place.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
18 Apr 11
Well, we are not giving up yet on renting to someone, and feel it would be worth it to try and give the opportunity to someone else if they want it. Just going to play it a little more cautious this time, and make sure we have all of the $$ upfront, and set more ground rules and guidelines as well. If this one does not work, then I guess it will be time to give up.
@BarBaraPrz (47334)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
17 Apr 11
I feel for you, Tina...
I used to rent out rooms, too, so I have my own stories.
One fellow kept complaining that he had nothing to do... I told him he could mow the lawn (didn't) or go for a walk, read a book, (get a job?). After he left (I needed the room for my mother) he robbed a bank and didn't even make an effort to hide. Guess he was trying for free room and board in 'the big house'.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
30 Apr 11
Wow!! That would be a scary thought knowing you had rented to someone like that. I would be counting my Blessings that he did not do that while renting from you.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
17 Apr 11
That's why I would never rent out a room in my house. I don't care how desperate I am, I will find another way. People have such a sense of entitlement nowadays, I'm surprised he doesn't demand that you cook for him!
Maybe you could rent that room as an office? You would certainly get a better class of tenant!
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
30 Apr 11
Well we did learn a lot the short time he was renting from us, and the room has been empty now for just over 2 weeks. We are considering renting it out again as the extra $$ would be nice, but we are being a little more cautious this time as well.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
18 Apr 11
It is very hard to find good renters. You never really know until they have been there for a bit what to expect. I hate that you are having to deal with all you are but I do hope it doesn't harden you. There really are people out there that will appreciate the fact that you would help them out. There are not many of you left.
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
17 Apr 11
Sounds to me like you did the right thing in asking him to move. Perhaps one day he will realize his true problem is himself. I personally would not feel the least bit bad about making him go. He's made his own choices...and you have a right to yours. 
We are not held accountable for other peoples choices in life, only our own. The fact that you OWN the home means you've made good choices and the fact that you chose to extend a helping hand shows you make good choices. If he chooses to take advantage and be a burden when he could choose otherwise...it's on him, not you. Good luck with this. And smile
We are not held accountable for other peoples choices in life, only our own. The fact that you OWN the home means you've made good choices and the fact that you chose to extend a helping hand shows you make good choices. If he chooses to take advantage and be a burden when he could choose otherwise...it's on him, not you. Good luck with this. And smile 2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
18 Apr 11
Yes, I feel it was the Best thing we could have ever done by asking him to move, and hope one day he does wake up and realize there is more to live than always blaming others, and refusing to help yourself.
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
17 Apr 11
I don't think I could rent a room out to someone that isn't a relative. I certainly couldn't let them bring a dog. I might accept a cat, but not a dog. You would think he would at least to clean up after the dog.
I think you are doing the right thing in asking him to leave. The extra money might be nice, but it is not worth upsetting you in your own home. If you ever do it again, you will be more careful about who moves in. It would be helpful to have a written agreement of what is expected from the tenant and what is the landlord's responsibility. I am sure you will be glad when he is gone!
@babyEj (1522)
• Philippines
17 Apr 11
Oh how tremendous situation you are in. Anyway, better to let the guy moved out since it caused the people in your home inconvenient to your own properties. I think he's taking opportunity for the good relationship at the first minute you help him.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
18 Apr 11
Yes, I think you are right there, and he was not planning on keeping his end of the bargain and hoping we would not care what type of person he was turning out to be.
@celticeagle (167019)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Apr 11
We get afew negative experiences under our belts and we tend to shy away from helping anyone. People with these personality traits never think they do anything wrong. He probably lives in denial as well. I would first tell him and then write it out, so there are not any excuses that he didn't understand or blah, blah, blah, and just explain that it isn't working out and you are giving him so many days to be out. I would forfit the money you have been getting for a clear mind. It usually gets worse before it gets better too. There is always some adjustment to be made when you have a roomie but I think this is rediculous.
