i think my husband is afraid of me...

For most men being employed is what we do best. WE then feel we can take care of our family and if they depend on it it is a source of great pride. If he feels this way and cannot find a job his self esteem may be taking a very serious blow. And then, even though you may not intend it, your harsh words complicate that even more. Ask yourself why you feel you have to use those words and why the tone of voice that makes him feel you are criticizing him. Could it be that you are actually critical of him not having a job? If not then why do you do this? Try your best to be supportive of him during this time. Would he not be that way with you if the situation were reversed? Simple give him a break and the benefit of the doubt. If he is not actively looking for a job but just sits and worry about it he may be in a state of depression which would prevent him from doing what he needs to do. One possible reason he reacts this way is because he knows how vulnerable he is right now. If you were to leave him he would be in a real pickle and he knows that so every time you criticize him he may get very worried.

i think you should build up his confidence by speaking to him in a nicer tone and nicer words also... have you ever heard of the saying that words can kill??? especially as you say that you are the breadwinner of the family... it is normal if he feel inferior to you because he is a man and his pride and ego is being crushed... take care and have a nice day...

I am not working right now, and I think hubby is finding me harsh--he is not working either. I had a conversation just the other day explaining that I am not mad, I am not picking on him and I just sometimes am mad at myself. You did not say why you are harsh in your tone or in your choice of words. Have you tried recording yourself so that you can hear what he hears?

Try modulating your voice. Aside from that, minimize criticizing your husband. Talk to your husband and apologize if sometimes, you tend to have a loud voice and not so nice words. You being the bread winner, is already something that could depress a husband because they are supposed to be the ones, making them inferior . But because of inevitable circumstances that has to be the case. So try to take it easy on your husband. He deserves respect too.

Oh hi.. I think my Mom is the same like you! I can feel that my Dad is kinda afraid of her especially when Mom starts to raise her voice! But nowadays, mom started to be soft to everyone of us.. And that's making a good thing in our family!

I use to have the opposite of this situation. Hubby is the one that used harsh words. And I did start to feel I couldn't do anything right. I didn't have a job and he would complain and make a big deal about paying the bills. Then if dinner was late one day or his favorite pair of jeans weren't washed for him it turned into a "what did you do all day?" fight. I finally got a job and I'm actually making more than him which have actually made things worse. Now he wont talk about money with me because I'm paying most of the bills. I think we somewhat reversed roles and now we are in your situation. If I mention anything about helping him pay his bills (he pays rent and I pay utilities) he thinks I'm being condescending toward him when I'm really not.

Be soft spoken once in a while. Appreciate the little things he do for you even his small efforts. Being unemployed may hurt his pride which can lead to depression. You don't want your husband to be depressed and your harsh tone may just enforce it. Encourage him and not frown over him when he fails on his job hunting for the day. As much as possible avoid making him feel useless. Look at things in the positive light.

Hi there, i think you need to convince him that you meant no harm. If you had no intentions of hurting or scaring him with your words, tell him that you just did not pick the right words to communicate with. I can get harsh towards my hubby at times but when i realize my mistake, i always go back to him and ask sorry for my behaviour and things get fine again. Good Luck!