Ever avoided a friend because you didnt get along with his or her spouse?

Hello Vannie. I avoid my sister as i cannot stand her husband. I actually hate that man. She knows exactly how i feel about him. Who cares anyway, i don't have to look at him each day. Thank goodness for that.

Our family is filled with such situations and there have been occasions when we have avoided going for functions just to avoid meeting such couples. It would certainly be odd to carry on a conversation with the one with whom we are on talking terms and ignoring the other. But I have no problem keeping in touch with the one who has done me no wrong.

I have not had any such bad experiences on account of a friend's or relative's spouse Vandana. If it were to happen, I would consider them as a separate unit. How can one person be blamed for another? But I would not go to their place and mingle too freely. However, if they were together in something then that is different. COming to your case,[which I read in the course of the discussion] why is this going back to the topic? You said recently that you were done with it all and we had discussed extensively. You are just ruining your own life by allowing them to bog you down ,papa or no papa.I have already suggested that you need to be firm with your father[they can never understand firmness from a hitherto cooperative person and I know it but you would only end up shouting if you are not firm.You are willing to wound but not hurt .]All your life would go waste thinking of these useless characters.Make a clean cut and give an ultimatum to your father or leave him and rent a separate apartment and stay elsewhere engaging yourself in some fulltime activity or just relaxing.I am sure you would have some genuine friends if not many at least one or two.If you donot find good friends , you can still occupy yourself on the net or find some job once again . Staying alone is miserable but it is better comapred to making yourself miserable in company.

Dear Vandanaji I do not have many friends here now as most of them have moved to other cities for livelihood and otherwise... but the few who are around, there is only one friend who is a lady. She was a good friend and colleage and we were great friends... but since her marriage (with another friend) our relationship (me, he and her) have come down... Maybe they are occupied or otherwise... but I dont think anything else is the reason. But yes, in my family, ma doesnt go well with her only sister and it has been 10 long years that we have been separated. When I was healthier and could do some thing for good, I did try to patch up the things, suffered a lot but still the better part is that now my cousin sister (aunts eldest daughter and her inlaws) are welcome at my moms place. The other two cousins could not accept or agree to my views and I believe that these feuds will continue - a misery for the sntire family. The youngest cousin who got married in March even did not send an invite to my parents but called me and invited me... I wished I could join in as these celebrations and the occasions are rare and the family should be together...

Hi Vandy Sad;y I had to avoid some family members because they did cause a lot havoc and love to gossip a lot of lies and it was not good for my nerves to keep them around. I was sad but did not feel any guilty feelings because they were really cruel and to date have not changed their persona and having avoided them for years certainly allowed me to be a happier person.

I have suffered once.My spouse had a verbal spat with one of the cousins and that cousin gave me the cold shoulder. well, I took it well and chose not to retaliate.

I limit time visiting my older sister, because how she acts is inappropriate. We have family get togethers and she tries to pick fights or do things to get us mad at each other. In order to not be mad all the time, I have to choose my visits wisely.

Hi vandana7, I can get along with my friends spouses respectively as well as their family. but most of the time I like to stay alone with my friend only. I feel more relaxed and comfortable if I can have a close chat with my friend but without entertaining his or her partner or family members. There might be certain scruples which I don't want to reveal in front of others except the person I talk to. Yeah, there was time I was not welcomed by one of my middle school classmate's mom. She was afraid that I might affect her daughter to help her with her house chores and to do her homework. At first I help her to cope with her busy chores as her parents were snack vendors. the faster we had completed the housework we then could hang out earlier. But this mostly happened on weekends. The happy moment didn't last long though I liked to spend my weekends together with her so pleasantly for her mom always treated me with coldhearted that I could hardly accepted. I then avoided to visit her although she invited me often. Happy posting

Interesting that you say this - I have before but I have told the friend about it so they know why. They are definitely separate entitites but if you cannot see one of them without the other hanging around, sometimes nothing but avoidance works. Even if the person you are avoiding is not guilty of anything - they are in the sense that they are not willing to cut off the offending party - for instance if they have a spouse or significant other nobody else is able to stand because that person is rude, overbearing, or otherwise makes it impossible for you to enjoy the company of your friend - or if they are rude to your friend in front of you. It is very hard to handle watching a friend belittled or abused by someone they love IN FRONT OF YOU, which can sometimes be a reason you avoid. If you cannot get the friend to understand they need to leave or get out of that relationship - and you're their friend so in the same vein, you don't really want to tell them what to do, you kind of have to just let them make their bed and lie in it. If that means you don't spend much time together, maybe that's what they need to figure out they may be heading in the wrong direction.

I just cannot tolerate my younger sister in law.Her behavior is so cold and unreasonable towards me.She lives in London and she behaves as if she is the queen of some country.She has ego problems and leaves no stone unturned to humiliate me.She just does not know how to respect elders especially her own brother and his wife i.e.me. I just do not want to see her face and hates her from the bottom of my heart.

hello vandana, Most of my close friends whom i always hang out are singles. Same thing in office where my team mates are all singles aside from the staffs but don't get the chance of bonding or get acquainted with their spouses a lot (as i don't go partying) I only remember when one friend came to asks for help regarding her husband who physically hurt her. I helped her and it turns out that one of her brother in law felt bad towards me. Her brother in law accused me of interfering their lives. Okay..wait,her brother in law and not any of her immediate relatives or siblings ever complained about me or the help that i am giving on her behalf. I just ignored this guy and pursue on helping my friend...but i keep a distance from him as i can see he always throws a bad look whenever i am talking with my friend. But i never avoided my friend...she needs my help and i never stopped helping her. I am not stepping on his toes...so why should i care about him aint? have a good day

Vandanaji Yes i have avoided and cut off relation woth many friends and some relatives because of repeated disagrrement of opinions, some show themselves as rich, adament, i dislike, some talked too much, that too i don;t like Though a husband and wife is one unit basically, they differ in nature, some are opposite, i treat them as separate units.. Thanks for sharing Cheers, have a wonderful day. Professor ‘^Bhuwan^’. .

I would not avoid a friend even when I did not get along well with her spouse. But I would avoid to go to her house in case I would meet her husband. But if it is a male friend, I would try to get along with his wife. If I can't after trying, I would limit spending time with him.

Hi Honestly speaking yes. I have same kind of situation with one cousin. Before one occasion we both were used to be like best friends. But because of his one family member now we don't even look at each other. I guess this is unavoidable thing. I mean after his family member done whatever with us , I don't think any of my family member would like to keep bond with that family. I am unhappy that I can't be with him like before. But if I will keep any relation with him I guess I will betray my family.

I can't remember totally avoiding a friend because I don't get along with their spouse. I tend to meet them alone and interact and help when it doesn't involve the spouse. I don't want my relationship with the spouse affecting their marriage. I probably will avoid the friend if there's no other option to work things out...and feel guilty about it too. But I can't think of any other option that can be worked out. If it's one of their family members that I don't get along with, I wouldn't bother too much about it. But a spouse is closer and sometimes my relation with the friend can cause arguments between the two of them...which is something I definitely do not wish to inflect on a friend.

Fortunately I have never had the problem. What I would probably do is avoid socializing as a couple, but invite her out for separate girl only type things....

Hi. vandana7. I avoid so many people in my life. I am sure that they already know that. If they have had to treat me like someone, then I would not be avoiding them. People should just do right by each other, you know. When I feel as if I am not wanted, I will avoid someone. I don't like being around people that act as if they don't want to have anything to do with me.

Hi vandana,sometime I feel guilty.I view them as different entities. Because everyone has different specialty. I can't tell her the reason that I see her some thing different. She is innocent.I feel guilty for crossing the barrier.

Not avoid actually, but restrict interaction. This lady was a colleague. We had a working friendship, nothing very much to talk about, but still there. And then she got married, to a mutual friend who was a client of the company I worked in. Since her new home was on the way to my home I used to drop her off whenever possible. Her mother-in-law did not appreciate that! So it was as before, my going home my way and she slogging out the journey in a bus. You know what that means in Hyderabad.

I almost left my friends when they got married, as they have time to give to their spouse.as family members are concerned yes i did that too because they lost their respect in my eyes. have a nice day