marriage arrangements; cruelty for your CHILD

It's how their ethnic culture works. The tribe where his family belongs usually do the marriage arrangements. yeah, I told him to try to find ways that he'd be able to tell his father everything about the arranged marriage... His father looks up to him so much, and so proud of him, because he's the breed winner of the family, he graduated with flying colors in college, and he's never done anything that disappointed his father. And now, he's afraid that if he'd refuse to marry the girl his father might be disappointed and be broke by what he'd do. He's been living to please and to make his dad proud. And he actually did, up to now, his dad is still a proud dad. And he doesn't want that to be tainted. A real hard situation.

That is a difficult situation and even harder when it envolves a certain culture. I guess its easier said than done and I can understand to a certain point. I still belive that it wouldn't hurt to have him sit down and talk to his father. Regardless of the culture, communication is always the key. Maybe he doesn't like the girl because he is being forced into this situation. He may just need time to get to know her and she'll grow on him. He should explain that to his father and maybe the arrangement can be rescheduled. Hopefully it all works out for the better and his father understands rather than see it as a disappointment

Ah yes the culture dictates how he should behave. But you have a point, it wouldn't hurt to sit down with his dad and talk. This is a pretty good view and advice. thanks. I should tell him about this.

So you see chuyins. Had he not conquered his fear of talking with his dad about it, he could have just followed it and be miserable for the rest of his life. Nice to know that he had surpassed this problem.

Yeah, I actually told my friend about our fellow lotters reaction and views. Including your comment here. And suggested that he talk to his father and explain his side, good news. His dad listened to him and they're now okay. Canceled the marriage. And dad asked him to find the girl he wants to marry, and dad wants it to be soon. hehe :)

The information you've given are just so hard and very informative. I hope the new generation could take a look at that and learn the lesson. Well, as for my friend, he was given freedom now. He talked to his dad, and his father listened to his explanations. They canceled the marriage arrangement, but his dad asked him to find the one he loves and get married the soonest possible time. Happy for him now, I just hope he finds the right one soon. :)

Ah yes, and his case was worst. He didn't even go home. Dad just called that he's already getting married. They sent him the pictures of the girl and off his dad goes. Saying, he's gonna marry that girl the latest would be by end of June. The only way out is to disobey. Meaning to tell his dad, he's got to find someone he loves, and that he doesn't want the girl. But "their culture dictates" that if the parents have already decided, you shouldn't disobey, because it's detestable to the tribe. Children should obey their parents. That's the rule. Well, I told him already that he should sit down with his dad. And tell his dad how much he respect him, and want to live up to his standards, but this is not something that his dad should dictate, it's too personal. And maybe he should ask this, as a favor from his dad, that he be given free will to choose the woman who would be his partner for life. Some cultures should really be changed. And this is definitely one of them. :)

Yeah, I really think that marriage should be something personal. That's something that should be primarily decided by the immediate parties. In this case, should be decided by my friend and his partner to be not by parents. The parents should just give their consent to the decision, not that they have to make the decision for their children. Well, there's a good news now though. I have just recently talked to my friend, and dad already canceled the marriage arrangment. Instead, he was asked by his dad to find his love and marry that woman soon. :)

Hi well, my friend already talked to his father. And they quite resolved the matter in favor of my friend. Happy for him.

Yes, it still exist and very much alive in the culture and lives of our brothers and sisters who belong to a certain tribe in Mindanao. It might appear selfish, but it's how their family and their community lives. He's already a Certified Public Accountant, and he's been keeping his father proud ever since. He said, he don't have questions of argument of marrying at his age, it's just that he wants to marry the one he loves. Sad thing here is, the girl's family and his already agreed (considered done deal). So, if he ever refuse to marry the girl it's a great disaster for their family and the girls. Which might even call for a war, they call it "ubusan ng lahi" because it is deemed to be an insult to the girl. Considering that the girl is wealthy, it's not impossible for them to declare such war. Real sad and complicated situation. What I just did is pray. And told him to pray too. Really very sorry for him. And if he ran away, his father would be totally devastated, his father is an old man now. So he's in a pretty shaky and rocky situation. God help him.

Surely it's a human rights violation.Maybe his father is allowed to make suggestion of whom he preferred for marriage for his son but the final decision lies totally on him.The parent's role is only to guide our children not to force our children against their will.Is their a law in your country that protects people from that kind of cruelty?

The sad thing is, you can't ask your father why that woman. Because all they're gonna tell you is, "we believe that woman is right for you"... and that's it. If you refuse you might be condemned by your family. It's really hard for him. So cruel for his heart.

Ah yeah, and well, the good news is. They've talked. my friend and his father. His dad understand his arguments and accepted. They cancelled the marriage arrangements for his sake. happy for him now. Some culture are at some points detrimental to the new generation...