What If?
By marnice
@marnice (60)
Philippines
June 6, 2011 9:00pm CST
My hubby and I have been together for more than 4 years. Those years thought me a lot in love unconditionally. I experienced a lot of heartaches. But through the years our relationship gets deeper. Now that were married and had our daughter sometimes I regret and thinking what if's...I know its too late to have regrets I love my husband and baby so much but we have so many problems financially and I cannot see any support from my husband. I don't need him to look for solution instantly all I need from him is support and understanding. What I feel is that I'm alone.
3 people like this
14 responses
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
7 Jun 11
I know how you you feel when you are in a tight financial situation. Maybe it would be better that you two , discuss what are his plans on how to be able to help you. Tell him honestly, that he needs to help you financially, so he better look for a job in order to help you. But when you discuss it with him, do it lovingly. That way, it wouldn't be too hurting on his ego.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Jun 11
simplyd you are so right,its harder for a man to face being unemployed than a woman as their whole self esteem is often tied up in their jobs .
loving gentle talking in and sharing the problem will have two people working on it and halving the problem makes it easier to find solutions. you are a team so both must work together.
@marnice (60)
• Philippines
28 Jun 11
Thank you simplyd and hatley you are both right. If its harder for me to handle financial problems much more doubled to my husband because he should be the provider. So as of now we have to face this problem together. As always I have to understand his situation and support him and be the breadwinner for the meantime.
@donsky14 (5947)
• Philippines
7 Jun 11
I understand how you feel...I kinda think that way sometimes when me and my husband have argument's and fights. I just recently told him or more like asked him, if this is worth all the pain. And after that "talk" were okay now and were doing our best to change and to have a peaceful relationship.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Jun 11
marnice I hear you but look men sometimes handle being out of work and having financial problems differently then we do. My husband like some men went off alone to brood and would not tell me what was wrong. I knew we were having money problems of course but since he did not sit down and spill what was bothering him I was imagining the worst of scenarios. so finally I went to him and told him I needed to know what was wrong. He broke down and told me he hadn't wanted to worry me but he had been laid off as their company was in deep money trouble and pink slips were flying all over the place.You have to take the initiative and ask him to spill his worries then you and he can talk it out and try to find some solutions. two heads are better than one, also a problem halved is easier to solve.He started a gardening service and was doing great and I went back to part time nurse's aide work . we shared caring for our two little ones
as I worked nights and slept till 2 am then he took off while I took over ths kids and was ba ck about 8 pm.Later on we lost our little girl and I went to work full time as he had had cancer surgery and was unable to work. my son was in high school and I worked some part time, somefull time.![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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@krieyszel (330)
• Philippines
7 Jun 11
In most things, people tend to always experience regrets in their life, sometimes people do not look forward to the future and just always value what's good and what make people happy in their present condition. We forgot the future but what can we do if we are already there full or have some regrets? Well, the best solution is to accept it and make an action to overcome that situation. Until there's still a running time, it's not too late to move out and to do something better than what we have. If people keep on having regrets what good it can do--nothing! It will just make you worry, sad and it can ruin your social life and also it can affect most aspects of your life of course. You can still do something for you to recover, don't loose hope and be strong, if you can't bear it alone, then don't keep it to yourself, ask for someone who can help you and the best step is that ask the help of the person who's not working out. It will be pretty little hard but I believe if you will let and try him understand he will do and help you and together you will fight on whatever struggles you have right now. Don't be sad and don't feel that you are alone because around you right now, there are also many people who can help you. You need to fight the good fight not just for yourself, but specially for your daughter and family. Stop regretting now, and accept that it's just normal to have regrets and don't be so dissapointed. OK
@feeltheirie (301)
• Philippines
7 Jun 11
You and your husband should be there for each other through hardships and triumphs. If you feel like you are the only one burened with all your financial problems, you will need to talk to him openly. You never know if he is feeling the same thing. Being in a relationships, you would need to be more open to your partner. They are unable to read your mind or guess what you are feeling. Open communication with unconditional love and cmpromise is the best recipe for a good relationship.
1 person likes this
@rhannealmoite (338)
• Philippines
7 Jun 11
Men are good in hiding their emotion especially their worries.
I'm sure you're not alone with your worries. Try to talk to your husband with your problem.
I hope you'll find solution on your problems.
Have a Great day.
1 person likes this
@Mickie30 (2626)
•
7 Jun 11
I know exactly how finances and money can spoil your relationship. However, it's important to talk to each other and never stop communicating. Love should always take pride of place and never be spoilt over stresses in life. However, it is difficult because I am in a similar situation about money and material things. Though I have Jesus in my heart and my faith helps a lot.
@sweetgirl_k1 (3972)
• United States
7 Jun 11
I'm sorry you feel like you are all alone. I know how it feels to hurt financially. Just sit him down and talk to him and let him know how you feel. Some men aren't bothered and worried about some of the things we worry about. They sometimes think that we will just take care of it and solve the problems. A lot of times they rely on us woman cause they think they are out there making money to pay the bills. I hope things get better for you guys after you sit him down and have a talk.
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
7 Jun 11
This brings to mind a saying I heard before; "When poverty knocks, love flies out the window". This may not always be true but in most cases, it is. Fellow mylotters' responses are true and all I can add is, I do hope the best for you. Just have faith and don't let go. Try not entertaining the what if's that are bothering you. ![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
7 Jun 11
Well, i have been there.. financial instability always causes trouble in a marriage..and my pouting about it did not went well as well.. until we had a talk..me and hubby talked about where our money goes and what happened and such..and eventually we compromised and things are better. i believe you have to open up to him and tell him how you feel or else things will be worse marnice. Go and talk to him, i came to realize how important communication is in a relationship..as well as compromise and even sacrifice. Go and talk to him and things will be better. ![](/Content/images/emotes/happy.gif)
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@watergirl (567)
• Philippines
7 Jun 11
Financial situation is never easy to talk about in marriage. I mean, as boyfriend-girlfriend you don't usually talk about finances. But when you get married and have kids, mortgage, and bills the relationship becomes complicated. Financial situations can even hurt a loving relationship. But you must be patient and understanding of each others capabilities and limitations. Tell him about the initiatives you are doing to solve your problems and he just might be motivated to do the same.
Btw, I followed your other discussions. Your husband's apprenticeship won't last forever and he will get a job soon. Why not suggest a sideline for your hubby?
Anyway, I wish you luck girl. See you around!
@MsPatriciaDV (636)
• Philippines
7 Jun 11
Don't let finances and money ruin your relationship. Love should be above any money, material things or problems. If you feel alone in solving your family's problems, I agree with what the other myLotters said that it is better to talk calmly and without being emotional with your partner. It takes two to tango, hence you cannot solve this issue without letting your partner know what's happening.
@Jezabeth (82)
• Philippines
7 Jun 11
Sometimes financial problems is a big issue specially to those people with a family
of their own. On your part it really is, what I think is that you need to
communicate with your husband. You don't have to face that problem alone, your husband maybe is facing that problem as well ten times harder. Mostly the Head of the family assumes the greater responsibility of providing the financial support. All you gotta do is work hand in hand, talk to each other constantly. And with faith in
God I know you can work it out. You can whisper to God all your worries and all the desires of your heart.
@marnice (60)
• Philippines
28 Jun 11
Thank you. You're right if its harder for me what more to my husband. As of now I'm the provider but as soon as he finished her apprenticeship he will be the provider and we can work hand in hand for us to be financially free. We have faith in God although sometimes when I'm so down I questioned Him which I know is wrong.
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