Communication: One of the most important factors in a good marriage, right?

hi jazel__juan thats about what I told her to and to tell him just what she told us. I said I could imagine he might be hurting too and not knowing what to do to remedy it. two heads are better than one as both cah make suggestions and come to a workable solution to their problems. hope she listened to us. lol lol

Jazel Juan, I am so happy for you that your marriage recovered! I'm glad you had a happy ending. My husband reunited with an old flame and they planned for a couple of years for their future, all the while making me think there was nothing going on. She even pretended to be my friend. It was quite a shock to me and the children when he abruptly left and even then he was too cowardly to say what was going on and I didn't find out about the affair till the divorce he demanded was final. I've had a hard time forgiving him and I still haven't forgiven her although I'm trying. They are happy together and that's some comfort to me. I wish I had tried harder early on to communicate but being a stay at home mother took up my every waking moment. I wish it had turned out differently. I will never love again and that is rather liberating to know there will be no more hurt for me.

hi dragon54u thats whats so sad and yes people now do a lot of just talking for nothing. for a couple to communicate first they have to really respect each other and really love one other. without that no communication will change anything.When I started this I forgot that not all people have ideal marriages or at least some love going on in the marriage. communication will not work unless you respect your mate and he respects you.those are sad marriages indeed.I was blessed with a man who respected me, loved me and finally got so h e could talk with me and I with him, we learned how to talk things over and make good decisions too.

hi celtic thats it really,they havetobe on the same page to start with or it will boomerang big time.There must be respect for each other and real love without that a team will not work either in marriage or in the job place either. If in work you secretly despise your coworker you cannot function as a team as there will be back biting and hostility too.

You really do have to be on the same page.

hi louievill yues indeed good open communication between husband and wife does seem to build trust.I had to initiate this kind of communication as myhusband was always afraid of worrying me. I set him right on that when I told him I worried myself sick when I did not know what he was worrying about. He found he liked to talk things over with me and he and I would always end up solving our problems that way too.

It's sad that your dad was that way but it's good that you had someone to turn to.

hi moondancer yes but my grandad made ujp for it, Unitl I was married I tried so hard to make mydad say he was proud of me and he never did. my husband said no you tell yourself you are proud of what you have accpmplishe.he is not going to change, and he never did. he was a bitter man who felt everyone was out to get him. he trusted nobody.

hi moondancer yes even in a family where a child is afraid to tell his or her dad about a problem it should be made easy for a child to communicate with either parent. I could do this with my mom, but my dad was stern, and uncommunicative. So I went to my beloved grandpa. He listened to me, and never rebuked me no matter what I may have done and always had suggestions for me as to how to solve the problem. My dad just shrugged and went on reading his paper. lol

The thought has crossed my mind to leave, but I can't at the moment, not when I can't even get a job and I won't leave my son. Though it is tough, I am finding out that others are also seeing this behavior, maybe soon there will be enough people to realize this and let him now how wrong it is..

Carm maybe they just do not realize how they so und and perhaps some how they when growing u p equated sarcasm and snide remarks as some sort 'of love communication. I do hope mayb e other people will make him realize how wrong it is to treat you like that. Heres to hoping anyway of course you cannot leave your son. the economy here is so bad as there are men an women out of wo rk and for any one job opening there are hundreds after if. I hope and pray things will get better for you. hugs from hatley.

hi carm things are not much better then I take it. my dad used to do that kind of stuff to my mom. I hated to see it as it hurt her but darn she kept taking it. I would have got mad and let him have it but she kept telling me oh thats just his wasy.I thought oh yeah, to be ornert and verbally abusive is his way well its a rotten way.I imagine you have tried to communicate with him and he turns it around into somehting hurtful instead.Mydad always made my mon feel what she thought was not important. I sometimes think she should have divorced him but she would mnever do that. Have you thought of that Carm? I have probably asked you this agea ago. wish your marriage was as happy as mine was. lol lol.

bunnybon I was guilty of that at first in my marriage3 as I thought well gee whiz he loves me he should know how I feel about such and such.So I would get upset and grwose arou nd, He wo uld say honey whats wrong anc I wolu ld go nothing., so one night he sat me down and said I am not a mind reader.If I have done something to make you mad, tell me and i c an fix it. I then blurted out you always leave the toilet lid up and damn it I sat down on the cold granite. after he laughed for awhile he tolld me no problem. So it still takes two to tango. I learned to tell him when something bothered him instead of being a grump.He also learned to tellk me about what ever was bothering him. communication is the key along with love,trust and respect.

hi indahfth your husband is not being fair to you or your child. He needs to get some emotional help to curb that anger. I understand you really are afraid of hin an I get the feeling that he is abusive to you. I would get some help from outside, a relative or the police as its not right that he should abusive you, I do care what country you live in a man should not be unkind all the time to his'wife.you do not deserve this.please get some help from whatever agency helps wives whose husbands abuse them in India.]

Yes. I do feel afraid of my husband. But, I feel no need to get help from anyone. I once asked for help from others, but things got worse. Our communication was very bad, but there is something that sometimes we need each other. Sometimes, I am very tired with my domestic situation, and wanted to surrender. But, I do not want to give up easily.

I continue to survive, not because the culture in my country. There was something that made me survive. I've also been minded to give up, and leave my husband. But, I realized that my actions, not make things better. I am sure, everything will be beautiful in its time.

hi lovinangelsinstead21 right on there has to be mutual respect and trust too then you can sit down and gently ask what is buggting the other person, and listen without judging or sniping. Talking things out can save a marriage if both people are willing to turst and respect each other in all that they say.there are some people who no matter what should never have married each other. you have to be willing at times to compromise and not get your ego hurt sometimes seeing a marriage cou nselort c an help a couple to find ways to communicate su ccessfu lyu and with respect and trust.

hi right they just do not sound like they should get married. my parents should never have married.my mom adored him why I will never know as he was always so sarcastic to her and made these insulting remarks to her. he treated her like his day;I often told her he was mistreating her but she always stuck up for him. He was thirty some years her senior and I uess at one time he loved her but it seemed to have cooled. they never did talk things out instead they screamed at each other all the time. I think thats why I took so long before I found the man I really loved. I did not want to be treate4d like my dad treaqted my mom. she was a kind ,sweet natured intelligent woman who did not deserve his scorn. i o

Hiya Hatley, Right now I am thinking of a Couple that have not got married and I don´t think they ever will. The Woman concerned all she ever does is to scream her head off all the time. She made a Dinner for others into a nightmare by glaring at her Boyfriend across the Table all Night long. Must have been very embarrasing for the others concerned. She is very sulky type anyway what she does not get she sulks about. But I have noticed her Face is very kind at the same time. It´s like she is hurting for some other reason. I don´t think that the reason might be him himself but she wants to make him a victim of her resentment. Really such a shame as he gets on so well with her other Children. Once I was invited by someone to eat at their House and she turned it into just the same thing by picking arguments with her Husband all night long too. I scarpered out of there as quick as I could and did not want to go back to eat ever. I say this because I honestly cannot see them reaching that stage of talking things over instead things will fly through the air and huge screams will be heard. Here is a very big lack of respect for the other when this takes place. More than once when I was small broken plates flew over my head and crashed into the front Door. Need I say more?

yspmyl oh you are so right as the longer each feels the other person is not doing what he or she should be doing, the worse the anger becomes. If at the first problems in a relatioship show up the couple with love and understanding take time to sit down and actually talk about what is bugging them they will find that they can together work out most'any problem.You are so right that its just like running a bu siness as the bosses and the employees both have to be able to communicate sensibley and with compassion so any problems can be worked out between them.I told my husband that a married couple should act as a team with both on the same page and talk out any differemces and solve problems as they 'arrive. I have wo rked with a manager who likled to be in communication with us all and it was wonderful. then she moved and a manager from hell moved in who was the boss and nothing but the boss so help you. Alk if a sudden in the library we had a number of people quitting. they could not handle her ups and down. she was bi polar but refused to take her medications that wou ld have helped her to be a real kind compassionate boss.

hi simplyd thats the key they have to be kind and loving to eah other then talk it out and each one give some ideas as hoe to solve the problem and even if necessary maybe compromise a bit if needed. the ability to be sweet and kind to eacdh other and communicate is my idea of teamwork, working together in peac and harmony. They must have done this in their courtship so why not do it again in their marriage.no fighting no sniping just love respect and communication.

hi simplyd that is really good idea. so many times two angry people both start just yelling and nobody accomplishes anything. I found if it was my husband I just let him let out his anger ,waited a minute then came foward to solve the problem that had angered him. he learned to do the same thing with me.we cooled off then talked it over without more fireworks and found a lot of times we were upset over virtually nothing. it was all a big misunderstanding.It pays to have an always open line of communicatil at all times.

That's true. The wife and the husband should make some sacrifices to themselves too. Like , if the husband is angry, the wife should just let him vent his anger first and vice versa. We don't have to meet an anger with anger too, because that will surely escalate the problem.

hi changjiangzhibin you are right if they do not communicate and just take each other for granted soon they are on the path of dissolving a marriage that could have been saved. and children from these nmarriages will also find it hard to just sit down and talk out problems and resolve them. and again they also will just turn to a divorce court instead You need trust, respect then communications and those will make a marriage be a happy one.

hi mimipi yes being able to talk openly and freely makes us beocme besgt friends with eaqch other and that engenders trust and respect. a team can support eaqch other and help each other and be much strongger than just one person. teamwork in marriage or in work places really does help a lot.

youless you are so right trust has to be there to start with and respect then to be able toalways talk to each other openly and freely as best friends and lovers. without trust ugly jealousy and doubts creep in and even if couples can talk openly their lives are all tainted with this jealousy, first tryst and respect then open communication those are the keys to really happy marriages. two people supporting each o ther can withstand the best and the worst of times.

Yes and they need each other's moral support. working through the tough times together, bonds two people like nothing else can!

hi sis me too I have had friends cryon my shoulder that they felt alone as their mate did not seem to care they had money problems and bills to pay.He was out of work.I told her he was probably hurt and scared so she should take him br the hand and ask him what was wrong and tell him how she was scared too, two people working as a team can accomplish almost anything but two miserable people each worried sick cannot make any head way as they need one other's imput.

hi hardworkinggurl yes its so truly important and I found when I got through to my husband that his not worrrying me by hiding himself in a corner just made me really worry. I got himto tell me he had lost his job and we did a lot of talking back and forth and listening to each other. We came to the onclusion that he could start a gard ening and landscaping service and I could work part time . we even olanned our hours so one of of us was with our small children at all times.Sure sometimes we had differences in our ideas but we sorted through and found our solution. one person alone cannot do what a team of two who are on the same page c an do.Oddly my son had the same habit of going off to brood when he had a big problem. Like his dad he said, " I did not want to worry you," I had to laugh as I thought of all sorts of horrible things and I told him that not knowing what had upset him was much more upsetting to me than to just hear the truth. He told me then that his employers had gone bankrupt and had to lay off all their staff. WE talked it over and I suggested networking with some friends, and he did that. the result was job right away with much better pay. so his salary and my part time job we did just fine at that time.

Your responses and comments about how you and your husband were together are quite inspiring. I too have very open communication with my boyfriend and am so blessed that no matter how small and petty my communication at times with him and or towards him he gives me full attention. I did not have this with my ex-husband as he took me for granted and the more he lacked in listening the more I bottled it in. In fact it is my boyfriend who taught me to be open and attentive while in our relationship and or even towards others. I use to be so inpatient trying to fix the world and his attentiveness towards me taught me that I had to slow down and actually listen and allow the world to fix on it's own due time. Therefore, by learning how to relax a little I am able to discuss anything under the sun with him as he will always listen and give me his take. It is funny Mrs. Hatley as early on I use to test him by saying, what did I say and he will repeat every word. lol, lol Thank you Mrs. Hatley for my BR.

you are so welcome hwg Iused to get in a tizzy over everything and my husband would say look you only have today to do things in as tomorrow has not come and yesterday is past., So do what you can do today and that will be good. He really taught me to like and even love myself as one cannot fully love others if you do not have some self esteem. I taught him that he would feel much better if life handed him a big problem if he shared it with me. Two heads are better than one and we also became best friends. My hubbie always told others I was his wife and his best friend too. this wou ld baffle people. They would say bvut don't you love her? and he wou]d laugh and say Of course I love her.

hi ajk I think even in high powered jobs if a couple will work as a team to support each other and work as a team they can have a great marriage but if they are fullof themselves and egoists no it will not work bu t most people are not in high powered jobs and need one other. As a team my husband and I could always solve our problems even if we had to compromise a bit as we were doing it as a team supporting each other all the wa y. I guess you could say we too had crap wages as peopple working in hospitals do not have huge wages thats for sure.