How do you motivate a lazy person?

Ravisivan, thank you for responding. We do have talks about money and we have cut down tremendously. It does not matter how many times I say hey I have no money he seems to not get that through his head. Right now it is a little harder because he has only been there for 3 weeks and this Friday will be his second paycheck so we are still trying to get things caught up. I know we will if he keeps his job but he scares me that he is going to quit and there is no way i can afford that. The child support from my oldest 2 cover the rent and now his paychecks have to cover utilities. He is getting paid a good amount of money for us to live off of we just have to get a few paychecks in to get ahead then we should be good. It is just stressful, I hate the stress of money. As for the parent situation, I am 23 and I have been moved away from my mom since I was 18 and I have never went back or even asked her for anything. Before I met my boyfriend he depended on his parents because they would do everything for him even though they were not making it financially themselves. About a year ago I was a server in a restaurant working 6 days a week bring at least 100.00 if not more home a day. The money was great, but I did not see my family and I had to pay attention to schooling because my grades started slipping, so I found a new job but didn't pay nearly as well. When I was making good money I was lending his parents money to get out of there financial debt so they would not get evicted from there house. So we are in this alone just us no parents. I could ask my mom but I would never do that I refuse to make my mom believe I depend on her and my little sister does that enough to her. I know he will not leave me because the older kids are not his. He loves them boys and does more with them than their own father. If we split up it would be more because all we do is argue because I try to save money and he trys to spend it. We are working on our problems and I know he is learning to be an actual adult because his mom would not let him have the responsibilities. I just take it one step at a time and see where it takes us! But he needs to change his way of thinking.

I am a teacher - while staying in Chennai- now I am with my daughter in Indiana- she is moving to Canada next week. I have all appreciations for a girl like you. Keep it up. Small suggestions -- you can, if necessary seek help from mother. Mother will be too willing to help her daughter. Try to be good to your BF so that he stay with you - I know the difficulties of single mother. Added to all this how do you manage college fees, exam fees etc. I know B tech is not easy degree. Please study for that also. I will rate(pl permit me) your communication ability at 10 out 10. God bless you.

Since I am not married and I have 3 kids the government gives me financial aid to pay for my college and then for the books I usually get student loans for those. In the past I had to live off my loans while I first got with him, that was then when i went to school, got a job, and took care of kids. That was when i said enough be a man and take care of your family.

Keenan_savio: Thank you, I would have to say that you are the only post on here that tells me to keep trying. Normally all of the other ones tell me to run fast as heck and never look back. I love him and I have a child by him, everyday I keep hoping that I will get through to him. I know it is not easy for him as well because he is use to doing things only for himself. He is not use to actually being responsible for anything.

Hello friend. yeah i guess you have to stick out with him. maybe he is just into this phase because its new to him -- having a work and everything. Try to understand him more and talk to him much as you can. Let him feel that you love him and explain all things why do you have to do it. BTW, thanks for introducing this site to me. :) i hope they'll improve this site in terms of themes, color ... i found color white so bright and unattractive but nevertheless, this site is my new like! God Bless! I wish things will be smooth ..

Sorry, to hear that.

living with parents is ok in my view. But not going for job is very bad. Look at 61+ I cannot remain without work. Any man without work is not respected normally,

sswallace21: As awful as that sounds I am trying to help him work out his life and make it better by teaching him the reasonable thing to do. Like for example, when you are faced with a problem with the police do not talk back and act like a bad boy actually respect them they are authority.

His family is well well aware of our situation that is why they were surprised to here that he got a job and that he is now going on his 4th week working there. A lot of his family told me to run away as far as I can because I am a good person and he will only ruin me. But of course I did not do that. You can tell he was someone who was raised the wrong way and I needed to help him do the right things with his life.

Yeah now we are developing other problems I feel like I amliving a lost cause

Thats better you should always make him feel that he has to earn for you & your children not that he is earning for his own.You all are his responsibility & he is yours so it would be better he understand it & perform if better & don't run away from it. Don't let him giving you a threat like you said.

No I am sorry he does not have a mylot account. He can barely use a computer . I feel he was not raised right. His priorities are all messed up.

I'm sorry to hear that! Congrats for u can bear being with him. :) you must be very patient!

* i hope he has

Well I feel you are taking a lot more crap then I ever could. You will surely find someone nice someday, as they say marry someone wo loves you not someone you love.

I have no clue why I stick up for him but yes you are right I do. He feels like a parasite too. See you got yourself a good husband. I am going to school so I think he needs to have the job and that is working on things together. Once I am done with school Ill be a nurse and I told him that he still has to have a job as well because I am not going to be doing all the income. Who knows if we will even make it til I graduate. THere is only so much I can take before I run.

In my discussion it says that he does have a job. A good one. He has went everyday, and now that our bills are getting caught up it seems less stressful. I am back to school so I am not so stressed sitting at home. This weekend we actually did something for ourselves and got along great. I think the main problem was the bills.

Thats what I keep trying to do is guide him to do the right thing then maybe just maybe he will get it! I am really not to sure how long we are going to be together, I guess that is the greatest part of never getting married....I do not need a paper to tell me that I can leave.

I have tried that, it was my first thing...he just seems to not care or get it. I have no clue. Ya its one thing to be lazy when you have nothing to do but when you have to support the family. Get to it!

Well we are not married thank god! I am not sure if that question is anywhere near our relationship for a while. I do like where you said arguing is not good for the kids--I agree totally. It is not very easy when a person is very angry to think about who they might be hurting in the moment of everything. I know that my daughter gets very upset and I realized that the last time we argued. I do not want her to have to see that she is very young and does not understand it.

Hehas expressed that he loves this job. He has even made it known expressingly that if we break up he is going to keep bus job regardless. That is good for him and his life but now he says that he will leave me because he has a job now. We have not been getting along and I am not sure how to handle it.

He has made some changes and I believe in every relationship people have experiences and these experiences change them. Everyone alters some sort in every relationship. People have to do this to get along. Like I said before I do not want him to change for me I want him to actually grow up and be a man..so what men do. He is the head male in the house, I have 2 little boys that look up to him. I will be damned if I raise two bums because they looked up to him.

Yup and I was pulling all of the weight. I told him if he does not keep this job then he loses his family so he is well aware of it. He got off work early one day because of the heat (works outside) came home and told me that they fired him. I flipped out started heading up stairs and started packing my stuff. He did not know what to do

Yes that is true that's why when we discuss this issue i mention his daughter and how she needs a father to support her because he mother is going to end up getting sick from stress so he trys it is just sometimes I feel he unintentionally starts to bring back the old him until he realizes it and steps back.

I am not working I gave school to worry about I am not taking on the responsibility of doing both again. I never will see my family and I will be even more stressed and over-whelmed. He needs to be the man and step up... which is what he is trying to do but sometimes he just seems to fall back into his old ways and I have to remind him to better his life he is no bum!

He is actually excited for having the job but he trys to sneak his laziness tendencies in there in some sort of way. I mean the job is meant for a lazy person it is really easy. I mean they hire illegal immigrants to do this job, he better be able to do it!