Should a grandparent charge fee for babysitting from her kids?

When I was a child my grandmother took care of me every day while my mother was at work and my mother never gave her any money. On the other hand I am 100% sure that my grandmother would have refused to accept it if my mother had offered her money. Actually I think that she would have been a little offended if my mother had offered her money. She took care of me because she loved her family and wanted to help my mother and not because she wanted something in return. I don't have any children, but I know that my own mother would look have the same opinion. My former mother-in-law was different. Every time she did something for her children she wanted something in return, and my own mother found it very to understand that. I also find it hard to understand grandmothers who charge their children for babysitting, probably because I grew up in a family where we help eachother without asking for something in return.

That is BS. Do charge for babysitting both or none, they are your childrens both, be it blood or in-law. Coz when the "in-law" become part of your family, you choose to accept alo parental responsability for that ... If those grandparents charge the in-law and not the other one, they are stupid morons and deserve to be video taped and publishd on all video sites available.

I think we should put it this way. It should be voluntary on the part of the DIL to give to the MIL some amount in return for the good gesture especially if the MIL has no work or pension and needy. Or if the MIL does not need money even at least something to show her gratitude toward her goodwill. I don't think it is proper to call it fee because in the first place the MIL is taking care of her own grandchild and I believe she herself would not want to make it appear that she is asking a fee for taking care of her own grandchild.

It all depends on the situation. My in-laws did not have a lot of money, and my sister-in-law and her husband both had good salaries. Instead of putting them in daycare, and paying strangers, they paid my mother-in-law the same fee. Now, with my own daughter, the father of my granddaughter took off, to places unknown, when she first found out that she was pregnant. She works hard, without child support, to take care of her daughter and herself and I am very proud of her. She cannot afford childcare. I actually retired from my successful business to take care of my granddaughter. We do not have a mortgage, sadly because we had lost our son to a drunk driver and sued, and won, so we could pay it off, but anyway, we can afford to work part time, my husband and me, and take care of her without charging. In fact, in order to help with her future, I also run my granddaughter to modeling jobs, which she enjoys. I also pay for her dance and gymnastics lessons. There is no way that she could afford daycare and she makes too much to have public assistance, which is angering because I see some lazy people who sit home and collect welfare and my daughter has to bust her butt, and she is proud that she can do it in her own. Anyway, it's all dependent on the situation and people involved.

Sounds completely unfair, but it could be because one is more able to pay than the other. Or, maybe the daughter does extra favors, making it on the barter system.

I agree with not charging to the extent of being fair, therefore, she should either charge both or not at all. I could understand her charging because of the current condition of social security and medicare and such things. In a form she is doing a job and even though she should be able to do it out of the fact its family its still a job. All in all she could charge rightly so but I feel if she did she should charge both of them.

That's messed up. I think that she should either charge neither or charge both of them. I know people who would probably do the same thing that she is doing just because they may not like their daughter-in-law. Like you said, the grandchildren are still her grandchildren regardless. My dad's friend charges her own daughter to babysit her two grandchildren. She always complains that they don't pay her well enough. I personally think that her daughter should pay her mother more because they are struggling financially and her mother could get a better paying job instead of staying home and watching her kids, so in cases like that I think that it's only right that you pay the parent a living wage. In an ideal world grandparents would take care of their grand kids for free. I think if the grandparents were financially well off then they shouldn't charge. Unfortunately not everyone is that lucky and they need to survive somehow.

That's kind of shocking! This grandparent is not a true grandparent if she treats her children unequally. Imagine how would her daughter in law feel if she sees that she is not favored and her sister has advantage. It's very offending and discriminating.

Thats disgraceful! Grandparents should be happy to have the grandkids for a little while. If the grand mother finds that she is 'babysitting' though - I mean basically looking after the kids all the time - then she should tell the kids mother that she is their grandmother - not their daycare. I dont think grandparents should be the daycare providers for their grandkids. When I was little, we'd just go to see my grandparents for a meal, and that was it. My parents only left us with them twice - when my siblings were being born. What is the point in having children if you're going to palm them off on someone else? I dont have kids yet, and am waiting until one of us is earning enough so that the other can be a stay at home parent. I'm certainly not going to let someone else have the joy of bringing up my kids!

Well, first off... it's their house, their lives, and their rules. Help from parents is not a 'right'. They can do with their time, money, property, anything they want, and its not our business to claim they should do any different. When I was growing up, my parents bought my sister a car, while I had to buy my own car. Was that 'unfair'? Perhaps, but then it's their money. They don't owe me a penny. I owe them. I think we Americans need to get over the idea that everything in life needs to be fair. It never is, and never will be. Further, you should teach your children this too, because nothing makes people more bitter and angry than expect life to be fair, when it never is. In the Pearl High School shooting, the principal stopped the shooter in a car with a pistol, and asked "why did you shoot my kids?", and 16 year old Woodham replied "life has wronged me, sir." Don't teach your kids life is, or should be fair. When they find out life isn't fair, you might have created a monster. So then, would I do what this person is doing? Depends. The true answer is, I might. What reasons might I do this? If the people in question are lazy and irresponsible. If Son A is working hard, being responsible, and putting in a good effort, then I would be more likely to help out. Whereas if Son B is lazy, irresponsible, and constantly in trouble, I may be less likely to help. Attitude. If Son A is grateful and humbly requesting help, I am more likely to help. If Son B is ungrateful and demanding help like we owe him, then I am not likely to help. Discipline. The fact is, in our society some parents... don't... parent. Some kids are completely crazy, and the parents do nothing to fix this. Further, some parents don't like it when others discipline their children. So if Son A, has a sweet little child who is well behaved, and doesn't mind it when I give correction when their child screws up, then I'll be more likely to help. If Son B, has an insane devil spawn that runs around screaming and breaking things, and then if Son B gets upset when I correct and discipline his little terror, then I am not likely to help. In all cases, I would be more likely to not charge anything to Son A to watch their kids, where I am very likely to either refuse to watch Son B's kids, or charge them a hefty fee.

I think if she is going to watch one for free, she should watch them both. After all it is still her son's child and her grandchild. As far as paying them at all, I am torn. I guess it would be up to the parent. Some older women would need the money at the very least there should be some kind of compensation, like doing things to show appreciation.

To me it is sound really unfair, she should love them like her other grand kids and she should do it from her heart and she shouldn't take money..

Different approaches to different persons plays a role here. In addition, persons are reared in different cultures and so would have a disposition so different from others. A grandparent charging fee for babysitting her grandchildren to her daughter-in-law (but wont charge her own daughter for the same service)is a clear case of double standard on the part of the grandparent. For how can the grandparent sever her blood relation to her daughter-in-law (reason why she charges for babysitting) when the grandparent's blood runs through her grandchildren by way of their own son? For it follows that the reason why the grandparent doesn't charge her daughter is because she is her own daughter and comes direct from her. But her own daughter's children which the grandparent serve much love and affection are the result of a union between their own daughter and a son-in-law! If the approach of charging a daughter-in-law for babysitting is a self-imposed course of action in grandparents manor, then it will only result in a divided family and a divided house. Very clearly, the approach is skewed to the disadvantage of a member of the family. And from the point of view of the daughter-in-law, her in-law's action is a drawback to her that could lead or even threaten the whole family bliss. This shouldn't be. Our world, though so large, is blessed by an intelligent being, a God, that guides us all to work in harmony with each other. Together, the family should always link and be connected in thoughts, in deeds and in all their achievements! To a grandparent, this is a legacy endowed by God... and from them to their children, down to their grandchildren. What a world that is at peace in this.

No, the grandparents should not charge to keep their grand kids. I do believe that the parents of the children should provide the baby formula if the child is still on the bottle. Also the parents should provide the diapers, but as for charging to keep the grandchildren the grandmother should be honored that the parents want their children to be with them.

My mother in law did something similar to me. She lived around the corner from us and my mother lived 5 hours away. She decided that it was her duty to babysit for her daughters and my mother's duty to babysit for me. My mother in law acted in a really nasty manner to me practically from the word go.

goodmorning kingparker, She shouldn't charge either or both, there should not be a difference between them. The kids of her daughter-in-law are also her son's kids so she is discriminating between her daughter's kids and her son's kids, is what it is. Maybe one of them is better off financially and the grandmother thinks that since they have the money to pay her, why not. I am not sure what is going on there so I am trying to guess as it doesn't make any sense to me. I am a grandmother, just, I have one granddaughter that turned 2 years old just the other day, on the 18th. I would never charge to babysit her but then I couldn't babysit her because I have a job as well. So if my son really wanted me to babysit everyday they would have to pay me to replace the money I made with my job, but that ain't every going to happen. lol Cheers and happy mylotting my friend Talk to you soon, Chris

It depends on the family. I would not think of charging anyone in my family, but I would accept financial help from them if they were well off and I had problems. Fees sound grosse from my point of view, but, as I said, it depends on the circumstances.

The parents of the kids should be considerate enough to give the grandparents some money for their kindness, time, and effort. It is not easy to be babysitting kids.

I think it is on the mother's parts on whether or not to pay the grandmother for her time and care. If I had my mother or mother-in-law taking care of my kids, I would feel awful if she were doing it regularly for no reward, even if she is their grandmother. I would do her grocery shopping or take her out, rather than write her a check, however. I would feel strange to hire family members to do things for me, but one should take care to show if they appreciate it. I guess it's really a matter that only the family could understand.

I think she should not charge, she's not a baby sitter anyway. In our tradition,, grandparents always take the responsibility of taking care of her grand children especially if both parents are working. Parents of the child should give back the gratitude in some other way. Like buying them clothes, a new pair of shoes etc.