I like a girl a lot in my office but she does not have any interest in me
By rajeshfgh
@rajeshfgh (1629)
India
August 11, 2011 12:54pm CST
I really like a girl in my office and would even say that I have fallen for her, but she does not have any interest in me, or the way she acts certainly seems to suggest so. I have tried to express my liking towards her, but every time there is a blank or distant look in her face.
I don't know how to handle the situation as we see each other in office everyday and she hardly speaks to me. Even if I try to speak or smile at her she seems aloof and answers in single words. She is certainly not shy and has no other boyfriends as far as I know. I can't take her out my head as of late I constantly think about her. I am surely in a tight spot and don't know how to handle the situation. I would appreciate some help from my fellow Mylotters.
2 people like this
30 responses
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
12 Aug 11
Have you tried just asking the young lady out for a cup of tea or to lunch? Since you work together lunch would be appropriate and it would break the ice with her.
Some girls are hit on so much when they are pretty that they just ignore most guys. I'm not saying it's right but she has a reason for being the way she is.
The only way for you to get closer to her is to be her friend first.
Then the rest will follow if it works out and she does indeed not have someone else.
Good luck. I hope it works out for you.
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
13 Aug 11
Okay this is how it usually goes with most people...just so you know.
If she knew you liked her and you showed it often then she may go in the other direction, not being interested. But if you don't show interest in her and just do your on thing, making sure that what you do stands out enough that she will notice you but you don't act interested in her, then she will be interested in you.
I don't know what it's this way but it usually is. That is just life and how it works with relationships between people.
It's all in the chase so to speak. If she liked you for any reason and you show no interest in her then she would be more interested in you and be trying harder to get your attentions.
Just look at the way you are feeling about her, as an example.
This is how it goes.
Try to make sure that you get noticed at work in what you do, (by her especially) but you don't show any interest in her and then she may start being interested in you. It's just reverse pshycology.
Or you can try asking her out to lunch and other chances you might find take them to spend time around her.
Best of luck to you.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
I have not asked her out for lunch but offered to get something for her to eat when I knew that she had not had lunch on a particular day. But, she smilingly declined my request.
I am trying to be friends with her, but her mixed reactions are driving me crazy. It is very difficult to find out what is one her mind and she is not too vocal about it too. She will just talk a line or two or just say a meek but lovely bye while going home, which just melts my heart away. I don't understand if this is all a result of her feelings towards me or it is just a gesture. Also, these gestures are not regular and only about once or twice a week, which makes comprehending it and reaching a conclusion really very difficult.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
14 Aug 11
Thanks moondancer, I find substance in the reverse psychology concept which you have mentioned. Since, I am unsure what to do, I may well try it out and try and ignore her at work. But, then it is very difficult to stop thinking about her as she is right there across me at work and I get to see her all the time. This makes is that much more difficult to ignore her. Anyway, I will try and pacify my heart to take this rather difficult stance and see where it leads to. Thanks again.
@adhyz82 (36249)
• Indonesia
12 Aug 11
You Start with small things like asking how are you, how was your day news
or what do you do fun today
women were basically the same, needs attention
as well as men
it`s not easy to convince, but if you start from small things, probably would melt her heart
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
I didn't really get you what your suggestion is when you tell me to fight it out.
Thank you for your concerns. I have spoken to her many times, but she seems uninterested on some days and very concerned and attentive towards me on other days. I guess she is somewhat moody or she is purposely doing it to gain attention. I am totally confused now that she considers me her friend or not.
1 person likes this
@brew2x (3094)
• Philippines
12 Aug 11
Just continue being nice to her. Try to befriend her gradually. You've mentioned she seems distant and aloof, perhaps she have problems or worries or big responsibilities. Once you become her friend, try to gain her trust. I don't think courting her right away will be a great idea. Goodluck to you and keep the faith!
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
15 Aug 11
Yes, certainly, I will try and be my own self around her and not go out of my way to appease or please her. Maybe my actions will make my adoration towards her more evident and she might give me some hints too (for a change).
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
Thanks for the post and the wishes. I will try and do as you have said. For the time being, I don't have any other options either. I will try to become friends with her and hope for the best, but being her friend also is a challenge as her behavior is so unpredictable. I guess, I will leave things to settle for now and just hope that something happens which will make her know my feelings for her.
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
12 Aug 11
Have you told her about your feelings? if so and she's still not interested then you just have to be patient and pursue her. That's what you call courting. More often, girls won's show that they like you, sometimes the signs are even the opposite. Court her for as long as you want, if after that she still continues to be indifferent then look somewhere else, she's not the only girl around.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
I am still trying to get to know more about her. But, by her behavior, I guess that she does want to have friendship with me. The problem, though, is that her feeling do not come out clearly as one day she will be friendly but the very next day it will be like we are strangers to each other.
I guess, as you have said, I have no other option but to court her and hope for the best. Thanks for the post.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
15 Aug 11
I certainly hope so. But, what do you suggest I do if she acts so strange? Should I try and talk to her every time or should I let her initiate the talk?
Sometimes at the workplace I get this feeling of eerie silence between the two of us, which makes me think that she also wants to talk to me as badly as I want to talk to her. But, somehow both of us don't have the courage to initiate the conversation.
I feel guilty sometimes as even if I start the conversation I get monosyllable answers which makes me feel like a dumb creature. Though, whenever she starts the conversation, which usually happens when she is in a cheerful mood, I try and engage her in conversation in order to make it a long one.
@allknowing (132209)
• India
12 Aug 11
You have a lot of hard work to do young man!
. Perhaps she is acting hard to get but do not lose patience. Your efforts will yield results.
. Perhaps she is acting hard to get but do not lose patience. Your efforts will yield results.@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
Hey, thanks! This really comes as an icing on the cake. It has been all heartache and suffering for me all these days. If she is really acting hard to get then I am game to it, but her unpredictable behavior makes me feel like a fool, like a beggar on some occasions, I guess you understand what I mean to say.
@allknowing (132209)
• India
14 Aug 11
Here is a link that has some suggestions! Try them. But don't get into trouble!
@jricky1 (6800)
• China
12 Aug 11
Maybe you just need to know more about her and talk to her,grab her attention.So gradually maybe she will pay attention to you.She was shy and doesn't talk too much to you does not mean that she isn't into you,the best way is to contact her and then told her about how you feel about her.Hope this will help.
@I_LUV_U (2519)
• India
14 Aug 11
Having read some of your comments, it's hard to say she has the same curiosity in you as you have in her. But there is a possibility that she hasn't got to know enough of you to elicit her interest in you even as a friend; so it might be a case of her regarding you somewhat distant to her rather than her acting aloof or expressing her disinterest. I would even say you're probably reading too much into her surprise byes and smiles - they suggest nothing more than a friendly rapport one would like to share with a colleague. Weigh her against some of your other female colleagues and their attitudes towards you - you may get a more objective reading of the whole thing.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
15 Aug 11
I think you are right in saying that maybe she does not have any interest in me and that she considers me just as any other colleague. This is indeed my concern, I am unable to understand her feelings for me, if there are any. I do send her sms on various occasions like festivals and friendship day, but she does not reply even to one of them. But, then in office the next day she shows no reactions about the sms received, but I know from one of my colleagues that she does enjoy receiving smses. She is not at all open or vocal about her feelings which keeps me guessing.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
Yes, I do need to know more about her and her family. But, to be able to talk to her she must be approachable, right? On some days she is so distant that it is impossible to talk to her and on other days she is so lively that she will herself do all the talking about anything she likes and everybody around just needs to listen to her. She is like a little girl, all enthusiastic, on some days and exactly the opposite on other days. It is very difficult to get her to know something.
I had tried to befriend her by sending her an sms, but she took it the wrong way and even called saying that she did not understand what my sms meant and seemed upset. It was a straight sms asking her how her day was. So, her behavior is so erratic that I myself get confused, if she had any feeling for me or not.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
Thanks for the suggestion. But, the problem is that she has only one really close friend in the office who is so close to her that she is sure to reveal it all to her. Also, I don't know her friend that well to just walk up to her and ask about my girl's interests as she works in a different department.
I think if she comes to know that I have made inquiries about her through her best friend then I may complicate our relationship further.
@slico79 (212)
• Philippines
13 Aug 11
check out her online social network accounts (facebook, friendster, myspace, etc...)
Anyway, you don't need to ask her closest friends, just anyone she comes into contact with. All you need is just a few info on her, not her whole life besides, what's the point of getting to know her if you already know a lot.
@slico79 (212)
• Philippines
13 Aug 11
Hi there again... :) This is what I have observed by readin all three pages of your discussion. And I hope that you will think long and hard about what I'll say here, don't comment immediately, just reflect on this.
Your putting way lots of meaning into simple and mundane actions that this lady is doing. First, remember that you see each other at work and that means that all of you have to behave professionaly which includes her replying and smiling whenever you greet her and saying goodbye when she leaves first because it's the right and ethical thing to do. Second, if she leans towards you while talking then maybe the workplace is noisy or if your sitting down and she has to show you something and there are no other way to do it except to lean down or pull your hair so you'll see eye to eye on what she want you to see. Third, answering with one-liners maybe because your question can be aswered that way cause she might not be the kind of lady that answers a lot when all you ever asked is if she has a spare pen.
The way I see it, she is acting towards you as professionally as she can. She might or might not like you but this is basically good. Good because she have'nt told you yet what she feels about you. Good because you still have a chance to court her. Just persevere and let love take it's course and if her presence really impacts badly on your job performance then ask for a re-assignment or tell her frankly about it.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
15 Aug 11
Yes, maybe it is the professional ethics which she is resorting to, but why I say her behavior is unpredictable is that she does not do it everyday. Once or twice in a week she will suddenly land up on my desk and wish me a sweet bye while going home. In the morning, if I look at her or greet her, she will reply like-wise.
No, it is not about me asking questions which can be answered in a word or two. It is more to do with her mood which makes her talk cheerfully and at length sometimes and the exact opposite at other times.
Thanks for your concern and I too hope that everything works out well.
@I_LUV_U (2519)
• India
11 Aug 11
You should probably do it more the natural route and let destiny take its own course. Desperate attempts to woo or win over a girl are only as likely to succeed as the ones you would make naturally out of love, uninhibited love. So, my advice is keep lavishing your attention and affection upon her, don't make any concerted effort to impress her, but don't miss a chance to make her happy either. Love is hard to hide even if you do not state the obvious; sooner or later, it will show through you if not spill over to her - then it will be for her to decide.
@I_LUV_U (2519)
• India
14 Aug 11
You don't need to..it's not a crime to love someone, so there's no reason why you must restrain your feelings so as to appear normal to her. The fact is she drives you crazy and there's no harm in hinting it to her when all you want is for her to recognize how much you appreciate her. As long as you are not gushing over her, every girl loves to be adored by a guy who doesn't bind her to return the favor; in fact this subtle approach is less messier than e.g. sending flowers or balloons, as somebody has suggested here. Girls are more sensitive so she'll surely take notice of your overtures and express her reaction through some signals if not explicitly; even should this fail to yield any favorable result, you could still make her a direct formal proposal as a last resort. Best of luck!
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
15 Aug 11
Thanks, I hope that it turns out well. She has gone on a vacation for a week, so this week she will not be around in office. I guess, I can concentrate more on my work, but when she returns it will be the same pain again. I will try and act my normal self and hope for the best. I hope she understands what I am going through.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
Thanks for the suggestion. I think, that I will do exactly as you have suggested. I myself, have decided that I must not let my heart ache so much for this girl and just let things take their own course.
But, having said that, it is very difficult for me to hide my feeling and restraining the feelings which I go through when I am near her everyday in office. I think, this is what love is and I bet that it pains a lot.
@vegegirl (828)
• Australia
12 Aug 11
If she has expressed no interest in you, don't force yourself on her as that will only make her uncomfortable and possibly turn her off completely - you don't want this type of feeling with someone you work with.
Just be friendly towards her and get to know her as a friend first. find out what interests she has and see if you have any interests in common that you can talk about.
Also do things to work on your self esteem. Find interest and hobbies and people who do interesting things are often more interesting and more fun to be around. If this doesn't help her notice you, you probably won't care as much as you will be interested in lots of things and will soon meet someone else who is interested in you.
But don't follow this girl around like a puppy dog as this can be unappealing.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
Hey, thanks for the suggestion. I have firmly decided now that I will not go out of my way to appease her and instead concentrate on my work. It is easier said than done, but I will have to put my feet down as it is only giving me heartache and also affecting my work negatively.
Hopefully, she will come to me someday...
@missyphoebe (289)
• Philippines
12 Aug 11
maybe she just broke up with her BF and so is not yet ready to entertain potential suitors? Ask a mutual friend. maybe you should offer frindship first then when you are close then you can express your feeling (after you get to know her better).
Just don't lose hope. :)
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
Hey, thanks for the post. As far as I know, she does not have any boyfriends and so there is no question of a breakup. I am trying by all means to befriend her and make her open up to me, but it seems such an uphill task. Her unpredictable behavior makes it impossible to really get to know what is going on in her mind. It is really very difficult to me to understand her.
I will surely not loose hope and try to be worthy of her as it is my first liking for any girl and the feelings which I am going through now is really very new and unique for me, even-though, they are not that pleasant.
@missyphoebe (289)
• Philippines
16 Aug 11
find a mutual friend and then grill that mutual friend on things that your girl likes so that you would have some things and have some ideas on how you would win her over.
Or maybe she's not into men? maybe she's a Bi? You have to read the signs. But if she is that would be a great shame :( hope it does not turn up that way.
But I am really rooting for you! cheers for love! :)
@monojdhole (200)
• India
11 Aug 11
I suggest you should try to build up a relationship with her as a friend first. You may try out some simple questions. Hi! How are you? Where do you stay? How do you come to office? etc. Thus you have to find out the things she likes or dislikes. Then try to do the things she likes in front of her. Speak and behave the way she likes. Slowly if you find that she responses to your questions or behavior, try to involve more in such questions or activities. When you both become friends it will be very easy for you to come to the point. Please try and let me know. Good Luck!
@slico79 (212)
• Philippines
13 Aug 11
What do you usually say to her? Do you always ask questions? What does she talk about when your with the group? Is she talking directly to you or talking to the whole group? Since she is in your team, does she talk about her personal life or is she talking about the welfare or state of your team? How do you talk to her?
Lots of question, huh? hehehe... But if you can answer this then maybe you'll have an idea on what your relationship really is.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
14 Aug 11
I usually try and get her to speak more about herself. Sometimes I even say some humorous remarks which makes her smile. No, I don't ask questions all the time, but you can say small talk, here and there.
When in a group she talks about all sorts of things which includes work as well as things about life and relationships. She talks to the whole group, but also speaks directly to me staring at my eyes with her killer looks.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
I have tried out the things which you have said. She does speak to me about herself when in a group, but very rarely when we two are alone. She speaks very freely to me looking straight into my eye, when speaking in a group. When we are alone, though, she speaks to me only in single word and doesn't even look at me when I try to smile at her.
I think that her presence is certainly going to effect the quality of the work I am doing as of late, I am constantly thinking about her, even at work.
@rollylolly (2843)
• India
12 Aug 11
The best would be to pass your thoughts to her through her friends and getting a clear view of what she thinks of you and whether she wants to get into a relationship with you . You may even mail her if you can't get her . She may not be having a boyfriend but can have other inhibitions . If her reply is negative or she doesn't reply at all as well her body language hints she is not interested just leave . I know its heart wreaking as you have fallen in love but what can be done ? There's no point disturbing her and you suffering for her . Be practical and move on . God must be having good plans for you . All the best !
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
She doesn't have a lot of friends in office, but I know one girl who is good pals with her. But, they are so close that I am afraid that whatever I tell her, she will go directly to my girl's knowledge and given her strange ways of reacting to situations, it may be embarrassing for me, her as well as her friend. After all, we work in the same office and it may have a bearing on the office atmosphere as well.
I have smsed her many times, little jokes here and there, but she has never smsed me anything. I came to know through her that she enjoyed my smses.
I am not sure, if I should continue smsing here. This is really what the problem is, I am unable to gauge if she is interested or not interested in me. Her actions on one day suggest that she is very much interested in me while on other days it is the stark opposite and I feel like a fool that I am behind a girl who does not care about me. This is giving me sleepless nights, it is affecting my professional life and is giving me uncalled-for heartache. I didn't know that love can be so painful.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
That is what I am unsure about. She gives me all types of mixed reactions that it is playing havoc in my life. Sometimes she talks to me for a short while but at other times she seems so aloof and does not even look at me when I pass by her and neglects me even when I try to smile at her.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
14 Aug 11
Yes, I appreciate your suggestion. I think I am making myself suffer a lot because of this.
@thestavreva (151)
• Greece
13 Aug 11
Dude you are inside a film.Relax ask her out have a small talk see how things going and decide what to do next.But do it rihgt away stop being a pusy(sorry about the word) you gonna drive yourself crazy.Even if she reject you its not the end of the world but at least will relieve stress and tension be a man!!!
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
12 Aug 11
It may take some time for her to get used to your way of liking her. You know, some girls do not hurry to show their interest in a man, but will wait till some time later. You may try to find chances to be alone with her before you could express your good feelings for her. May you enjoy a good luck.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
Thanks for the comments. I will try and be patient but the feeling for her in my heart keeps igniting whenever she talks to me or smiles at me. This is making my life a living hell as I am constantly thinking about her and my work is getting affected as a result of it.
It is also giving me a lot of heartburn, which I must say, is not a pleasant feeling at all. Thanks for your wishes.
@Danzylop (1120)
• Philippines
12 Aug 11
..with the situation you are in right now, you have to be patient. If you really love her, you have to construct a good relationship with her without making her feel that you like her. You know what I mean. Do not show it to her right away. It would be very difficult for you to strike immediately when you know everything would become complicated if you strike too soon. SLOWLY man... SLOWLY... Take one step at a time... Don't offer a date immediately. you might just scare her away. Let her feel comfortable when she speaks to you first. If she is not even interested in answering your questions, what more if you offer a date. Do You agree?
If she likes you too, she will show it gradually.
Just continue what you are doing at the moment. treat her as a friend. talk with her even if she is not interested but of course don't bother her when she doesn't want to listen. she might get irritated when you do that. I don't think she will like that. Learn to read her mind. If she is in good mood, grab it to make her laugh. and when she is sad, don't try to be the SUPERMAN guy who'll save the day for her. Just stay with her even if there is silence between you because if she feels comfortable to share her mind to you, she will do so, right?
Just be patient. you are in a very sensitive situation right now. One mistake you do, will ruin your dark plans for her. Hahahaha! Just take time. once more, be patient...... =)
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
Hey, thanks a lot for the suggestions which you have given. It is quite helpful. I will try and take it slow and leave the rest to fate. For the time being, it is only sorrow and heartache for me. Every day spent in the office is pressure and stress for me. I always thought that love was just happiness and enjoyment of being together, but for me it has been pain and heartache and nothing else. Its a feeling I am experiencing for the first time.
@minomarimat (372)
• Philippines
12 Aug 11
Here's the thing. Nothing's ever going to happen if you don't act. And you just don't act out of nothing - there has to be the right thing to do. I'm not saying that you change yourself just to suit her criteria, but rather find out what she likes, what she doesn't like, and find a way to make your interests either clash, or combine. You should make yourself be an interesting person, without changing who you are. She should be interested with your personality.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
Yes, you are right. I am trying my best to be good to her and appear approachable and trustworthy to her. The problem, though, is that her behavior is so unpredictable that I don't understand what is on her mind. She is also not that type of person who would say what is on her mind easily. She would act in strange ways which makes it even more difficult to gauge what she really wants.
@hoonwenting (99)
• China
12 Aug 11
In my opinion,she is a good girl. Though she treat you aloof,she has no other boyfriends. So she is reliable. I don't like which girls are frivolous. If you persued her,she maybe a good wife. I think her heart is hard to open,so you must make hard to close her. Good luck to you.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
Thanks for your post. Indeed, she does not have any boyfriends, but her behavior is so sporadic and uncertain that it is very difficult to read what her feelings are. I would really love to get into a relationship with her but her reactions to some of my messages were not welcoming which puts me in a tight spot. I am not able to gauge her feeling towards me.
@mhelsdelacruz (160)
• Philippines
12 Aug 11
hello. .
just continue being nice to her even though she's ignoring you maybe she is just trying to test your feeling towards her . .
I know someday she will surely like you . .
good luck and have a nice day . .:)
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
Hi, thanks for the post. It is really encouraging to read this and I too hope that someday she will understand my feelings and stop acting the way she is doing now. I guess, she is also uncertain if she has feelings for me or not, but the whole thing is giving me sleepless nights and so much of heartache that it is very difficult to explain. I don't know is she is also feeling the same pain which I am going through.
@myjoon (25)
• China
12 Aug 11
Maybe you aren't her type. Asking her friends about what she likes ,where she always goes,what kind of food she likes,ect.It may help you know her better.Then she may know you have someting in common with her and then you will have more opportunities to speak to her.
Besides,love needs you to strive for. A girl may be moved by what you do for her. You should do whatever you can do. Then you will never be regreted in the future.luck for you.
@rajeshfgh (1629)
• India
13 Aug 11
Yes, that's a possibility that I am not her type. But, of what I have seen and felt about her, she is a caring person and not does not look down on people or have an ego as such. She is also comfortable with all types of people and is not exactly the type who will like to hang out with people only who share interest or are her type.
Yes, I have began to discover that love is not that simple as in a boy and girl meet and there is love between them. It is much, much more complex and complicated and it sure gives you many emotions. You are ecstatic at one moment when she says something sweet to you and at the next moment there is intense heartache when you miss her.
