Mistakes does matter with age!

Well, that definitely sounds like it is not a good situation. I wonder, though, did your father-in-law really threaten to kill you or was he just angry and said he was going to kill you out of anger but with no real intention to do you any physical harm? I am not trying to make light of the situation here, but there is a difference. I have said "When I get my hands on him, I am going to kill him", but I did not really mean any physical harm towards the person. What I meant was that I was going to have a serious talk with him when I saw him again, but since I was angry I did not express myself appropriately. Could that possibly be the case with your father-in-law? If so, then he should apologize, but I think that it should not ruin your relationship. If he really did intend physical harm towards you, on the other hand, then I am not sure that the relationship can be saved, especially if there is a possibility that the same thing could happen again in the future.

Things got complicated already and as a daughter-in-law I just can't imagine when my father-in-law told me that he gonna kill me. It makes my blood boil to the highest level. And now demanding me to say sorry to him! Unfair! My parents wants him to come over to our house to talk about it but he never came 'cause he knows by himself that he was wrong. How would I respect him? I don't want this kind of thing will happen again. Any more advice from you is greatly appreciated.

I don't know. It happens when our marriage is less or more than a year and really don't know him well. I already forgot when it was exactly but the pain still lingers. So painful. I don't know if I'm lucky 'cause I found mylot when I keep searching online for sites who can give me advise regarding this problem. I just can't accept when they said that it's all my fault. My hubby later told me that his father was so angry that time but no intention to harm me at all but I doubt it. The main reason why he did not do physical harm because my baby is with me and he was afraid that he will harm the baby instead of me. His father doesn't want any family member to contradict him even if he is wrong. He easily slapped them in the face or punch them but when I came into their lives, he said that I'm the only person who talk to him in an angry voice. For me, if you are right then you are but if you are wrong then there's no way that you would be right just because you are the father. Sad thing is my husband keep on defending him 'cause he is his father even the wife, my mother-in-law. They keep on defending him even if it's his fault. My hubby is a silent type and everytime I ask him about this he didn't say anything. He was raise to obey and obey and obey his parents even if things are not right at all. It hurts me more when my hubby keep bringing our son to see his parents without my consent. This is not the only reason why I keep my son away from them, this father-in-law is a bad influence. When my son is still months old he keeps telling him that "you are very handsome baby and when you grow up you will have lots of women". I can't take this. When we got conflict, I don't know if I thank God 'cause we can't see him anymore.

I have never understood this concept of having to "respect our elders". Don't get me wrong, my mother did her very best to try to teach it to me, but my brain just could not accept this concept. I believe that we are all entitled to respect, and therefore the mere coincidence that you were born before me does not entitle you to any more (or less) respect than me or someone that happened to be born after me.

We must have been racking our brains growing up on this concept. As an elder to others though I am not perfect I will always apologize to anyone younger then me. This reminds me of my son, lol he use to always respectfully point out my errors. He would always say; Actually mommy with respect to you it is actually this way. What a cutey! Now that was something I always chuckled with because he was not afraid to point out my error but always did so in a respectful way. Ahaha!

I can always be polite and show respect to elders but if they made mistakes and demand the younger ones to say sorry for them....it's totally ridiculous! For the elders they can't demand respect, it must be gained. If they are not worth it why would I say so.

I was afraid to go to my mom or dad because they would have sided with the one I had wronged or made the mistake They would have punished me as well. It made it harder for me to say that I am sorry for doing horrible things and consequently I said sorry for things that did not matter. That is the whole trouble. If my parents had said ?"it is good that you came to us first. You know you did wrong,etc/" instead of "why did you do such a stupid thing?" and not realizing as a chid, I was not thinking, it would have been different. I do feel there are many adults like me who went through the same thing. Sometimes I wish they had Supernanny when we were young.

I experienced this too when I was a teenager, every time I ask help from my mom/dad regarding someone I got troubled. They always punish me even if I explain to them that I'm not the one who made the mistake first! They said that since I'm involved in that trouble I'm also have mistakes and nee to be punished.

It's really right to say sorry if you committed mistakes but if you are afraid that your enemy will jump over you like quarrel between siblings, better run and get your mom/dad.

If we, younger ones always say sorry to elders even if it's not our fault at all. The tendency is they will always do mistakes to younger ones without worrying of anything 'cause they would think that since they are elders we must always respect them even if they are not worth it. It's unfair?

the word of sorry in this case just for make smoother our word when talk to the elder. in mu culture that's common, because we always politeness on my country.

Hello forester. We are also polite here in our country. Some people always say sorry with no reason at all but if we try to deepen our understanding I think it's not right if we say sorry and we did not commit any mistakes. Basically, someone would say sorry if they make mistake but if there's no mistake made why say sorry. You want someone to forgive you for nothing. I just don't understand and a bit confused because for me, I only ask forgiveness if I commit mistake regardless of age.

LOL.. That can be frustrating. Well, it's worse to have to avoid someone for the rest of your life right? So my take would be no matter how heavy the situation, show them how big a person you are. The reason they want you to say sorry to them is because they don't know how to get over things. They don't know how to do these things because no one ever taught them. And I'm betting if you apologize in a way that says, "This is all so long ago, I can't believe it's still an issue up until now. Don't you have anything else to think about?" then they'll forget about it immediately. The best part about is, when you get the apologizing over with no matter who's mistake, you know you've done your part. And it frees you from any negative feelings whenever you think about your in-laws. Give them what they want. You know better.

You know what's on my mind? wanted to escape this whole situation and I don't know how. For now, saying sorry to them is a big deal to me. Looks like I degrade myself if I gonna do that. For me, what is right is gonna be right like you know if you make mistake accept it. Don't blame someone for your own fault. Don't let me say sorry just because I'm just a daughter in law! Thanks for your piece of advice! Craving for more from you.

Good for you for having that kind of in-laws. Mine is different. After the serious problem that I had with them it came to a point that I really hate them and don't want to see them in my whole life. Worst is they want me to say sorry to them! Really make me sick.

I am the opposite. I find it very easy to say that I am sorry to a child, especially if I have hurt them in some way. I think that is how they learn compassion, empathy and respect ... we teach it to them by our examples. I do not have a problem apologizing to an adult, either, if I feel that I am wrong. I will do it quicker with a child when I am unsure than I will an adult, though, because an adult supposedly has better reasoning powers and can understand better why something may or may not be wrong where a child might not really understand that I might have been acting properly but still may feel hurt by an action.

Saying sorry when we commit mistake can make life easier. I agree with you purple. Older people are supposed to understand better than younger ones and they are supposed to be the model to the young.

I think it also depend for a person, the love that bound you together. I just remember my 2 year old kid playing my face then later on slapped my face. It was hard but it never came to my mind to punish him 'cause I know that he never knew yet what he did. In fact, he smiled after and wants me to smile too but I cried 'cause it was too painful and he wondered why I cry and called his dad for help. So innocent. But I think it's another way around if you simply hate or don't like the person in the first place and that person made a mistake to you and worst is since he's older than you he demanded that you will say sorry to him.

For guys who cheats their wives is a different story. I believe that in this case saying sorry for a thousand times doesn't matter at all for them. When you accept his sorry and go on with your life as if nothing happens, guys would do the same mistake again and again. Once is enough. If he did it once, there's a possibility that he will do it again 'cause he knows that by just saying sorry everything works fine.

yeah right...everything must be fair regardless of age! thanks daud.