Keeping up with the boyfriend's family - HOW?!
By redphile
@redphile (2264)
Philippines
September 4, 2011 10:10pm CST
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and I am now starting to get to know more about his family, it may already been delayed but then our relationship is rather complicated so it was not a smooth start for us being a couple. Now, my boyfriend brings me to his place and I would usually join them when there are special occasions like yesterday. It was his mother's birthday and we went to this karaoke bar, and I actually sang his mom's favorite song. I just hoped she liked it. I am a rather shy girl and only speaks a little. But I want to impress his family more and make them feel how important my boyfriend is to me.
his family is crazy, I mean always drinking, party animals even his parents too! I am an occasional party goer but not that crazy enough. So I'm not sure if how I would fit in but I would be happy to if they would fully accept me.
Do you think that I should worry about their full acceptance? Or should I only think about my relationship with my boyfriend? Because in the long run, its only my boyfriend whom I will be with and not the whole family.
Your thoughts mylotters?
Thanks so much!
3 people like this
10 responses
@tess_quinain (1149)
• Philippines
5 Sep 11
We're same. We have been together also for 6 years and i am trying to be close with them also. I am shy and i don't talk that much. I also have worries that his family won't like me but i don't want to think about it because it only adds stress to me. lol.
whatever they think about me, i will just leave it to them. No worries.
1 person likes this
@redphile (2264)
• Philippines
15 Sep 11
Agree that there is no need to change ourselves. Maybe adjust when there is a need but changing yourself and not being true to yourself will be difficult. I think the bottomline is, be nice and they will also be nice to you. That's how I think. Good thoughts, good karma!
@soulist (2985)
• United States
6 Sep 11
I simply act as myself and things are fine. My boyfriend's family knows I am not one to party or anthing and they are cool with it. His mom knows I am not much of a talker and she tries to include me in conversations and talks to me. Its nice. One of the easiest ways to show to them that your boyfriend is important to you is through your actions.
1 person likes this
@Cutie18f (9546)
• Philippines
5 Sep 11
Well, when in Rome, you have to act like a Roman. I can see that you and your boyfriend come from different family backgrounds. I hope you will be able to get adjusted to their kind of environment should you marry him. I wonder if there will be some problems later on. I just hope you can meet halfway.
@rose1717 (190)
• United States
5 Sep 11
My best advice would to just be yourself because this is why your boyfriend is with you now. It doesn't matter what they think of you, just what your boyfriend thinks of you. I don't think you should ever compromise yourself to gain their acceptance of you! It took me years to understand this and I am just starting to realize what this means to me. For years I tried my best to gain the acceptance of my MIL, and it never happened. I am much happier just being myself and if she doesn't like it, then she is the one who is missing out and not me.
1 person likes this
@redphile (2264)
• Philippines
15 Sep 11
Yes I am trying to be myself but I think I still need to adjust to at least try to please them so I will be able to get to know them better and for them to know me better too. I like your last statement! Good point! If they cannot accept you for who you are, they are the ones missing out and not you! Nice! thanks for the tip!
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
5 Sep 11
Hi Redphile,
I think you should just be yourself. I'd not worry too much about his family accepting you. They either will accept you or they won't.. either way your relationship is with your boyfriend, and as long as his loyalties are with you, you have nothing to worry about. Be nice to his family, and be yourself... that's all I can say about that.. the rest is up to them.. but it shouldn't make or break your relationship with your boyfriend.
1 person likes this
@redphile (2264)
• Philippines
15 Sep 11
I know that it is something that should not affect my relationship with my boyfriend! We love each other so much that we are willing to settle anything that might get in the way of us being together. I will try to lessen my worries from now on, because at the end of the day, it my boyfriend who I will be living with and not the whole family.
@lucy19851120 (261)
• China
5 Sep 11
hi,i get your idea now ,your passges shows that you love your boyfriend very much,you hope that there would be a happy life with your boyfriend and his family,but you are not sure that whether his family accepted you competelely.
As our customer usally as a lady just try to satisfy the bot friend family,for the first ,it's a good way to expand your friend mermerber with your boyfriend,which it's also your boyfriend wishes,second,it's cercorn that you will meet therelatives of your boyfriend family in the neart future,
we just try our best to do it well,but how about the results,it's none of the important actaully,they will feel it
don't worry.
@redphile (2264)
• Philippines
15 Sep 11
I feel that I am responsible of making sure that his family would love me. Although my friends tell me that at the end of the day, the important thing is that my boyfriend and I are happily bonded together and are looking forward to a happy life together. I will try my best for them to like me whenever I get the chance, but will make sure that it will not look as if I am trying too hard. thanks!
@kaylachan (71590)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
5 Sep 11
You should concentrate on your relationship. If you spend too much time concerned about what the family thinks, then that may put a strain on things. Now if the relationship advances and you consider marrige. Then you'll have to put up with them a little more, because they will be the in-laws. But you don't have to like them... just be able to get along with them.
1 person likes this
@redphile (2264)
• Philippines
15 Sep 11
You have a good point there, when you said that I don't have to be like them but being able to get along with them is just fine. I agree with you on that. Well I hope they are not expecting too much of me that I will be more like their family. I also know that I should not spend too much time thinking about his family, if they like me because it is stressful and I am pressured to at least do something to make an impact or impress them. When we get married, I know that's the time that I should be able to get a long and put up with them. Well, they're nice people so I don't think its gonna be a big problem.
@poniface1983 (132)
• India
15 Sep 11
Hi redphile,
whatever may be the case, you told you are a shy person and your boyfriend and his family are outgoing nature..but you know, that could be the reason why your boyfriend likes that and so their family, so my advice better not to try change yourself, be as you are and your boyfriend and his family will definitely accept and like you :)
@labli09 (70)
• Philippines
14 Sep 11
hello there redphile..impressing your boyfriend's family is also important but not as important as your relationship with your boyfriend..i guess his family is ok with you, knowing that you're trying to reach out to them, its already impressive..just like what you said,even if his family wouldn't like you,you will not marry them but your boyfriend..hehe..i guess you're getting married soon..
@redphile (2264)
• Philippines
15 Sep 11
Yes I will marry my boyfriend and not his family true! My relationship should always come first before impressing his family. I know for a fact that they are nice people so I should just make little effort to get along with them but not really changing myself.
