Stop being too nice, harden yourself a little

I know what you mean. The problem with being nice is you can get used but the other problem is that some people really appreciate you, maybe some you have not met yet and it is a shame to give that up. Money is a friend too but can be a real pain too, yes, there are robbers. That is what I think anyway. As far as life is concerned though I have to make a quote here by an old actor Jimmy Steward, you ever see some old movies, he was really sweet in them, I think. "I have learned to get through life you need to be either very smart or very nice. I have chosen the latter" - Jim Steward

We must insist our own principal in whatever we are doing. Never be influenced by other people easily. If you are a very helpful person, you must maintain to be very helpful. If you are a very considerate person, you must maintain to be very considerate. If you are a very kind person, you must maintain to be very kind. These are you instincts. You must be proud of yourself.

Congratulations...you can see the light. I have a friend like you who would give someone the shirt off his back to help them. He likes to help people and he is used by many. He cannot see that he is taken advantage of and used, he only sees people needing his help. He needs very much to be needed. Just the other day a "friend" needed his help to fix his excavator which had come off it's tracks. It was over an 8 hour job and went well into the night and he received $120 only for his efforts. The job was worth much, much more than that as the guy with the excavator receives that much an hour for using his excavator. It was this same guy who obtained nearly $5000 worth of fuel from my friend some years ago and then neglected to pay for it. My friend had to close his business because he was unable to pay his bills. It took him 4 years to get back on his feet and he is still recovering. I never borrow money (except from a bank when necessary) and I never lend money. If I help someone financially, it is a gift because the chances are mostly that you won't get that money back.

Like any responses here, there is nothing wrong for being nice. Being nice not always associated with helping people with money. It's too general. When it comes to money, there are different kinds of people. There are suckers, cheaters, etc. I won't go to these further. In case of money, you need to know your limits when considering borrowing someone a certain amount. I could just give a little amount to beggars or the ones in need. Maybe they can use it to buy food or something. Of course you can learn from your environment and situation. You can always offer an elderly person a seat if there are no seats left available. You can give someone a ride provided you have time and energy. You can always do someone a favor provided it is realistic.

This is the problem. I have encountered so many times where I helped a friend, and he really needed my help. The problem is, as for what I need, he just simply turns away. This is the reason why I said this has got to stop. So now, I choose my friends well.

One can not stop having friends because one friend failed to us. Just get away from this person and be careful next time. And yes, You are right about being too nice nowadays, some people dont apreciate that, but , You can still help without expecting be apreciated, just help those who are really in need. Try not to lend money this way will keep your friends around, and learn to say NO , when You dont want to do something.

I know what you mean. There's a balance you have to find between "nice" and "aggressive". (Maybe aggressive isn't the right word, but I can't think of the right word right now...lol.) If you're too nice, there are people out there who will jump on the opportunity to take advantage of you - and if you're too much of a hard-a** no one will like you. Ha ha. So there's definitely a balance to be found...

Hiya KP, Oh yes I stopped being a Doormat quite some time back and my Family thinks that I should say yes to everything not likely (grin). I had to do this with Friends as well and although I did not like to distance myself from them when you meet up again they treat you with more respect. Probably because they have realized that you have seen through them. Some of them do it on purpose the using you bit but others do it just every so often even so your life is your own and don´t let anyone take advantage be it money, borrowing them things. I am fed up of losing Umbrellas to my Sister in Laws now I always say I have´nt got one toma ya hows that eh? By the way I don´t mean that everyone is a Doormat its just that I stopped letting People use me so much my way of expression if you understand.xxx

I'm sorry that has happened to you. It's sad to hear when relationships turn sour because of money. And it's sadder if you learn that he wasn't after your friendship, but your money after all. This does not stop us from having friends, but, we should be careful in choosing our friends.

I think being nice to a friend is not a bad thing, but if your friends need money from you, you must consider that there's a possibility that they might not return it, so if you want to lend your friend some money, give them only the amount which you ready to loose. If you're not ready to loose any of your money then just tell your friends that you're in a tight budget so you cannot lend them any money.

Hi kingparker.. people take us for granted if we are too nice towards them and we see unexpected actions from our dear ones. Every time helping out someone won't work. You need to be careful handling money matters with friends as money can spoil a relation in no time,i think so.

That's true and I say this to myself many times. I have been judged to be a very nice person that people abuse my kindness. But now, I'm trying to harden myself. Learning how to say no and being firm on it. I do also try rejecting some favors when I know I'm not able to do. Being too nice is not really good at all times. ;)

Yes I agree, sometimes you really need to harden yourself. Some people are just so abusive if you are so nice to them. Its really hard to trust anyone nowadays.

sure, it is good to be soft and nice but when things get bad its only the hardened souls which can stand the test of time so harden yourself

You have got that right. People will take advantage of your kindness. I have dealt with this all of my life and now stay to myself and do not offer kindness if I do not have to because I am tired of being used. I never lend money either because they never want to pay it back.

Hello Kingparker, There's nothing wrong with being nice, it gives a good impression on people. but money is just out of the picture because if they can't pay, they have no choice but to hide. I can be a real friend though i am not financially stable. Most people can be charismatic to get want. it's the reality of life people taking advantage of the other, but don't close yourself to the world of people, at least open your window but not let them in..in your life.

hello, I agree to you since it also happened to me. That's is the bad attitude of people because they only needed us for something. I also realize this because of those people who abuse me for being a good person. And I dont like it because they really take advantage of it.

hello kingparker. I think you should balance your attitude depending on the situation. Sometimes you need to be hard if needed.