Marriages and Religion....

I'm from Britain where most people don't have arranged marriages but some ethnic groups do. I think this agrevates ethnic tension because people from India and Pakistan tend to let their sons date white women but don't let their daughters date white men. It's probably just as well that we don't have arranged marriages because I strongly suspect that my parents would have chosen a woman similar to my mother and that wouldn't have been right for me at all. I'm a nerd so I needed a nerd or geek for a wife but my parents have never understood that. My wife is from Canada where the same thing applies. Although we come from different traditions (she's a Catholic and I'm a protestant), we both believed, and still believe pretty much the same things. Neither families had a problem with this, we're more religious than most our relatives. Now we belong to a Messianic congregation. I've heard that Sikhs don't believe in the cast system but still tend to follow it anyway. I don't know about Muslims. I think that marriages between people of different religions are only likely to work if neither partner takes their religion very seriously. Marriages between fundamentalists and moderates of the same religion probably aren't a good idea either. I used to sometimes see a normal looking white man walking down the street with a dark skinned women dressed in traditional Muslim dress following him a few meters behind. Once I got to speak to the man (the woman wasn't with him), I don't think he was a Muslim (converts are seldom moderates and therefore there are hardly any white moderate Muslims) and was clearly unhappy about his wife's increasing fundamentalism. I don't know how that situation developed or what eventually happened. However I think this sort of thing could be a danger of moderates from different religions marrying each other. Then I suppose it could be a problem if two people of the same religion marry but one changes his or her beliefs (either converting to a different religion or becoming more moderate or fundamentalist). Perhaps you should try converting to a religion that doesn't have arranged marriages or casts, but I've heard it's illegal to change your religion in India.

In my country, arranged marriage is uncommon. Basically, anyone can marry anyone whom he or she wishes to marry. Although at times, economic and social standing would play a part in choosing a suitable partner. Families of the partners may or may not get along well but partners stay together and marry nevertheless. I guess that is why in my country, there is an archetypal disagreement and animosity with in-laws who do not approve of the union.

My wife and I are both Atheists so religion did not play any part in our marriage. We met on holiday and they say those romances do not last. It has only been 54 years so we will have to wait and see. I have heard it said that there are less divorces in arranged marriages and I am not surprised. I have had some experience in this and it is quite common that if a woman finds she can no longer stay in the marriage and leaves not only do her husbands family no longer speak to her neither do her own family so the pressure to stay in an unhappy marriage is enormous. I always thought that the caste system was a disgusting and grossly unfair system and I am surprised to read that it is still involved in arranging a marriage. It is bad enough using religion as all religions are based on myths but to judge a person simply on the group they were born into seems to be to be totally unfair and unrealistic in the modern world. I have a friend who is Muslim and married to a Christian lady. They have been married for over 40 years very successfully.

Im in USA alot of people marry out of their religion. They end up having many problems because of that. Especially after they have children. Also here we choose our own marriage partners. Sometimes that doesnt work out very well either.

Oh no, you haven't been forced to marry someone you didn't want to have you? How about your one true love abroad? What happened there?

Great question! I am not married but I know one thing for sure: religion will not be a motivating factor when it comes to the decision making time. I am from America and I don't think I am alone with this belief. I personally feel faith is an exclusively personal experience and there is no reason for another person to intervene or distract/disrupt your own personal religious beliefs. I don't however, mean to say that you should not share your religious activities with others because that can be a very enriching experience as well but when it comes to romance and religion, I don't see any reason to integrate the two.

Heheheheh!!! Accept the fact as it is. Even if other countries dont follow the religion-centric rule still they are also traditional and orthodox in some matters or others. I have noticed they look for status and how you behave in society. So every culture has some restrictions and rules which they follow before getting married. So you are not the only one... so cheer up. Now after your marriage are you happy with your partner, if you are not able to decide now you will learn it soon.

Hi Mr. Pearl, Here in the States, LOVE is the main requirement for marriage. I was raised Catholic but my husband wasn't. We did not get married in the church. I didn't care what his religion was or wasn't and neither did my family. I think my mother had more of a problem with the fact that he had hair down to his waist! Actually, I KNOW she did. I can't imagine being forced to marry someone that I was not in love with that someone else picked out for me. So are you out of that marriage now? I don't understand your traditions or their purpose. Life is too short. I would not let anyone dictate to me how I should live it and with whom.

Here in America, it's pretty much a choice of who marries who. Some families and immigrant cultures and religions may follow their individual traditions, however. I am unmarried and I won't marry someone who shoves their own religion down my throat.

Here in our country,we do not observe arrange marriage so, it depends on the two people who love each other when they want to marry or what kind of person they want to marry with. My husband and I are of different religion but since we love each other it's not a hindrance and we get married. There are some religion here in our country that doesn't allow their members to marry with other religion so, it is a must for conversion. But,majority is not all about religion...but LOVE. have a good day and welcome back to mylot.

In singapore, religion should not be an obstacle when it comes to marriage, especially both are of the same race. Obstacles only appears when there's interracial marriages where someone has to sacrifice. Most of the time, it's usually islam or hindu who gets their man. When it comes to chinese, it's either christianity or buddhism, it's as simple as that. Everything is out of respect instead of forcing.

I have encountered this situation so many times in my life. I actually believe that in true love, there will be understanding. As for this situation, I think it will really depend. The difference in religion means nothing. If one is willing to give up the marriage for the religion, then it is obvious that the love shared is not enough.

I personally feel it's important to have the same beliefs when a person is married. I feel it's harder to have a successful relationship if two people have completely opposite views or ways of worshipping. Even if they are similar in beliefs but different in how they worship or feel worship should be carried out then it would still be hard. I don't however feel that it should go as far as you mentioned. With all that that is involved it would seem like a personh wouldn't want to get married. I feel that it's important for a person to be able to choose who they want to marry themselves based on their feelings and beliefs.

Regarding marriage in our country, there are also arranged marriages but only on a few. More often than not, they can personally choose who they want to marry, the one whom they love.Even when a person is of age here, it will be his or her personal decision to marry or not.

I can sense so much of heartache in your topic mr pearl. I hope you get a decent girl who will keep you happy.Of course I have assumed that you are a male. Regarding your question, I am a middleaged woman from a conservative family and also had my only child have an arranged marriage. Religion becomes important in our families mrpearl. You are young and may not agree now.. But religion is what gives us stability and peace and we always resort to God at any point of time. To feel the full force of God in abstract terms calls for a totally different sense of maturity and religion helps us get the identity with God. When there is an interreligious marriage the adjustment gets slightly more difficult[ what if one person is deeply religious and wants to pursue her /his faith] and problems surface when kids grow up. As such marriage is a difficult thing[I am happily married for the past 31 years/an arranged marriage] and I have been there too. WHy add extra issues of controversy to the already potential ones? Now if you are very sure that you are in love with another person who is of a different religion and he/she is going to face all odds with you, please forget all that I have written , and go ahead and fight for the person. There are many countries who do not believe in this system and I am sure you will get views to soothe your mind. I do not know how I will think twenty years from now.

Gosh, I must have missed a discussion. What happened to your girlfriend who was overseas?

Hi Mr Pearl i am married. in my country, a couple who want to get married have to have the same religion. and when the couple is having different religion, one of them must choose one religion that they think is the right and best .

In my country we don´t have arranged marriages. But from what I have heard, It seems that in yourr country, when a marriage is arranged, both families help the young couple a lot more than what they do in this parto of the world. Am I right? Religion plays a role with some familis, but not with everyone.

In my country and also in my culture we are free to marry who we choose. We do not practice arrange marriages. I would have a difficult time adapting to an arrange marriage but solely because it is not something we have done in my upbringing. Preferences here as to why they marry can vary from person to person. Generally it is done out of love, while some on a personal level may not consider someone due to their religions. But it is not my case as if I was to marry someone I would marry then because I wanted and loved as opposed to what religion they are in or not. As for it being an issue with regards to differences in religion, so as long as I am respected as to what religion I am in, I too will respect theirs as well. I would never impose it upon my partner and expect for him not to impose it on me. This being said and done, it would not matter to me as love and responsibility is what I aim for in a life long partner. Welcome back to myLot.

There is no arranged marriage in the Philippines , it is practiced mostly by Indian and Chinese immigrant. The only thing here is that families from the middle to the upper class are mostly educated so they prefer their children to marry somebody who is also educated and as much as possible somebody from the same or higher financial status but again it is never forced , only emphasized from time to time as you are growing up