cold war among partners
@SIMPLYD (90721)
Philippines
October 17, 2011 11:11pm CST
During the early years of our marriage, I would always give my husband a cold war, whenever I get angry with him. For days, I do not speak to him. And when we go to bed, I would not say a word and simply turn my back on him and sleep. I would only mellow, when he makes the first move to reconcile, even if I know that it’s primarily my fault. 
But these days are gone. I now realized that for a marriage to work , it should be that , we get to express what we feel, specially if it’s a negative one. It should not be left bottled up inside you, but should be talked about even if it means exchanging angry words. It would also mean swallowing your pride to do the first move to reconcile.
Nothing will be solved if the matter isn’t talked about and nothing will be lost if I swallow my pride , just to be able to reconcile with my husband.
But these days are gone. I now realized that for a marriage to work , it should be that , we get to express what we feel, specially if it’s a negative one. It should not be left bottled up inside you, but should be talked about even if it means exchanging angry words. It would also mean swallowing your pride to do the first move to reconcile.
Nothing will be solved if the matter isn’t talked about and nothing will be lost if I swallow my pride , just to be able to reconcile with my husband.1 person likes this
11 responses
@shanemae (1025)
• Philippines
18 Oct 11
wow! really great partner.
it's hard to find a guy who would reconcile first.
that would just mean that he loves you dearly.
and true, i am not married yet but there are really times in the relationship that we should talk things over.yes, it's better that you would exchange spicy words than not having these things talked about that would only worsen the situation cause the other might jump into conclusions or think things oppositely from what you are thinking.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
18 Oct 11
Correct! That way, the true problem could be talked about and settled. A cold war would elongate the misunderstanding, because each one thinks the opposite.
I guess, i am just lucky to have a kind husband. 
@shanemae (1025)
• Philippines
18 Oct 11
yes, you are lucky indeed!
and i agree! i had a cold war with my friend before and it became worst over the weeks that passed then we confronted each other i was just so surprised that stories have been messed up by common friends. from then on i realized that problems should be discussed and resolved if possible immediately to avoid complications.
and i agree! i had a cold war with my friend before and it became worst over the weeks that passed then we confronted each other i was just so surprised that stories have been messed up by common friends. from then on i realized that problems should be discussed and resolved if possible immediately to avoid complications.
@SHAMRACK (8576)
• India
18 Oct 11
Dear friend,
Your really lucky to get a husband like that, may be there are lots of partners whose small cold war mostly go even to divorces and even murdering the other. May be pride is big part in it as you noted just swallow it or just not take it out, delete it forever for the partner and family.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
18 Oct 11
Yes, my friend i am lucky that i have a considerate husband.
And yes, pride plays a big part in a marriage's break up. It's really the root of some divorces. They are too proud to forgive each other for their shortcomings.
It's better to swallow our pride to keep the marriage happier and intact.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
19 Oct 11
I totally agree to that airkulet.
I know that a kind husband has his saturation point too. That's why now, i don't do the cold war anymore.
@airkulet (2700)
• Philippines
18 Oct 11
Shamrack is right, don't take advantage at your husband kindness or he will lose and eat up all of his patience. Swallowing our pride doesn't mean that we were lessen our personality, it is just showing that we really want him back and you are willing to forget where it started.
@surekharathi (14146)
• India
18 Oct 11
Hahahha it is necessary to increase the love between husband and wife. I also do this with my sweet, silent, danger, angry husband their eyes so big so they see to me with big eyes and I throw my words by mouth but with in 10 minutes we talk to each other in normal way. Like a good friend. But his anger is danger than me because I angry in every moments so no value of my anger but he anger on few moments and his anger is danger like God also afraid from him ahaha..
it is necessary to increase the love between husband and wife. I also do this with my sweet, silent, danger, angry husband their eyes so big so they see to me with big eyes and I throw my words by mouth but with in 10 minutes we talk to each other in normal way. Like a good friend. But his anger is danger than me because I angry in every moments so no value of my anger but he anger on few moments and his anger is danger like God also afraid from him ahaha..@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
18 Oct 11
But yours is not a cold war, surekha . It's a real war of words.
However, i know it's your way of venting out an anger which would eventually subsides when clarified between the two of you.
However, i know it's your way of venting out an anger which would eventually subsides when clarified between the two of you. @surekharathi (14146)
• India
18 Oct 11
Ohhh my friend no hot fighting I start only cold fighting funny fighting like ohhhhh why you are not heard me I am telling you something then my husband tell okkk tell whats problem then I say hahaha...no problem is a main problem
@clearwater18 (695)
• Philippines
18 Oct 11
For a relationship to work, both must be willing to lower down their pride because marriage wouldn't work if only one person will lower down his pride. At some point, the person will become exhausted with the way things work. Besides, eating up your pride will do you no harm. So, what you did was right. You should be open with each other and express your feelings. If there is a problem, it has to be solved on that day. before you sleep, make sure that the problem is resolved already.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
19 Oct 11
Well, sometimes i would go to bed angry with my husband over something. But when the morning comes, it will be gone and i will just hug him and we're okay.
I realized life is short to be always having a grudge to your husband. Just try to talk it over and compromise. That way, you will both be happy always.
@clearwater18 (695)
• Philippines
20 Oct 11
Life is really too short. So, never hold grudges. Compromising is one of the best ways to handle a conflict. Hoping the best for both you and your husband. Have a happy marriage.
@monilove35 (45)
• United States
18 Oct 11
Simplyd
I use to do these things to ago. My Husband is totally opposite of me I am use to being myself not answering to anyone, well that's suppose to change once you get married. I never considered how he felt or what he had to say. He loved me and I wanted to stop loving him. We had recently gotten together and we got pregnant 2 months later. What away but we made it. I thank God everyday for the difference he has a sense of humor I don't but he has taught me it okay to have laughter. I also learned to swallow my pride and wow what a feeling.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
18 Oct 11
When we set aside our pride and reconcile with our beloved, the happiness is so awesome indeed. And see, you got pregnant after your reconciled again.
They say , "love is sweeter, the second time around".
They say , "love is sweeter, the second time around". 
@aejey322 (1004)
• Philippines
28 Sep 12
Funny but I can relate to that... we are still on our 3rd year now from the first time we lived under one roof. But we were gf/bf for 6 years. But it's different if you are already living together. I also do that whenever I have issues with him. And as a normal attitude of women, we expect them to find out why we are acting like that. But my husband will just ignore me, which makes me feel more furious but when he starts to speak to me, I also return to my normal mood. funny but that's how it is... maybe as we grow more as husband and wives, especially that we are already parents of 2 kids, we will learn to be more open to communications so we can immediately address any concerns.
but when he starts to speak to me, I also return to my normal mood. funny but that's how it is... maybe as we grow more as husband and wives, especially that we are already parents of 2 kids, we will learn to be more open to communications so we can immediately address any concerns. @SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
28 Sep 12
So, you mean until now, you would always give him a cold shoulder or a cold war?
We women, specially when we are still young and just newly married to our spouses, are fond of getting our own way. We would often resort to cold war, because we know that our spouses would eventually be tortured and relent.
However, we shouldn't do that if we want our marriage to grow.
However, we shouldn't do that if we want our marriage to grow.@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
Well, when the baby is around, you have the tendency to talk with each other because you both have responsibility and love for the child. Thus, the cold war will be over because of the baby.
@aejey322 (1004)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
uhmmm honestly yes... 
i still do give him a cold war. but little by little i also did grew up from that stage. I learned how to open up and express my feelings... or to ignore petty things... with babies around, you cannot give time and attention for those things anymore
i still do give him a cold war. but little by little i also did grew up from that stage. I learned how to open up and express my feelings... or to ignore petty things... with babies around, you cannot give time and attention for those things anymore 
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
19 Oct 11
true, i used to give him a cold shoulder but later on regret it because my feelings gets fused up..and i explode which makes it worse. i've learned that if you feel bad, say it, talk about it and let him know and vice versa, in that way it will be better. Me and hubby practices it right now and when one is not in the mood, we agree that the other should understand it or if it can be make it better, when he knows i am grumpy he makes me laugh now or comforts me instead of also being in the bad mood.
i've learned that if you feel bad, say it, talk about it and let him know and vice versa, in that way it will be better. Me and hubby practices it right now and when one is not in the mood, we agree that the other should understand it or if it can be make it better, when he knows i am grumpy he makes me laugh now or comforts me instead of also being in the bad mood. 
@fabsprecious (1565)
• United States
18 Oct 11
I would have to say, that I was probably the same way as you. I probably wouldn't be angry for days, but there were nights in which we went to sleep without saying a word to each other. I would proably have to say that those were the worst nights ever. This was at the beginning of our marriage, but throughout the years, we have learned to talk about our issues and try to resolve them and never go to sleep angry with each other. I honestly can't recall the last time, that happened.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
19 Oct 11
I think everybody goes to that phase of marriage. It's what we call the adjustment period. And over the years of being together we discover on how to deal with problems and also realizes that doing a cold war will really elongate the problem.
It's really nice to recall that those things happen in the past, yet when we look at ourselves now as husbands and wives, we can say that we manage well.
@rose1717 (190)
• United States
19 Oct 11
I think the best advice I have ever gotten was to never go to bed angery. We hardly ever get upset with each other because we usually work it out before it gets to that point, but if we do become upset, we work it out before it is time for bed. My MIL does not believe in doing the same and gives the cold shoulder to her husband a lot. She says that sometimes sleeping on it that she wakes up refreshed with a new perspective on whatever they were fighting about. I don't know about that, they hardly ever talk and avoid each other when possible. Even at Holidays, she would be in one room and him in another. It is very bad so I don't think I would ever what to not talk things out with my husband after seeing how they run their marriage.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
19 Oct 11
I think, your MIL's relationship with his husband is a bit weird. Imagine she in one room , while the husband is in another room. What's their marriage all about - a show only to others that they are still together? Though, when you analyze it, they're not anymore.
I am happy i get rid of doing a cold war.
I am happy i get rid of doing a cold war. 
@safety69 (592)
• Taiwan
18 Oct 11
I always speak up, I dont like to keep things that hurt me inside. I tell him how I feel long before We got marry, I am a very straight person and I like to go to the point and make it very clear. I dont pretend to command the ship by myself we both are in it,so, we have to deal with it. We get angry too for a while, then I swallow my pride and talk to him as normal then he talks back to me , he always talk to me the same way I speak to him, We have kids so, is not good for us to be with no words , that will be bad example for the kids and is not my style.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
19 Oct 11
I also realized that so i mellowed and don;t do that anymore. Life is short to be wasted on cold wars.
@airkulet (2700)
• Philippines
18 Oct 11
Maybe we both have that attitude or maybe every wife does it, waiting for our husband to do the first move before we reconcile. This marriage is a combination of love and sacrifices too, it is also important that we set aside our pride sometimes. If you'll be able to make a move first and ask for a reconciliation maybe it is better than late than losing the man of your love.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
19 Oct 11
I realized that. So, i changed my way because i know there will come a time that my husband might no longer bear my cold war and leave. I don't want that to happen. 
