Where's the respect?
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
Canada
November 7, 2011 11:20am CST
On the weekend, I ran to the dollar store with one of my daughters. As we approached the door, I saw a fellow in a wheelchair sitting there with a bucket on his lap. I said to my daughter, "Got some change on you?" because I only carry my debit card. As we got close to him, I realized the young man was severely mentally handicapped, could not speak or fully raise his head and the bucket was actually strapped to him and his chair. What is wrong with people?! 
He was left there, completely alone, with that collection bucket. It's getting cold here now and, yes, he was in a heavy jacket but still! There was no one with him at all. I asked the cashier nearest the door and she said a couple had placed him there and gone off in the direction of Walmart which is a distance away in the same shopping complex.
I didn't know what to do so, unfortunately, I did nothing... and it is still weighing on me. I've seen this before but often the "donation collector" only appears to be alone and if you walk up to put money in the bucket, their "handler" suddenly appears from a short distance away. This young man was just there in his chair. What if he ran into trouble? What if he got sick or got harassed by someone or someone wanted to come up and steal his money??? He couldn't do a thing to help or defend himself!
I know this is done expressly to play on people's emotions. I know it's intended that we will feel sympathy for the person in the chair and will be more likely to donate - but it's wrong! Where is the respect for those who are disabled or differently abled? What should I have done differently? I've thought today that I should have noted the exact organization for which he was collecting and contacted them and I didn't do that 
What would you have done?
He was left there, completely alone, with that collection bucket. It's getting cold here now and, yes, he was in a heavy jacket but still! There was no one with him at all. I asked the cashier nearest the door and she said a couple had placed him there and gone off in the direction of Walmart which is a distance away in the same shopping complex.
I didn't know what to do so, unfortunately, I did nothing... and it is still weighing on me. I've seen this before but often the "donation collector" only appears to be alone and if you walk up to put money in the bucket, their "handler" suddenly appears from a short distance away. This young man was just there in his chair. What if he ran into trouble? What if he got sick or got harassed by someone or someone wanted to come up and steal his money??? He couldn't do a thing to help or defend himself!
I know this is done expressly to play on people's emotions. I know it's intended that we will feel sympathy for the person in the chair and will be more likely to donate - but it's wrong! Where is the respect for those who are disabled or differently abled? What should I have done differently? I've thought today that I should have noted the exact organization for which he was collecting and contacted them and I didn't do that What would you have done?3 people like this
14 responses
@babykeka80 (2084)
• United States
7 Nov 11
Was it an organization or just a family trying to profit off of a handicap? Either way that is ridiculous. In fact, it was like making a mockery of the gentleman. Besides whoever cared for that man should not have let him be involved. Unfortunately other than contacting the organization I am not sure there was much you could do except maybe contact a local social services agency. This is very disheartening to me. Don't beat yourself up over it though. If they are there next weekend maybe you can take action.
2 people like this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
7 Nov 11
It appeared to be an organization, as best I could tell. There was a paper with a logo and such that was taped onto the bucket... but I didn't bend down to read it :( I don't think it's caring, either, to involve someone in such a practice. I mean, the young man was clearly of legal age (wasn't a child) but he couldn't speak, couldn't raise his head or communicate so I find it a bit inconceivable that he had an opportunity to agree or disagree with doing it. Thanks for your kind words... I just feel disappointed in myself for not doing something more productive. Going back next weekend, though, is a really good idea. THAT much, I can definitely do! I appreciate the suggestion.
1 person likes this
@capirani (2840)
• United States
7 Nov 11
I agree that he should not have been left there alone. Too many things could have happened to him and he would not have been able to protect himself. I think I would have contacted the local social services agency that handles adult abuse and neglect.
As for him not being able to communicate, I prefer to think maybe he has ways of communicating that you or I may have been unable to recognize and it is possible that he agreed to do this. We don't know what goes on in situations like this. But being disabled myself, and having worked in the medical field most of my adult life, I know that there are ways of communicating that disabled people use that the rest of us might not know about.
The thing that disturbs me about this is whether or not this person really was disabled or was it someone acting the part and trying to extort money from good natured peopled like yourself and your daughter.
Most stores in my area anyway require management permission for anyone to raise money from donations either inside or outside the store. You might want to check with the management of the store involved if you see this person out there again.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
7 Nov 11
I completely agree that he may be communicative... as I mentioned elsewhere, my best friend's sister had cerebral palsy and, although she could not speak or eat or do anything on her own, her parents were able to interpret and comprehend at least some of her wishes.
I honestly never thought that this young man could have been faking, capirani. You are right that there are some people in this world that will do anything for money and I know I had one such experience -- I was eating in my college cafeteria and a fellow came in off the street and started out those cards saying he was deaf. He dropped them off at every table and then went back around to collect them and any money people were going to give him. He stood at each table, smiled and held out his hand for cash. Then, he'd move on the next one. At one table, some particularly rude male students called him names I won't repeat here and he turned back to them and made an equally rude gesture in return. In that moment, everyone because aware he was not deaf at all. He left the premises through the nearest exit.
Anyway, in the case of the young man in the wheelchair, I do wonder why the dollar store permitted him being out there. Most businesses in my area have spots inside the store for a table or for other fundraising efforts but they don't allow anyone to congregate around the entrances asking for money. I'll have to speak to someone at the dollar store when I go back to see if he's there again! Thanks you for your views on this... most appreciated :)
@MandaLee (3764)
• United States
7 Nov 11
You are right. I would have contacted the organization. It saddens me when people with disabilities are exploited. Exploitation is wrong. I have a disability. The organization needs to be held accountable for their actions. All people deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
2 people like this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
7 Nov 11
I tend to see these collection efforts only on the weekends around the busiest stores in the area... and the fact that the holidays are coming just increases their efforts. I will pass by the front of the dollar store during the week but I'm thinking my chances are better on the weekend. If I can get the name of an organization, I will definitely pursue it with them. Someone needs to be aware and to monitor the treatment of those involved. There was no dignity for that young man
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
7 Nov 11
I agree, Masihi... I was upset and I think my shock over the situation clouded my mind - I just did nothing productive and that truly bothers me. As a response above suggests, I will definitely pass by that same store and see if he is there again. I will get whatever information I can. The bucket was just white and it had a piece of paper taped to the front of it. It had some kind of logo and just a few lines of type.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
7 Nov 11
Okay, pls keep us updated, it really breaks my heart. I suppose it's because myself and my kids have physical disabilities and my husband is learning disabled. I've been around many other people who were disabled and who suffer from mental illnesses.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
7 Nov 11
It breaks mine, as well. The fact that this young man did not have the ability to speak is what keeps running through my mind. He couldn't have asked for anything at all... no matter what it was. Any volunteer work I've ever done... for the cancer society or the local foodbank, for example... you have to work with a partner or as part of a team. No one is ever left alone. So, either the collection was not for a legitimate organization or the people who were "supposed" to stay with him are truly heartless beings :(
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
9 Nov 11
I certainly felt he was being disrespected and that's just not right. If he agreed to do the fundraising then he deserved to have a companion with him that could ensure he was safe and comfortable and could tend to whatever needs he might have had while he was sitting there.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
7 Nov 11
I would not have given 1 cent. I don't think the money this guy is collecting will be used for him. I think they abuse him to collect money and that couple will use it themselves.
So I would make try to make a chat, say a friendly word, ask if he doesn't feel cold or might buy him a hot drink if he likes. But money, no!
2 people like this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
7 Nov 11
We did not end up donating money, actually, once we got closer and I realized the situation. Unfortunately, it wasn't possible to get any answers from the gentleman himself... he couldn't speak or communicate in any way that I was able to understand. He could only make kind of a groaning sound. Growing up, my best friend's sister had cerebral palsy and it strikes me that this fellow was much like her.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
8 Nov 11
I would feel the same way you do. But honestly I'd be shame to say that I also don't know what to do. We are not even sure if it's only his family doing that to him taking advantage of his condition. Or an organization that puts all their disabled people to certain locations to collect donations. It's just so sad but even if we try to get to the authorities, I think these kids or disabled persons will end up with the hands of these organizations. Unless it's the family's doing such - they would be taken care of some good organization that really helped them and not make them work to collect.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
9 Nov 11
I agree with you enelym001... we see them doing these collections and we have no way to know or understand if they are doing it willingly or being taken advantage of because of their disabilities or conditions. In the case of the young man I saw, I wasn't even been able to ask him because he was unable to speak It appeared to me he was very much being taking advantage of and that just isn't right. I don't think any reputable organization would allow that kind of fundraising to take place in their name.
It appeared to me he was very much being taking advantage of and that just isn't right. I don't think any reputable organization would allow that kind of fundraising to take place in their name.@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
10 Nov 11
so that would mean it's his family doing that to him. that's really bad..
1 person likes this
@Fishmomma (11377)
• United States
7 Nov 11
I wouldn't have donated money, as you mentioned you don't know where the money is really going now. Personally, I would have asked for a manager in the store, as I'm concerned when people aren't being treated right.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
8 Nov 11
I did ask the cashier that was working near the window and it was she that told me he had been dropped off by a couple that had gone away in the direction of the Walmart nearby. Unfortunately, I don't think the store manager would have been able to help because they don't get involved with people that solicit for funds outside the store. There are no signs posted prohibiting the activity so, basically, anyone with a "cause" can stand there and try to collect, as long as they don't stop people from being able to enter the store
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
7 Nov 11
That is really sad. It's hard to say if they were really collecting money for an organization or just for themselves. I would think any organization would have rules against just letting the person there alone. Especially being that he wasn't able to hold the bucket himself. I don't think caring people collection for a real organization would strap a bucket to someone and leave them alone.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
7 Nov 11
I agree with your point of view, ravinskye. I've never been involved with any organization where someone was even ALLOWED to fundraise or work alone. Even collecting door to door for the foodbank in our town, there is a team of people and a driver that follows them on the street to both collect the donations and to ensure their safety. I'm kicking myself now for not reading closer to see what the piece of paper on the donation bucket actually said :(
@Shar19 (8231)
• United States
7 Nov 11
I would probably have felt bad too but there would be nothing I could do. Half of the people that collect these donations aren't even legitimate. Most of the time I just walk on by. I do give to some that I know are reputable like the Salvation Army. I think you just have to go with your gut instinct and mine would say keep walking.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
8 Nov 11
Going forward, I'm going to be much more careful to really understand what the organization is for which the donations are being collected. I admit that I've given away a lot of money over the years and just assumed I was helping a legitimate cause. I'm sure there have been many scams that have benefited 
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
8 Nov 11
It really does bother me when I realize I saw someone in a situation where they were incapable of helping themselves and I didn't do something productive. Maybe it's because I see these fundraising efforts, all the time, outside virtually every business I visit in my town and I simply can't help everyone. I've learned that sometimes I simply have to pass by. I will be much more aware, from now on, of exactly what is taking place.
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
8 Nov 11
There are also like him here in Philippines, like you it also weighs heavily on me..its like i want to help but i do not know how... The government should provide better welfare for them, it is not right..right? but i also do not know how or what to do..
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
8 Nov 11
Yes it's hard to know... I mean, when I can, I really do want to help others who are perhaps less fortunate than myself. I try to donate even a little bit when I have some spare change. I guess I just need to remember the wise advice that people are giving in this discussion that not EVERY fundraiser is legitimate and some are there to prey on your emotions to scam money.
@lisa0502 (1724)
• Canada
7 Nov 11
That is really a sad situation. I have a son that is blind and so I feel for people with disabilities. But this is just re=idiculous. How can a person live with themselves just leaving a person like that? I would have definately looked into who he was collecting for and report it or even called the cops and compained. That is an abusive thing to do. If he can not fend for himself then it should be changed. Maybe it is just family and maybe the man would be better suited with someone else who would take care of him. I would keep an eye out for him again and report it.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
7 Nov 11
I'm going to do my best to find out the organization -- if there even IS one. As others have suggested, the whole thing could have been a scam and maybe people were trying to get money for themselves. The man definitely couldn't fend for himself... he couldn't speak and certainly couldn't have gotten out of the chair. Throughout the holiday season, these kinds of money collections happen a lot more often and I am going to be a lot more aware of what I see from now on.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
7 Nov 11
That is really sad. It's easy to say from behind our computers that we would have done this or that differently but if I was as shocked as you to see that which I would have been I don't know if I would have thought to do anything either. =( It is a terrible thing that they are doing to him and they should be ashamed, not you. If you see it again, then do something like report them. I understand where you were coming from in the situation at the time...It is so sad that people are that concerned about money that they could do something like that to someone. Money is the root of all evil, so true!
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
8 Nov 11
I agree with everything you've said, LovingMyBabies! I really was shocked and I found myself thinking that whoever was with him would be coming back any second. But, he was alone when I entered the store, I did my shopping and came back out and he was still alone :( I'm definitely going to drive by there again, just to see if I see him, so I can get an idea of what organization he's supposed to be working for... and then I'll see if there's someone I can call. I honestly never even thought that it could be a scam either, like some people have mentioned! Heartbreaking :(
@rmendoza123 (637)
• Philippines
8 Nov 11
So irresponsible parents, that they left their son alone. Knowing that he is impaired.
I think you should have reported it to the police so that his parents will be charged.
People nowadays are becoming so insensitive, that they only care about money. They are so greed that they don't even think of their children or family.
1 person likes this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
8 Nov 11
I really do wonder who was charged with taking care of him that day... perhaps his family, perhaps the organization he was supposedly raising money for? You are right... money drives people to do things that we sometimes cannot comprehend. In this case, to see someone using this young man in that manner was really heartbreaking Even if he has the capacity to agree to such an activity, he should still not have been left completely alone with no support at all.
Even if he has the capacity to agree to such an activity, he should still not have been left completely alone with no support at all.