Are you a possessive friend?
By ajpa23
@ajpa23 (92)
Philippines
November 8, 2011 5:31am CST
There are times when I feel "possessive" of my friends, especially when it comes to my best friend. I don't show it that much but there's always a feeling that I want to be with my close friend as much as possible. My best friend always likes to have someone around her. If she's going out, she always ask me to go with her even though I live quite far from her place. Her family knows me and I hang-out too much at their house, it feels like a second home. When she got into a relationship, I supported her all the way though I missed her a lot. Jealous of her relationship? Maybe not. Jealous of the person with her? A little bit though that person is also my friend so it's kinda okay. When I think about it now, it seems that I wanted her to continue depending on me. I'm not the ideal friend who will tell her to stop and stand on her own. Maybe I'm just selfish or maybe I'm afraid to lose my spot in her life. It's weird. I can't really explain it. Anyways, how about you? Have you felt/experienced something like this?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
8 Nov 11
Yes for some time in my life, I feel I have been a possessive friend. I don't make them feel that I am jealous - but I was. When she already had a boyfriend I feel that I won't always be the one beside her or walking with her, because it must be the boyfriend who supposed to be with her. When we were in highschool, some classmates teased that we're lesbians because we two are always together and the closest. Even though there are other classmates, it's the two of us who always hang out a lot or walk together a lot even walking holding hands everytime (it's normal for girls right). She became my best friend but she already have a family now and we rarely see each other.
When I met a new friend and became close, it's still the same me. always wants that I am closer with my friend and gets jealousy whenever she becomes little close to someone else. Maybe that word really describes me - I am possesive
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
8 Nov 11
That's really odd when people gives meaning to real friendship with attachments with one another. We laughed about such remarks from our classmate and even point at each other, we tell them she's the lesbian, I am the girl. That's very funny, I clearly remember those times... you got me reminiscing. We both still meet each other, since I am the godmom of her cutie baby
We're still bestfriends and even when we don't have a lot of times to hang out with each other, I think we will be bestfriends til we're old.
We're still bestfriends and even when we don't have a lot of times to hang out with each other, I think we will be bestfriends til we're old.@ajpa23 (92)
• Philippines
8 Nov 11
Right! It's downright odd. The lesbian remarks are funny but my other friends brought it to an extreme. There came a time when they suggested that maybe I should "keep away" from my best friend. It may be joke or something but it made me so sad to hear that. Anyways, I didn't tell my friend about it since I was kinda embarrassed to bring out the topic. In the end, the relationship of my best friend and my other friend (who became a close friend during and after their relationship) ended and it's not on good terms. So, at the end, I was caught between the two...like a third party. Haha. Of course, I supported my best friend.
I hope that we'll still be friends in the future just like you and your best friend.
@ajpa23 (92)
• Philippines
8 Nov 11
Oh. That's the same for me. Even our other friends thought that we were lesbians cause we're too close. They often tease me about it, unrequited love or something, which is really funny. It made me think too. Maybe it's possible but whenever I think about "being in love" with my girl friend, it doesn't feel right at all. I just want to be beside her and receive her hugs. :) She's still my best friend but she's in medical school now, far from me. I miss having her company but at least we still try to meet at least once a month.
@bhimbhim (13)
• Philippines
8 Nov 11
Hello ajpa23! I too is some kinda sort of like that. I can relate to what you feel. There are even times that I felt neglected when my close friends couldn't include me with their chats. But I tried my best to overcome the feeling 'coz I know that it's not right.I made efforts to divert my attention to some other works so I couldn't see them having fun without me. In terms of support...I am that kind who give my best and all that I can do just to make my friends happy and be satisfied with my assistance. When neglected? I felt hurt...really...but I just kept it to myself. Who knows, it might be unintentionally done...
@ajpa23 (92)
• Philippines
8 Nov 11
I understand what you mean. It really hurts a lot when you feel neglected by your friends, even unintentionally. And the thing is you can't really show how much it hurts because they might see you as too sensitive or too possessive. Maybe there's a problem with our personality. We care TOO much. I don't regret caring too much for my friends because I want to be cared like this.
@bhimbhim (13)
• Philippines
9 Nov 11
You're right. Me too...i don't regret if i care too much for my friends. That's what I am and what I want to do. I care without expecting anything in return. In fact, I have this friend whom I am so close with even if I know that he/she has his personal motive in making friends with me (hehe...i sensed it) yet we're still close 'coz I feel happy once he/she is satisfied with the assistance I extended to him/her. But that's beyond the "possessive" topic now...hehe, just sharing with you the kind of friend I am.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
10 Nov 11
I think i am a possessive friend. hehe i remember i felt jealous before when my bestfriend had a boyfriend because she never had time for me anymore. but i realized that well, the friendship added another person in the picture which is more fun. and so on. I guess sometimes we would be thinking too much but then we would realize eventually we'd be fine not to overly react.
@ajpa23 (92)
• Philippines
10 Nov 11
I think jealousy or possessiveness is an initial reaction. We know that it's not right but we can't help but feel it. Gradually, we begin to accept these changes but there's still the initial reaction, which could last for short/long periods. It depends on the person and the situation as well.
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
8 Nov 11
Totally understand what you are saying. That is why I don't have any more close friends now. I am too possessive you know even who is the partner of her life, I want to know and get along. Some people say I am lesbian but I am not.
@ajpa23 (92)
• Philippines
8 Nov 11
Don't close yourself from experiencing deep friendships again. We might be considered possessive but I think that out of the billion people in the world, there's sure to be one who will understand that our possessiveness is a symbol of how important he/she is.
@EdnaReyes (2622)
• Philippines
10 Nov 11
yes, we tend to be possessive of someone who is dear to us . It may sound illogical and abnormal but who cares? i do feel the same way with you with some of my friends. I got this friend who is leaving and would start a new life in a stranger land and i am worried for her. But my consolation is my prayers are always with her. I think that's enough to pacify my worrying about her.
@ajpa23 (92)
• Philippines
10 Nov 11
I agree. It's really illogical. In the case of your friend, I hope for the best to any of her endeavors. Prayers help a lot. There would be a lot of adjustments for both of you so I hope that in the end, you'll be able to have a friendship that can withstand time and distance.
@shanemae (1025)
• Philippines
8 Nov 11
hi ajpa!
even if you have a hard time explaining the feeling i know what it is! trust me, i am a jealous friend too! well, worst when i was a bit younger.
i just want my circle of friends to be just with me and never to befriend someone who is not part of the group.
worst thing is that before i get jealous when one of us is really close with the other.
i do not know, maybe there was something wrong with me then.
but good thing i have changed. i have learned to share things.
you know it's not too late to have a change too!
@megamatt (14292)
• United States
8 Nov 11
No I am not this type of friend. Possessive friends tend to be a little too dedicated to their friendship for my liking. There are just going to be a lot of times where I am going to want some space. Actually I am glad that most of my friends do in fact understand and quite frankly they do respect the fact that I am going to need all kinds of space and it is going to be something that is going to give me some degree of breathing room.
Yet there are times where friends seemed to be want me a bit too often. It's almost like they were afraid that they would lose my friendship if they were out of my sight for more than a few minutes. I think that a lot of people are paranoid because of that fact. There are just many times where people don't get that we do have lives outside of them. Friends can and are good. But they can be just a little bit too friendly.
@clearwater18 (695)
• Philippines
9 Nov 11
No, I'm not really that kind of a person. If my friends are busy with something, then I would just try to understand them. I do try to catch up with them through calling them on the phone or perhaps texting them. Don't worry too much. You will not lose her as a friend. Just try to keep your communication with her and in that way, for sure, you'll remain friends for life.
@jennastewart2482 (357)
• United States
9 Nov 11
I'm not a possessive friend at all, however my best friend is SUPER possessive and gets jealous very easily. We are both married, but I have children. She doesn't understand that I want to spend time with them since I work and they go to school I only get to see them for a few hours each day. She will invite me to go places and do stuff but truthfully I either don't have the energy to go or I want to spend time with my family. She gets so mad at me when I don't go with her. It's gotten so bad that now, we barely speak because of it.
@discussminu (108)
• India
8 Nov 11
It always happens to every normal person I suppose. Whenever you have someone very close to you, you kind of start feeling vey protective and possessive of them. I happen to have my best friend as my room-mate. We always hangout together. We share all of our experiences. We tell each other what happened in the office as well. But whenever I feel that she is communicating with someone more than with me, I feel kind of left alone. I totally understand, what you might be feeling.
