confused about current boyfriend..
By phoenix1344
@phoenix1344 (698)
United States
December 5, 2011 12:23pm CST
So I've been with my boyfriend now for 2 1/2 months. The way we met is super sweet, I work at Walmart and he was a customer one night and ended up giving me his number. Pretty much within a couple weeks we went on our first date, shared our first kiss and slowly slid into a beginning relationship.
A little bit of background.. I'm 22 and he's 31. I hardly even noticed the age difference. I had been single for 6 months prior and he had been single I think for a couple years. He treats me really well, he's a gentleman and always pays, he's affectionate, funny, personable, protective, and even pushes me to use my voice when I've always had bf's who would drown out that voice.
The only problem is my emotions are kind of all across the board. There days I'm just happy and content with him while other days I pick my feelings apart and why I love him if I even love him. It's so frustrating not having that consistancy. I'm sure some of that has to do with dealing with last relationship issues. My last relationship that ended 8 months ago lasted for 5 years and was incredibly unhealthy.
But also my boyfriend now can be so immature. Really its just him being playful which sometimes its charming but other times just gets on my nerves. I don't want to try and change him, its part of who he is.. but maybe just curb some of that immaturity? Is that wrong to ask of him? Because there are things he says and does sometimes.. both in public or just between the two of us that embarrasses me... And I feel bad that it does.. but I can't help it either.
There are times though I can see a future with him and I think its more when his mature side balances out more evenly with his playful side. But how do I bring that up?? Now I'm just questioning my feelings altogether and I hate it. I just want to be happy -_- any advice would help a lot.
10 responses
@phoenix1344 (698)
• United States
5 Dec 11
That's true.. it is early and its not like my first instinct is to end it. I just hate having my feelings all over the place. Overall the relationship itself is going smoothly which in all honesty is a first for me. I'm so used to bad relationships that good ones just seem tobeasy I guess.
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
6 Dec 11
What's the rest of his life like in respect to maturity? Is he where a 31 year old should be in his life of is he really immature with bigger things? Does he live at home etc? If it's just a lame sense of humor I wouldn't worry too much, but if he's really immature in general then it may be a problem. If you're 22 and he's 31 but he acts too immature for you then that's probably not a good situation. But if he just tells lame jokes and thinks farts are hilarious then it's probably easy enough to work out, especially if you really like everything else about him.
Just don't laugh or reciprocate when he's being goofy and it's too much. If he still doesn't get it then you may have to just start telling him that you don't find what he's doing funny and that it bothers you. If you do it nicely then he shouldn't be offended and he should be happy that you spoke up. Chances are he's a little nervous too since it's such a new relationship and any indication of what he's doing right or wrong will be appreciated (as long as it isn't constant harping or nagging, obviously). And that's the other side, make sure you tell him about the things he does or says that you love too.
And above all else, stop thinking. Just enjoy it and try not to let yourself deconstruct it. I know it's hard, definitely easier said than done, but if you can do it then you'll probably enjoy yourself and your man a lot more :)
@adhyz82 (36249)
• Indonesia
6 Dec 11
i think you give him more time about your relationship..
if you are not mature, he must be mature...
if he is now immature, you must be mature...
the requirement is both of you must love each other..
iam confused, which part do you say that your boyfriend is immature??
@pentagan12 (757)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
Hello phoenix. I have read your discussion so well and I'm trying to understand what your relationship has been going through in order to help you somehow by giving a sort of advice. Well, I'm not really V good adviser but just want to share a bit of my experience with you. With more than 8 years of relationship (and still counting) with my boyfriend, I can say that we also went through that phase before. Every relationship has its ups and downs. It's normal not to like everything about a person. What really matters most is that you try to respect and understand each other. There is no perfect relationship nor a perfect person so never expect him to be someone you want him to be. Yes, you can try to ask him to change a little of his attitude and I'm pretty sure that if he does love you, he will be willing to change for the betterment of your relationship. But take note, never ask him to really change his entire personality because that would really be impossible. If you love him, accept him for who he is but help him build his personality to make your relationship last. I hope this piece of advice somehow help you lessen your emotional burden as of this moment. :)
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
6 Dec 11
I think this happens a lot. My husband is 4 years older than I am but I find him to be more immature than I am at times. He is a little goofy, but because I am in love with him I find it cute and when it annoys me I just ignore it.
Once you have been with him longer if that is what you choose, you will know when you fall in love because those things that annoy you now will no longer annoy you about him...
I know that happened with my relationship and my sister's relationship too! Lol. I think right now it is too early to tell though. If that is your only complaint with him then you might have a KEEPER!! Him treating you well is the most important thing. We all have flaws and we all have to ignore our partner's flaws at times...
I hope I have helped you some! =)
@post2sawa (88)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
you were just in a get to know each other stage of relationship it is still too early to tell what might happen. All i can say is get to know him better let him act on his natural attitude don't try to change him this early, time will come you'll see that because you love this man you can whole heartedly accept him of what and who he was.
@soulist (2985)
• United States
5 Dec 11
Its somewhat of a guy thing to do things that can be seen as childish sometimes. my boyfriend does alot of things that is embarassing but I love him dearly. Like the first poster said 2 1/2 months is soon to judge a person and honestly to think you love him especially at a young age.
I personally think 6 months after a 5 year relationship ending is too soon to be in another relationship. I waited a year before I entered another relationship after a 4 year one ended, even though that relationship was unhealthy as well. You need time to sort out your own emotions and decide who you are without someone. if you are 22 and were in a 5 year relationship I don't think you had enough to time to learn everything you can about who you are as a single person.
@SydneyHazelton (4586)
• Singapore
6 Dec 11
Your relationship is rather new. It's hard to know at this point in time whether you will have a lasting relationship with him. You are beginning to learn who he is and assessing whether you would be able to accept him for who he is, that is why you have all these inconsistency in your feelings.
If something he does is annoying you and if it happens often, you may have a big challenge. There will always be two sides to a person. We all do. You need a lot of patience and give-and-take in any relationship. If the issue does not matter five years down the road, I would let it go. This is something I learn lately and it allows me to let go of nitty gritty matters.
@Genericbe (1376)
• Philippines
6 Dec 11
In any ended relationship very normal that they do feel having many confusions. What more if in your case with last relationship had existed for 5 years and lasted 8 months ago? the greater confusions will come either you have boyfriend or not. Especially when you have experienced an unhealthy past relationship. This only means, in your confusions you need more time to recover and start all again. Though you have founded someone to replace over your past, it is not just a physical healing but more of emotional healing for yourself to understand and accept how lucky you are right now having someone there watching over you. Your relationship now is to fast to predict what will happen next in your affair, just let yourself be healed and give this guy a many chances to show what his real intentions and carry those good things you really wanted to have a relationship. Tell your true feeling with your guy now for he can understand you and may help you in this stage of your recovery. I guess if he really love you truly, his personalities like immaturity will be changed because of you. Knowing in himself that you give him many reasons to be inspired in life together with you. With this, you will be happy and living a very contented life. Our God do give many great blessing for us, same as you, he gave you someone there because he wanted you to be happy and the rest of it will depend on you..
Have a great time here and many more blessings in love-affair relationship. DO not worry, true love comes in many unexpected and ordinary ways.
@ShyBear88 (59347)
• Sterling, Virginia
5 Dec 11
Well welcome to the club my husband is the same way. I don't know why I love him but I do. I suggestion just calmly telling him your feelings. The key to all relationships is communication, trust and loyaty. I just tell my husband I don't tell binges beig childish I just tell him baby I'm sorry but some times that just an lupus me can you try to cut back on that for me.
