I want to spend my life alone.

Your post made for beautiful reading and definitely inspired philosophical thoughts. I think you really hit the nail on the head when you mentioned that people aren't important at all. It's sad, but it's also truth. The only true necessity in life seems to be oneself and the capacity for rational thought so one may be self sufficient. Having friends and just having people around is nice, but not necessary. There are also the differences between individuals...some people find solitude terrifying, while other find it gorgeous and captivating. I have never felt an emotion so attractive and intense as that feeling of solitude, so I fall in the latter category. Just the feeling itself seems like it puts your mind in a different state and causes the imagination and nostalgia to flow...of course, that may just be me! By the way, you described yourself as strange and somewhat less than human...and I find that fascinating. People who can describe themselves in such a way tend to be the most beautiful of people, if only because they embrace individuality. I would rather be a Quasimodo of sorts than be normal, for example; having that self identity is so, so very important. I never want to be confused with anyone else, personally, and if I considered myself normal, that would be a hard thing to avoid.

You mustn't praise me in this way; I might begin to like people after all. I don't really mean that; and I don't take it as a compliment. I find it a solace of sorts, to know that there are others who think in this way. The world may not think you a happy person, but for a true definition of happiness, one can do no better than turn to you. And your comment on being considered "normal" is something special. I read on someones T-shirt once, I'm not sure if I have the wording right, saying "I'm afraid of being normal," or something like that. This is exactly it. What is normal? And do we really want to be what the world considers to be normal? Thank you for your comment. May you continue to be an individual, rather than a normal person.

Did I mention I'm an atheist in this discussion? I guess you have noticed me well. I have and had friends, though I didn't make many. It is now that I realize that I didn't want to make many friends, but the ones I have, are the ones anyone could ever wish for. If you had known me a few years ago, like around 6-7, (Though the struggle had already started), no one would've ever known that it would turn out like this. The past few years have been traumatic. Did I want my life to be this way? Absolutely, NO. When I go out (rarely), I love to see happy faces of people my age enjoying their life with their friends to the fullest. Which guy doesn't want that? Who doesn't want to be happy? I certainly do. I wasn't the antisocial character that people say I am. I was a fun loving kid, funny, kiddish, enjoying life, friends etc; though I was a little conservative and introverted from the start. Now, I just keep to myself. When I am with my friends, I pretend to be enjoying but I know that they realize that I am not. And taking about strange, I am the odd ball of our society. So much so, that I am bullied by people at 20. It has gotten a little better for people have started to think I am a psycho maniac and they don't really mess with me (I haven't done anything as such), people who know me, know that I'm not. I'm not afraid of being alone, I have seen both sides of life. But through time, one thing that I have realized is that the only companion you have is YOU. The lesser attachments you have, the better. Because when you are having a tough time, you don't have an option to fall back upon. People say that god is with them, they have friends, family, I have myself. And it gives me the strength to fight my way out of a situation. I used to believe that some people always love and care for you. I loved my mother the most, but a few things that she said filled my heart with cold bitterness for her. I still love her, but not like I used to. So, I want to enjoy life, you don't live seven lives, you just live once. I want to enjoy it to the fullest, but even if I don't, I have no problems being alone and enjoying the person's company that I enjoy the most - myself.

Desperate? Didn't you find a better word for the situation? And no, I do not believe in God, as you must've expected.

Yup, me too. I don't necessarily need a husband, but I definitely want to have lots of kids and grandkids! I think dying surrounded by family is the ideal way to go!