Do you feel like your the loser?

As a therapist, I would say that feeling like a loser can be used to a person's advantage. Yes, I did feel like a loser as a child because I used to day-dream a lot. I used to be staring out of the window in lessons and getting bad reports about my academic abilities constantly being sent home to my parents, who would then lay into me, telling me to wake up etc. etc. The things I used to think about were the things that I loved to do, like playing music etc. I then became a musician for around 12 years and was very busy with free-lance work. Then I met somebody, got married and had a home of our own. About 12 years on, work got very bad for musicians because "canned" (recorded) music was taking over and was far cheaper for clubs than employing musicians. I had to re-train and I had always been fascinating by the way my own mind had worked, so I went back to college and got qualified as a registered therapist. I wanted to do it, and had long since stopped thinking about winning and losing.. If we feel a problem or even a loswer with one thing, we can look at another thing and really excel at it. But we need to stop thinking in terms of winning and losing, because everybody wins at one thing, and everybody will lose at another. _Derek

some day or a time does come in everyones life when such a feel does occur and feel that the world is gaining and we are losing.If the world gains then at the same time we also gain.Okay if when compared to the family we feel that we are the losers then one day comes when everyone will feel that we do gain something.

Yes, that's exactly how I feel, and to this day I still don't feel accepted by my 2 foster families, and I don't feel accepted in church or generally in society as well. It's frustrating. And yes I do try to prove myself and learn new skills as often as I can but it's like no matter how hard I try I feel like I"m not good enough. I'm more of a loser than you are, I'm pretty sure of that. sorry, I know I sound depressing, sorry....

These are difficult times (financially) and what your family should be doing is supporting you, not looking down on you. You want to improve your situation which is the most important thing and I am sure you will, given time.

I used to feel that way when my parents were alive, and before I became a nurse. I heard day in and day out that I would never amount to anything. I went to nursing school though and became a nurse. My mom always wanted to be a nurse, but felt she was too old. She was a certified nursing assistant, and she was very good at what she did. She worked in the ICU, and she wanted me to be more than her. They stopped putting me down when I became a nurse. When I was her boss and she was working on my floor, or when she became a ward clerk when she couldn’t work as an aide anymore.. she was always pleased to work under me. I used to always feel inferior… but I don’t anymore. I don’t work as a nurse anymore because I am retired, but I know I have done a lot with my life, and I have helped people with my health columns. I used my nursing knowledge to do a lot of health and wellness … as well as disease and conditions articles. I don’t do as much now due to health problems… but I don’t feel like a loser.

no i do not feel that i am the loser one of the family because i am doing a lot of things in my life personally and professionally. indeed no one in his life is a loser neither you nor me. and atlest from my point of view you cannot be a loser because a loser never made commitment that they have not do anythings in life they do not commit that they will not get in their life. you are talking like this may be because life have teached you so many lessons in life, just wait and watch some more mistakes and lessons are coming your ways.

Hi Miss.. I feel that you have written what I have been feeling about myself for such a long time... I am indeed the poorest one and loser.. I lost all my money because of my ex girl... She swiped the lot and ditched me... Since then, I have been living the life of a loser... I know I must show them that I am not a loser and I strive badly to do it... I hope we will be successful... TAke care... Good Luck!

Oh yes, I'd definitely put myself in the category of the "loser" in the family. And in my extended family I believe they would see it the same way. It's kind of like looking at a picture and asking, which of these does not belong? I've got parents with Master degrees (both parents got degrees late in life, and mom now has dementia so a lot of good that did), and a sister who had her Masters by the time she was 21. She's now married to a guy who is not rich, but well off. And then there is me. The one on disability. The one who had to drop out of college because of health issues. I'm definitely the loser.

No I don't feel like the loser in my family and I don't think you should either.....I am sure there are many accomplishments you share with your husband! You just aren't looking for them....just because you don't have a house or are famous doesn't make you a loser...

I have had these feelings, and they still try to come back but I refuse to look at myself that way. I may not have what others have, I may not be doing as good as they are, but I am a child of God and that is important to me. I read the Word, I study the Word, and it renews my mind and my thoughts. I too have struggled, and now I can claim it but I am not. Things could be going better for me, and they could be gong worse, but with the grace of God I am waiting for my breakthrough. May God bless us all.

I'm the youngest in my family so yes, with older brothers who are successful and all that stuff, I've felt like that, too. I sometimes wonder how they see me and suspect it's with rolling eyes and shaking head. But I've stopped caring about it so much, to be honest. They probably all think the same thing about how I see them. Sure, I've done some stupid things and been through some tough times and there are some embarrassments in my past I'd really rather forget but in the end, I'm who I am, I do what I do and it doesn't hurt anybody. I'm pretty happy with the little goals I set myself and achieve. Who cares what anyone else thinks if you're happy with who you are?

I don't feel like i'm the loser of my family and neither does my husband. We aren't rich but there are family members who are in worse shape than we are. For my husband though it is very hard because he wants us to be doing so much better. I know what things are truly important to me so I "try" not to be concerned with what others are thinking or feeling. It's not always easy at times I do get down and wish that we had more or could earn more. My husband struggles with wanting to prove to himself what he is capable of doing. So I'm working to try and support that. He's planning on starting premed next year. If you are happy with what you and your family are doing then that is great. If you want to do more or do something different then do it for yourself and because that is what you want to do. I often appreciate the quote "no one can make us feel inferior unless we give them permission too." So hang in there and do what things you want to do. It's not that easy to be successful in certain ways especially when so many things cost ex:college and student loans. Whatever you decide I hope the best for you and your family.

Yeah i totally feel like a loser...my parents always tell me to watch and learn from my sis...and they always look down on me... like...im a freak who wont be able to live upto their expectations...i used to lock my room and cry...

hi lovingmybabies, thinking you're a loser will only make you feel really a loser. Don't waste your time thinking about other people. They also have problems to solve. You've been through tough times to make you stronger and tougher for your family. So i hope that whatever comes in your life, fully accept them because i know you can make it. And you don't have to prove anything to anybody.

Yes, sometimes I do. I have one sister, and she is VERY successful, smart, pretty, she has it all. Her husband is the same, very successful, intelligent, etc. They have a very happy marriage and two wonderful children. Me, on the other hand, just announced I'm getting divorced, and have no children. I also have no money, and am constantly struggling. So, yes, I do feel like that. I don't know if my other family members think of me that way, but, I can't help but think I'm kind of a loser.

This is exactly how I feel! I'm divorced and that's only one of the ways in which I feel like a loser compared to my siblings. I would love to be able to prove them wrong but at the same time I feel like if I started becoming successful at something their attitude would be something like "look, she's finally getting her act together and making something of herself," or the slightly more positive, but patronizing "I'm proud of her for working so hard to overcome her problems." In other words, in their eyes, I would still be the FORMER loser and not as "good" as they are. So MY attitude about their potential reaction kind of holds me back a bit because I'd feel I was "obeying" them somehow, rather than doing it for myself.

Are you sure that that is your family and not YOU. Sometimes we feel badly about our lot in life and think others are thinking the same way. Families should love you regardless of what your place is in this life. They feel happy for you regardless. I always did what i wanted with my life. My mother told me she was proud of me when i got my job at the telephone company and that she envied me when I went on the road with the carnival. She was happy with me regardless.

I know how you feel. You are not losers. You are living the life that the 2 of you have built. Sounds like you are just getting a slow start. Take things slowly, make small goals, try and reach those goals. Budget your money, do things that don't cost anything so you can save, and before you know it you will both be successful. We were well off for several years then went through hard times, then things got better for many years and now when it is close to retirement things have become the worst that they ever were. We just have to take everything in stride. After all with this economy, it is hard to get ahead for just about everyone right now. When you are raising a family it can be very difficult. Hold your heads up, you 2 have each other and that is a Win Win situation. Hugs

Hi, Loving, your worries produced an amazing discussion, so many people wanted to share stories about their lives. I didn't feel bad in my family because I was the only child. But I can compare myself to friends and other people who are doing much better than me. When I got married and had a child I already had a profession but I worked in another town. I had to leave my job and become a housekeeper like you - not because I had a big family but because I couldn't find a job in my town. My husband passed away when my daughter was six year old. Then I abandoned my profession, took the first opportunity to work and lost the chance to find another companion in my life. About 20 years later I have a grown up daughter, an old apartment bought by my grand father and a lousy paid job. When my daughter was a little kid she asked me once: Mum, are we poor? Yes, we are, but I don't want to feel like this. And you are not a loser because you have a wonderful family and you are the dear mum of your children. Don't think about the wealth of others in your family, think about the happiness that you can have even without so much money.