What to do if someone near you want to borrow your money?
By reinykwan
@reinykwan (350)
Indonesia
February 8, 2012 9:32am CST
Dear mylotter friends..
I Just have a friend who want to borrow some money from me, he know that I have enough money as he require. I often lend the money to him, but he return it too slow even some money not paid. Should I always let him to borrow my money? or you think I need to take action and being bit strict to him? sometimes I feel he is pity.. what to do??
6 people like this
42 responses
@prospectboy (754)
• United States
8 Feb 12
Hi reinykwan. The biggest red flag that I saw in your post is that some of the money you have loaned to him has not been paid back. I personally don't think you should always lend him money if he isn't going to do right by you and pay it back. I understand that you feel pity for him, but you are not being too strict. Sometimes we have to say no to others, even the ones we care about. Best wishes to you.
1 person likes this
@prospectboy (754)
• United States
9 Feb 12
You are definitely a great person and special individual reiny. I know it's hard to say no sometimes, and I struggle with it a lot myself. However, don't let people take your kindness for weakness. Let me know that if they continue to use you, they will end up losing you. I hope your friend learns to manage his money better also. I don't believe money should come between a good friendship, but a real friend wouldn't use you. I wish you all the best.
@reinykwan (350)
• Indonesia
9 Feb 12
hi friend.. sometimes, I want to say no to him, but seeking his innocent face, then I can't say no, I only try to avoid him when he coming to me. As his friend I only hope he can manage his money well and do them wisely.
@Olleenz (3398)
• Indonesia
8 Feb 12
We must always careful when we lend money to someone.
You already got lesson in the past that your friend always slow returning your money and some of them not even paid. That bad sign. You not to be strict. If he asked again, ask him to give you guarantee (but not just a word). If he can't give it to you ..... said to him "go to hell"
You are not his bank account ....
@reinykwan (350)
• Indonesia
9 Feb 12
hahaha thanks for your advise, if your family such as your husband/wife, brother, sister or cousin, would you say that? be honest.. I can but I would not.. but you're right, I'm not his bank account.
1 person likes this
@reinykwan (350)
• Indonesia
11 Feb 12
hmm I'm not kind of that.. I always think about people around me, maybe it's good or bad point of me, I hope if I let them borrow money from me didn't make them being a lazy person.
@thetis74 (1525)
•
8 Feb 12
That also happened to me. And I decided not to lend these kind of people some of my money. Money nowadays is very hard to find. If he keeps on borrowing and not heartfully think that he needs to pay you then I guess it is time for you to stop lending him some. I cannot judge him though especially if he uses the money for important purposes, say for example to buy food or medicine. But still, I think people should not abuse their friends. I think that, if he is not being grateful with your help, I think it is time for you to save it. And that he also should try some effort to find himself his own money for spending.
You can just tell him that I could only lend you again if you pay what you have borrowed before.
But still, it is your decision. We always pity friends when they need money. But for me, I make sure the money borrowed from me is for a dire need.
@reinykwan (350)
• Indonesia
11 Feb 12
yeah I try to thinking about it, let him to borrow my money is not a good thing since it can make a habbit to him. Sometimes I also be fooled by his cunning..
@jkct02 (2874)
• Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia
8 Feb 12
If he is pitiful, you should keep on lending money to him if you have a soft heart and really don't mind if he is going to pay you back. If he knows that you have enough money for him, it may mean that he is quite close to you. So, I think it is hard for you to say no if you feel sorry for him. But he does pay you back the money albeit a bit slow. It's your money and he is your friend. Perhaps the best you can do is to limit the money to lend, and if you know the cause, help him out. Let him know that your resources are not that high. You can only help to a certain degree.
@reinykwan (350)
• Indonesia
11 Feb 12
as a best friend we are really close, that's why he will not hestitate to borrow some money from me, you can imagine how close we are? that's really hard to say no.. It's really confusing me, I hope I can help him as I can. but not in money but in the right attitude
@zaahro (748)
• Indonesia
8 Feb 12
Hii reinykwan...:)
Well you have been very good to him but he doesn't see it. He gets more kindness than what he deserves. You need to give him a punishment. Stop lending him your money, he has to do some efforts if he wants money. Tell him slowly and give him some reasons like you need to save more money for your goals or you need to pay some extra bills. If he can't be told in a nice way, just get over it in a bad way.
It is okay to feel pity, but it has a border how far you can be good to him. If you let him to do this for a long time, you teach him to be a bad guy. Remember it.
@reinykwan (350)
• Indonesia
11 Feb 12
I think so, I learn to teach him to be a good guy by saving his money, he has bad habbit, he like branded things that makes him extravagant. It's should be stop right now.. I starting by tell him slowly but if he can not change, I will ignore him.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
8 Feb 12
well, it really is your decision... but judging from your post, i personally won't lend him the money again because as you mention, he is slow in paying back and some of your money hasn't even been paid back yet... i don't like people who make empty promises... it just shows that they can't be trusted... and i won't lend my money to people whom i can't trust... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
8 Feb 12
After a few times, I would stop lending money. It doesn't have anything to do with whether you have the money - what if you had other plans for the money?
It doesn't help him to always be borrowing money, either.
I guess I would still do it if it was because he didn't have food or medicine for his kids, though.
1 person likes this
@anne25penn (3305)
• Philippines
9 Feb 12
It's hard to say no to some people especially if they are your close friends. But if your friend has had a history already of not being able to pay on time or pay at all, then it is about time to say no. Also think of it this way, you are not helping this person. I never believed in borrowing money and I have never borrowed money from anyone. It saves me the embarrassment of asking, and the same embarrassment when I cannot pay back. I do lend money to friends who really need it, but more often I decline.
Do you know that when you say no to a person borrowing money from you, you are actually helping that person more? If like your friend who may have a lot of debts already (not just with you) if you say no, you will not add to his debts that he needs to pay. I would rather talk to this person and have him focus on managing his money more rather than spending more time and energy trying to find where he can borrow money.
@anne25penn (3305)
• Philippines
10 Feb 12
When a person keeps borrowing money, it says a lot about how that person handles their finances. I know some people who borrow money, then borrow again from someone else just to pay for that initial debt. Then since they borrowed money to pay for the debt, they will then have to look around as to where to borrow again to pay it and it becomes a vicious cycle. I grew up where my parents were constantly fighting because of money and we were so poor and my father was already blacklisted amongst banks, so was my mom. My father had a gambling problem and had gambled his inheritance away and when that was gone since he was second generation Chinese, he had a lot of connections so he had a lot of resources when it comes to getting money. But he gambled it all away, so I grew up with the fear of borrowing money seeing what it did to my family. If someone says no to a person borrowing money who has a history of not being able to pay, they are really helping this person even that person feels that you are just being selfish.
@CTHanum (8234)
• Malaysia
9 Feb 12
I like the way your perspective in solving it. It is better for us it teach them rather than giving them as they will not going to learn anything from it f we just keep giving. It is much more worse if we are not sincere enough to give them but'have to' do so just for the sake of helping.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
8 Feb 12
Say no. Tell your friend you borrowed more as one time and it takes too long till he pays back. Say you need some savings for yourself too.
He knows you feel pity for him and that is why he is managing his own money not better and is always asking you to borrow him.
1 person likes this
@reinykwan (350)
• Indonesia
11 Feb 12
in the next time I will try to say no, I also learn to be wise, I think if I let him to borrow my money I try to let him being a lazy guy and can't manage his money well.
@bodhi_91 (191)
• India
8 Feb 12
I would say relationship and money both matter. But money is a thing which is necessary in life. So better is to lend the amount of money you can spare, viz U don really need badly. Don lend him by ruining yourself.
And also make sure he can return you the money back in time, that is very very important!
1 person likes this
@pebblez8989 (321)
• United States
8 Feb 12
i have a friend that is just like that she would always want me to borrow her money it would take her so long to pay me and the last time i borrowed her money she have not payed me yet and its already been 2 months. all you have to tell your friend is that you don't mind borrowing him money but to just make sure he pays you back your money. or you won't borrow him money anymore.
@parascevi (313)
• Greece
8 Feb 12
Well it depends on the circumstances. If your friend can not repay you in real, because his finance are very bad, or he has too much expenses and the money he borrows are for his true needs and not excessive and unnecessary things then you should help him. But if the money he needs are for luxury and not immediate goods then you should be carefull by helping him.
1 person likes this
@maryldacullo011710 (90)
• Philippines
8 Feb 12
Once is enough,,twice is too much..i think its not being rude if you cant give him what he needs..if he is a good payer then maybe you dont have doubts to lend him money..but as you said, he pays late than what you both agreed the exact date..so i think its not being rude..and maybe you can help him find job instead than lending him money all his life.
@reinykwan (350)
• Indonesia
11 Feb 12
he is work already, he only can not manage his money well and I also busy with my job, maybe I will help him to manage his money by suggest him some investations product.. aaah he is so trouble..
@aprilsong (1884)
• China
9 Feb 12
I don't know how to say, if he has not returned the money borrowed from you, and you continue to lend to him because you pity him. Well, if so, i think he is just take advantage of your friendship. Why does he always need to borrow money? Can't he support his own life? Or there is some problem in his family. You know, we can't live on borrowing, right, so if we continue to borrow others money to make a living, then we should better turn to society for help. If we are not qualified for that, then we should use our own hands to earn more money, right?
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
29 Feb 12
I have had this happen more than once. It has even happened with family members. It took me a few times to learn my lesson. Now I don't lend money out often.
@bubuth (1815)
• Philippines
11 Mar 12
I think if i'm in the same situation i will never let him borrow money if he still don't pay the first money that he borrow. If he will not pay it, i will not let him borrow again. I must also be strict when it comes to money because i get that money by my works. When you also give him money or always let him borrow money it is just like that you are teaching him to become lazy. He must also know another technique how he will earn money and he must also be wise spender.
@zaahro (748)
• Indonesia
8 Feb 12
Hii...
well you have been very good to him but he doesn't realize it. He gets more kindness than what he deserves. You need to give him a punishment. Stop lending him your money, he has to do some efforts if he wants money. Tell him in a nice way and give him some reasons like you need to save more money for your goals or you need to pay some extra bills. If he can't be told in a nice way, just get over it in a bad way. It is okay to feel pity, but it has a border how far you can be good to him. If you let him to do this for a long time, it is like you are teaching him to be a bad guy. Remember it.
@reinykwan (350)
• Indonesia
11 Feb 12
anyway thanks for your comment and advise, I really appreciate it.
@NailTech (6874)
• United States
10 Feb 12
NO, do not give him anymore money to let him borrow. He is just trying to take advantage. I have had this happen to me, too. Somehow let him know that you need the money for your own bills and that it's not available for him to borrow anymore. He might just go and ask someone else then. But he can't always be bothering you if he pays it back so slowly and then doesn't even pay it all back, thats just not right. He is not a true friend. Get rid of him, he's not worth it.
