Finding out a secret from someone you just met - what would you do?
By neelia_lyn
@neelia_lyn (2003)
Philippines
February 19, 2012 6:54pm CST
What would be your reaction if you found out that your parents has been hiding something from you for many years and you have to find out from other people you don't even know? Like someone (godparents abroad you lost contact with) has given your parents enough money for your college education, and that could have gotten you to have finished a course/degree of your choice.
After so many years (of which now you are now financially struggling because you only had the chance to take a vocational course), you found out that your parents unwisely used the money for something they won't tell you and lost it. And you have to find out from someone you just met during a friend's birthday party.
If that were you, would you be mad at your parents, or would you just pretend as if nothing happened?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@starrm (124)
• United States
20 Feb 12
Hi neelia-lyn,
This is a tricky situation here and your reaction really depends on the current dynamic between you and your parents. Are you comfortable confronting them with sensitive topics or do you usually look the other way?
First and foremost, I'd ask the person who told you this for a reason why they're telling you. Truthfully, it sounds like something for your parents to tell you, not the other person. What's their motivation? Do they not like your parents?
It's hard for me to say what I'd do without more info.
1 person likes this
@neelia_lyn (2003)
• Philippines
20 Feb 12
The person thought you knew so when she mentioned it, both of you were surprised. And if I had to confront them, things might not be pleasant.
1 person likes this
@starrm (124)
• United States
20 Feb 12
I see. Well, then it doesn't sound like the person who told you has an ulterior motive and it was a harmless act with no malicious intent.
I think what you really need to do is search your soul for how it makes you feel and then when you've accepted it as something you cannot change, confront your parents in a calm manner to inform them that you know of this. From there you can seek the truth and communicate your feelings without anger.
1 person likes this
@neelia_lyn (2003)
• Philippines
20 Feb 12
Yup, it's hard. It makes you feel betrayed, but you are right. I can't just go there and confront them yet, maybe sometime later when everything is calm and I've taken lots of deep breathes. Thank you for the kind response, starrm 
@deedee328 (1122)
• United States
21 Feb 12
@neelia I think I would be highly disappointed to find out something like that. It is sad that you could have had a better education and a better life accept for someone else's mistakes. It would greatly upset me to know that not only did they spend money intended to be used to make my future better, but then they will not offer any reasoning as to why they did it.
@deedee328 (1122)
• United States
23 Feb 12
@neelia I am glad you are Christian. It will help you eventually be able to fully forgive your parents and relieve yourself of the bitterness against them. I shall pray that you find that peace.
You are welcome.
@neelia_lyn (2003)
• Philippines
22 Feb 12
If I were not a Christian, I might have blurted all swearing words or might have cursed them, but looking back, I have become stronger through all those that have happened - difficulties, struggles, problems. Someday, as time goes by and I have accepted things as they are (of course I'm still bitter till now), I will give them a visit and have a calm chitchat about everything.
Thanks, deedee.
@horohoro01 (290)
• Philippines
20 Feb 12
Hi neelia_lyn. If I were on your shoes, I'll feel really disappointed to my parents because of what they've done. If were you, I'll keep in touch with that 'someone you just met during a friend's birthday party' and try to become closer to that person. In that way, he/she will be sooner comfortable in telling me the truth because of the 'bond' that you have created. I would also try to look for other people who might have known the truth and at the same time being discreet so that my parents wouldn't find out right away what I'm doing.
@neelia_lyn (2003)
• Philippines
20 Feb 12
Sometimes I think that knowing more about the truth when it has already happened years ago will only make the pain and situation worse. What if there are more secrets that I have to find out? I think for now I would just leave it for a while, find some positive ways to pour out my frustrations and resentment before talking to them. But I think I know how they will answer anyway 
Thanks, horohoro, for the thoughtful response.
Thanks, horohoro, for the thoughtful response.
@Rick1950 (1575)
• Lima, Peru
22 Feb 12
It's reasonable that you can react with angry, if you know that something unfair was made at you, and fore more you could have lost opportunities in your life due to this act. But first of all, you must be quit sure if that you've heard is true. One shouldn't believe all things that would be said. Then you should try to have understanding, why they had behaved in that way. You should know the context, the situation of that time. Lastly you can have your own opinion about that matter. But I don't think it's a good idea being bad to your parents. 
@neelia_lyn (2003)
• Philippines
24 Feb 12
You are right. We shouldn't believe everything that we hear but in my case I have all the reasons to believe the source. It would have been easier for me to just forget about it if they have told me everything and not to have found out from someone else.
Thank you for the advice, Rick.
