I love my 86 year old mom, but...............

Ya, my mom was just the same way. She actually got kind of mean toward the end and I had to learn to step back from it and not take it personal. Sometimes my brother would take over and give me a day off and she would get upset. She expected me to show up anyway. I did not get many breaks during that time and I did feel guilty for the ones that I took but looking back I KNOW that I did not neglect her in any way. You need those little breaks so that when you are with her you will be in the right spirit. Hang in there, Chrystal and don't feel guilty. I'm glad you took the day off.

Thank you sid. You are so sweet to say so. I did stay home yesterday afterall. I called her to say I decided not to come and she was, of course, dissapointed, but I knew she was not alone, and my brother and sis 'n law would be by there again later in the day. I wait for her to say 'yes, I understand, you need to go ahead and spend some time at home and do what you want for a change', but my momma doesn't do that. She makes me feel guilty. I love her. She is who she is.

Thank you sid. Your mom was blessed to have you. She knows it too. See, that's what I want to be able to look back always like yourself and know in my heart and soul that that you were there and did all you could. Too bad everyone doesn't have caring people like you. God bless you.

Ha. Ha. My mom isn't like you though. She wants to know why and why can't I do this or that instead, and she told me yesterday that I could do my laundry in the evenings when I am there only on Monday evening, Wednesday evening and Sunday evening. She's right. I could. But on those 3 times I have the opportunity to be at home, I don't always want to do house work and laundry. I just want to sit and watch tv or mylott my little heart out.

Hi lynboobsy. I am at home and it is 10 at night. I have decided to stay home after all. Mom didn't take it too well. She said she's going to miss me. I said I know you will, but I will see you tomorrow. And she said okay. So I'm leaving tomorrow to stay until Sunday, but my daughter wants us to shop with her Saturday. Mom says no, so I don't know. It's good talking to you again lynboobsy.

Yes deedee, guilt is an issue with me. A big one. I have this nervousness inside of me and haven't even called her again since I started this discussion, because I know she will either get angry with me or say something to make me feel sorry for the condition she is in. I have to call here pretty soon though cause I am usually there by now, but I called her this morning and she knew I wasn't headed that way yet and wouldn't for awhile. Heck, I may just gather my things again and go. Not a bad job, I have to keep a suitcase in my car and just constantly change things out anyway.

Even tho there were five of us til about 5 years ago, and now there's just 2 (kids), my brother is great when it comes to doing for her. He goes to her house at least 2 times a day and does things for her and sits with her. He works at the post office so he goes before and after. I don't like everything to be on him even though he wouldn't complain. Now, on the other hand, if mom had her preference she would want me to do everything because my brother is married and I am not. She doesn't like to bother him or my nephew. I don't think my brother feels like I am capable of doing all the things she needs or knowledgeable in some areas. Thank God!!Ain't that right!?

@chrystaltears I get nervous too, especially when dad doesn't answer his phone. He is pretty predictable, and I have come to expect him to be home and in the house by about 7:00 PM every night. I have taken many trips over there when he has not returned my message within 10 minutes of me leaving it on the machine. I generally call my sister and brother to see if they have heard from him while I am waiting on Dad to call, and if they have not, then I am in the car and on my way to his house. I am luckier than you, Dad's house is only a few minutes from mine, so I do get to come home every day. I did practically live there from the time mom was diagnosed till she passed away. I think that dad got used to it and maybe got a little too dependent on my company. There are 6 of us kids, but sometimes I feel like an only child. Oh yeah, parents can lay such a guilt trip on you, can't they. Dad isn't as bad about making his comments about laying there dying and no one finding him for hours or days since my husband let him know that I already felt guilty enough when I couldn't just drop everything and come when dear old dad called. My husband also reminded dad that he does have other children close enough that they could put in the effort to come spend more time with him.

Yes. it's still good to have her around. She gets contankerous sometimes, but she's funny as she can be at times. She gets mad about the silliest things. You should hear her when someone calls her about a credit card or something which she has never in 86 years had one.

Hi clouds. How's it going for you. It's good to hear from you again. I always like to read your responses. I did after all take yesterday off. I called her again and explained I would like to stay home and do some catch up on this and that and she wasn't too happy about it, but I knew she was gonna be just fine. Talk to you later!

Hi KrauseHome. It's so good to hear from you again. I'm so glad we communicate now. I don't know how I was skipping you, but I take off cause I have to sometimes for 2 or 3 months at a time. Then I come back and get back into it again. I did end of staying home yesterday. I called to feel her out about it, and I know she could tell why I was calling, but she wouldn't volunteer and say, 'since J is here, you can just stay home to day and catch up if you want'. No, she won't make things easy for you. I did some things at home and was on mylott quite a bit, but I got here to mom's this morning and am sitting here in the living room with her now. She has the tv up and we're talking about this and that while I'm mylotting.

I'm back working now, but as soon as I'm really well over this crud I've caught, I'll be getting back over to visit her.

I actually go see about a half dozen ladies, some were friends before and some she made there...

I still have some of my crud. It gets on my nerves. I feel okay, I guess, but I keep having to cough and blow my nose. It gets so tiring. I know she will be so happy to see you, and I hope you get to feeling better fast!

hi chrystaltears I think perhaps the pain she has has something to do with her crankiness, not sure but I used to work for many'years as a nurse's aide. I found that old people who are in a lot of pain at times really get cranky, and started to tell me how awful one of her grownup children was. And the next time she would brag how wonderful her daughter was..Don't feel guilty as your mom will be okay. You and the rest are more than taking care of your mom, unlike lots of adult kids who do not help their aged parents at all. to me my adult son is a gem, and he comes to see me every week.

Yes. Anyone who has someone to take care of them when they are in need is blessed. I have known of others who did not have the constant care they needed. I know for a fact that if we weren't around paying as much attention to mom as we do, she would have already have been gone a few years ago. But my sis 'n law keeps up with her doctor's appointments and we are all good about making sure she doesn't forget to take her medicine at the right times. I went ahead and took the day off and when I got here today, she said 'I didn't expect you.' I don't know, I don't think anyone hears what anyone says anymore. I guess she said that cause I had told her my daughter wanted me and her to go shopping in Memphis Saturday and she can't cause of the wind and isn't up to it, she told me I needed to go cause I never get to get out and do anything.

Hi Anne. I answered your response right after you sent it, and when I am just going over this discussion again, my response isn't here! My laptop was acting up earlier and I turned it off and gave the internet a rest and it's been okay since then. I finally called her a couple of hours ago and told her I wasn't coming. She said why and I said 'cause my car won't start', but in the same breath I said 'just kidding'. I was kind of trying to lift the moment. She didn't take it that well, but she will be alright, and maybe I can get over the guilt feeling. I get so mad at myself for feeling that way.!

Oh God Bless You stary1. I sure needed to hear something like that. I know my mom is having a hard time and I'd do anything in the world for her, but I sure like someone looking this way sometimes and saying something nice. Thank you.

chrystaltears ..I can relate...I took care of Mom and eventually moved her into our home when I felt she could no longer live alone..It's a 24/7 concern either way...and I am happy I did it and I can tell you are a loving, caring daughter ..

Thank you sooo much. I know people love me, but sometimes they just don't think to tell you how much they appreciate you. I needed to hear that. And you were precious to keep your mom. She loves you so much.