Do ugly babies deserve love too?

I agree.

Interesting comment about perception and beauty. Remember, that while we speak about perception- and in this case, with reference to the perception of beauty and uglyness- remember that perception of beauty and uglyness may shape ones reality of these conditions, and reality of beauty and uglyness may be shaped /formed based on ones perception of their separate or collective realities. How can a person who is a product of such a society, adopt and adapt to the correct perception of beauty, given so many differnt experiences that the societies present to them, and others of the same society of people: all at different and similar times, on a consistent basis? What about the persons who have already had low self estmeem, which is a by product of societal influences on them, over time? How can these persons cope? Also, the expression of love, and guidance is relative to the awareness, exposure abilities and capabilities of the giver, and the ability of the recepient to revceive them both. In a world, which is made up of a widely, complex and diverse societies, it may become a challenge for this couple (or persons with similar disposition) to adequately give love, and hope to bring out the swan from this ugly duckling. Given what the society was doing to that couple, (that is, the message that the society was sending to them about their ugly child), they were only performing according to what the society wanted of them. What do you think?

Talk is cheap, especially when it does'nt affect you in any way, shape or form. It is nice to say those noble things when you are not affected by the condition under scrutiny. Do you know that it is often very difficult to ingore others who perhaps- are immature- when they speak about our 'different condition' that we a stuck with for life. Let me be the villian here. Suppose your first, second or third child was born ugly. Would you not be affected by the constant reminder that you (and your husband produced a family of ugly children? If all your children were born ugly (by societal norms) would you want to become pregnant with the possibility of giving birth to a fourth child? Would'nt that be a scary proposition? The point is, while we have our own position on a matter, we need to have empathy for someone who is worse off than us. Is'nt that true?

I do agree with you on the societal view. I think we all should be pushing to change this. We start by teaching our kids not to place such value on looks alone. This is where bullying starts. Our kids are not being taught to respect other people for who and what they are.I was raised being exposed to emotionally disturbed kids and one of my close friends was a "slow" kid. There wasn't a huge empahsis on looks in my home growing up although we of course acknowledged it. In the long run, I think the child rejected because of looks ends up stronger as a result....they seem to find a way to accept themselves. I think the parent's accepting them and encouraging them helps that. The ones who think that looks are everything are very fragile and shallow. Should an accident happen that disfigures them...could destroy them. Their normal aging process is just exactly what keeps the plastic surgeons and the makers of all those magic anti-aging creams right in business.

It is interesting to note that we continue to live in a society that has a 'untenable' level of insensitivity towards others when it comes to beauty and uglyness. The ones greatly affected by those harsh criticisms are persons in the said society who are weak, meek, the young, the elderly and the vulnerable. It is unfortunate that the 'good looking' couple has to be battling the 'harsh worded' society (and themselves)in order to protect the honor of their little girl. Perhaps, the parents were not as strong willed as expected. However, the society should strive to help this child to be embrassed as one of their own, instead of encouraging the banishment of this child from societal view.

yep...that was a mouthful alright. I think (not sure) that I'm following you. So are you saying it is both the parent's and society to blame here? If so, then I agree with you. I blame all the people that place so much importance on "looks" and financial status etc. that they don't see the real person behind all of that. These same parents that are raising this so-called ugly kid that they are embarrassed of, if they had a beautiful child...then what? That kid is going to grow up to be just another one that thinks their looks can get them everything and sadly they can with a lot of people. Those same people suffer more in the end, I believe because looks almost always fade eventually. If they don't have something of more substance to validate their work then those people are devestated. Somehow I think that their self-esteem suffers at some point. All of my girls are very pretty girls and yet they all went through an awkward stage of course. Society puts such pressure on them about their looks. Pretty is a good asset but it's not everything. I have 4 girls and while they were growing up, I was pretty laid back with a lot of things kids do but they would tell you...If they were mean to another person or picking on another person because of something superficial that they could not help...Lord protect them!

I appreciate your sentiments and 'feel your pain' in this regard. Remember that while it is the parents responsibility to 'develope' their children into independent productive adults, humans are societal beings. In addition, the impact of societal norms, customs and behavior also influence the development of child, as well as the parents (and their efforts at being good parents); despite being primarily responsibility to grow the children in their care, over time. Therefore, while applying pressures (and corectly so) on the parents for being insensitive to their child's need to be accepted in the society as expected is good, the society was also very insensitive in its behavior towards the child. Yikes, that's a mouthful, don't you think?

hi! i know its hard to say something especially when i am not on their feet. i have not the one who will receive all the hateful words, the sarcastic looks and smile, the bad comments etc. imagine all of these? only the parents can take it so i somehow sympathizes with them because it is not really easy. maybe others can say that they should have done this and that, but hey remember its not your child. surely, no parents and the mom especially can ever abandon their child and the fact that they don't is an indication that they have accepted their child.

Hi mom, it is lovely to hear your point of view on this interesting topic. In addition, it shows that perhaps, your decision to accept and treat your child, or children in the manner that you have, and continue to do. It is also honorable of you to not be judgemental. While you may have decided to treat your offsping(s) in the manner that you have over time, I hope that you have already accept the fact that the society has a very powerful influence on, and continue to influence how you treat your family, and how your family is treated by others in the world of diverse societies. Hence, while you are successful (in your mind) that you are loving and growing your child or children to the best of your ability, be cognisant that your work at expressing love to them (and perhaps, to other people's children) will not end, not even after you die. In addition, I hope that, through your 'works', your efforts at expressing the best love and attention to your offspring(s) will be well appreciated by them, so that through their lives, their behaviors will help to create a kinder society; especially for the children who are deemed ugly by the society. What are your thoughts?

You've expressed some very interesting thoughts indeed.

It could be that their combination isn't good. There were not so good looking couples that produces a very pretty baby... I have assumed that they were ashamed of her because as it has been said on the topic, they were embarrassed... Perhaps, you're right they were trying to protect her too that's why their didn't want to take the child out. But I do think it is not good for the kid to just be kept inside the house or in the car. Relatives and friends would want to see their baby and it won't be possible to just keep their baby away from them. The couple must know the right words to tell those people when their baby was given rude comments.

Interesting comments indeed. Firstly, I do not think that something was wrong with their genes. Whatever came out 'in the wash' was a combination of what was put in. anyway, Secondly, we cannot make the assumption that the 'good looking' couple did not want their 'ugly child', or was ashamed of her. The story revealed that because the society's rather unkind comments cause the parents to refuse to take their child places. Thirdly, could it be because the parents wanted to protect their child from the public- because of the protenial harm that the comments may have on the child's self esteem? Finally, could it be that these parents decided to use the 'withdrawal from the public view approach' to fight for the dignity of their child at this time?

Well said.

Perhaps, the 'good looking' couple was surprised, shocked and disappointed to see that their child did not 'mirror' their physical appearance to their liking, as anticipated by them; the parents, and/or to match the expectations of the society. Be reminded that nobody can predict how genetics will play itself out when conception of a child is concerned. Hence there is no guarantee that a 'good looking' couple will produce a good looking child. The same argument can be posited in the case of an ugly couple; there is no guarantee that this couple will produce an ugly child. Therefore whatever the child's physical apprearance, this child should be loved. Let us hope that this 'good looking' couple would be brave and defend the honor of their girl child, even as of now.., (because she needs it badly, expecially if this girl child is 'deemed' ugly).

Ooh dear, it's nice to think that way. However, the reality is that not everybody gets what they deserve in life; and persons (including the helpless and hapless) suffer as a result of receiving less love than they deserve! This situation 9surrounding the challenges that little girl shall face from now) bears out the point exactly, don't you think?

Hmmm, I did'nt think of that point you raised in your comment. I dread the thought that these parents were rearing an adopted child in their care, and as a result, they were rather insensitive to the child's feelings. I rather not think of that thought any further, as regardless of the circumstances, this child should be given the best of care, love nourishment, proprer physical security etc.

Yeah that is a good point that you have brought out. It is really such a sad thing that they have come to feel this way.Society has a lot to do with it. It is such a heartbreaking thing for this child. I hope that either her parents can change and adjust or she can live with someone else who will give her the love and respect that she deserves.

I think that the real issue is what the society did to the 'good looking' couple that cause them to refuse to take their girl child places with them? Anyone would want to fight for the honor of their family member; especially when the siblings/offsprings are young and unable to defend themselves. What make you think that this 'good looking couple was not reacting to the harsh words spoken by members of the society, when they elected to not taking her places?

I agree with you, this couple sounds like they expected the future perfect and somewhere down the line their future took a turn and now they are living with it. Nothing should never be planned or expected

Remember that not everyone has the same 'appropriate' exposures, behaviors, attitude, among other things.., to life. Also, what we may deem as horrible behaviors may be 'normal' acceptabe behaviors to them; given their 'limitations'. Therefore we may need to be a little tolerant to persons like those. The question is how much leverage is tolerable in cases like those? Really, how much is too much?

I totally agree, you can`t blame the child for being born that way.

I agree with both nof your views. However, do you have anything to say about the societal behaviors towards this couple? Come on people, do you think that the society has absconded its obligations towards assisting this good looking couple in the growth of another member of its lifeblood for the future?

Wow.., Gosh! I feel your anguish after reading the story. Could you imagine if you had to deal with this situation 'first hand' as I had to, two years ago? It was saddening to recall the events, and to know that the 'good looking' couple and the society created the embarrassing situation for that little girl. You raised an important point that nobody can keep their youthful attributes over time, and over time (that is, whenever old age sets in), perhaps, the 'so called' ugly child-who should be an adult then- may be the only person who never leave them! That is a great point indeed to be mentioned by you. Should I have reason to interract with this 'good looking' couple again, I shall remind them that they have an obligation to love their child; reggardless of her physical appearance and/or despite the unkind comments being bellowed out of the mouths of the 'society' that they live in. i would encourage them to be proud of their child and to express love and comfort to their child. I will be your ambassador.., I promise.

Hello Faith1118. May I remind you that not all babies were created out of love. Children formed out of varying types of casual relationships cannot be done out of love; especially when both parents hardly knew each other prior to the conception and birth of their child (or children). In addition, several parents do not want their child, or the child become resented by them because its birth was out of an unplanned setting! We cannot know whether this 'good looking' couple had an unwanted pregnancy, and as a result, they succoumbed to the pressures of the society in the fashion that they did (in the story). Let us hope that my suggestion about them (the good looking couple's attitude towards their child) did not originalte from the fact that their child was unwanted. Wow! On a different note, I am happy that you love your Lexie, and you cannot conceptualize how can anyone view children as ugly. That is great news, and I am proud of you.

Hey man, based on your comments, I think that when the time comes for you to be a father, you would be ready to enjoy the honor of being a good parent.

The situation is harsh (and hard) to deal with. However, while the parents have a responsibility to instill the correct behaviors, attitutes to life, psychological support that often helps in the development of the child's self esteem.., among other things, but what about the society that she will be forced to live in, and grow (hopefully)? We are not certain if the parents have rejected their child. But these parents had to bear the harsh remarks made-as well as the implications of those comments on their psyche- by the public about their child! Do you think that the society should be allowed to apply such pressures on the parents who- by default- cannot determine the phsyical appearance of their child at birth? On a different note, to overcome the physical aspect of the 'percieved defeciency', whenever the child is being taught how to dress properly and how to carry herself in public, would'nt these habits be partly determined by societal norms and customs also? If yes, then one needs to address the behavior of the society as well; in order to allow for the appropriate habits may be adhered to. Is this true or not? Perhaps, this 'good looking couple' may have to display the strength of character, so that any action done by these parents (to their child)should cause the wider society to 'back off' and perform more humane toward this child now, and hopefully in the future! What do you think?

I do not think that this couple was ashamed of their child. I think that this couple was placed in an 'uncomfortable position' by all members of the society. Perhaps, this couple was shocked at the response that the community displayed to them and their child. This situation may have cause them to panic! As a result, the uncanny situation caused them to temporarily withdraw their child from public view until they could develop a strategy to deal with the unslaught. Could'nt that be a reason for their expressed decision to avoid going places with their child?

Wow, I am also as shocked as you are, but for a differnt reason. Could we say that the couple's love of the ugly child was dependent on something superficial as that; being called ugly? Remember, that the perception and reality of beauty and uglyness respecrtively, are 'framed and reinforced' by the societal norms and customs! Hence, the societal actions exhibited in the story, and in life, are not as superficial as we think. Just to be emphatic, ask any woman who has to deal with fashion and its complexity, and to assessment of fashion (and its change) on the perception of, and their reality of beauty and uglyness respectively. I support you point that '....,sometimes the ugliest baby may grow into beauty later in life'. In this day and age, cosmetics, fashionable clothing etc., can help to enhance anyone who is deemed ugly, as well as the beautiful. Your main advice was 'golden'. Intuitively, it would appear that these parents should strive to live above the bad pressures exhibited on their family by the unkind members of the society. What do you say to these comments?

To be fair to the 'good looking' couple, how could we know whether the child was not appreciated, loved and cared for by them. How can one effectively fend off the anslaught of the public from discussing, commenting and making brutal statements about ones loveone (who is physically different)?

I admire your point of view here. However, you raised another issue as to whether this child was created with love or not. Despite the behaviors of the public, one wonders why the 'expressed action' of the parents could have been as a result of, the reality that this child was unplanned for. Why? It has been documented that children who were unplanned for, often get 'ill-treated' by their parent(s).