i feel betrayed
By bb_gabs
@bb_gabs (205)
Philippines
April 11, 2012 9:14pm CST
I really feel betrayed by my husband. He works abroad since year 2008, and last month, he told me that he got terminated from his job and will exit macau to find another job (for he is working in Hong Kong). I feel very worried on what will happen to him there, I told him to come home instead, for I always have sleepless night thinking about his situation there, but he insisted to stay. A month have passed and there where no call from him or even text, I became more worried on him,before the end of May, he called our landline, I told him, give me atleast his new cellphone number so we can contact him in case there are emergencies, but he told me that he is only using a phone booth to call for he has still no permanent job and doing only part time jobs.Then last week, he told me that he will be remitting our monthly allowance and ask for my bank's account number, I noticed that there is a complete number in my cellphone caller id. I just thought that it was the new country code. And last Tuesday, I dont know, what come into my mind that I searched for the country code that registered in my cellphone when my husband called me, and I was shocked when I saw that the country code is not in macau but its in canada, ontario canada to be exact, I was confused and dont know what will do, so I just texted the number that registered in my cellphone, hoping that it was my husband's number. I have chatted a friend from canada and asked her the whereabouts of the number, and I was shocked of what I have learned from a friend she told me that my husband confessed to her that he has another woman who is living/working in ontario and he really plans to come to canada for her. And yesterday he private messaged me I ask him where he is, he is not giving me exact answers on my questions, he did not confirmed yet did not denied anything, then just logged out. Now, I was left without answers. I really feel betrayed. I dont know what to do. :(
3 people like this
15 responses
@haopee (493)
• Philippines
12 Apr 12
I'm sorry to hear this. I do hope you have not given your bank account number. This is the only thing that will give you and your child/children a helping hand in the near future, especially if you decide to leave him. To be honest with you, assuming that you are in the Philippines, it will be difficult to prove that you husband committed adultery so you can legally annul your marriage. However, he did betray you. And I am also mad, like the other posters here.
The nerve of that guy. To lie to you and leave you without giving you an honest explanation. But the question is what to do next. As for my piece of advice, wait for him to come home before you eventually decide to tell him. Then, initiate whatever action you feel he is deserving of.
Be strong, dear friend.
@bb_gabs (205)
• Philippines
13 Apr 12
Yes, haopee its difficult, but I dont want to annul our marriage I want that girl to be the mistress for the rest of her life. If I will annul our marriage, they will be happy for they are now free to do what they want, that is my revenge to them. I am trying to be strong, I know God loves me, and He will guide me. Thanks for the advice and it really helps me to have you all my friends here in Mylot.
1 person likes this
@abby1221 (71)
•
12 Apr 12
Omg...I am so so SO sorry..seriously, this is crazy, I can't believe he did that! What a jerk to not even have the guts to say to your face that he is leaving or to tell you where he is. Honestly, as much as you are hurting right now, you HAVE to know now that you are better off without him.
I will second and third and fourth the comment that tells you to change bank accounts now. You must do exactly that. Remove the money immediately and take it elsewhere. If your husband refuses to give you more answers, then change your phone number - you don't owe him the convenience of him being able to reach you whenever you want if you can't do the same to him.
Do what is best for you now and protect yourself - financially and emotionally.
God bless.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
12 Apr 12
bb__gabs uh huh some friend of yours if shes palsy with your husband and this socalled woman in Ontario, done you see, your husband has been playing footsies with your friend but shes too callous to just admit she and your husband are playing house. Now you have to be strong as this so called friend and your jerk husband are playing you for a fool.do not let them get away with this. start divorce
proceeding and do not send him any money at all. I am so angry
with your betraying husband and your betraying friend.Oh sure he confessed to her as she is the woman hes playing house with.stand pat get a divorce lawyer even if you have to get one who will do this pro bono fancy words for free.Those two jerks, you jerk hubby and your jerk malicious friend I would like to tell them what I think of their ugly behavior to you. they both have betrayed you.If he was innocent he wou ld be telling you were he is and what
is going on, while hes not man enough to admit hes fallen for another woman. leave him. hes just no good.
@bb_gabs (205)
• Philippines
13 Apr 12
Hatley, the other girl is not my friend. She want to tell me this,before, but thought that my husband should be the one to tell me this before her, my husband confessed to her last 2009, and they never talked after that, for she is telling my husband not to trash his family for that woman. And she is also shocked of the news that I told her, she never though that my husband will continue his plan after 2 years. Now, I believe that he is not worth of my trust, respect and love. For all my life he is the only man in my life.
1 person likes this
@nyang1984 (464)
• Philippines
12 Apr 12
i'm sorry to hear that. i know how it feels being betrayed by the one you love and trusted the most.
ahm! you two have to talk, and make some clarifications before you decide and thinks twice before you make your decisions so you won't regret things in the end. cause you deserve to be happy. and don't forget to pray always to HIM for strength and guidance.
2 people like this
@chicgale (2982)
• Philippines
13 Apr 12
Hi bb_gabs. Reading your discussion makes me sad and I can totally understand and feel about what you feel right now. Sorry to hear that you are in this situations. I was betrayed by my ex before also. All I can advice to you is you have to be strong. I know this is not easy for you especially that you are being lied to. Try to communicate with your husband and ask him what is his decision coz it is not right for him to treat you this way. You have to be prepare on whatever his answers will be.
1 person likes this
@HomeBase (1153)
• United States
12 Apr 12
First of all this is a time for you to be VERY strong.
I don't even know your husband and I'M mad at him!! Unbelievable!
PROTECT YOUR MONEY. DO NOT GIVE HIM A DIME OF YOUR MONEY.
Change bank accounts PLEASE!! Take your money out and start a new bank account.
You SHOULD feel betrayed because he has BETRAYED you! How could he do this?! He does NOT deserve you! The part that I really don't like is that he told a FRIEND of yours that he is with another woman. Why is he confiding such personal information to a friend?
Are you sure he is not together with the "friend" in Canada?? He obviously has been in touch with her!
This is so very frustrating. You do not need him in your life. I know that you are in pain and feel like screaming and crying. Here you are worried about him and he is with another woman.
I hope you divorce him and go on with your life, even though it is hard. He is a liar and you do not need that. BE STRONG!!
1 person likes this
@dazzledlady (1618)
• Philippines
12 Apr 12
So much emotion, yes I would feel betrayed too if it happened to me. The husband is a coward if all was true and shame on the other woman to be with a married guy. Protecting your money and every asset is good. I do not know how to comfort her in this matter. Like you, it is simply frustrating to know that this happened and he has not confess to the wife but to her friend. COWARD. I think the best way to get over this is to confront him, and I hope he gives straight answers this time. If he likes someone knew then he should have not left the wife hanging.
1 person likes this
@HomeBase (1153)
• United States
12 Apr 12
If I had MY way and I could control this young lady's actions for the next few months, I would make sure that the husband did not have the privilege of EVER speaking to her again!! Here she is WORRIED about this man, and he's out messing around and telling her LIES every time he opens his mouth. I don't think he even DESERVES to speak to her, but that's just my opinion.
She should protect her money. She can count on her money, but she canNOT count on that so-called husband of hers. The next time he heard from me would be through my lawyer via a set of divorce papers.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
16 Apr 12
It sounds like you should be feel that way. It sounds like he is just keeping you on a string. With the amount of time that he has been gone and the way he is putting you off, I would say, it is time to move on.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
12 Apr 12
um, the first thing you should do if you are sure this is happening is move the money in your bank account out of your bank account and change your password for your paypal account, etc.
That being said, I'm sorry this is happening. I can't believe he would go to canada without telling you.
1 person likes this
@shylade (3132)
• Philippines
13 Apr 12
Sorry to hear that dear. I know at this point no words can ever console you. The feeling will always be painful but you need to be strong especially if you have kids. This is one of the problems being encountered by a family with a mother or father working abroad. Chances of infidelity are really high resulting to a broken family. Oh well, your husband is weak to have an extra marital affair while you are apart. Try to talk to him again and clear things out. You have the right to do so because you are the legal wife. If he does not love you at all (that really hurts, because all the while you are being faithful to him), then accept it (but it will be hard i know). Fight for your children’s right though.
I hope things will be okay the soonest. Pray hard to God for He will never leave. Be strong...
1 person likes this
@Professor2010 (20162)
• India
4 Feb 13
Thanks for sharing.
Just now i have responded to your discussion, you are right most man there marry women leave for job abroad and have other woman there too bad
Did you file case, you can do it to get annulment
@jazzyrae (1745)
• United States
12 Apr 12
leave him and take everything. What a piece of crap to leave you worried and wondering everyday what is happening to him. Ugh.....what a loser. Hit him where it hurts and leave.!!!!! there is no excuse for this at all!!!! He did not even have the balls to tell you. awfull man.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
23 Apr 12
Hi friend,
Sorry it took so long for me to reply. Honestly I have no words as I personally know both of you. I just hope that every thing comes out good... hopefully he can think better and that you will really know what's going on. Whether it is true that he has another woman now or everything isn;t true. Hope you both can talk to each other and see what you can do to each other.
@bb_gabs (205)
• Philippines
25 Apr 12
thanks, I am still giving him the chance to explain why did he do that. I was really still in shock, and its really confirmed that he has another woman, I just hope that he can clear his mind and think of his kids. Hope we really can talk heart to heart.
@roselavon025 (133)
• Philippines
12 Apr 12
That's really frustrating and disappointing. Can you just easily go to Canada and confront your husband and his girl? Maybe, you're way too far from each other. Try to work on with your marriage, save it and do everything you can to protect your family. Confront your husband. Ask him. Maybe there is just something missing in him or that he's in identity crisis. Anyways, before anything else, ask yourself first if you can still stand to be with him despite of everything that happened. Then it's up for you to decide. Just remember that whatever decision you will have, just stay firm with it;).. God bless you..
@donghski (29)
•
16 Apr 12
Be strong for your children. Calm yourself in the thought that God is always there for you and He would not give you trials that you could not surpass. If your husband will contact you again, ask him calmly on his side of the story, you deserve an explanation but try not to have a tension-interrogative conversation as possible for him to fully open-up or better yet send him a private message and try to open-up your side. There's no easier way on this but open communication really helps in a long distance-relationship. Good luck and God bless.