the submissive husband who scared of wife
By advokatku
@advokatku (4033)
Indonesia
April 25, 2012 11:07pm CST
Inspired by the conversation at this morning between me and my work friend who like gone to night clubs and he also have reputation often do "one night stand" with ladies escort .
At middle of our conversation, he quipped me, "you're afraid of wife !!!"
I'm just smiled and back ask to him, "Are you not afraid with your wife, too ?"
My friend silent for a moment because I knew all the habits of his wife who frequently call him and his habit of every morning which always drove his wife to the market. In my heart, I'm say ... "I get you !!! lol ... you are "the husband of the home" which at home must to be submissive like a toothless tiger, always governed by his wife .... scared of wife!" ... but, kept in my heart, I'm also say, "really very sorry for his fate ... whether pleasure him go to night clubs and doing "one night stand" with ladies escort is a form of his escape because he feel "constrained" at his home ? and, when he there outside of home, he become "wild"?
so, let's discuss ....
Are you think a husband who like "one night stand" with the ladies escort / hooker or whatever you call it, is the husband who when at the house became the dutiful husband or the husband who afraid of wife ?
or ...
Whether go to a night club and do "one night stand" is one of escape kind for "the submissive husband" to be free from "confinement" the household?
4 people like this
10 responses
@Mickie30 (2626)
•
27 Apr 12
If you love your wife, then you should stand by her and not have a one night stand. If you love your wife you would not even reason as to why a man would have a one night stand. The pleasure may be satisfying, but if you love someone, you would have a guilty complex. How can there be trust in a marriage if the man sleeps with another person? Even if it is a one night stand, as you put it so eloquently. I am totally against infidelity, it ruins many marriages and usually ends in divorce. If your friend wants to do this and can rationalize it in his mind that it is o.k, there is something wrong with his marriage. He needs to find intimacy with his wife, rather than having one night stands. That is not love. No way. It is wrong and there is no way that anyone can say it is right. It is not what God intended, nor what He likes to see. It is wrong, full stop.
@advokatku (4033)
• Indonesia
27 Apr 12
Thanks for all :
@Mickie30: Yes, I'm admit ... cheating in any form is a big mistake. But, Which be the main topic of my discussion is about the attitude of husband who feels oppressed over dominant position his wife in their household.
@PointlessQuestions : Well, indeed may be there errors when between the husband and the wife tries to "submissive" between each other. But in reality, this thing is already a fact in the story of domestic life / household.
Irrespective the teachings of religious norms which regulating domestic life, for me, the position of husband still have to be dominant in household life because a household like a ship, the husband is the captain who should not be in a depressed position by the crew.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
27 Apr 12
"Make her submissive?" What does submit mean to a man who is married to a woman? That the man is always right? That the man has power over his wife? How about just respecting each other instead of trying to fulfill power roles? Why must the woman lie down like a female dog to submit to the person she married?
@SHAMRACK (8576)
• India
26 Apr 12
Dear friend,
I feel this is a part of being sincere to family life. Do those escorts on the other side have families, will they get married revealing what they where acutally. Any how I feel it would be better to be well with family in which wife do consisit. May be whenever a man gets involved in such acts on the other side there is women mostly silent.
@advokatku (4033)
• Indonesia
26 Apr 12
yes, it may be true .... a sincerity like as you mean. But, a good male definitely will try to get out of the clutches of his wife if his wife is too dominant and oppressive her husband in the life of their household
@momof3kids (1894)
• Singapore
26 Apr 12
My relationship with my husband is I trust him to do what he thinks is right. I used to be crazy when he comes back late at night. It used to bother me very very much. Then one day I said to myself, I have to change, this situation is not helping me.
Now I am very at peace with myself. I must admit it still bothers me but it doesnt bother me much. When he comes home, he will relate to me whatever he has in his mind or whatever that has happened outside. I say its my patience paying off. I know he knows what is right and I think he will not do anything purposely to hurt me.
When I do call he knows that its important or something I need urgently.
@advokatku (4033)
• Indonesia
26 Apr 12
Well, it looks like you have given full trust and privacy for your husband's. It's great, momof3kids .
For your attention, most wives do not give privacy for her husband's to exercise or perform his favorite activities. Many of the wives who argue that in marriage there must be openness, whereas for men, freedom does not mean they should eliminate their privacy.
@momof3kids (1894)
• Singapore
27 Apr 12
Lets just hope he hasnt and will not take advantage of that.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
27 Apr 12
You make marriage sound like a tug of war! A marriage should have mutual respect. There should be no man feeling he has to escape his wife... and the wife should not feel like she has to escape her husband and cheat on him. Subdue husband? There should be an equal relationship that is filled with respect for EACH OTHER.
@advokatku (4033)
• Indonesia
27 Apr 12
like it or not, marriage is like a tug of war ... that's real, friend. As many people say, man and woman are two different creatures personality. In household life, it is very difficult to unite opinion between husband - wife.
@expectator (50)
•
27 Apr 12
Hello advokatku!
For me, respect is important in a relationship be it platonic, filial or romantic. In a relationship, men would want to be respected rather than feel loved but for women, they would always want to feel loved.
May be, the reason why your friend does those things is because he want to feel like being respected by other women. He wants to feel like he can conquer anything. Unfortunately, he did that with "other woman".
Whatever challenge you have in a relationship, infidelity is never a solution. Infidelity becomes a small wound in a relationship and when it becomes worst, it becomes a gangrene that eats up the whole relationship.
I suggest you advise your friend to stop what he is doing now before it's too late. Save the relationship and may be someone should also talk to his wife regarding some issues. A marriage counseling might be of help.
Take care! :)
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
27 Apr 12
I think you may be on to something there! Of course some cheat just because they want to.. but it's my (painful) experience from watching the lives of my parents (I'm now 56) and how mom ruled the roost as the saying goes, and dad too, but he got his revenge by a long life of cheating..
kinda sad..
kinda sad..
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
26 Apr 12
I don't know any definite reason.
One thing I am sure of- there is a reason why a man likes to have sideline or what you call "one night stand"- that's for pleasure.
Maybe he is not satisfied with his wife- or maybe he just want to experience the feeling of having it with other woman.
If he is doing everynight- which seems habitual, well- there is something deeper reason why he is doing it.
There is nothing wrong for a husband to help their wives when it comes to household works- but being a "toothless tiger" is not good already.
For the wife who treat their husband like a "toothless tiger" I cannot blame their husband for having elicit affairs- thus is not a justification for their revenge.
@advokatku (4033)
• Indonesia
26 Apr 12
yes, jaiho ... I'm understood and familiar with point your opinion.
Sometimes, in fact many domestic issues, I often find the effort to dominate the other between the husband - wife in their household. When her attempts to dominate has been performed successfully, the next her effort is "oppressive".
back to the topic of my discussion, it may at first time, the husband are "oppressed" do not accept these conditions. However, because every day should be fought and quarreled with his wife, the husband finally relented and accept the condition of "oppression" of his wife. 
@shylade (3132)
• Philippines
26 Apr 12
i think a husband should be faithful to his wife whether in or out of the house, whether he fear or not his wife. infidelity in any form should not be allowed and you can't reason out that you are submissive or you fear your wife. it is not like that and if you did, you are just actually making excuses for committing such.
@advokatku (4033)
• Indonesia
26 Apr 12
well .. in the ideal life and normative, I agree with you that cheating is forbidden. But, as a human being who has weaknesses and strengths, sometimes a husband also wanna escape the "cage" - "oppression" which had locked his freedom.
In a marriage or the household where a man as a husband has been feel "stuck" - "oppressed" certainly would try to escape - to be out of from "cage" or "oppression" his wife, either by way of frontal or not. And perhaps, cheating is the way early for husbands who feared his wife to gain his freedom ... 
@rewardsinlife (1132)
• United States
26 Apr 12
i believe that a husband or a wife should be faithful and dutiful to their marriage. Or in other words, no one night stands. Doesn't matter if they have other faults, infedeility can not be one of them for me anyway.
@advokatku (4033)
• Indonesia
26 Apr 12
loyalty and devotion between husband - wife in a marriage is an absolute thing. But sometimes, based on stories that frequently I hear of marriage, fidelity and devotion often become the basis for the wife to "subdue" her husband.
