Hearing what others think about you

Mostly I am like you, I am true to myself and not concerned how others see me. But Professionally and socially that is a very unrealistic attitude to live by, what others think does count if you need to interact with them, and there are not many of us who don't have to do that. This is how we become people of many faces and cannot ignore our public image.

Having been a professional and in the public eye, I do not find your statement has been true for me. As long as I maintained honesty and integrity, I've found the view of the majority of the public to be less than important. Most of that view is formed by appearances and not by the person's behavior or personality. When you sit three people down and talk to them, their opinion of you is vastly different from one to the other, unless they confer with each other then they will be influenced by each other. If I was to try and please each of them and influence their opinion of me, they would think I was a phony personality. I've found most people are people pleasers in one form or the other. When they group together and discuss a person is when the problems arise because they try to impress each other. For example, look at the politicians today and listen to what the public has to say. The opinions will vary to the extent that seldom from one person to the next could you recognize one politician from the other, yet they vary greatly. How many people vote for a person just because they are first on the election ballot? Statistics show the vast majority of the public vote exactly that way. But from the vast majority today, regardless whether a politician has been in office long enough to prove who he is, they are mistrusted and considered to be corrupt. Does that make the public image and opinion valid and reliable? It is not a matter of ignoring the public image, it is a matter of validity. The fact is most people are not many faces when you truly know them, but seen that way because of the person you are listening too who may exaggerate the personality traits of the person of whom they are speaking or simply manufacture that trait because of something they have heard. In fact, if they do have many faces, they are considered to have multiple personalities and not reliable. Again let us look at a public figure, Lady GaGa! From her appearance I would consider her to be eccentric but many consider her flat out crazy. Yet, with all that appearance, she has become wealthy and a pop star. Why? Because she sings and says what people want to hear, but does she appear in public the way most of us would expect her too? What does it take to maintain that public image? Is she being true to herself? Personally, I think she is but I sure wouldn't trade places with her and especially not for her wealth. I've found when interacting with people, something as simple as eye color or hair style may be the issues they find fault with the most. So who do I believe from their standpoint? I don't, I stay true to myself and let them have their opinion and do not waste my time defending who I am. Most people I've met in the professional world, trademark themselves. They work very hard to maintain one image not many. One memorable image can do more for a professional than all the so called opinions of what people think of them. The Geico gecko is an image I think most of us recognize, but it definitely isn't realistic by any means. I know today, I am rarely in the public eye. Yet when I go to a group of people who have known me from the past, they expect me to still look the same, act the same, be the same as when they knew me fifteen years ago. I'm not that person today due to age and health. I don't look the same and seriously doubt I act the same. But their expectations are the same as they were back then. In other words, my public image is now tarnished in their eyes and their view of me shattered. So do they retain the same interaction with me from the past or change it to fit today? I find it depends on the person because regardless of what they see, their expectations are always flavored by the past. I wish it wasn't that way and people lived more in the NOW, but they rarely do. My public image no matter what I do, is going to vary from person to person, and if I'm lucky they might remember what clothes I was wearing the last time they saw me or a phrase from my conversation. But rarely have I found that people remember exactly what I say and most frequently take anything I say out of context depending on what purpose they have for its use. In fact I've had words attributed to me and comments, that don't even fit who I am but when uttered by someone other than me, it is amazing how many people believe I said it. I could deny I said it forever, but by the same comment being passed around from person to person, I'll never be able to stop the misinformation or opinions formed by that action. That can form my public image for me and not even come close to being who I am or have anything to do with the truth. For instances, I have essential tremors. When people meet me today for the first time, they invariably think I have Parkinson's disease. They also have an opinion of people with that disease that usually implies I am feeble minded and not capable of doing much. The truth is far different from that. If they don't form that opinion, then they are either too shy to ask or they act like I'm a child they have to talk down too. It would almost be easier to wear a sign that tells them exactly what they want or need to know about me, because their opinion frequently comes out in inappropriate behavior on their part. That unfortunately is the public image that most think is correct today. It is totally based on appearances and basically has nothing to do with reality. Is it unrealistic to make what others think of me none of my business? I don't think it is. They will either like me or not, and mostly that is based on first impressions or on someone's opinion they have already heard before they meet me. If they are open-minded their opinion may change, but I find most people are not open-minded. Just my experience for you to ponder. Thanks for the discussion. And remember, don't take life too serious or other people!

here on mylot we only know you as you chose to be known. I find you to be a thoughtful, caring person, but I would not know you if I tripped over you, like many of us you have posted no pictures. Blessings

That's my point pat! They don't care about what they say. They don't think about the reprecussions of their words and how they might be hurtful. They just want to say whatever comes into their moronic brains! And if it gets turned around on them then they can't handle it and are the first one screaming and denying and cursing me out for giving my truthful opionion! Believe me, I am a Libra and am "supposed" to be a "peacemaker" and usually am. But, if you push me too far, you are going to see the the wrath and wish you never opened Pandora's box because my friends know I have one hellofa temper when pushed beyond my limit!

I have found the older I get the less I respond with temper, I think that I would rather spend my energy on other things, or maybe I just don't care as much as I once did. I know that over the years my feelings about people have changed a great deal. I am far less judgemental and more forgiving then I once was. If however my button gets pushed and I become angry as in the case of child abuse I am totally ready to fight in any manner I can for the children.

Have you ever told them how much you enjoy their remarks? If not it might be worth your while to do so. Some people think you benefit from these sugestions, I'm sure. But I have often found that bullies attack those that do not fight back, And this is a form of bullying. I never tell anyone something personal unless I clear it with them first. I ask "Do you really want to know what I think?" If they do then I try to be as kind as I can while still being honest.

i just found it interesting to hear what others thought of me. I do my own thing, but i always try to be kind and help when I can.

Thank you, I try to make my discussions interesting and a little unusual. After all who cares what you eat for breakfast or how often you brush your teeth.

I love your discussions. Many times I don´t answer them as I don´t find anything else to say, but still I am happy reading them.

The thing is they can only look at us from their point of view, they cannot see what is truly in our hearts. Blessings

true, so we stand still with optimist and trough our live positive way. but hear and try to understand are important as a mirror how we are

It may be true that no one can read you, but here on mylot I think maybe you have been more open. I read a lot of what you right and while it's not as strong as it was at first I still feel you carry a great deal of pain, frustration and sorrow. I hope in some way we are helping you heal. Blessings Many of us have come here to heal.

Well in all honesty you and everyone else here knows what I write. Everything I write about the evil ex is true. Yes I still feel it. And the anger is the part that is not going away. But as for me as an individual, no one really knows me. What ever people know about is what I want them to know. But, all that reading mystery stuff aside, I do enjoy coming here to MyLot and it does help me and keep me calm. But that is to a point. There are those days that if I do talk about it it angers me to no end and those days that it does not bother me at all. I do have my ups and downs.

Thank you for the encouragement. I don't mind being labeled a nonconformist, it's better than some things I've been called. I would call myself a nonbeliever or a believer depending on your point of view. I will believe most ideas until they are disproved at the same time I will believe very little until I see proof. A good example is Ghosts, if you believe in them I can accept that but I didn't believe in them until I was exposed to one. One thing I know for sure, there are many more things to know and I know very little.

Be careful to be true to yourself. We all have faults and being a little needy seems to me to be a small thing. Maybe you aare just miss read. You are more giving and care more than most, so you are more in contact than others. Don't change just because you heard something you didn't like. So what if you are needy, we all are in some ways, many just hide it.

It sounds like you hear negative things and you are right to disregard these, you know that you are not that person. Blessings

What a nice surprise. Blessings

I can only say that you are in charge of you, no one else has that power unless you allow it. I think you learned this lesson. I also think you learned the value of a true gift, a gift once given should be forgotten, no strings attached, if you only give when you expect a return then that is a price paid not a true gift. I am glad that you are a happy person, there are way to few of us.