What shall I do if my boyfriend shy away from marriage conversation

If your friend, Sandra, really loves her boyfriend she should be patient because no one should ever be pressured into marriage. Some people are never prepared to marry. If marriage is very important to your friend maybe she should consider dating someone else. It seems, to me, that Sandras' boyfriend is being honest with her and it's important that she respect his decision to wait. Sandras' boyfriend made his decision and now Sandra is in a position to make her decision as well.

Hi Jbf, I have to tell you that if I honestly loved someone, that I'd wait forever for them to marry me and if forever came and went and then what difference would it make if we loved that much? Seriously, a Marriage Certificate is a legal committment and not to be taken lightly at all. It does have benefits that non-married couples do not have. If you are religious then of course it is important to you for reasons other than the legalities. In that case, only YOU can decide how long you are willing to wait. My point is that a lot of people tend to think that marriage is proof that their partner loves them. It is not. If your love is not strong enough to survive without marriage, it sure as heck is not going to survive simply because you got that piece of paper.Just my thoughts.

I think Sandra has to talk to her boyfriend since they were in 3years of staying together. She must know what the real thing between the two of them if they were getting into deep relationship. It is hard to wait that's why she must knew it if her boyfriend has plan to be with her all his life. Or if he is just fooling her around.

Actually I can take the risk and say my blondie is right to an extent. Marriage creates some commitments which scares many 'honorable' men. They fear responsibilities, social life, and whatever it imports. A good relationship can be ruined by getting married because of new family obligations. Nevertheless, a girl has little choice with her biological clock ticking and society hounding. They do need to thrash this thing out.

Well, it seems like your friend now wants to get settled. I think 3 years is long enough to decide whether you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. Maybe the boyfriend is someone who has difficulty making commitments. She has to make a decision herself whether to stay on or look for someone else.

If your friend Sandra wants marriage, that is right for her. Marriage will protect a woman from a man leaving her without any money. If they have kids, money becomes a very important issue. Your friend is thinking ahead and it is clever of her. If her boyfriend insists on a no marriage relationship, its time for her to leave him. If she feels in her gut that she wants to be married, its time for her to look for someone who does want to get married. Do not let her waste her life on a man who would not give her any protection aka a marriage certificate. He is only thinking of his interest. A marriage will say if he is willing to commit, that is all. If he loves her, it does not matter that they get married things will remain the same. Since he is avoiding marriage, is he saying that if he wants to leave anytime, he can? If he gives a reason and says he is afraid of a divorce, if Sandra truly loves him, this could be avoided because she wont want to hurt someone she loves, would she?

Thanks for the discussion. What concerns me is the statement that the boyfriend is not ready to go into the world of long relationships. What is 3 years if not a long relationship? I know when I was dating some of the things I and my boyfriends discussed was what we expected from the relationship. Did we expect it just to be a dating relationship forever? or did we expect to get married? It was funny but I did have several answer they only expected to date me, and weren't interested in considering getting married to me. I also found the ones that said that, usually were not loyal to me alone, but wanted to date other people at the same time. If I were her, I would not allow him to avoid the conversation about where the relationship is headed. Why waste time and wait on someone who doesn't have the same goals as you do? But she needs to be sure of what she wants in a relationship also. I've found many friends of mine are just comfortable in a relationship and keep it because they do not want to spend the time looking for someone other than the person they are with. It is a lot of effort to look for a new companion and a lot of work to develop a relationship. They are not truly happy in the relationship but afraid of looking for another one. One of my friends complains constantly about her boyfriend but is to lazy to change it. Matters of the heart are always touchy to talk about with your friends. No one other than the person in a relationship can say how the heart feels. I know from experience I've had to break up a relationship where my heart was involved because it just wasn't going to work for the best interest of either of us. We had ideas that were just too different as to what we truly wanted out of life. Sounds like you friend might want to consider writing about what she wants out of life and how the relationship with her boyfriend is going to meet those goals. It has always amazed me how when I see what I think in black and white on paper how it gives me a view as to what I really want and exactly how I'm fulfilling that want or how the person will help me reach my goals.

well if she loves him she will not pressure him and keep asking him over and over becasue she will only turn him against her.. tell her to just enjoy the time wshe has with him and be the best girlfriend he cpuld ever want and when he is ready he will ask her to marry him in his own time.. bit after like 5 years i would be worried not until then as dating also can be alot of fun and gives you time to ge tto know the other person. i think more people should wait before jumping into marriage and there would be less divorce..tell her to enjoy her dating time.. :)

In my point of view she should wait for her boyfriend to decide when to propose a marriage unless her boyfriend finalize that no marriage at all then she should consider what she need to do. Actually these days marriage is no longer as necessary as it was before,but of course don't get me wrong I'm one of those who believe in marriage and value marriage a lot. Just what I'm trying to say is that when it comes to marriage both should have intimacy and both are ready to make things perfect between them. Happy mylotting!

This is just my opinion and i could really be wrong about it. But i believe that when a man loves that woman there will be no excuses whatsoever. It may be true that he's not ready but it might also be true that he will never be ready at all. Now if your friend truly loves him and he's showing the same to her, then time is not a problem. But if your friend loves him that much but he is not showing that much and your friend is having doubts, i think it's time she discusses things to her boyfriend and a possibility of not being able to wait.

Well, in my opinion, if that is the case with your friend's boyfriend, she better find a new one. When one enters a relationship, one expects a commitment, even if it's not by marriage. Good, if both of you are just in your 20's, i guess relationships at that time isn't expected to be that serious. But if you expect a serious commitment but your boyfriend will say he is not ready, despite the fact that you are both with stable jobs and of marrying age, then better start scouting for someone ready to commit.

If sandara's boy friends has a true love why does she matter about it ? According to my opinion she should have patience. She should wait till his boyfriend is ready for the marriage. As you people know that compelling or forcing others may lead to unwanted problems. So try to avoid such forces with your boy friend.

If there are no serious problems in the relationship aside from the marriage thing, I think going to look somewhere else would be a big mistake. It's not that he doesn't love her and it's also not that he never wants to get married like some of the previous posters have brought up. It's just too soon for him. And that's a sentiment I can completely understand. It's not true that nothing changes with marriage if they're already in a serious relationship. Marriage is for the rest of your life, a new chapter, the last step before getting children. That's not something to be taken lightly, no matter how much you love someone. IMO she needs to let him adjust to the idea, give him some time. People jump into marriage way too quickly these days anyway. Waiting a bit until they're both sure won't do any harm.

It depends on how deep your friend loves her boyfriend, also I suggest your friend can always visit her boyfriend parents and tell them she wants to get married with their son when he is ready, I think maybe the boy can accept what his parents suggested.

He's not ready, and don't press the issue. Give him time. I have been with my boyfriend for four years now, and yes, we have talked about marriage, but neither one of us is really ready for it. I need a real job and a real career, and so does he. I have to get on my feet and settled, and so does he. We are by no means ready for marriage yet, and we will get married when we feel that we are ready, but we just aren't ready right now. Don't force it. If he is not ready, then he is just not ready. Also, is she ready for it because that now means that you have to settle down and that you have to be ready to take care of him and whatever family you produce. Don't be in such a hurry to get married.

When it comes to thoughts of marriage, it has to be something you are ready for or you are not. This isn;t something that can be forced on another person and have a good outcome. When you are ready to talk about mariage, it should come easily and naturally. If your boyfriend is turning away from the subject, he may just be uncomfortable about it just not ready to make that kind of comittment. It does not mean that his feelings for you are not real. Just give it time and it marriage is in the cards for you, it will come.

Your friend's boyfriend does not want to get married. It doesn't take a lot of preparation to get married. Especially for men. He doesn't want to come right out and say it. Advise your friend to not pressure her boyfriend. Three years is long enough to wait for someone to want to marry. She should probably go ahead and get out of the relationship before she wastes more time and get hurt.

Easy is to ask him directly , if it is not done then it may be too late .