Give me a child Please.....!
By Lance26
@Lance26 (956)
Philippines
May 5, 2012 2:48pm CST
I have a friend of mine whom I've known for more than 5 years now. We were living on the same apartment before and our place of work are just steps away from home so each morning we always walk together and talk things even as personal as our sexperiences. To cut the story short, we became close friends and very comfortable to eachother.
One day she just opened to me that she doesn't need a man in her life anymore as according to her are just headaches and heartbreakers. I can't blame her for she's been hurt many times and often being left alone. For how many times I tried to convince her that not all men are like her exes everytime we talk about our past relationships, I cant count anymore. Maybe due to what she has gone through that's why her heart is as good as stone when it comes to us men.
She said "what I needed in my life is just a child whom I can devote my time and love with. You know what? when I was alone it crosses my mind, what if I ask a guy I knew better to give me one? No strings attached just bank his sperm on my womb and I'll convert the capital into cash with interest if he ask to."
I was in disbelief as it's my first time to hear those words from a girl. And what I was more surprised with is if I can consider myself as her donor. Do you know what happened next?
5 people like this
11 responses
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
5 May 12
Oh, I think your friend is just getting desperate over failing in love a few times. She needs to think it over really hard and pray for guidance, as well. Rearing a child is not easy and putting the child in such a situation is even worse. She has to be strong and whole, in making such decision.
Don't you have feelings for your friend? Do you think its possible for you to give her the love she deserves?
2 people like this
@Lance26 (956)
• Philippines
6 May 12
That might be the right word to describe her, "desperate". She's turning 33 anyway if my memory serves me right. If she believes that for women " Life ends at 40 " then she has every right to be desperate about.
I love her but not more than friends and she knew that.
1 person likes this
@PhillyDreamer (3039)
• United States
5 May 12
I think she approached you about it and you thought long and hard before you finally turned her down. Putting a child in this world is a tough decision and most people have a problem about it when they are involved in a relationship, but to know you would have no involvement with that child would be even harder. She may have gone through tough times with men, but I'm not sure she would be an appropriate role model for a child, especially if that child turned out to be male.
1 person likes this
@PhillyDreamer (3039)
• United States
6 May 12
It's what any guy would do in the situation. Whether women want to admit it or not they need us, just like we need them. Some people need to learn love isn't going to fall in their lap, you have to continue to grow as a person and once you know what you want from another person then you will find that person. Her trying to bypass the whole relationship and just have a baby is just a bunch of cynnical rhetoric that many women who have been hurt say. In her heart she knows she wants the whole package, and if she were to have a child that child would deserve a father.
1 person likes this
@Lance26 (956)
• Philippines
6 May 12
Who wouldn't want the whole package right? But the thing is she's giving up on love and had lost her trust on men. I don't know if we can call it selfishness for she is anticipating that she would be alone in her old days as she chooses to remain single for the rest of her life. She's 33 and her last relationship was 5 years ago. With that span of time having no social life I am quite sure she's really serious about it.
@PhillyDreamer (3039)
• United States
7 May 12
She might be one of the sad few cases of people who have given up. It's a shame, that sometimes people can't overcome the hurtles in life. Life isn't supposed to be easy it's supposed to knock you on your butt every which way and you learn how to be happy in between the falls. At least you had the sense to not take her up on the offer. If she is meant to have a child it will happen, but I hope her mind will be in a better place before it happens.
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
5 May 12
Hello Lance and welcome to myLot. Your story is sad. Your friend may not think she needs a man in her life but every child deserves and should have a father in their live. Your friend may just need a child but children deserve more than just a mopther. It may be the type of men your friend is getting involved with that is the problem.
1 person likes this
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
6 May 12
Yes Dads are missed when they either disappear or or just a sperm donner. It seems to me that with the woman's movement They are trying to take dads out of the equation there fore making men unnecessary. In my opinion fathers and men are a very necessary part of every person's life. Sometime fathers and men are jerks but we have to learn to cope with them
@Lance26 (956)
• Philippines
6 May 12
Thanks deebomb. You are absolutely right. I can't even imagine what she has to tell if time comes the child starts to ask where I am. Just merely thinking my child knows nothing about me makes my heart breaks into pieces. I lost my dad at 3, so I know the feelings of having no dad beside me.
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
6 May 12
In my opinion, she can only say that, because of her past heartaches.
But when somebody comes along again and make her fall in love, she wouldn't be thinking like that anymore.
It's still nice that you have a partner in rearing your child. AT least, when the child grows she won't feel hurt by not having a father.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
7 May 12
Correct Lance. The most wonderful thing God has given us is to be able to love and be loved.
Heartaches is part of being in love. So just don't give up on one or two heartaches, because in the end , one will find his/her true match in life. 
@Lance26 (956)
• Philippines
6 May 12
HI there SIMPLYD, been a long time.
Yes, I believe so, it's just a matter of time and heart will voluntarily opens again to embrace new love no matter what her mind tell her not to. She deserves to be happy, afterall it's not the love but the lover/s who broke her heart. As I always told her, don't ruin your chances for happiness to love and be loved again just because of her past relationships.
1 person likes this
@vaishnavc (556)
• India
6 May 12
Just be there for her when she needs you and maybe she will change her mind about guys.
And how can we know what happened next?You are the only one who knows.SO it would be better if you just tell us.
1 person likes this
@Lance26 (956)
• Philippines
6 May 12
I didn't say anything about it for I remained silent all through out the course on our way home. It isn't as interesting as a love story LOL, it's just about two adult people talking Yes or NO to a possible union of cells in the absence of the thing called love. BTW i don't believe that "Silence means Yes"
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
6 May 12
Oy! I hope you said no! Of course she can raise a child all on her own but to ask a close friend to just be a donor is not a good idea. Why? If she wants the child Not to know you are the father , the close friendship will Have to end.But... if you both want to be parents but not partners And you can figure out visitation and everything else, then why not?
But the way she said it makes me wonder if she wants to replace her need for a romantic partner with a baby. So instead of a an adult to make her happy, a baby will do it. Well, that is dangerous. To be a good parent you need to do what is best for the baby, not xpect the baby to fulfill you!
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
9 May 12
That is a huge gamble! She may have the baby and say thank you and disappear! And since she is the mom, it will be hard to fight for your rights. Dads have a hard time getting visitation rights over here. Just think about.
@Lance26 (956)
• Philippines
9 May 12
Indeed. When I am alone, I can't help but to think about the what if's?
What if I just propose to her and have me also in the package?
What if I go for it and insist my rights?
What if when I accept it, she just suddenly disappear after knowing she's positive?
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
6 May 12
Women are depressed about a lot of things and one of them is due to failed relationships. But I think what's more there is the fact that perhaps she's falling into you and you didn't notice it.
Anyhow, I don't think it's right for you to take advantage of the sad soul. You should help her gain more confidence more and help her get her feet on the ground. Then if you feel you truly love her, that's the time you pursue her, not now on her darkest hour.
I hope you made the right decision.
Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
@Lance26 (956)
• Philippines
6 May 12
What you said about her feelings towards me might be true. But as I said on my previous comment she's just a friend to me, I value our friendship more than anything else. I will never ever take advantage of her for I believe what she needed is a true friend who always right by her side and I know in time, she will forget everything she said to me when the right love, right person at the right time knocks at her heart again.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
15 May 12
I'm sorry that your friend feels so negative toward men! That is so sad to judge the entire species of men based on the relationships that she has experienced. We all have (or most of us anyway) had bad experiences in love. It should cause us to kick back and re-evaluate our choices and what we want in a mate and also what we are not willing to put up with so that we make better choices. There are plenty of men and women though that find it just easier to live without any love in their lives rather than take the risk of getting hurt again.
And you are to be commended for giving deep thought to the question of being a possible sperm donor for her. I'm sure there are many men that could do this and just walk away from it without a care or a thought. It's true, that even if the father is not in a relationship with the mother, he should be allowed to be a part of the child's life. My father was such a huge influence in my life and I think every kid deserves that relationship if at all possible.
@Lance26 (956)
• Philippines
15 May 12
Yes sid it's very unfortunate that even me being her friend has no exemption to her judgement about men. I tried to convince her many times and offer my fathehood to the baby if it pushes through but I got same answer each time. I grew up fatherless at the age of 3 and somehow I feel something is lacking within me. Now I am certain about this matter, it's not within my hands who will give the same fate to the baby as I had.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
6 May 12
hi lance I am wanting to now the ending to this short tale as no I have no idea what happened next. You left us dangling there in suspense waiting to find out did you donate, are you getting married to her.tell us what did happen next Inquiring minds want to know. 8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888777777777777777777777777777777777 uyyyb iuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
@Lance26 (956)
• Philippines
6 May 12
Hi Hatley, nice to see you again.
Upto till date I haven't done anything. She's still single so am I. She never brought that topic again although when we're chatting she simply joke about it. You know what, somehow in my mind I want to reconsider that but then again it would be unfair for the child knowing he will be borned out of wedlock and have no chance to meet his dad because his mom would choose to raise him all by herself.
@Lance26 (956)
• Philippines
8 May 12
Thanks prashu228, my new friend here.
You are right there, a family in its true essence is composed by father, mother and child/ren. Though it is proven that the absence of any of the parents or both a child can still be a good child depends on how he will be raised and in the influence of his/her environment. But ofcourse, who wouldn't want to have your family complete?
@prashu228 (37524)
• India
6 May 12
hmm, quiet interesting...i read all the comments of 2pages...and finally...what i can say is ..what you are doing is right( i know you didnt ask my opinion...hehe..but still....lol). A child needs both the parents, dad is as important as mother.....and i will follow the comments further...if this discussion continuous....many of the myloters are eager to know the climax of the story including me......(lol)
@Lance26 (956)
• Philippines
14 May 12
Without any hesitations? I wish it could be that simple to say yes. As I explained here in my comments there are things need to take into consideration. Well I want help her but the thing is I also wanted to have an equal parenting rights about the baby.
