she is always negative.....
@crazzydolphin (3636)
United States
May 9, 2012 10:20pm CST
i have a friend well a person i talk to on occasion so i guess she is more like an aquaitenance (sp wrong i know lol) but it seems like every time we do talk there is some major life crisis going on. i rarely hear her say anything positive about her life and if she does say a positive thing there is a negative to follow.
would it be so wrong if i didnt want to talk to her anymore?
i feel like i am a bad person if i stop talking to her because all she has is negative things to say and maybe all she is looking for is a friend to listen to her. i never have much to say about the things but i listen and try to be a good friend. the problem is sometimes it is a little to much for me to handle with my own life i have to deal with to. i tell her some things but i try to keep things to myself specially if they are personal.
i guess i am looking for some advice on what i should do.....i like being her friend and i love that if i ever truely needed something even tho she lives far away she will do waht she can to help me or she try and get down here to me if she can but like i said before i have a life of my own with my own drama and my own problems and i know that may sound selfish of me and i do not mean to. i have never had a problem listening and trying to help others but like i said it seems she only talks to me to complain about her problems and then she is done talking for a while.
1 person likes this
12 responses
@peavey (16936)
• United States
11 May 12
Some people have a toxic effect on our own well being. We shouldn't feel guilty about not letting them make us feel bad. If you feel she is hurting your own mood or mental state, then it's not selfish to move on. You have a family and a life that deserves the best you can give it. However, if she doesn't really get you down, you could try to change the subject or encourage her positive comments while ignoring the negative ones. Some relationships allow one to simply say something like, "Your life and your health will both be better if you concentrate on being positive." If that's so, then do it.
@peavey (16936)
• United States
14 May 12
If the negativity is affecting your family or your own well being, you're not a bad person to protect yourself by leaving her alone. You probably feel as if you're helping her by listening, but it could be just the opposite. You may be enabling her to continue her self destructive ways (which negativity is doing).
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
14 May 12
sometime i do feel as tho all the negative energy is changing the way i look at things. i know a while back i started to look at all the negatives things going on in my life but once i noticed that i changed and i did not talk to her for a little while but then she needed something so i did and now here we go again. i have started to find the positive things in life for her. like when she says something negative i have tried to turn it around and sometimes it seems to work and others it doesnt but she usually has to come back with another negative thing no matter what i say.
i guess i feel like the bad person if i leave her like that because i may be the only one that truely listens to her.
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
15 May 12
your right on the dot there. i do feel as tho i am helping her in some way when i listen to her. even if i do not have anything to say about it i feel as tho it helps just to be there for her to talk to someone and to not hold things in. it is unhealthy to do that and i do it all the time so i guess i feel that if i can help her then it will make a differance.
i never looked at it that way but maybe you are right maybe i am just enabling her and it wont get better this way. i would like to help this friend and still be there for her but i do not want to be the cause of her self destructive ways.
now i have to figure out what is best for everyone involved...
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
10 May 12
The reason she is probably always saying negative things is because her life is filled with negative problems and she is trying to open up and talk with you about them. There isn't anything wrong with you feeling that way it is normal for us to feel that way. I'm sure that we all at one time or another felt that one of our friends kept unburdening their problems to us. She probably only has you to talk to about these things, or she is the type of person that talks about her problems with the majority of the people she considers friends.
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
10 May 12
i am so glad that you commented to this because i was starting to feel like a very bad person for this. what i said came out a little wrong and i do that alot even in every day conversations. thank you for your comment because it made me feel a lot better.
i know she has had friends here and there but most of them got tired of hearing it and the just slowly drifted apart so i think that is why she talks to me because i have never just ditched a friend because of something like this. there is no point because i know how it feels to not have a friend to talk to. i just lost my best friend about a month ago over something so stupid and it just got worse so i know ill never get her back so that leaves me here to mylot where i can meet many new people and make many new friends and just get things off my chest after ive held them in for so long and that is why some things sound worse than what i mean but i wish people would think about it before they go off telling me i am a bad friend 
sorry for that i am just kind of hurt by that since i have never seen my self that way but thank you again for the positive feed back on this :)
sorry for that i am just kind of hurt by that since i have never seen my self that way but thank you again for the positive feed back on this :)1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
18 May 12
Sorry to hear that you have lost a friend. Why can't you mend the friendship? If it is was a really good friendship can the two of you make peace and start over, or overlook whatever it was that made you both upset? We really do need friends. It adds so much to our life. I hope that you will perhaps be able to talk with your old friend and fix things. Your not a bad friend. If anyone says you are a bad friend then they are being dishonest with themselves. We all have felt that way and no one can't say that they haven't unless they have had no friends that talk about their problems. So don't feel bad if someone has said that too you. I'm sure you are a great friend, it's just sometimes there is only so much we can say or do when our friends unburden their problems on us. When we reach that point, then we have to just listen to what they say. That way they know they have someone who will listen to them, don't say anything just really listen.
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
21 May 12
i can look past it and let it go but i dont think she wants to. it was over something very stupid and childish then from what i understand she heard some rumor and she believed that without talking to me first so i cant talk to her daughter any more. she wont pick up the phone and she turns her nose up and walks the other way if i see her outside so i am not sure that this is something that can be mended even tho i wish i could.
thank you for the response and the support here. it is really hard on me but i am still listening. sometimes i just dont know what to say but i guess it is enough just to sit there and be there for her to talk to. thank you again because it makes me feel better that i am not the only one to think like that. i do see myself as a good friend i hate to ever see anyone hurt. i try to make everyone happy and i do what i can when i can to help someone out :) that is just the way i am
1 person likes this
@lampar (7584)
• United States
11 May 12
I assume it is a fact of life that not everyone living in this world is a positive person by birth, she may have many negative outlook on life, things going on around her and other people due to the above fact that she probably has no control over at all. As a friend of her, i may not consider it as her fault and choose not to talk to her. May be i can guide her into looking at every issue positively instead of remain negative, i probably will try to change some of her outlooks and breath some optimism into her psychic for the better instead of drop her as my friend. After all, her negativity may not be something she can change all by herself alone, she may need a helping hand from a good friend to make improvement in her life, let's give her a chance, and continue the friendship if possible unless you are eager to cut her off and had got enough of her. 
@lampar (7584)
• United States
14 May 12
According to what you wrote here, it sure seem to me it is the time she really in need of some supports and plenty of helps from her friends, may be you are one very special friend to her that she feel that she can trust you wholeheartedly by turning to you for that emotional supports. It maynot be her intention to sound negative in every statements she make with you, but due to her personality, she will always feel and act like very bad thing is going to happen to her from negativity perspectives. It is only right for you not to abandon her friendship and push her aside at a time she needed the most from a friend, instead you should provide more loving care and empathy to a distraught friend of yours, that is what i will do if i am you to a friend in need. 
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
14 May 12
i would feel really bad if i abandoned her as her friend because i would hate for anyone to do it me. i see what you are saying and i agree i do not think i could just push her away like that. i know she had a hard life and her family doesnt make it any better and i think i may be the only person she can talk to that will listen to her. i see what you mean and i think i will try this because maybe she is reaching out for my help without actually asking for it because she is not the type to ask for help. thank you for your comment and you insight on this because it made me look at the things she says in a little different way and i see that she may just need some help to change the things that she can change and how to look past the things she can not instead of dwelling over them.
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
15 May 12
she has had a rough life and i can see why she would think everything negative and i never really thought of it this way until now. she really may not mean to sound negative all the time and i have recently started to try and turn the negative comments into a positive outlook for her and it works sometimes and others she will jsut come back with something else negative but at the same time i guess a little progress is better than none at all.
thank you for you comment :)
i will be trying to find better ways to go about this i am not wanting to lose another friend over something so small. she needs a friend and at this point in my life so do i so i think we need each other. i just have to find a way to make it all work :)
@laken02 (3065)
• United States
11 May 12
this is just a thought, but if you are close to this friend did you ever consider being honest with her and telling her how you feel not in a bad way but in a way that would help her out, maybe you could tell her not to be so negative all the time or offer some suggestions on how she can do better, i would not cut her off my list of friends just yet, becasue good freinds are hard to find.. i
my good friend did this to me and it helped me alot, she told me i like to argue and i really never realized it until she told me.. so i stopped. and was glad for the advice.. not sure about your situation but maybe just be honest but do it on a nice friendly way, take care :)
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
15 May 12
thank you. i am sure it will sooner or later it will just take a little bit of time :) i think i am going to be honest with her but at the same time show her the better things in life and just not all the bad things that she sees every day. i dont know if this will help her but all i can do is try :)
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
14 May 12
i have considered it and i still am. she is one of those types that get their feelings hurt quick or get mad quick also but i am trying to find a nice way to go about this not to uoset her. i would hate for someone to just stop being my friend for something like that so i dont want to do it to her. i was just really annoyed at the time and i have to find a way to make it a little better atleast. i think i am the only person she can talk to and that will listen to her so i understand but i have tried to turn it to a positive lately and it does seem to work sometimes but she usually comes back with something else negative but i guess every little bit of progress helps. thank you for the advice and i am still going to consider this i will just have to have a plan on how to go about it :)
1 person likes this
@HosmanF (92)
• Belgium
14 May 12
Good evening dear mylloter friend Crazzydolphin , well this is such a fragile and hard subject for me , since i cann somehow relate to your situation , only that the person i am trying to open her eyes and mind are my mother and sister , they have both been verry dissapointed in their past , and now they have a tendency to dramatize and rather then have that hope , they becamed cold and negative thinking , and me personally i feel i am bound to do something , and i tell them everytime i get the chance that they should start to be more trusting of themselfs first of all and try to see the positive side always , because getting depressed and loosing confidence and start doubting yourself its never the right answer to get out of a problem , you need to be relenteslly positive and have faith most important.
I wish you a verry great evening dear mylloter friend.
HosmanF.
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
15 May 12
that sounds exactly like my friends life. she has had so many dissapointments and so many bridges she has had to cross that everything may seem negative to her now. i have recently started trying to twist the negative things she tells me into a positive and sometimes it will work and sometimes it does not but i guess every little bit of progress is better than none at all. i guess i will just have to keep at it like you have done and maybe that will do some good.
has it done any good for you? have they changed any at all and started looked at the more positive side of things?
thank you for you comment atleast now i know i am not alone in this :) i hope that things get better for you also.
have a great day :)
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
9 Sep 12
yes i have come to realize that when you life is revolved around negative people that that is the way that you start to turn out and that isnt the right way of thinking. negativity makes everything that much harder for everyone around so it is good to keep that to a minimum.
@sukumar794 (5040)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
10 May 12
While good positive thinking is vital to human existence, negative outlook on life really spoils one,s personal self. Good things dawn on itself only when a positive outlook is maintained. On the other hand when someone begins to view things in a negative vein all efforts towards gain would turn out to be in vain.
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
11 May 12
that is very true. most of the time i do not even know what to say to her. like i said before it is all the time and after a while i just run out of things to say. i just recently started to try and turn it around to a positive look for her. i hoped that would help the situation but it seems that when i do that she comes back with something worse and more negative than where the conversation started. now dont get me wrong i did say all the time sheis negative but i have heard like 1 or 2 things that were positive and i made an effort to make it a big deal and i try and turn her back to that time when she gets to negative with me. at this point i am not sure what else i can do.
@alberello (4752)
• Italy
10 May 12
Well, the fact that more clear, I believe that every human being has any problems, concerns, in short, something that would make their lives unhappy. From how you described me your friend, it would seem that in his case the problems are more pronounced than normal. the fact that she confides in you, it means that maybe he found someone who could help in some way. I would try to be her for support, especially morally. Although perhaps some of his discussions about her issues in the long run could become annoying.
Do not ever, in my opinion abandon a person in distress!
We recall that could happen to us one day to have similar problems!
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
11 May 12
i agree with you. i just recently had an arguement with my best friend who we told everything to and now without her i feel lost and i know nothing will change that now so i would hate to do that to her and her feel the same way that i am. i forgot what it felt like to have someone there for me for moral support.
i never looked at it this way but maybe you are right. her family doesnt do anything but bash her for everything that she does so maybe i am the one she found to talk to and confide in. maybe i can help. thank you for that because it made me look at the situation in a whole new light.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
10 May 12
I think every time she has something negative to say maybe you can turn it into positive. If she has kids or a husband, when she complains about something tell her shes blessed to have them. If she has a roof over her head, tell her shes blessed to have a home.
Not everything in this world is negative 24/7. And no one needs to be or hear negative all the time because it can bring others down.
I have someone that only calls when she needs to vent or has a problem but when I need someone to listen shes not there for me in return. I am getting tired of it honestly. So I understand what you mean.
If changing things into a positive light doesnt work try talking to her telling her that you feel overwhelmed by all of the negativity!
Hope this helped a little! :)
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
10 May 12
i never thought about trying to turn it around on her but that might just work.
i am glad someone understands because i was beginning to think i was a really bad person after people started to comment on this. it does bring me down sometimes because a lot of negativity puts a damper on my every day life because i have a big heart and i hate to see or hear of my friends going thro a tough time.
she is the same way. she will tell me everything and sometimes she will listen to me but usually turns it back around to some negative thing of her life so i basically stopped trying to talk to her about things and started to hold it in again.
it did help thank you and i will defianately be trying this and if it doesnt help i will just have to find the right way to tell her that it is a little to much...i am bad with words sometimes lol so i will have to think about it really hard before i tell her. thanx again for the great avice :)
@jemzchix (116)
• Philippines
10 May 12
sometimes, with all the negativity going on around your friend.. it's best that you avoid her or don't talk to her every once in a while.. because no matter how much you give her positive advice, and she's always negative, it might turn out that you'll also be negative. the aura of each person can greatly influence another person's aura. i'm not saying that u unfriend her, but rather, just give space from each other. remember, you also need positiveness from other person, and not always all the negativity. then if you're ready to hear from her again, then go, talk again to her...
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
11 May 12
i have actually started to put myself offline of facebook so she couldnt see that i was on and i have gotten off as soon as she sends me a message but i guess i feel like a bad friend if i do that. i feel like i am the bad person. there have been times that all her negativity has rubbed off on me and i realized i had started to do the same thing but atleast once i realized it i stopped but she doesnt seem to ever stop. thank you for the advice because i can not see myself unfriending her because i would hate for someone to do that to me so i think this may be the next best option.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
11 May 12
Ever told that acquintance you get tired of all the complaining? Ever told to look at the positive side of life? That we all have our problems, sadness, difficulties to deal with?
Might be nothing is going on in your acquintances life and that is why the problems are getting more and more and so is the negative news.
I think it's normal you don't want to stick around anymore to hear it all, since all this negative energy will have it's effect on you, which is not positive.
So you have to say what you feel/is on your mind. If your acquintance is able to listen you can say it straight ahead (if you can't tell me positive news keep your mouth shut or I stay away, if you don't change your attitude I stay away, get some proefessional help, understand that if you are always this way nobody will like you and everybody will leave you!).
If your acquintance is not able to listen you can do this: as soon as the complaining starts you will start talking about all your problems, sadness, difficulties, disappointments, ignore your acquintance keep talking, make it up or worser if necessary and see if it rings a bell!
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
14 May 12
i have told her but not directly. i know someone else that does a lot of complaining and stuff like that and i have said to her i cant stand that but i have never said that she is doing it and i am tired of it. i have tried recently to turn it around for a positive for her but that only works sometimes and usually she comes back with another negative thing to say. i have said things like that tho about we all have things to deal with and its a part of life and all i got out of that is well this is to much and nothing goes right for me and every time i pick myself up and think i am doing good then it all falls apart...ect.
i guess i just feel like the bad person if i leave her because i could be the only one she has to talk to that will listen but it does begin to be to much.
she will listen to a certain extent but she also gets her feelings hurt very easily and she also gets made at things very easily.
well i can always think of things that are negative in my life if i really look hard so i may try that idea. i do that some but never really ignored what she said so i think i will try that thank you. maybe this will annoy her and make her see what it is doing to me.
@thewonderboy (7501)
• India
10 May 12
I think you should lend your ears to your friend. Her behaviour shows that she had amazing talents to find the good and bad in every one. As a friend it is your duty to correct, even you are too busy with your personal life you must do it because she can be good to every if she loss the behaviour of finding negative in every one. Make sure that you do it for the sake for her.
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
10 May 12
i will not stop talking to her because of it when i typed up the discussion i was just thinking out load and now i am being presumed as a bad friend when i didnt mean it the way it was said. thank you for the comment and the advice. everyone needs a friend that is always there to listen and to her i guess i am that friend. i lost my best friend a few weeks ago over some stupid things so this may be way i was feeling this way because i have had no one to talk to but i wouldnt just leave her out to dry because everyone deserves a friend. i was jsut feeling bad that i felt that way and i was thinking that i was a bad person for thinking about everything she tells me....i will do it for her sake thanx again for the comment it made me think of a few things and realize a few other things :)
