Why is it easier for females to say another female is beautiful than...
By choybel
@choybel (5042)
Philippines
June 12, 2012 5:17am CST
for a guy to say another guy is handsome?
So here's the scoop. We went to a picnic last month on an island. I have been mentioning this island many times here in mylot now so many of you might already be familiar with it. Anyway, back to my story, on the way to the island we were accompanied with police escort, because this is a remote island with few natives living on it. During meal time, I asked my sister to send a plate of food to our escort and since there were many escorts that day because there were many visitors in that island having picnic as well, she wasn't sure which one was ours. I told her the good-looking guy with the shades, my companions hearing this really had to comment on that statement such as "good-looking huh?" and the sorts with grin and on a funny tone. I look at them and laughed as I said "I know how it sounds, but you guys should know that straight men can also distinguish a good-looking guy form the rest". Well, it went on to jokes and funny conversation.
And now I was into a discussion started by a female in which she mentions about admiring another fellow female's beauty, and it just sounded okay. So, I wondered, and as the title of this discussion states, why is it easier for females to say another female is beautiful, but when a guy says another guy is handsome, it starts to sound not right? What's really wrong with being able to accept the fact that another guy is handsome or more good-looking than myself?
So pretty guys and gals here in mylot, what are your thoughts on this?
2 people like this
18 responses
@kkaria309 (297)
• United States
12 Jun 12
I think men and women are equally insecure and under-confident about themselves. I would not want to admit that another women is pretty or beautiful because I would feel that would be inviting a comparison with me, and I would be afraid to fall short. But that does not mean I would never admit that a woman is beautiful.
I would applaud you for saying another man is good-looking, it shows that you are self-confided as well as humble. But if you had a crush on this amazingly beautiful woman, who was standing with you, would you be as confident in pointing out another good-looking guy to her?
If yes, you are great. Awesome, in fact. But if no, I wouldn't think less of you. I would just say you are normal. It was simple for Adam and Eve, there was no Nick or Amelia to compete against. The rules of dating, relationships and all their dynamics have changed my friend. I wish I was that confident in pointing out a beautiful woman to my crush or boyfriend [I am not]. Even if I did, it would be out of spite, or I would just be checking to see how he responds.
Maybe women can say this easily because they accept that fact and men might have their macho or ego come in the way of admitting that another guy is good-looking. Or maybe men tend to be more protective and possessive so they don't feel comfortable in exposing their women [sisters, friends, wives] towards other handsome men.
Am I making any sense?
1 person likes this
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
13 Jun 12
Hello kkaria309!
Welcome to mylot!
I very much agree on your thoughts here. Insecurity is a factor in this topic. I believe that it is not easy for anyone to admit that another person is just much better than one's self. In my case, it was not hard for me because I was with friends and family.I know these people know me and that alone probably built security and confidence for me.
Pointing out good-looking guys in front of my girlfriend is not a problem with me either. I did that many times already. I even joke about it sometimes. To me, I believe I am already in a stage where in I have already accepted my level in things. I can accept defeat where I know I was defeated fairly and I can accept victory where I know I won in an even game. I know my advantages and disadvantages, as well, so it is not difficult for me to assess where I stand in situations.
Ego is indeed one factor here, just as much as being protective and possessive.
kkaria309, thank you for your excellent contribution to this discussion. I find your response really insightful.
@kkaria309 (297)
• United States
13 Jun 12
I am glad you think so, choybel. I must say, what a secure person you are! My congratulations and hope you keep it up. I am sure I will achieve that someday. The defeated fairly and winning evenly thing. But usually I only play games I am absolutely sure I will win. Maybe that says something about me...
@penrockerchic (1903)
• Philippines
12 Jun 12
It's a simple question with many odd answers but here's my thought. Women seem to acknowledge beauty as easily as they could since we are more vocal with our thoughts and feelings than men. It had also been acceptable in our society to hear various comments of appreciation from and to women without thinking of underlying thoughts or meaning. But, for guys, as we know, if a guy says another guy is handsome, the society automatically associates him with gays who appreciate men more often. Straight men, unlike us tend not to be vocal about their thoughts and feelings and if such comments are heard from a guy, people would soon think of them as gay, which unfortunately, in our society, gay people are still struggling to fit in and be heard.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30183)
• Philippines
13 Jun 12
this is quite a good point penrockerchic... this is what i also had in mind. I even asked my boyfriend about this and well i even told him can you say that this one guy is handsome(and that is the truth) but he said he finds it odd appreciating other man's facial value.
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
13 Jun 12
As chiyosan said, good point. I also think that it is just a matter of social acceptance. I gave this topic more thought and I realized that it would be easy for me to say this for two reasons: One, I am confident in my gender preference, and two, I can freely say this things around people who knows me better, like friends and families. I am a person who can really be vocal with my thoughts and feelings and there is no problem with me being like this around friends.
chiyosan, I think your boyfriend just doesn't do that at all. I mean, it's normal for us guys not to really notice any guy's facial value.It would be weird if we would stare at some guy's face to really appreciate it. Sounds just not right at all, but of course, in my defense I can distinguish, accept, and say if a guy is handsome and more good-looking than me. I have no problem doing that, just not really have to study a guy's face.
chiyosan, I think your boyfriend just doesn't do that at all. I mean, it's normal for us guys not to really notice any guy's facial value.It would be weird if we would stare at some guy's face to really appreciate it. Sounds just not right at all, but of course, in my defense I can distinguish, accept, and say if a guy is handsome and more good-looking than me. I have no problem doing that, just not really have to study a guy's face.@penrockerchic (1903)
• Philippines
13 Jun 12
It's good that both of you find it easy to appreciate other people's beauty regardless of gender. I still have a hard time doing this though but not as much as I used to because I'm really particularly shy most of the time. But, when I find someone to have gorgeous looks, outfit and exceptional confidence, then I say what I feel and make sure that they're appreciated.
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
12 Jun 12
I think it is more about how society expects males and females to act rather than whether or not either gender is able to recognize and acknowledge attractiveness in someone of the same gender. I have heard guys say that they cannot tell when another man is attractive and yet their actions say differently, because they tend to want to compete more with guys that are obviously attractive, which means that they recognize the other male's attractiveness, even though they do not want to voice this fact. I think that the more comfortable and confident a person is with herself or himself the more he or she is able to recognize and acknowledge beauty/attractiveness in others.
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
18 Jun 12
It seems to me, judging from the responses here, most of the people believe it to be a way of society and a person's self-confidence level. I do agree with this, too, but I believe it is about time to maybe revolutionize this. I mean, I wish it would be easier to just exclaim appreciation without being thought of the wrong way.
@shaqziad (655)
• Malaysia
12 Jun 12
i think because boys tend to not vocalize their thought. they only do such thing to things that interest them. So when you say that, others might think you have interest in that guy. such misunderstanding often happen when you act different than society's expectation.
@psychoartist (756)
• United States
12 Jun 12
this is a good question choybel! very interesting...i do know someone however, who was annoyed by his wife's constantly commenting about other women's appearances...i think with men is it that they have been socialized to react and act in certain ways...when men are honest about their thoughts and feelings, such as you were in your statements or men who show emotions, etc...my husband has described men in such a way to me and i was not surprised or upset, but then my husband is very honest...
1 person likes this
@kareng (61739)
• United States
12 Jun 12
Personally I think it has to do with the way we think of males as being big and masculine. Not only do we picture this in our minds but society as a whole thing of men as being the leader and the strong one.
On the other hand (and this is from a female perspective), I also feel that a man can say and think another is handsome and be straight. This comes from his confidence in his own masculinity and self worth. One that isn't on a solid level of confidence may be embarrassed to make this statement. Just my thoughts and I'm interested to see what everyone else thinks on this topic.
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
18 Jun 12
You are probably right. Culture and society have probably instilled this image in everyone, of males being the strong one and all that. But, time has change a lot of things, and I can see now how females prove to be just as strong or even stronger.
Anyway, In my case it was just probably maturity and maybe a little bit of confidence.
Thank you for sharing your view on this, and I do hope you get something from the responses here.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
14 Jun 12
First I want to say thank you for calling me pretty!
I think it goes back to this. men are suppose just be and women are suppose to be pretty and thin. women are Still taught to size up the competition. Many Straight women look at fellow women and see Only how she looks , what she is or Not wearing. So when she Finds something good, they mention it. But guys are not suppose to even look at what other guys are wearing or notice his beauty unless he is gay! It is so old fashioned but it is still in effect! I have never thought I was pretty or thin enough to be loved so when I admire a women it Is because I like how she put her clothes together or.. she is a knock out. I get this from my mom, she would point out all the beauties to my dad. I have no problem with a straight guy admiring beauty in a man Or a female in my presence! It is so sad others do have a problem but it is Their problem Not yours!
I think it goes back to this. men are suppose just be and women are suppose to be pretty and thin. women are Still taught to size up the competition. Many Straight women look at fellow women and see Only how she looks , what she is or Not wearing. So when she Finds something good, they mention it. But guys are not suppose to even look at what other guys are wearing or notice his beauty unless he is gay! It is so old fashioned but it is still in effect! I have never thought I was pretty or thin enough to be loved so when I admire a women it Is because I like how she put her clothes together or.. she is a knock out. I get this from my mom, she would point out all the beauties to my dad. I have no problem with a straight guy admiring beauty in a man Or a female in my presence! It is so sad others do have a problem but it is Their problem Not yours! 
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
15 Jun 12
It seems that it is just a "man" thing A male can say that another male is intelligent, strong, clever, tall, short or muscled, but to notice that he is also handsome is seen to be drifting toward the feminine. I don't know why, but it just seems to be that way.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
24 Jun 12
There is certainly a double standard isn't there? I have also noticed a greater amount of acceptance with women that are gay.
It is odd that a woman can admire both sexes without anyone thinking anything of it, but it's not ok for a guy. I sometimes ramble on here about stereotypes and how it aggravates me..well..that might be an understatement..but we'll leave it there..lol. This sounds like one of those things I tend to fuss about on occasion. Men are raised in a manner to exhibit certain "manly" characteristics and apparently noticing beauty in objects or others is not included in that criteria. It is a shame really.
@knowledgehub (202)
• India
12 Jun 12
hehehe choybel,trust me fighting with 10 people is very easy,comparing to fight with a girl.thakns
@CeresAnyah (61)
• Philippines
12 Jun 12
that's because its been programmed since we were kids that boys arent supposed to be vocal with what they feel that includes opinions about the same gender ESPECIALLY when it comes to positive opinion about the person's physical appearance. People consider it feminine like. Girls on the other hand are "permitted" to express any opinions. haha or something like that. Blame that to the thousand year old silent law of the society. but there are some people who wont think negatively towards straight guys that express appreciation towards other guys.
@ladygator (3465)
• United States
13 Jun 12
Hi choybel,
It does seem awkward to hear a man calling another man good looking doesnt it? It doesnt bother me when I hear it. I actually think that its narrow minded thinking. I bet it comes from the age old thoughts on men being tough and no showing any softness. That they are supposed to be in competition with one another for the ladies. And when it comes to the ladies, they have always been more sensitive to the beauty of one another. However, they can be really mean and catty to one another. There are some very jeaolous and wont talk to prettier women.
@CarlHalling (3617)
• United Kingdom
13 Jun 12
Yes, it's true, we straight men can recognise a good-looking guy. I think it depends who you're talking to. I have had at least one straight male friend who will speak of men as being good-looking I mean in a positive way, and I will too; this guy in question is an artist, very sensitive, and for him, it's normal to speak this way, but there's no doubting where his preferences lie. But I have other friends who will - as I recall - speak of male good looks in a less positive light, if at all. With them, I will not speak of a guy as being good-looking. In my time, I've been good-looking; and I've had straight guys speak of my looks. Sometimes...and this usualy comes from artistic types...it's been positive. At other times, less positive. Sometimes also, a strange mixture of the two, in a humourous way as it were. These days, my looks are not often commented on; I've aged, and my looks have partly faded. I enjoyed being good-looking, but it got me into some trouble at times. Male good looks have power! But they are also controversial it seems. These days, I pursue a quiet existence, relatively free of good looks. It's fine. I just wish I had the kind of energy I once had!
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
13 Jun 12
ooohhhh you went to sta.cruz island! how nice.
So how come your escort was a good looking guy and the one we had before was ugly? 
But i do agree with you, we females are open with compliments, we tell each other how pretty or sexy or whatever.. we can tell it without any malice... but yes with guys i would also find it weird if a guy openly says to another guys..."dude you are handsome" hahahaha that would really open to jeers and teasing.. it is just not acceptable yet i think.
But i do agree with you, we females are open with compliments, we tell each other how pretty or sexy or whatever.. we can tell it without any malice... but yes with guys i would also find it weird if a guy openly says to another guys..."dude you are handsome" hahahaha that would really open to jeers and teasing.. it is just not acceptable yet i think. 
@thepooloflust (163)
• United States
13 Jun 12
In my opinion it's about double standards. It's fine if a girl says another girl is "pretty" or "beautiful", but if a guy says another guy is "good-looking" or "handsome", he can be called gay. People will think he isn't a "man" but a sissy. It reminds me of when a guy can get a lot of girls he's a ladies' man, but when a girl gets (or just flirts with) a lot of guys she is labeled so many trashy things. It's so silly how people think sometimes!
