Past relationships, does it affect you?
By sharie16
@sharie16 (2212)
Philippines
July 2, 2012 1:39am CST
Hi fellow mylotters,
My boyfriend and I was just recently, we just meet up last February, and our relationship just started March, there's no courtship happened, it's that fate brought us together, we were on the same situation before, he has a girlfriend who happened to have another guy and I have a boyfriend too who happened to have another girl...We both ended up the relationship and had a joke of "why not we try", and that ended up on becoming real. The thing is, we haven't had the chance to know more each other that's why on the process of being together is of getting to know each other, well, it's hard sometimes that I am too much affected of his past, I don't know but why does I get jealous to his past when I know it already happened? And why am I hurt when I figured out a lot of women in his past...I don't know if its right, but it is as if I am already hesitant of trusting him, it is as if I can not accept the truth behind him, it is as if I cannot fully trust him. But the thing is, am I refusing myself to feel the real happiness? Or did I rush things quickly?Help please, are you this paranoid too sometimes?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@thrwbckjay67 (2870)
• United States
2 Jul 12
I don't let it affect me either way; I guess I am just laid back like that but it doesn't concern me so it does not affect me, either negatively or positively. My wife had her relationships before me, and I have had my relationships before her. I feel as though if I spent all my time dwelling on what had happened and getting jealous about it then I cannot enjoy the time I have now with my wife and the relationship that we have.
It is hard to not focus on that but at the same time, like I said, you should try to focus on the time you have now with him rather than the past. It might not necessarily be you rejecting happiness but it is maybe you being too neurotic about the past, things you cannot affect or change. Talk to him about it more, open dialogue will help the two of you get through this. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@0o0nel0o0 (4)
•
2 Jul 12
You're right. :)If you want to let it affect you, be in a positive way. :)
@sharie16 (2212)
• Philippines
4 Jul 12
Hi thrwbckjay67,
Thanks for the nice advice, I am very much enlightened. 
...I'm hoping to be just as positive as you, and your right I can no longer change what has been a past. And I will just enjoy what relationship I have now. Thank you so much again. Have a nice day ahead.
...I'm hoping to be just as positive as you, and your right I can no longer change what has been a past. And I will just enjoy what relationship I have now. Thank you so much again. Have a nice day ahead. @Shazooo (296)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 12
I think it's only natural for you to be paranoid after what you've experience in your past relationships. Im badly effected by my past relationship.it gets hard to trust anyone anymore because they can look so nice and caring from the outside but so different from the inside. But I've learn so much on this...journey and I'm proud of myself for standing up again. It's nice to hear that you have moved on. One tip I would give you is to have an open mind but keep the chain on. That means still be a bit paranoid..but not too paranoid.
@maezee (41988)
• United States
2 Jul 12
You can't be jealous of their past... The past is the past for a reason, you know? Don't you have a past? If so, do you see your new guy getting jealous over these things? Jealousy is a sign of insecurity! Even if the relationship is still in it's beginning stages, you should still feel secure enough not to worry about any other women. Don't even think about other women. It's a lose lose situation. Especially when you start comparing yourself to them, and if you have low self esteem, wonder why is he with me when he could have been with so-and-so?. Anyway, I think you just need to relax and realize what you have to offer to this guy (and vice versa).
@gaiza12 (4884)
• Philippines
2 Jul 12
You are in a stage of getting to know and even if you really don't have feelings for your bf before because you said you were just trying to be together after what your bf and his gf did. The thing is now, you are starting to love him that is why you get jealous. It's normal because you know they had a past. But those things already happened, so don't let it affect you in any other way. Just live with the present and be prepared for your future together.
@jobfindonline (1744)
•
2 Jul 12
Trust is something that is build when there is real love. If we find it hard to trust maybe there is something wrong... It's hard to trust if you only knew each other for few months or the relationship is long distance.. I don't know in your case. Is that a long distance relationship? Either way, you have to know the person well and there is no need to rush everything. Take it slow and as you get to know him you will know if he is worthy of your trust or not.
