Have you ever thought WTH?
@OpinionatedLady (5965)
United States
July 5, 2012 11:01pm CST
I was on the phone today with an old friend that I grew up with. I sat there and during the conversation I couldn't help but think "Why the heck am I still friends with this person?"
I think I am in the habit of being her friend. I have known her pretty much my whole life (she was born when I was 3) but I just don't like her. She is Jaded and harsh and a little trashy. I grew up on the "other" side of town so I knew many people this way and I was too but I think I have changed or out grown the disposition because I just couldn't....what is the word I am looking for here... comprehend the lifestyle anymore. I am not saying I am better then her. She is rough but a loving mother she works hard and hasn't had it very easy but she gets by. I respect her for that but the life style, the smoking, drinking, cursing, yelling..omg I forgot how much everyone yelled down there
which was once my norm is so foreign to me now. We live in a poor rural area still but it is much quieter. People blush at the "f" word ( I am from NJ and yes they use the "f" word just about in every sentence) and are very good about not cursing at all around the kids, where as my friend was cursing in her conversation with her 10 year old. Just a weird realization I am not sure what to do with...
I think I am in the habit of being her friend. I have known her pretty much my whole life (she was born when I was 3) but I just don't like her. She is Jaded and harsh and a little trashy. I grew up on the "other" side of town so I knew many people this way and I was too but I think I have changed or out grown the disposition because I just couldn't....what is the word I am looking for here... comprehend the lifestyle anymore. I am not saying I am better then her. She is rough but a loving mother she works hard and hasn't had it very easy but she gets by. I respect her for that but the life style, the smoking, drinking, cursing, yelling..omg I forgot how much everyone yelled down there which was once my norm is so foreign to me now. We live in a poor rural area still but it is much quieter. People blush at the "f" word ( I am from NJ and yes they use the "f" word just about in every sentence) and are very good about not cursing at all around the kids, where as my friend was cursing in her conversation with her 10 year old. Just a weird realization I am not sure what to do with...3 people like this
5 responses
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
8 Jul 12
If you feel that you have truly outgrown her, it may be time to end the friendship. Sometimes, we simply have to move on and let go of past relationships.
@crimsonladybug (3112)
• United States
8 Jul 12
I went away to college while most of my childhood friends stayed home. When I came back I felt, I think, very similar to what you're feeling here. The town where I went to college was not a rich town; it's a blue collar, steel mill town with a very high (60%) minority population - although some of them are among the wealthiest in the town and hold some of the highest government positions but that's beside the point - so it wasn't like I'd gone away and gotten "better" than the people I'd known before. I just feel like I changed. My priorities changed, I had different experiences that opened my eyes to different points of view, made friends of all different walks of life... When I reconnected with my old friends, I found that I had changed drastically from the person they remembered (and expected me to be still) and they hadn't really changed at all.
Now I feel guilty for not wanting to be around them but I don't feel like we have the same relationships we did before. And I wonder not only why am I still friends with this person but also why can't they see that we don't mesh anymore.
@OpinionatedLady (5965)
• United States
10 Jul 12
Yes, yes, and yes. Sometimes I wonder if they do see it and talk behind my back but then again I realized I didn't care if they do because I like what I have become and know I have come a far way.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
7 Jul 12
I bet she admires u from getting out of the lifestyle she lives in. Of course if i didn't really like her i would probably discourage her friendship.
@seriousnuts (508)
• Philippines
6 Jul 12
I have the same thoughts about my friends too, but not all the time. Whenever I would see their flaws, I would ask myself how come we were still friends? But then, I realize that friends are just friends. Each of them has his/her good and bad side. If you can't stand their ways, you could just spend less time with them and more with those who are more agreeable. Nice to hear that you've changed your norms despite growing up in a rather complicated environment. As long as this friend of yours doesn't pull you down, there's nothing wrong to keep the friendship. Try to keep away your children from her though if you don't want them to adapt her norms. Perhaps during your long time together, she would slowly pick up your good manners and change her old habits.
@OpinionatedLady (5965)
• United States
7 Jul 12
we live too far apart now for the kids or I to be affected by her really. We see them maybe once or twice a year now.
@doccerz (46)
• Philippines
7 Jul 12
But despite that, is she a good friend still? There will be times when you will be asked, "Are you really friend with that person?" The key is to try to look past the obvious flaw and think of the reason why you guys are friends. I have friends who are cruel, mean, crazy, jaded, cynic, blasphemous, curses all the time, rude, boastful, etc. But as long as they do not do "unfriendly" things to me and they don't make me do things that makes me go back on things I believe in, it would be unfair to dispose of them just because they do not have the qualities that I want. And also, it will also help in your character development. :)
