The worst mistake in my life is finacial dependancy.

I would hate to be dependent on my boyfriend/fiancé financially. I'm a modern girl, so I don't see myself x years later as a stay-at home wife. For them, it is totally fine if they accept it... but still, I hate to be dependent on anyone, because what if we break up, and I end up with nothing. I really work for my money hard now, even besides studying, to have a nice sum to pay for myself if I get into a situtation like that. Also, I have some hobbies for which I like to buy stuff every now and then, and I'd hate to use money for that I didn't even earn.

devi! Each individual must be totally financially independent or live without any expectations whatsoever.If a woman has expectations [even the simplest of them]then it is better that she is financially independent.THis would not only fetch her good peace of mind because she is not a drain on her man, it would also give her something to do[if she is productive]. If you have left your job then you have made a mistake.Try some other online avenue that would give you some activity to satisfy yourself and also give you some pocket money.How is your daughter and the next boy?

I disagree. I think you are completely wrong. Totally wrong. The most happy, fulfilled, close romantic couples I have ever met, have been ones where the wife stayed at home, and the husband worked. Just amazingly happy women, who have never had a job their whole lives, and trust in their husband completely, who is the only provider for the house. I met one couple, and the husband was talking to me about his job, and his wife walked in, and grabbed his hand, and kissed his face in front of me. They had been marred 30 years. She had never worked a job. An amazing couple, and the husband's face was a bright as the sun when she walked in the room. I have never once met a couple where both husband and wife worked separate jobs, where they were a super happy couple. Never seen that. They might be an "okay" couple. Mildly satisfied. It's clear from your post, that you have had a bad experience. Perhaps you married a man you should not have married. Perhaps, your marriage doesn't have faith in G-d. Perhaps, you have not done things correctly. Or perhaps something completely beyond your control has ruined things. I do not know. But for thousands of years, men and women had happy, close, romantic, deep relationships, where the women never went out and worked a paying job. For thousands of years, women happily, and lovingly depended on their husbands, and their husbands lovingly provided for their wives. Yes, maybe you need to go work. Your situation may demand it. But don't think everyone else must do that as well. The most happy women I've ever met, were stay at home mothers and wives.

Yes i can understand your problem. But we should understand the fact that in order to run a family we need to strengthen our financial background first so that it wont create hassles in our life in the near future and if a male person is earning for the family while wife is a homemaker then things can be managed but if only a wife earns for the family then she really needs to be supported by her husband as she needs to earn a hefty amount to run her family. What say?

Devi, sad to know about your situation, don't worry it will change soon. Now a days most of the women are financially independence and have their own job, they are not looking their spouse for their spending. However some home makers are also existing in this world due to their situation. Really their stage is great misery. They are depending on the spouse for their money. This kind of home makers must find out their talents and start their home based earnings with their skills. After marriage, some women's in India need to give up their job due to various reasons like location change, spouse wish and some other reasons. This kind of persons are staying in the home and remain as home maker. They are expecting their spouse for their financial needs. Even though they are graduates and finished their Masters and Doctorate degrees, they are in need to ask their spouse permission for lot of things. After giving birth to the kid, really it is hard to go for an outside job, as the mother is in need to take care of the kid. This kind of home makers will do some online jobs or other talent oriented jobs like stitching, doing art works, painting, handicrafts and so on. This kind of works will give more fun and enjoyment to the ladies as well as they are earning an amount based on their activities, they are not depending up on their spouse for money. Be a self employed person and do your work to earn your money, Start you work with lot of confidence, surely you will achieve a lot with your hard work and determination.

hi devijay, I'm also married, and prior to that, I was working as a CPA for the government. I can say I have a pretty stable job and a pretty decent pay. But for reasons I cannot disclose (I assure you they're valid), I have to quit my job and be a stay at home wife. Our life decision and priorities and the road that we want to travel on will really call for me to give up my career. Now it's been a year since I quit my job. I admit I do miss working and expecting a pay check every month, be able to have something with just my name on it and spend it on anything that I deem necessary for myself. Now everything I need will have to come from my husband. He pays for my credit card (which I use wisely; I was and is never in debt) and he also gives me some money for our savings. Before I decided to quit my good job, I made compromises with my husband: 1. he will let me have some access in his salary account, 2. he will let me invest in something that I can manage from home and look forward to some small income every month and 3. once our plans are done and executed, he will let me go back to work if I feel like working again. I guess I'm just lucky to have a very understanding husband. He let me have access to his account; he just take out what's necessary for his day to day expenses out of his own pay, the rest just stays in our joint account. We also invested in apartments that we can rent out, and this is what I manage while staying at home. So far, my 3rd condition is yet to be fulfilled since we are not yet on that road. Here in my country it's no longer surprising to see women climbing up the corporate ladder, nor of men being househusbands. But I guess it all depends on the circumstances, and what we are facing at the moment. I was just so lucky that my husband is able to really listen and understand where I'm coming from. I honestly want to go back to work soon. I just hope my husband will let me should that day come. Until then, I have to make the most out of my current "job" as a SAHW. good luck on your job hunting!

I agree with you. Even though husbands works, it is still important for the wives to go to work as well. For me, it is always safer if I can earn my own money, and I don't have to depend on my husband all the time. Moreover, the living cost is getting more expensive, and sometimes it doesn't work if only the husband work; and by working, I think you can gain more experience (especially socially) and you can keep your brain keep thinking :)

I agree, this is one of women's problem in marriage life. If a woman stays a home maker after marriage and cannot hold or control her husband's salary- that's really bad. Here in our country there are some women who are suffering same situation- too much dependency with their husband. But most women here are working/career woman and are earning money. Some are earning bigger than their husband- and some woman becomes the breadwinner as well whilst the husband becomes the homemaker.

I so agree with you!!! I may not be married but i could relate to you in behalf of my sister. Her hubby (when they got married), advised her to stay at home with the kids. My sister holds a high position in her recent company and due to domestic obedience, she listened to her hubby. Life has been hard. They have 4 kids and her hubby and i believe that her hubby is not earning much, he practically pays for everything and he also needed to take medications for his depression which is rather very costly. Yesterday, my sister went to a doctor and was suggested to have an excision biopsy on the big wart on her hand. This hubby of hers scolded for the high cost for the excision. Like duh? we are talking about my sister's health here. Hayyyyyyyy.. My sister used to be so confident and not to mention beautiful back then as she has her own money to spend. Now... oh my.... she doesnt need to tell me that she has a happy married life coz it shows on her face. One thing for sure, if my sister has her own money, she had most likely called for an annulment because her hubby is psychologically incapacitated. Now, she couldnt have the guts to do so because she is financially dependent on him. And love??? Duh.. When poverty comes in, love flies out of the window.

Hi there.. First of all, let me say - "I am backkk"...!!!! :D I was on myLot hiatus for close to two months as I had been very busy with work as well as preparing myself for a very good opportunity that might come my way in the near future... :) Now, coming back to the discussion at hand.. Being financially independent has become a necessity nowadays. It has become a necessity to have a Dual Income family.. Devijay, since you have mentioned India in your discussion, you know very well how inflation is hitting the roof nowadays in India... I mean, living has become way too expensive..! How is a family supposed to survive with inflation hitting the roof & salaries not going anywhere??!!! Currently, my family is a single income family with me being the only earner.. And, believe me, we are really feeling the pinch. The only option nowadays is to have a dual income family! We have to completely re-budget our weekly grocery bills... Its really getting way too difficult!!!

I was also afraid of this happening, so I am in college...finally! I want to be able to provide a better, stable life for my kids. I do regret not attending college sooner, as I am close to 30 years old. Atleast I made the effort to join and continue. I now feel better about the future in all aspects. I can also rebuild my credit. So, that will help. I want to show my kids the proper way to live. They need to learn now how to save money for more important things. We are planning to move soon. It's time we give them a real home instead of the alternative which has been renting houses. They need more structure. I am excited to say that everything is looking up. If you get stuck and feel helpless, just remember, you can make anything you set your mind to happen! Good luck and Thanks for sharing!

I have also committed that mistake many years ago. And you were right. Though I believe that financial matters when it comes to married couples should be discussed thoroughly between spouses, I cannot see anything wrong in having you own income and earning for oneself and family as well. It not only empowers you but you become independent as you really cannot rely on anybody including your spouse on everything.

sorry for what happened to you. in china ,the situation is kinda different.it's common women depend on men finacially,whatever wife depends on husband or gf to bf.furthermore ,women oftertimes control the finace ,i mean ,women are allowed to spend the money men earn back as they wish.all man gotta do is working hard to earn enough money and saying with a smile to his honey"honey, here is the money and buy what u want" .