On Friends Who Borrow Money

Lucky you. Unfortunately I only have 2 friends who share the same sentiments as yours.

That must been very difficult. I mean does she have to know the exact amount of your money? Maybe you need to explain yourself and tell her directly in a nice way the truth. Friends can understand you after all. Like you need to understand others before others may understand you as well. I hope you can sort this situation well. Good luck and God bless

You're right. Actually what really ticks me off is that I offered her something that I can easily lend her without affecting my own situation, but she refuses it, she wants all of it. :(

The nerve of her you tell her! Shove it! Leave her be!

Here's the skinny: she's a former classmate back in high school. We never had any means of communication until last 3 weeks ago when we found each other thru mutual friends over Facebook. I forgot who added who but it was her who initiated contact thru a message. Of course, I was excited to keep in touch with former friends, and yes we did have a very good relationship back in high school and just lost touch because we both went abroad to work. Now, I'm back home, a SAHW for a year now, while she and her husband are still working abroad.She said her hubby lost his job, and they are behind their credit card debts. And what she's asking from me is more than a thousand dollars! My husband will skin me alive if I lend money just like that from someone I haven't seen, in the flesh, for ages. Plus, she's not here so I really don't know how it's gonna work. Now here's the thing, she's like stalking(?) or hounding (?) me on Facebook, like when I went to have a haircut with my sis, my sis checked in and tagged me. She saw it. She now goes telling me hey you can afford to be in that salon, i know you can spare me the money I need. But the thing is, I cannot and the cost of my haircut can't even compare to what she wants to borrow from me to begin with. :( I don't want to lose a new found old friend, but at this rate...

well in that case she must understand you at least you offered even in a small amount,besides for sure you are not the only friend she can ask for help

Thing is, I cannot lend her the amount that she wants; but she won't accept what little I can offer. :(

Give and take is fine with some things but if you have said no and that you can't afford to give then as a friend they should respect taht and not whinge and complain about how you spend your money. That is not what a real friend would do, they wouldn't make you feel guilty like that. That's how I see it anyway.

I tried not to think of it that way, but the way things are, it seems you're right. It sucks to find out that people will only befriend you or keep being friends with you because they can see the relationship to their own advantage. I really don't mind a give and take relationship, not at all. It's just right now, I really can't help out.

You're right there, as a friend they should also understand that I am still trying to get back on track. We made some major purchases this year for added income and we have yet to earn it all back. It just saddens me to think that sometimes when money is involved, all friendship seems to get thrown out the door.

Be wary on so called friends. In the end, it will be you who will be suffering. Not to be selfish but most of the times, you have to please no one else but YOU.

Usually I will lend some money on the first instance, but only as to how much I am comfortable to lend. Then if the person is true to word and pays me back, he or she can borrow again. But if that person never paid me back, suffice to say that there will be no repeats.

Me too. Usually, I learned to lend or give assistance to friends with the amount that I wouldn't miss in case I never see it again. Sad to say that amount isn't acceptable for them. :(

But we did help, for me it is what counts, and i never fail to tell them that what i have given them -- my wife does not know.

Well, that's just the thing; I can only lend her this certain amount of money but no, she won't have it. She wants me to lend her the amount that she wants or needs. It's all or nothing for her. Outrageous!

My sentiments exactly, you hit it, when we are the ones who needed some financial help, it's so hard for us to look for someone willing to lend us some. We do understand because times were really hard and we just have to move on and make do with what we have. Now that we are slowly getting back on our feet, I never wanna be in that situation again so we save as much as we can so when that time of extreme necessity comes we can have something to use and not to be expectant of other's generosity, when in fact there's really nobody that we can expect help from.

Oh yes, I've heard of that, people who likes to ride on someone else's credit card and then they will just pay you back. More often than not they will pay you in installment while you, on the other hand, will be presented with a credit card bill for the whole amount. Now the burden of paying it, or suffering the extra charges, rests on you, the kind-hearted soul who just helped out. So not fair.

Thanks for replying sbucu. Nah, I don't think I'm really that good, I'm just another friend who wants to do the right thing here. But thanks for thinking of me in that light. Anyway, she seems not to take no for an answer. Besides, all these communication over her desire to borrow money is happening over Facebook messages. I don't think it's that proper (?) given the amount of money involved. I'm not saying I don't believe her, but I sure want to re-establish our connections and friendship once more and re-know her all over again if I can and will be able to lend her what she needs. It's been decades since we last spent some time, and a person can change drastically over that period, plus she has gotten married and I also don't know who her husband is. I think it's important for friends to also know their own friends' spouses. Well, I have told her in the nicest way I know how that I can only help this much, and if she can't take it, then I don't think I can help her. Now I just see if somehow she begins to see from where I'm coming from.

My mom taught me to lend money that I am comfortable not seeing again. That way, I wouldn't feel slighted should my friend failed to return the money, and I wouldn't suffer financially because of the loss. And yes, I want to help out friends as much as possible because like you, I am hoping that if I ever be in need like them, someone will also trust me enough to help me out.

Hi, thanks for your reply. Yes, I think you're right. We shouldn't let them dictate how much we should lend them, if ever we really do want to help out, we can only give them the amount of money that we will not really miss. I say give, because more often than not, it will never be returned, or it will be a long time before we see it again.

Sometimes I run out of excuses. I really don't have the capacity to lend money to anybody at this point. But when these people start hounding on you, like when you just had a haircut or ate out, they will point it out to you and say you can afford something like that and immediately deduce that you can well afford to spare them some money, it's a bit frustrating.