How much self-control do you have?
By sharksfin
@sharksfin (1091)
Philippines
July 21, 2012 1:30pm CST
Everyone of us face people who gets into our nerves every now and then. Am not exempted to this. I'd often encounter people who are either difficult or hard to get along with. There are times that my self-control gets tested. I often succeed, but there are moments when I fail. What happens when you lose self-control?
With me, I noticed that I get to say a lotta things thoughtlessly. I get to say harsh words I really don't mean when not in a strong emotion. I've proven to myself how strong emotions such as anger, rage, distress, and what-have-you are and how they can really affect even our communication. Much more our behavior. It's not helpful. And, I realized the importance of keeping your mouth shut when angry. Tendency is you get to say things that are destructive rather than helpful when you talk in anger. Communication is supposed to fix problems not to multiply hurt. So, we have to keep ourselves controlled if we want to maintain good relationships.
I think the best way to practice this is to refrain from talking while in a heated argument. Take time to excuse yourself and allow yourself some breathing. Or, if there's no chance, just breathe in and out ten or more times before saying anything. And, I think, it is also important not to listen to everything the other person is saying when in an argument because you'll most likely take everything being said in a wrong light.
Your thoughts, peeps?
5 responses
@cheerfulnuts (604)
• Philippines
22 Jul 12
I agree with you sharksfin. I think having self-control is a positive trait. It takes a lot of maturity for someone to be able to keep quiet when angry.
I have a lot of self-control. However, this positive trait also gets me into trouble sometimes. Some people treat me badly because I didn't stand up for myself and had just kept quiet. Perhaps you were just standing up for yourself when you lost your self-control. I had this friend who told me this story: when he was young, one of his classmates would always tease him. He ignored him and let the classmate tease him. One day, he couldn't take it anymore so he yelled at him inside the classroom. His teacher approached them and asked my friend what was going on. My friend told the teacher, "He was teasing me and I couldn't take it anymore." The teacher asked him, "Have you told him to stop?" My friend said no. The teacher said, "It's your fault then, because it's you who allowed him to tease you."
Perhaps the key here is for us to let the difficult person know we didn't like what she was doing to us. At the same time, we have to control our temper and not do anything silly or hurtful.
Because of my self-control, I also tend to attract negative people. I had this classmate whom everyone hated. Everyone stayed away from her except me. She was narcissistic and tactless, but I know that she was a kind person. I never yelled at her nor had said any hurtful things to her. She would always hang out with me because I was the only few people willing to talk to her. However, she did get on my nerves sometimes LOL. When everyone couldn't stand her anymore (and I couldn't stand not being able to mingle with others anymore when she was with me), I confronted her and told her everything we disliked about her as tactfully as I could. The first thing she told me was, "Why didn't you tell me?"
My point is, we should also learn to be honest with people we dislike. Of course it depends on the situation. Some people exist just to make our lives difficult LOL. But I think there are people who can improve if only someone had told them about their bad traits.
1 person likes this
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
22 Jul 12
Thanks for sharing this, CheerfulNuts. And I agree to what you said. We have our share of fault sometimes. But,I guess what I meant by having self-control is not to just throw our emotions out at anyone just like that. We must learn discernment. We must learn what to do and how to do things. If we're really concerned about someone, then I guess it's but proper to really speak the truth to him/er. We'd want them to change for the better. So, we tell what needs to be told. And not just keep ourselves controlled then say nasty things about the person behind his/er back. There's almost no difference between saying hurtful things right to the person's face and saying hurtful things about the person in your head. Because it's just a matter of time before all hatred will burst out of your mouth. And, it shows in your actions without you noticing.
Well, I believe what you shared is part of self-control. You get to control yourself to unnecessarily criticize or hurt the person for as long as you still can tolerate. But, you gotta know when to correct so no anger nor bitterness will form inside of you.
Super thanks for your comment. I really appreciate it. It's such a reminder and a helpful solution. *wink*
@cheerfulnuts (604)
• Philippines
23 Jul 12
This is one of my greatest weaknesses. I tend to keep things to myself in order to avoid confrontation. I hate confrontation LOL. But I do realize that I have to speak up not only for the person's sake but also for my sake. Like what you've said, this could prevent anger and bitterness from forming inside of me. I'm working on it now and it's sooo difficult. =P
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
25 Jul 12
I feel you. I don't like the idea of offending anyone that's why I rather keep things to myself. But, it doesn't make me feel good either that I form a monstrous image of the person in my head. It's hard to smile at someone while you see that person in your head as a bad person. Communication is created by God to resolve conflicts and differences. That's why in Matthew, we are taught how to confront. It's not only for one's good but for both.
@chiyosan (30183)
• Philippines
22 Jul 12
That is really the best we can do for ourselves... When we are faced with peopple who gets into our system... We should just control our emotions and propbably just leave them altogether. for instances such as this... If given the chance id just walk away but if i cannot do this i wold normally just let my mind drift into space so i would stop hearing qhat this annoying person is saiying.
A lot off instances have had tested my control to fight back and have a word out of mouth and say wharever i have in mind.. It is good if we are able to control ourseles because we do not lose our cool in front of a lot of people.
@GemmaR (8517)
•
21 Jul 12
It depends on the situation as to the amount of self control that I have. If I'm talking about saving money for example then I do have a lot of self control about that, however I am a little bit quick to make decisions in other areas of my life. If only I could be the same with everything else as I am with money then I think that my life would be a lot better and things would be a heck of a lot easier for me. I have managed to get myself into a relatively decent exercise regime which has taken a lot of self control, so I would say that I am getting better at things like that.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
21 Jul 12
Yeah i am a bit short tempered person but that does not mean that i keep on shouting upon people i meet daily. i usually loose my cool when things does not go properly as per planned. But i have worked upon my anger and i am trying to handle things without loosing my temper frequently and trying to understand things and issues.
@Gautam1002 (730)
• India
21 Jul 12
The last paragraph speaks my mind. I have tried to develop self control, tolerance, and my thinking powers. I do this because I really like people who stay calm at stressed situation and I have seen this quality of theirs' helping them a lot to get out of unnecessary mess in their life. Though I tried to exactly copy some individuals I really admire, I feel that at the end of all, I am benefited. I always try not to get angry and getting my mood off. "When your brain shuts down your mouth opens for all bad causes". I listen to songs I love, talk to people I feel like talking to, do all sorts of stuff which makes me happy. My only motive becomes to bring myself in a state of calmness and piece. I also observed that doing all these things again and again has taught my mind not to blow off at critical situations atleast. I am liking this. I am moving towards the quality I always admired of.
