Avoiding family that you live with
By BabyCheetah
@BabyCheetah (1911)
Australia
July 25, 2012 12:34am CST
I posted another discussion just before and one of the replies got me thinking and wondering. Do anyone here avoid family that they live with? Is it an inconvenience to you?
Last month my grandmother moved back in with us. So there are 3 of us now, 3 generations under one roof. I practically grew up with my mum and grandmother but when I was a teen still in highschool my grandmother moved out and it was just the 2 of us. I have moved out twice in my life and have come back. So now after more than 10 years we are all together again but I'm having a harder time adjusting. I hardly speak to her and I feel angry having her here but it's only because we are extremely different. In my last discussion I mentioned that she is a waster. She wastes, gas, water and electricity like it's no ones business. She wasted plastic bags, she is forever throwing out garbage.
When it was my mother and I our gas bill was always around $150 every 2 months and this month since she's been back it's gone up to $350. Our bin each week would only have say 2 bags of garbage, only a quarter full and now the bin is just about full to the top.
Another thing probably worth mentioning is that I don't like liars and my grandmother lies about things and does other things which I am not fond of which is why it's best I avoid her. But at the same time it's so stupid. I feel like I can't do what I want in my own home. I haven't had breakfast or a proper lunch yet because she has been in that kitchen most of the day. I took potato chips with me to the lounge and haven't come out. I know this is so stupid and a bit immature perhaps but I can't shake this off 
1 person likes this
6 responses
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
25 Jul 12
I hate this awkward feeling. My dad avoid us whenever he is mad with us and i hate that feeling. I think this situation does not make sense at all. I think talking directly frankly is always the best solution. Why not say everything to him instead of ignoring that person all day. I know action speaks louder than voice. But we still need to voice out our reasons. I guess talking can make a difference as a family. After all, we are family and we need to somehow accept each other 
@BabyCheetah (1911)
• Australia
25 Jul 12
Yeah but we can't win either way, we tell her things and all she does is yell back with idle threats and stuff. At this stage it feels like there is no point even talking to her abut it because she doesn't listen. So I'm avoiding for now as I don't have the energy to waste trying to tell her things. I just dont want to be near her especially when she is yelling at me or my mum about something so stupid and trivial 
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
5 Aug 12
Yeah dealing with people who don`t want to listen is very hard to talk too. Communication is a two way process you know, one should talk but they should also listen and people who does not listen can`t do anything or cant solve any problem at all. Like what you have said you need to avoid that kind of person because talking to her might make it worse if her attitude is like that.
Like what you have said you need to avoid that kind of person because talking to her might make it worse if her attitude is like that.@BabyCheetah (1911)
• Australia
7 Aug 12
Well it's what I've been doing, just makes it easier right now
@simonelee (2715)
• China
25 Jul 12
Hi there. Erase those negative though you have in your mind. If you see er that why you are attracting negative and sending those message in the universe so it will happen again and again(Law of Attraction). If you keep thinking and acting that way, everyday it become your routine. Try to change it. Wake up and start your day smiling, i swear your whole day will change. Try to see the positive side of her and eventually you'll appreciate her presence. It is you who make your day miserable, either you'll accept it or not. It's you who can control the way you live everyday.
@simonelee (2715)
• China
29 Jul 12
Oh! It needs a lot of patients.
If you can avoid and ignore her just do it. If you feel your temper is rising shut your mouth and ggo somewhere where you can breath to avoid tensions. How old is she?
If you can avoid and ignore her just do it. If you feel your temper is rising shut your mouth and ggo somewhere where you can breath to avoid tensions. How old is she?@BabyCheetah (1911)
• Australia
4 Aug 12
That's what I've been doing. I'm not yelling and ranting as much but I still open my mouth sometimes with things. Today I get up to make a cup of tea and she is in the way of the kettle using the juicer. That's fine so I wait as she says she is just going to squeeze this orange. So she does it and then goes for another one and makes me wiat longer! I swear she is doing it on purpose it seems. So after that she gets the kettle and put water in it, I told her just put a little bit but she decides to fill it 3 quarters full so I empty most of it because I only need one cup. Then she gets in the way again so I can't switch the kettle on at the powerpoint and she can't reach it!
Next is breakfast, I switched on the grill, we have a repair man over so I went to the lounge with him for a minute so he could tell me what needed moving, I come back and she has closed the door to the grill! Lucky the gas had switched off so I had to say something to that and she tells me she didn't close the door. Well if there is only one person in the kitchen at the time who else closed the door? 
And she is now 73 going to be 74 in Oct. So yes I know she is getting old and mum thinks she might be getting dementia but I dont' know, I'm convinced she is doing some things on purpose like the kettle thing.
But it's slowly getting better although there are things that still get to me but I bite my tongue and tell my mum about it instead 
And she is now 73 going to be 74 in Oct. So yes I know she is getting old and mum thinks she might be getting dementia but I dont' know, I'm convinced she is doing some things on purpose like the kettle thing.
But it's slowly getting better although there are things that still get to me but I bite my tongue and tell my mum about it instead @BabyCheetah (1911)
• Australia
25 Jul 12
Hi Simonelee. I know I have to let go and it is logical that I do so but I'm having a hard time right now doing it. It's been a month since she has been back so I think it's going to take longer than I anticipated. That's why I find it silly. I know what the issues are but it's hard to change what is in my mind.
I do wake up thinking that today I will have a good day and I'm grateful for my health. What I find hard as well is that I'm willing to compromise but she won't, she just thinks she can have everything her own way and who cares what anyone else wants. If she just gave us respect and let us go through our routines we wouldn't have so many problems but she purposefully gets in our way even with such little trivial matters. She won't let my mother keep her water glass on the table close to the fridge and always puts it in the sink yet it's OK for her to leave a glass near the water so she can drink. She has so many double standards, she is 2 faced as well and she uses people to get what she wants. I try to keep a good positive energy but having her around all the time it's hard to keep it up
@GemmaR (8517)
•
25 Jul 12
It's horrible when you live with someone who you don't like spending time with, so you might feel as though you don't want to spend any time with them. It is easy to just avoid them though; make a list of the things that you need to do around the house, and that way you know that you will be able to do something in another room when the person you're trying to avoid is in a certain room in the house. You will be able to face them at some point, but you should take your time so that you don't end up arguing with them again.
@BabyCheetah (1911)
• Australia
26 Jul 12
Yeah I just need to adjust to her that's all. I avoid her mainly because I have a temper and any little thing she does can set me off because usually the little things she does annoy me. It took time when I moved back in to adjust with my mum and now we are pretty fine and dandy and now another adjustment. I wish I could adjust easily but I just can't help it right now so I just hide away and don't talk to her too much
@Cutie18f (9551)
• Philippines
25 Jul 12
Well, that happens. You just have to tell your grandma to shape up or ship out. Family is like that. We need to understand each other and be there for each other even when the going gets rough. I think your grandma doesn't mind being reminded of certain rules in life.
@BabyCheetah (1911)
• Australia
25 Jul 12
Haha can't tell her that, it's her house so if anything if she doesn't like us she can kick us out even if my mum did pay off some of the mortgage it's in her name.
I don't know after telling her about that gas bill and her going all crazy at us, she doesn't listen to anything. We even tell her to relax and stop cleaning the house for a bit but no she doesn't stop. Everyday she wakes up and just cleans, and we can't stop her!
@Raine38 (12250)
• United States
25 Jul 12
Even though it's family, there are times that it's just becoming too close for comfort. We all change; the grandmother you once knew may not be the same person now. The same goes for you. That's why oftentimes, I hear it's better to love them from afar than be near together and miserable in each others' company.
Next time the bills comes in, post in somewhere she can see. You can express your displeasure without having to talk to her if you think you can't speak to her just yet. I think it will also be helpful if you get your mom on your side and objectively see that your grandmother needs to be more considerate of her other housemates not just because you guys are family, but because economically speaking, it will be most beneficial for the household if she will start beng mindful of everyone' sake and not just her own.
@BabyCheetah (1911)
• Australia
25 Jul 12
Very true. I just wondered if I was being silly for avoiding her. She isn't stopping me from making food but I just feel like I can't with her in the room. It's strange!
Mum and I are on the same page, she gets yelled at as well but my mum has had to live with her longer than me obviously and she isn't as hot headed as me. I'll voice my opinions but my mum will just tell me to let it go, let her do what she likes. She knows there is no reasoning with her. She is right but I have a hard time adjusting to her being disrespectful of us. I know she is older and is my grandmother but that doesn't mean she can do everything her way and expect us to like it.
She has found out very quickly that she has no control over me anymore like she did when I was a child. When I'm hungry I will eat. She dared tried lecturing me once to eat as soon as I got out of bed and not to wait. I gave her a talking to and told her not to butt in to how we live because we weren't going to change
@Shavkat (139933)
• Philippines
28 Jul 12
I know the feeling, but old lady like your grandmother needs care and be loved. She might be looking for an attention. Some old folks had this regression due to aging process. Ask yourself, change roles and ask yourself if your granddaughter will treat you like the way you do now. Are you not going to feel bad?
@BabyCheetah (1911)
• Australia
28 Jul 12
Hmm I don't know. I mean sometimes we are in the same room but she won't say anything to me. I'm trying to get along it's just taking a lot more adjustment than I thought. I'm annoyed as I feel I now can't do things I normally would do in the house. I don't know why it just feels that way
