Possessive Love: Family or Me?!
By Shavkat
@Shavkat (140157)
Philippines
August 11, 2012 6:43am CST
Love is a strong affection, to love and to be loved. Being in-love can be describe with so many flowery words, the moment you felt it, the life has its meaning. Can love be a dangerous thing? I had seen so many people who had been troubled and drenched into misery, the culprit is the word "love". I never even thought of this, then I did experience it with my ex-partner. My partner was a loving person, very sweet and people liked her. But then, I've noticed that she became so possessive through the years of our relationship. She started to nag, checking on me from time to time,and among other shallow ideas that runs into her mind. Beforehand, I was thinking it is normal to feel "jealousy". Moreover, the situation escalated into a more bizarre behaviors. She requested to detach myself from my friends, the worst part, she made a wrong move for asking, if it is my family or her. At that point, I was really shattered into pieces and put me into a difficult situation, the bottom line she wants to control my life. I asked her to stop, but she's so persistent. Then, she got the message, taking the side of my family is not irreplaceable. Why do people go beyond borders of their love?
5 people like this
14 responses
@VivaLaDani13 (60808)
• Perth, Australia
31 May 19
@Shavkat That girl may have loved you but those are clear signs of control and possessiveness. I've been in that situation before and really, as much as these people think they love you, that is not what love is.
Love can be a beautiful thing but it really can be a dangerous thing too.
1 person likes this
@Shavkat (140157)
• Philippines
31 May 19
@VivaLaDani13 That's the reason why I chose to work online at home. I cannot bear to work with my previous jobs online.
1 person likes this
@prospectboy (754)
• United States
16 Aug 12
Yes love can definitely be a dangerous thing. People lives have been ruined behind possessive or obsessive types of love. That's why it's important to be careful of the people that we get to know and fall for.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
16 Aug 12
Some people do not understand the concept of love. You only have to look at the discussions here when asked if jealousy within a relationship is normal, the majority of responders think it is totally OK.
Love is not demanding. Love is wanting to be the best you can for the partner and wanting them to have the freedom to grow, be the best they can be and to be happy.
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
12 Aug 12
Well because you didn't love her, and she painfully figured that out.
Dude, you have to leave your family and cleave to your wife. If you don't, you'll never have love.
When you marry someone, you commit to them completely, and they are top of your priority chart in life. That includes being ahead of your family.
That's why having a "Partner" never works. You need to either get married, and be done with it, or not get with a girl at all. Because you are just going to bounce around from girl to girl to girl, and each time they are going to figure out that you are not committed to them, as you are to your family. Girls don't want that. They want a real husband who is committed to them.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
13 Aug 12
I too had an ex that wanted me to do this with my family. However, I believe that if that is the way that things have to be, then there is no point in maintaining that relationship. The reason that I feel this way is because of the fact that my family has always been there for me and they will always continue to be there for me. However, boyfriends and girlfriends come and go and how would I have felt if something were to happen to one of my loved ones when I had chosen my partner over my family.
This is not a choice that everyone should have to face in their lives.
@roberten (3128)
• United States
12 Aug 12
Separating you from your family and friends and anyone except her is a serious sign of an abusive personality. This type of behavior can be due to a personality disorder. It is a red flag and you should run, not walk, away from anyone who exhibits such behavior and refuses to get help for it.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
11 Aug 12
What you are talking about here is a insecure person that needs special help, it has nothing to do with love. Love means you always wish the best for the one you love, that means letting them be free to make the choices in their life. I hope the person you talked about will get help.
@savak03 (6684)
• United States
11 Aug 12
Unless your family was a danger to you physically or emotionally your friend was way out of line to ask you to choose between them or her. She is apparently very insecure to the point of it being an illness. Although she showed signs of this before with that ultimatum delivered you can truly see her for what she is. I hope you severed your ties with her. Still you need to be careful because she could start stalking you.
@hsofyan (3446)
• Jakarta, Indonesia
11 Aug 12
Did you also see the other side, that he wanted to be responsible to you?
I think love is to care.
If it is not possessive, you must communicate with him. You ask about the private life respected, as you respect his personal life.
Ask him if he wanted to be treated like that?
This is not a family problem, but the problem you both.
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
12 Aug 12
Hi Shavkat: That's terrible. I think that I could not stand a relationship like the one you had with your wife. I think people are possessive because they have self esteem problems. They have insecurities so they think they need to take control on their partners to be completely sure they will be with them and won't abandon them. So the problem was in your wife and not in you. So sad that you couldn't find a way to make this unhealthy behaviour stop.
ALVARO
@alberello (4752)
• Italy
11 Aug 12
Well, love is a feeling very complicated.
In fact, and unfortunately you can hear these things all the days of news reports, sometimes the couple's relationship begins to no longer be harmoniously as in the first moments.
Factor jealous, possessive factor, a factor of wanting to control. And almost always suffer these consequences is the woman, against his partner.
If your ex treated you badly, if only he had ceased to respect you, I think you have made ??the right choice, opting for the family.
@sherrybelle (707)
• United States
11 Aug 12
Hi Shavkat,
What you're describing isn't really love, from my point of view.
Your partner was addicted to you and insecure. People can have a tendency to be possessive and controlling when they are insecure and afraid of losing you. Your partner was overly dependent on you for security, which is why they ironically, sabotaged their relationship with you.
Love is wanting your partner to experience freedom, joy and happiness.
Before your partner could offer you "love" they would, first need to, develop self love and be secure within their self.
@JRJohnson (85)
• United States
12 Aug 12
Some people don't recognize love when they're in it. Love is a risk, and some people aren't mentally or emotionally ready to take that risk without certain parameters. Often, those parameters involve control because if they have control, then they can love without risk. Risk, being getting hurt in some way shape or form emotionally. Sounds as though you were fortunate that your partner took it to drastic lengths. I say that, because many stay in controlling relationships because they don't value themselves or don't know there is better along the journey. Best of luck on your life's path.
