Cultural inhibitions and myLot..

Hi vandana, I rarely check the age of a member at myLot, as I don't think it is very important online. I did it for this discussion and I realize that we have the same age : it was a good year. We have not a particular word to address old people in French, but there is a familiar form for "you" that I personally only use with a handful of close friends and family -- persons that I call by their first name --, and I find disrespectful when a stranger use it, though it is a common habit among youngster badly brought up. Politeness is the basis of any society, I always use "Sir" or "Madam" when I talk to people, so I expect the same from them. I never call a person by name without any addition, except online.

In a virtual world such as this all are equal as what is revealed here need not necessarily be what they are in the real world. However it is left to the individual to make their own guesses and treat the community accordingly. There is no hard and fast rule how each one treats the other as long as all are respected.

Lash signs himself as 'Grandpa Lash'. I don't know how you would translate that into whichever Indian language you speak. I have heard that 'babuji' or 'babaji' is sometimes used when addressing a grandfather (but I understand that in some parts it is used to address a younger brother). In the Philipines, 'lolo' means grandfather and I have been called 'Lolo Kuwago' (Grandfather Owl) by a young Filipino lady of my acquaintance. In England, one may often express respect by adding Mr., Mrs or Miss to a person's surname or (if you don't know their name) by addressing them as 'Sir' or 'Madam'. To address someone as 'Grandpa' or 'Grandma' (unless they are your real grandfather/mother or unless used affectionately) would be, on the whole, rather derogatory because it empahsises the person's age and would usually imply that the person is not 'with it'.

Hi Vandana I prefer our own custom where we are taught to address elders/acquaintances/unknown people/friends with that extra respect. It does not reduce the closeness in any way; even my own son addresses his parents not as ‘you’ as in ‘Thum’ but as ‘aap’ [In Tamil it is Neengal instead of nee.]I confess I did not do this with my own parents but liked the way it was done in my in-laws’ place and so followed that practice.As for others it does not hurt to address a person as Madam or Sir, uncle or aunty. Coming to the point, in this forum I do not even look at the age of a person while I write a response and only in select cases I know their age. Here the ‘you’ pops in naturally [of course it has to in English]and we call them by name because we are used to it.It does not seem too rude or impolite.Neverthelss , once when I read some other middle aged person addressing Hatley as ‘aunty’ I felt I have failed on that count. I have always been addressing everyone by name here but it did not sound impolite but in this case I suddenly felt bad but could not change my habit because it has already been established and I would find it odd, changing it now. This odd feeling of discomfort has obviously been caused by my cultural inhibition. I think it is wrong but have never felt it till now except in one case. In this forum it is acceptable because we interact with people but concentrate only on issues. Age may not be always felt in a discussion. Only ‘Profile ‘page is the best indicator [of course taking the truthfulness found there for granted].

hello Vandana! It always feel good to address you by your first name (which happens to be your user name too) rather than calling you 'Vandana Aunty' ........ Lol! Our user names are our identities and the focus is on the 'topic' being discussed and not on the individual. I would love to address any mylotter, irrespective of his/her age, by his/her user name. I know in my heart of hearts that without adding 'ji' to his/her name, am giving respect to him/her, while writing my response.

I think that a business situation is much different than a personal situation, so there are different rules for how to address people. In business, age is not as much of an issue as title or position, although many assume that to have a higher title or position you must be older. I was quite young when I had a high title, which made it a bit more difficult when addressing or being addressed by others. However, overall I preferred people to use my first name rather than a formality or title. When addressing others, it was customary to address some by their title, which I would do in public or when speaking of them to others, even though one on one I was told to address them by their first names. If I was uncertain on how to address someone, then I would pay attention to how they introduced themselves and go from there. If we were introduced by someone else, then I would try to talk directly to them without having to use any name, which helped to avoid any awkwardness when speaking with them. If I had to talk to someone else about them, then I would generally use their first and last name (or their title if that was the customary address), so again I would not have to worry about proper etiquette.

Personally, I think it often refers to which Country you might come from, and what are they wanting to be called? I know people like my Pastor and his wife who we can call by their first names in a small group since they are out age, but out of respect usually do not. But when it is someone in authority or older than you you do need to remember to treat them as such. But anymore the way someone is raised has a lot to do with it as well.

There are a lot of cultural boundaries or differences that make people in America seem disrespectful to others. Some people are taught manners, but don't care to use them, some people are taught manners, but only use them when they feel like it, or some people aren't taught manners at all. Some people are just taught to be direct, and get to the point because they have other things to do. It's what you might call the "Don't waste my time" effect. I try not to be disrespectful towards others, or I try not to seem disrespectful, but I also know some people who will yell at me and say, "Get to the point," so I do. I think that people should always try to be as respectful as they can towards others, but some people just don't do it, forget it, or will just be disrespectful because they can. When it comes to addressing people, it can be tough because it's different in different regions. Also, calling people "Mrs.", "Ma'am", "Mr.", "Sir" or anything else like that can be disrespectful to some, and not to others. I once called someone "Ma'am" and she told me not to because it made her sound old, but then when I am in front of someone from the military, I have to address them as "Ma'am" or "Sir" because it's proper etiquette (my parents were all military).

I was schooled to call everyone as 'aap', older or younger. It was good initially but..... people start getting either uncomfortable or bossy type ( read for non-old ones). Now for me, respect isn't what we say but how we say it. Here on myLot I avoid using names. Just try to remeber when I called you Vandy aunty last or even Vandana. Would have liked to use the latter one though :p Once call someone as uncle or aunty there comes a kind of barrier, some sort of protocol. Not good. There have been grandpa bob and mrs. Hatley (my mistake for using ms) but generally I use username or sir (no madam) as for mr owlwings :)

When I'm in mylot I call you vandana, not vandanaji. You may be my younger or not. That's no matter. Mylot is an international forum where we belong with same status. We all are friend. Our name is our identity. We don't consider our age or nationality. Here none is sir, madam, ji or saheb. I'm bhanusb and you are vandana and that is enough. Here in mylot we all are equal, all are friend. For somebody we may feel closeness. That another matter. But we respect each other.

Hello my friend vandana7 Ji, Well, I remember some yrs back, some members from China, UK, US and African countries made a querry about my addressing as 'JI' I brought out my cultural bondings, the raeson behind , I did not find any harm. In our country, there are places , where language i svery harsh and I do not find talking with them. For this reason I like 'URDU' very much where all ettiquittes are followed. We always pay respect to ours elders and seniors. Even my hubby at times speaks much in serious tones in our family. You may get astonioshed taht my mother never took name of my father and so on with my INlaws. I hardly remmeber, that I took name of my Hubby publically and inside four walls of my living. This is a custom, and I have no complains, when some lady calls her husband, with relation to her children, it bring husband and wife much nearer than addressing by name, which is just like calling by any other person and not by wife. Try for some time and , discard if not suiting. May God bless You and have a great time [em]thumbup[/e

Yes and yes and yes. I have to add Sir or Mr. or Mrs. when addressing someone older otherwise I will be seen as 'not being respectful'. While calling them sir or Mr. or Mrs. I will try to get my displeasure across if I have any. Just can't loose...

Hi friend, we must give respect to the age, so only we are calling our elders with some additions, in mylot, we don't know the real age of most of the persons, so we are calling them using their user name. Age is not a great factor here, we can make friendship with any one, as we are in the virtual world

A culture is a culture, a tradition is a tradition. There are no other ways to changed that, unless if you moved to other country. Then, it the same thing, you need to embrace the culture and tradition, the manner of respecting the elders.

My cultural asperation is to afford none a title. Call no man master and be called by none master. and 8 But be not ye called Rabbi: for one is your Master, even Christ; and all ye are brethren. 9 And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven. 10 Neither be ye called masters: for one is your Master, even Christ. All are equally worthy of respect, I do not like any sort of giving of titles, same for namaste all the best urban

respect out of age!!! if i remember the age difference, or even have a respect, i started prefixing - Dear - I tried the ji stuff with you but then felt it was making you a little uncomfortable... but then it is not a rule that i add dear nor does the not-adding of it mean no-respect. i used to address some by the names like di, didi, or even akka... now have my doubts if i would continue. I must get global, after all we are global celebs here and i dont want to stay back