Me and my teenage daughter...
By ladygator
@ladygator (3465)
United States
September 7, 2012 10:31am CST
My daughter and I have been having an absolutely terrible time. We have been having a strained relationship since she was about 9. She is always so angry and resentful. I cant talk to her about anything without her yelling at me or dismissing what I am trying to say to her. Now I do have bipolar and we all acknowledge it, but last summer things went very badly and my kids totally rebelled. We have all gotten back on track except for her and I. It was hard even before my hard summer with her. She makes a regular reference to me being crazy and telling her dad it must suck to be like me. I am at a stand still here. I am her mom and its my job to raise her. One of which I take very seriously. And is why I stopped working, so I can be the best mom for them. But I feel like I am losing here with her. Restrictions, loss of privlages, gains of privlages, calm one on one talks, good fun talks and advise mom ones. positive reinforcements, I dont see what is making a difference. I have been wondering if she is worried that she will be "like me". Now she is very well behaved and good with everyone else so that I am glad about.
I have heard that the kids these days think that they are owed something, like unlimited cell phone privilages, computer, money, going and coming when they want. I dont allow this here. And I expect them to carry there small part in the house as we are a team. I am doing as much as I know how and I just dont know what to do about this turmoil between my daughter and myself.
Any unput here?
1 person likes this
7 responses
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
12 Sep 12
Hello Lady. Teenage girls the bain of all mothers. There is something that happens to girls especially when they start thinking for them selves at about 10 years old. Some how their friends know more than mom or dad. You love them as much as possible but some time you just want to put them in deep freeze or hang them in the closet until they out grow those miserable years of hormonal changes that they go through. When my babies were very young until they reached 12 or 13 I worried a lot about them and all the things they would go through. Then I started worrying about my sanity because I never knew what kind of mood the girls were going to be in.
When it came to talking to them they had a couple of flaps that came down over their ears or there was something that inside their brains that turned what ever I said inside out and upside down. If you said it was blue they claimed it was green or better yet red.
An Aunt of mine was having difficulties with her daughter when she told the daughter that she hoped shre had a daughter just like her. So you see our kids are pay back for all the trouble we gave our parents. The one thing is to hang on to the fact that this too shall pass sometime and you will be good friends. Remember it is just s very long phase so try to have sense of humor about it all. neither you nor your daughter will die from this thing called the teenage years. Good luck dear.
1 person likes this
@ladygator (3465)
• United States
19 Sep 12
Hi there deebomb,
You are so right here on your post. How old are your girls now? I have started to just ignore it the best I can. The hard part is getting her to help around the house and be good for all her teachers at school. She gives a few of them a really hard time and I always tell her that they are there to do their job and thats to each the students. They dont deserve all that nonsence for the kids in their class. I am always asking my daughter how she would deal with her daughter being like this? She tells me that she isnt having any kids! LOL My oldest son who is 16 gave me a huge problem it was bad. And then with her added in, I did lose my sanity!
@night01watcher (259)
• Italy
8 Sep 12
Oh its sad to hear that. Kids these days are usually the same as your daughter. They think that they are being pushed to do things that they don't wanna do. But later on, they realize their mistakes. Same happened to me, I was a blunt kid, and now I regret it ;(
1 person likes this
@ladygator (3465)
• United States
8 Sep 12
I know there are so many things that we dont understand a bit about, until we feel the mistakes. Then it makes an impression.
@flower21 (765)
• Philippines
8 Sep 12
yes, many kids nowadays think alike just like my nieces they fight with each other and even broadcast to facebook that they hate each other. i advise them that anything feud between them should be settle in the house for them to resolve and not for the whole world to know, as not everybody are interested to know about the happening in their lives. it quite embarrassing children act like that with a bullying behavior. so i think it is necessary to talk to them in a nice world and explain their limit so that they would not abuse the privileges given to them. children need to understand that parents do not wish something bad to happen to them and there security were the first in there mind. and children should show their gratitude to parents by obeying them, care and love them with all there heart.
1 person likes this
@ladygator (3465)
• United States
8 Sep 12
I like your comment here. I can relate on the facebook thing. My daugher has posted a few things and I told her no way, you are not allowed to do this. She listened about that one at least. She knows better about that. I am not very quick to post personal stuff up on the broadcast. Its so hard to get the kids these days to listen when they have been given so much in the way of technology, creating a sence of knowledge that they dont really understand. But only think that they do.
@Metatronik (6199)
• Pasay, Philippines
8 Sep 12
Is there any reason why she became rebellious? Maybe you were too much good to her that is why she became like that? Don't spoil her anyways.
1 person likes this
@ladygator (3465)
• United States
8 Sep 12
I was very close with her as a small child. I stil taught her right from wrong, I was just very soft when it came to discipline. But I refuse to let her just run around and create a harder road for herself by not learning when she is still in my home. Its just really really hard......
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
8 Sep 12
I have almost same dilemma as you have. The only difference is I do not have bipolar. I am a bit unhappy sometimes with my 3rd son coz I feel that he doesn't have that respect in me. He is far different from his brothers. I know that what could be the reason for this is how my husband is a bit off in instilling discipline most especially to my 3rd son. If I say something or want something to be done by my 3rd son and my son refuses, my husband would always tell me to just let my son be. It is disheartening when my 3rd son doesn't follow what I tell him. Everyday is a struggle. And I would often tell him that he is losing so much time to enjoy having a good relationship with me as his mother and friend.
@ladygator (3465)
• United States
8 Sep 12
I often share with my daughter on the fact of her losing good time with me. I would like to be able to just hang out and enjoy one another and no have to meet the hostility from her. The carrying out of discipline across the board. That was on of our biggest struggles for the years past. I also was dealing with the same thing with our youngest. He would just do what ever I said not to and then I would not have back-up. It was so upsetting because it never allowed us to get ahead. Its a great deal better in that specific aspect because I have gotten stronger and more direct with my expectations. The older two its pretty rough, but my younger 2 its so much better. But I think thats because I did keep trying and my youngest did hear me, now he is a very well behaved little boy.
But I can feel you on this pains of struggle. Just keep your head very tall and know that you are doing the best you can.
@chuchaibugoy (79)
•
8 Sep 12
I know it is not proper to say something good for myself especially when it pertains to my teenage daughter. Maybe because I am a good daughter to my parents God gave me kids also who doesn't give us any problem not even during infancy until they become teenagers. I showered them my unconditional love making sure that all their needs, problems were attended even to o the teaching of proper grooming , values which all parents must do to their children . I wander why some of my friends were complaining with regards to their rebellions teenage daughters who indulged in many vices and some became teenage mothers which add more to their financial difficulties for the babys' needs. my daughter like myself is a homebody lass and she is fund of cooking, landscaping , and photography as her hobby.
1 person likes this
@ladygator (3465)
• United States
8 Sep 12
I think that what will be will be and we need to take care of those things as necessary. You are lucky to have such a well behaved family. As mentioned above things will be as they will be. I was a very good and obedient daughter for my parents. Now my daughter is a homebody as well. As much as she fights with me, she also stays pretty close to me all the time. And my childen are all different while all being raised in the same house. Its a personality persuaded by the enfluences that grab the children. I am glad that it sounds as if things are very well here but dont ever take for granite because I have seen a good many things happen to good God fearing and God serving families. These are things that I wish I never knew about and didnt happen. It had to do with the children in these families suddenly shift things and their now destroyed. So praise God every day and just be thankful for that day and blessed jus as much the next one.
@riempie9 (1021)
• South Africa
7 Sep 12
There is no question after reading this that you could probably benefit from some counseling. You have to sit down with your kids and a psychologist and let your daughter talk. If you are from another country and she was born here where she has American friends, it might be that the two of you do not see eye to eye because of cultural differences. Your daughter is rebelling because she is frustrated. Hope this helps. Most schools have counselors. Talk to thetm.
1 person likes this
@ladygator (3465)
• United States
7 Sep 12
I used to see a councelor and it did help a lot. My daughter went to one for a while as well. The reason that my counceling stopped was my insurance was cancelled. And now I need to find a place other than the one that prescibes meds. I only have a psychiatrist and I see him every three months. I told him that I needed one for almost a year, and I still have not been referred to one. The reason I havent been taking my daughter was really two reasons. The councelor that I was seeing seemed to be more critical of me and not teaching my daughter the skills to handle conflict and helping her learn how to build esteem so that se isnt so angry all of the time. But the main conflict was transportation. I didnt have a car, this has been a hinderance in finding long term therapy to help us all with understanding one another. I am very often referred to as crazy in my house which hurts, but I dont react to that because I understand that they dont really mean it in their hearts.
Last week I was Finally given this information from a nurse at my chilrens doctor that my insurance covers cab rides to appointments!!! This is what I have been asking about for months!!! Next hurdle is that it takes nearly 3 months to get into the councelors at the hospitol that takes our insurance! So with that I have frusteration but also a little peace since there are plenty of others seeking therapy
I will actually check in with the councelors at her school though, thank you for reminding me of that.
