When good friendship gone bad :(
By leeandrew
@leeandrew (1225)
Philippines
October 4, 2012 11:17pm CST
A lot of us are experiencing these sort of things from time to time. Having a good friend now is no exemption in experiencing this in the future. I have loads of good friends all over the world. I say all over because my job is to host teams from around the world and doing such gives me an opportunity to meet many nationalities. And since I'm a meek person (not bragging here :D), it makes me easy to get friends with them.
What I don't understand is, when they're on my country they really became my good friend but when they leave it seems that they also left with me our friendship. I have friends whom I thought we'll really good friends but now don't talk. It's not that we quarrel or something, it's just seems they forgot about me.
I once visited a friend who lived near Toronto because I thought we super duper close (because we did when we're together, so I thought the distance did not ruin it), but when we see each other again the closeness seems gone and it feels like we're strangers and did not share thoughts, laughs and silliness together.
It made me so sad that I cried (I did not cry in front of her though but in the bathroom). I love all my friend and the thought of losing them breaks my heart. :(
16 responses
@bhabycatch013 (9150)
• Philippines
5 Oct 12
hi lee,
It is good you have this kind of opportunity I have lot of online friends and even we don't see online they call me or send card to say everything is fine at their side or how I am doing. I am lucky to meet few of them for real and until now we are still friends and counting years to have this kind of friendship
Maybe for you they are a friend but for them you are just an acquaintance
Welcome to mylot
@leeandrew (1225)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
yeah online friends are good too, but I do want a friend whom I can meet personally not just in the net. But having a netizen friend is something good as well. I just hope that the next time I get friends with a visiting one, I would learn not to hope that much.
@OtisHum30 (8)
• United States
5 Oct 12
It's a common feeling for many people though all hope isn't lost when your foreign friend leaves. Social media platforms such as Twitter and Facebook can still be used to communicate with them, they are free, simple to use and very effective.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
5 Oct 12
I do not consider all the people that I meet as friends. They are just acquaintances-people you get the chance to know briefly and you do not have any special relationship between you.
If you feel being neglected by your so-called friends from the teams that you host, it is because they just see you as someone that they can talk to when they need anything from whatever kind of activities you host, or if they have questions about it. True friends are those who know you inside and out, who will always be there when you need a shoulder to cry on and will always remain as friend despite time and distance.
@leeandrew (1225)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
There are people that I don't consider as friends too, specially those people that I haven't shared a moment with, moments like laughing, sharing each other life's happenings and tears. There are people whom I met that we just say something like hi and hello did a little talk, they are the one I consider not friends "just someone I know".
@apusespa (17)
• India
5 Oct 12
Oh, it will be too hard that if someone who were close to us gets departed from us for no reason. In this world, one thing that I learnt was Changes never Changes all the time.
In these 2 years, your friend might have changed her job or location, and might have dealt with some other people related to her field. So, its quite natural these days that old friends even when they happen to see again, they just have a formal word of saying Hi. So, don't put your heart down. Find a new company for you.
@leeandrew (1225)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
Yup, no good at all if they ignore you for no reason. I would rather like it when they come to me tell all these things that I done that hurts them than just ignore me and I don't know the reason. Part of me would like to to ignore them too but ignoring them co's they ignore me is just seems no sense at all.
So true, people change because they found someone for that particular moment in time.
@mikyung (2232)
• Philippines
5 Oct 12
I had similar experiences like you did. It makes me sad to see things part ways that way, just dropping and put the good relationship away is something I don't want to happen to me. Things gone on sour and bitter as what they say. Now, I really doing my best to rebuild those relationship, for I invested something there, my time and effort, it feels bad to be just to put that into waste. Thanks.
Good thing I have my wife, my friend for life.
@leeandrew (1225)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
It's funny though how I became good friends with my friend ex's. She actually once asked me why all her ex are still my friends, all that I said was I don't know. How could I just dis-friend them when they showed me respect and treated me good. Ooh goodness, I just can't tell them that they're no longer my friends since they broke up with my friend.
@leeandrew (1225)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
I know it's easy to make friends but with someone like me it takes time and takes effort to make one. I'm not an approachable person. I am quiet and distant, I don't mingle with newcomer that easily. I sometimes read a person which is bad because I tend to judge. But when I get to know the person I make effort to make him or her my friend.
@leeandrew (1225)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
It easy to get friends but it's hard to re-connect with a good friend when your friendship with her gone bad. I have friends that up to now we are still good friends. Through the course of our friendship though, there were rough and smooth roads but at the end we forgive each ones weakness and start all over again.
@miaka05 (16)
• Philippines
5 Oct 12
I can really relate to that. How sad it was. I had the same experience of losing (almost) my childhood best friend. How and why? That I don't know the answer. It's the kind of situation where suddenly this person you hang out and tell problems with became a total stranger. She even ignored/ avoid me for almost a year. She totally became a different person. I always cry with the thought of losing my ever dear friend. I got a lot of questions since then, but unfortunately, some of them are left unanswered up to this day. After months of ignoring me, she eventually talk to me on the day before her wedding and I felt so glad. Though, she talked to me again, I know for sure that things weren't the same before when we are still so close. I will not close my heart on friendship. I know there's a gap between our friendship but I didn't bother on that. I stayed and wished her all the happiness in the world with her newborn baby. I guess people change and that is something that all of us need to accept. Friendship will have a chance to mend, but it takes TIME and ACCEPTANCE. We just need to have faith and courage.
@leeandrew (1225)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
I also have childhood besties, all of them were important to me... then. But I haven't seen them for twenty years I think and I couldn't even remember their faces. I would never know it's them even if we happen to bump each other arms in the street. I may consider them as my friends still but I have no recent moments with them.
I's just thankful that my friends I met when I was in my twenty's are still my friends up to these days and they are the one I consider close friends.
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
5 Oct 12
Hi Leendrew,
I know how it feels have friends and lose them for whatever reason. I do have a friend who used to be my officemate and we became very close that I made her my son's godmother. Because our friendship was so great (or so we thought
) we though we trusted each other enough to go into business together. Little did we know that the business will ruin our friendship. This is one lesson I've learned the hard way: never do business with a (close or best)friend.
) we though we trusted each other enough to go into business together. Little did we know that the business will ruin our friendship. This is one lesson I've learned the hard way: never do business with a (close or best)friend.@leeandrew (1225)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
Yeah losing a friend is the hardest and the saddest of all situation. But whenever a friend tries to ignore or avoid me it saddened me really but I also try to reach out but when things are really not doing good, I myself stop reaching out but treasure the beautiful moment we had together. I still smile when I come to remember what we did that was funny.
@obe212003 (2299)
• Philippines
5 Oct 12
Friends come and go, being part of our lives. Some stay for keeps, and some just for the moment. What is important is that we shared something with them, learning, and most of enjoyed the moments we spent with them. With your jolly personality, i think you would continue on having a lot of friends, more true friends. Good luck!~
@leeandrew (1225)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
To me it seems that there is no such as real friends and not real friends, co's to me all my friends are true, but probably not all stays some really has to go away. You are totally right, what important is the moment we shared when we're together... that is thing that I really would like to preserve at least in my heart.
@sarah77yuan (81)
• Sweden
5 Oct 12
to be honesty, we can have many friends simultaneously,but we may have only two to three bosom friends.in fact, two bosom friends in the life is a really happy thing . there is a saying that a friend in need is a friend indeed. so actually not all of our friends are true friend. we just take it easy, cherish our real friends and live our happy life.
@leeandrew (1225)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
I believe that a friend is a friend. Some destined to stay for a long time, some destined just a passing by, some helped while others needed help. There are friend who just happen to be there for happy times and others for sad times. I'm hoping that I learn to cherish every friend I have.
@BigMoney25 (1286)
• Philippines
5 Oct 12
Yeah I also do not like to lose a friend especially if that's a very loyal and honest friend to me. I make sure I spend time with the real friends that I have coz some just pretend to be my friends and thats something I do not like at all. Spend time with the real friends and have fun with them, keep them as they are treasures in your life more important than money so make sure you have some memorable moments with them.
@leeandrew (1225)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
Losing a friend is not really a good thing. No one likes letting go of a friend. I would rather add more to my friends list than erasing one. I once have a good friend when I was in highschool, I in fact consider her my closest until one day we get misunderstanding, and we quarreled really bad. I got so mad at her that I wrote a hate letter and she cried loud in our classroom that made me more mad.
@aejey322 (1004)
• Philippines
5 Oct 12
Sometimes, when we lost communication for a long time, it also creates a gap between two people. We must admit that people change, and since you haven't witnessed that changed, you are not familiar with the person anymore. And when you meet again, it's like that person becomes a stranger because he is the new person out of his change.
But I'm not saying all people are like that. Most of the old friends when given the chance to meet again still has the excitement and happiness that they meet again. they should be happy...
@leeandrew (1225)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
You are truly right, people did change and I myself probably had changed too. I probably just looked at them but never look at me and re-evaluate me. When I visit my friend I really though nothing has change between us, but you are right the distance and people around us changes us too. Yeah.. some friends are still happy to meet you but some are don't for their own personal reasons.
@kokomo (1867)
• Philippines
5 Oct 12
Hello leeandrew,
As the song says, friends come and go.So I think do not stress too much yourself or too sad when they were became so cold with you. That's the nature of man. Sometimes, when they not used to go along with you for a months or years then that friendship of yours way back a month or year would be gone for sometime.Maybe, they would felt ashamed with you already, the thought you yourself already has changed. Talk with them I think for you to know what's on their mind and why they became distant already.
@leeandrew (1225)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
Friends come and go indeed. Their coming means a happy feeling but their going is not. I have a friend whom I though we're really good until I come in between her and a guy which she seems like, but since I know who and what kind of guy the is, I tried to intervene with their closeness and she didn't like it and stayed away from me.
I just hope though that she would still consider me a friend.
@visks12 (18)
•
5 Oct 12
Thanks for the discussion. we all face the situations time time. so you are not alone. I for one personally face the same problem once or twice. I was in Toronto some time back and made some friends but once I come to Sri Lanka I have lost contact with them. some time I even think how they are doing. Even some of the school days friends seems to be distance with time and distance. Its is may be that we are so much used to groups that once we leave the circle we cannot tend to keep the same momentum with the old friends. I read some in book that out of touch out of mind which is very difficult understand, but some time out of touch they may still remember you in their heart just the way I remember my old friends. keep your place in your heart for them too.
@leeandrew (1225)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
Thanks for the comment, I appreciate what you said. SO true, Some friendship linger even though there's a vast distance between them. The distance seems not matter but the friendship is. I also believe somehow about what you said that in friendship if you always keep in touch they keep you in mind but if you lost contact with them.. it seems that you no longer that matters to them.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
5 Oct 12
Well i can understand what situation u are going through after having lost such a beautiful relationship in your life. I too have gone through this situation and every time i thing of the broken friendship, tears roll down my eyes but that has never let me down personally as i believe whatever happens, happens for the good. i know u want to renew the relationship but then all depends on your former friend, if he is willing to start afresh then there should not be any issue but if he is neglecting u like before then its better to move ahead and start afresh your new life.
What say?
@leeandrew (1225)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
Thanks for the comments. I know when friendship get tough, we should decide if we would like to continue the friendship or relationship when situation like this happens. Of course when the relationship is really important to a person, he or she will really fight for it. We definitely sacrifice or happiness just to retain the friendship.
@Sapphiremoon (82)
• Malaysia
5 Oct 12
Everyone experiences the lost of friends but what hurts of the most is when the friendship just seems to breakup apart. I too love all my friends and loosing hurts me a lot it just feels like I'm loosing family. But from this experince we can know who are our real friends are, and we should treasure them all the more.
@leeandrew (1225)
• Philippines
6 Oct 12
Indeed friends come and go in our lives, but there are people that no matter how quick the moment we spent with that person reason that when it feel like they forget about us the feeling of sadness is unbearable.
As for me if I could only prevent things from happening I would do anything, but things is not in my hands only God can do such things.
