what to do when friend admits he loves you?
By eiram23
@eiram23 (421)
Philippines
October 8, 2012 1:46am CST
Just few hours ago while i was checking mylot, i've got a message from a college friend through my facebook account. He was asking for my number and said someone wants to know it. I asked, "who," he replied, "me." I was like, oh is this Jasper so I asked, "are you Jasper?" and he said, "yes of course." I smiled:) Jasper is a college friend. We never became classmates but because we have common friends we became good friends.
He was saying something i wasn't expecting. Let me ask you guys, If you are a guy and fall inlove with one of your girl friends but afaraid to tell her, how do you usually coped with it. I have a lot of guy friends whom from high school and college who is now opening up to me about how they really feel for me. Some would says, I was afraid back then, you might turned away and the friendship we have might be affected. Some would also admit he didnt have the courage to tell me. And thinking they are my good friends i don't know how to respond. It's kinda awkward. I don't even know should i believe them? Can any guy tell me is this really happening i mean those reasons they have would it be true??
5 people like this
21 responses
@ajlasent (536)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
Maybe he's had that feeling for long time and just wants to see how things would turn out if he tells you.. :)
The thing I'd do is explain to them how I feel in a way they won't get hurt.. just be honest and tell them if you see them as nothing more than friends...Tell them you appreciate their honesty too because I'm sure it wasn't easy for them to tell you how they really feel...
Good luck!
1 person likes this
@ajlasent (536)
• Philippines
9 Oct 12
I can relate to your situation... ^_^ It can be awkward for quite a while depending on how both of you take it, but if you are really good friends, he should understand... :) I wish you luck with this situation and I hope too that you get to remain as friends!
@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
10 Oct 12
ive talked to him earlier today and good thing he is man enough to understand:) I am more comfortable with it now. We are still good friends, he promised me that. He even says he appreciate the honesty in me and thank me for being true to myself and being true to him as well. So we are good now;)
@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
thanks for that. i sure will be very honest because i really don't want to hurt him badly.. he has been so good and precious friend and i acnt afford to hurt him really but of course its a natural reaction. im just hoping we can still maintain the strong friendship weve started.
1 person likes this
@shreed_14 (460)
• India
8 Oct 12
Hello there.
Thanks for starting the discussion.
That really is very odd. I have been in your shoes before and hence can understand what you must be feeling.
A year ago my confessed his feelings for me and I was dumbstruck. I didn't have a clue about how I should react. I had always considered him a friend and couldn't bring myself to see him as a boyfriend. He didn't force me into it but gradually I developed some sort of affection for him and three months ago we got together.
But other episodes haven't been this good. I have lost many friends just because I couldn't accept them as my boyfriends. It's sad but I guess there is nothing that can be done about it.
@shreed_14 (460)
• India
11 Oct 12
Ya..things worked out better for me, probably, because he was my best-friend.
And well, you never know what's in store for you. Things might turn out the same way for you.
What I would like to suggest is don't force yourself into it. You might just feel sometimes that you're losing him and think of accepting him as a boyfriend just to be with him. But that's not how it should be. Go for it only when you're absolutely sure of your feelings for him..
What I would like to suggest is don't force yourself into it. You might just feel sometimes that you're losing him and think of accepting him as a boyfriend just to be with him. But that's not how it should be. Go for it only when you're absolutely sure of your feelings for him..@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
wow. that's perfect:) im happy for you and your friend who turned to be your boyfriend. actually im into it.. i mean i love the idea of friends turned to be lovers. it's just that i can't see that to my friend who is trying to win me. ahhmm.. it's reall odd i mean im not comfortable with the idea especially that i dont feel anyhting for him. im thinkinh though based on what you just shared, so there is a possibility?..hehehe.. hmm that's new:)
2 people like this
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
8 Oct 12
This has happened to me before, and I had to tell him that I wasn't in love with him. I told him that he was a good friend, but that I didn't see him that way.
1 person likes this
@ellyse2003 (1463)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
I had that experience before, well, he was my very best friend and I really don't know that he's falling for me. We've been together from elementary to college, at first it was awkward, I was a little aloof with the situation, I mean I don't want to talk about it. I just want us to be friends. But then after realizing, that its a better way to start a relationship, from being friends to lovers. At least you knew each other for a while. Maybe, guys sometimes, wait for the right time.. For them, it's really hard to open up coz you became friends for a while. To a girl, its complicated, as for me, it was really complicated. Having a friend whose always there for you then after a few years both of you have to step up to a new kind of relationship. Anyway, it's the cycle of life.
1 person likes this
@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
I am happy knowing the friendship you've started level up to a relationship. That's wonderful. Good thing for you that you were able to realize about it. As for me.. i really can't see myself about the possibility of we becoming together. maybe just like you it might happen. buyt like what you've said, the right time will come and im looking forward to it.
1 person likes this
@riyauro (6421)
• India
8 Oct 12
If i were you i would just expect a guy to come up with me and confront the situation. Sometimes it becomes too late to do things and that right moment passes. So better face the fact of acceptance or rejection. I know no one is gonna die here but one must face the fact. To me all these excuses would not work. It is simply not true. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead.
1 person likes this
@yuyanwhw818 (12)
• China
8 Oct 12
hi,eiram.I have ever had the similar experience.He is my classmate.In the past four years,he always took care of me.when he told me the truth about his love,I was very embarrassed.At last,we become best friends.This was about friendship and a normal relationship.I hope that you can deal with the relationship optimisticly.
Good luck.
1 person likes this
@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
i know this is very common. but when it happens to you..seems so hard to handle especially if you dont want to hurt him.. well i hope we will remain friends whatever happened coz i really cannot see myself being his girlfriend.. well others says, just be honest i surely will.
1 person likes this
@joliefille (3690)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
Last night I found out via a Facebook chat that my friend liked me and that I was primarily the reason why he would hang out with me and my friends because he found me mystifying. LOL. My initial expression on Facebook chat was exactly that - hahahha. It was kinda awkward that all I could type initially was that. He said he was afraid that I would ignore him, I said no I would not because he and I are friends, provided that he won't insist on me reciprocating his feelings we would still be friends of course, 'cause I really do not feel anything more than that towards him.
It would be a bit awkward for him I believe when he sees me tomorrow at a group meditation session but I assured him we are still friends.
1 person likes this
@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
that's how i exactly feel towards my friend..good thing we don't see each other often.. its kinda weird i bet. i had an officemate, my friend as well. initiall i stayed away because i am not really comfortable with the idea of him likes me but as time passes by good thing he is understanding enough and man enough to accept that we are better when we stay as friends. and right now we are even closer an i can say we are the best of friends now. but for this other friendd.. i dont know..
1 person likes this
@justaswind (17)
• China
10 Oct 12
You know, man always feel nervous to tell his love, because he doesn't have the courage to be rejected, doesn't have the courage to face with you after being rejected.
After so many years, when he got the courage to tell you, I believe he's also got the courage to still be your friend, even if you turn him down.
So if you don't have feeling for him, just tell him, you like him but not in that way. I think he would understand, and would stand.
@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
10 Oct 12
Hi, im jsut so happy. Atlast, i and my friend have talked and i already cleared everything to him. I really appreciate how he responded and how he reacted on it. He is man enough to accept the decision I had. He evn thanked me for being honest and we are good now. We are still good friends and that's the most important. I know there is sadness in him but I know he is happier now because he was able to tell me all those things,:)
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
This happens with me in real too.
But it's a different thing because we're both married already.
This long friend/classmate tells me that he had a big crush on me when we're still in highschool.
He said that, he's not telling this to me now because he wants us to have an affair- but he only wants to reveal a secret that's been long kept.
We're good friends and I am glad that he's been honest.
In your case- why not give it a try if both of you are free from any commitment.
@gaiza12 (4884)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
That's odd, if they have just opened up now when they could have done it when you were still in college. But, that is good for you also in way that there are a lot of guys out there is wanting to get to know you more and be more than friends with you. I have experienced this when I was still in high school and I really feel very awkward. I don't know what to say so I just smiled and said, sorry but I can't go into some relationship more than being friends. I value our friendship, and I really don't want to ruin that. Well, I was wrong because after that incident, the guy didn't talk to me that much unlike before. Maybe you should try to know that guy more before getting info some relationship more than being friends. Maybe their feelings for you are really true after all if you just give them a chance to prove themselves. Good luck!
@gaiza12 (4884)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
Knowing if the guy is real is really hard. I think you have it in you of knowing if the person is real or not. You have to be very observant and you have to listen to the word he has to say then feel it in you if he is telling the truth or if he is being real or not. Also, pray and ask for guidance, you will be able to find peace within you if you ask for guidance to your God.
@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
cheers to your suggestion:). im so happy i am here at least i have more friends who will be able to give me their best shots about your insights about the things im kinda unsure:)i appreciate all your comments and ideas about how i should deal with this situation:)
@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
It's really odd.. I dont want to lose the friendship we have But i will consider your idea of getting to know him more. I appreciate your insights:)But im kinda hesitant because of some trust issues that i have:( I want to know how would you be assured that the guy is real?
@sergs_pogi (170)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
This issue is so common and happens logically. The explanation is simple. When you talk about love, it's just the state of being more than a friend. So when you've been with someone for a long time as friends, developing an attraction toward that person is natural. When you are too close as friends, you may go beyond friendship unknowingly.
@sergs_pogi (170)
• Philippines
9 Oct 12
Well, most people who fall in love with their friends are the guys. Since you are friends already, he will understand you no matter how hard it is for him. You can use a rooting technique to let him know. Just find a topic like a recent movie that will segue way into your telling the truth to him. You can even come up with a tale and send it through text.
For example, you can relate a story about an unrequited love of one person to his/her friend but the other didn't feel the same way, then segue way into saying that this can happen also in real life. I know I can be hurting, but the longer you postpone saying the truth, the longer he may think he will have a chance. He may also expect something from you, so end his misery at once. I can relate to this because I've been into this situation myself! LOL
@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
9 Oct 12
oh really? oh wow.. but anyway thank you for the idea:) i know it will really hurt him but you are right, it would be better if he knows how i feel right away..at least the feeling might not to deep for now so it would be easier for him to get out of that feeling as well.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
9 Oct 12
action speaks louder than words. if you are not convinced that they like you or love you, then look at how he acts around you. Is he more affectionate towards you than he does to other women? you judge
I don't think it's a bad thing they love you. be happy about their feelings and that's it. you don't have to romantically love them back. stick to being friends. my current boyfriend was once a friend of mine and he confessed to me on the summer after our high school graduation. i accepted his feelings but i didn't feel the same way about him right then and there. we became friends, closer even. then one day i began to have feelings for him too.
@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
10 Oct 12
your right. sometimes we dont need to just listen to what their mouth says but moreso gauge what their actions convey. Im really thankful I have a lot of friends who love me like their own sister and i am really flattered some of them really fall inlove with me. Im definitely happy about it. How i wish i could love him back the way he do it for me but weve already talked and he understand. Which i appreciate him more. i am more comfortable now knowinh he is man enough to accept my decision..
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
12 Oct 12
don't feel guilty for not feeling the same way about him. you did nothing wrong.
How kind of him to accept, it's not that easy to do.
@keichan1412 (247)
• United States
8 Oct 12
One of my friends told me that way. I just appreciated the feelings he had for me, but still I could not fully accept the love that he wanted since I treated him as my BEST FRIEND, and I loved someone... Well, thank goodness we are still friends. :)
@tinetine161992 (431)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
To be friends again after confesing his love was really awkward especially if you doesnt feel the same way with him.
@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
hello there:)tinetine. definitely, that's why sometimes i prefer the idea of staying as friends rather than to be more than friends in case something happen its not only the lovers relatioship that yopu will lose but even the friendship ypu built for years.
@smtrsv (186)
• India
8 Oct 12
When a friend admits that he loves you, it means now thrown the ball in your half. Now it is you to decide whether you have to accept or reject the things. If you feel it is better for you, you can go ahead. Actually love is not a matter of of acceptance or rejection. It is something different.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Oct 12
hi eiram welcome to m ylot. I think that depends on how you feel about the guy? is he just a friend or have you ever had any romantic feelings towards him?those are the thing you need to think about.If you do not have romantic feelings that cannot be forced. YOu must be honest. If you have a boyfriend let this person know as there is no need to be strung along.Yes some of them may really love you and some may just be talking too. you are the one ultimately that will have to decide these questions yourself.
estions yourself.@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
9 Oct 12
hi hatley thanks for welcoming me here:) i really appreciate all your comments. I know, i dont have any romantic feelings towards my friend. He is a good guy, i admit i would be really in good hands if he became my boyfriend but unfortunately my feelings for him is pure love for a friend.. its just that i dont want to hurt him badly but maybe you are right the sooner he will know how i feel the better..
@GemmaR (8517)
•
8 Oct 12
It is always very hard when we find that one of our friends has feelings for us that we might not have expected for them to have. This is because if we don't feel the same then it might start to feel a bit awkward as things between us would have then changed. If we did feel the same then there is every chance that you could be together, and it is important that you are truthful with your friend so that he knows exactly how you feel. If you both want the same thing then it could be brilliant, but if you don't then that is the point at which things may get a little strange.
@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
the thing is, i don't feel the same way. he is more of a brother to me. good thing for right now, we are still good..still talking to each other, i told him once about how i feel and it seems he understand. well i hope he really did. so far i dont feel like we are strangers to each other..still the same way.. he is sstill gentle though at times he really asked if he really doesnt have a chance.
@bhabycatch013 (9150)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
hi eiram,
This is one of the part I hated when a friend confessed about his feelings towards me cause it's not easy specially if the feelings are not mutual.
Well if you like the person you are going to put the friendship on stake but if not just be honest and act like nothing happened.
happy mylotting
@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
i feel the same. i am not comfortable being told that my friend whom i already considered as my brother would confessed he is inlove with me especially i dont feel the same way. im afraid to lose the friendshipn we have and very important thing, i hate to hurt any of my friends. I dont want to see him bitter fro my decisions or i dont want him to act strange in front of me. im just hoping he'' understand and will not set apart the friendship we have just because i sont feel the same..
@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
im open to the idea of being best of friends and turned out to be lovers. what i dont like is if the feeling is not mutual which is happening to me now. i treat him as just my brother and i dont think there will be a chance it will be more than that. im not closing the possibilities though but im this kind of person that it will not took months or years fro me to say i like a person, knowing the person fro weeks would tell me if i would like him as a boyfriend or not, and its been more than 4 years...geezzz... im pretty sure it wont work. it might just ruined the friendship.
@barood4money (376)
• India
8 Oct 12
Its really difficult to answer because it depends on the situation and the person. One day i want with my friend to meet his girlfriend. She also came with her friend. Her friend was single and me too. I took her no. and used to chat with her. One day i felt that i was in love with her. But it was really really hard to tell her. Actually its quite easy to beat 5 guys than telling her my heart's feeling. One day i finalised that i will ter her today. I proposed her in a Mall. Now she is my life's angel. After few months we are going to marry.. :)
@Jopet2010 (10)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
I don't know what will be my feelings but maybe I felt ashamed. If ever she knows me everything but if not close. No worries, maybe I will be happy.
I have a friend before whom I become my gf later. So far, no problem to our relationship.
@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
i love the idea of friends becoming lovers. that's totally incredible. but the thing is i don't feel the same thing. and i hate the idea of hurting my friend just because i dont love him the way he does for me. that's one of my weaknesses, hurting others in any other way.. so good to be true but its real. because i know how it feels to get hurt,,ive been badly hurt for many times now and i dont want any of my friends to feel that because of me:(
