How long can you forgive?
By Nightshade13
@Nightshade13 (74)
Philippines
October 20, 2012 3:20am CST
Dear Mylotters,
I just had a quesion that's going around my mind lately... How can you trust a person who's beeen lying to you and sometimes keeping you from the truth for whatever reasons it may be, and when you find that out he/she would just say "i'm sorry... i didn't mean to..."?
For me, if the trust i gave to the person has been broken, it is so hard to give it back again and pretend that nothing happens and goes back to our original relationship. They say that people lie because their intent is good, so the "white lies" created, but if you're going to think about it, it is still a "lie". Sure, i could give an opportunity to listen to whatever reason he/she may have and forgive the person form time to time, depending on the weight of the lie, however, what if this has become an extensive behaviour and your relationship to the person is now having a "Gap" because of repetitive actions and gone to the point that you are now questioning the relationship that you had to that person. Would you still rather accept the person and gave back that trust again and again? What if that person has been close to you for quite long that you are now having a hesitation to just throw away your relationship to him/her...
2 people like this
8 responses
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
20 Oct 12
It is definitely hard to regain that trust back when someone has lied to you. It is awful and it definitely is hurtful when we go through times like this. I have experienced something like this when my husband lied to me. Even though I haven't completely forgot about it I try not to dwell on it otherwise I stay upset about it.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
22 Oct 12
I completely agree with you. When we care deeply for someone we expect that they feel the same way about us. So when they lie to us it does really hurt because we feel overwhelmingly disappointed in how they have treated us. It is hard not to dwell on the pain that another person has caused us but it is in our best interest that we try to move past it.
@Nightshade13 (74)
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
yeah, dissapointments is the effect of that and it is really hard to dealt with. if they lie to you, you will end up being dissapointed in them, especially if you respected the individual. I would rather had that person slap me in the face and tell me all the things that he/she hated from me rather than lying and pretend that were good.
1 person likes this
@Nightshade13 (74)
• Philippines
20 Oct 12
Hi Dominique25,
just like you, everytime i think about those things, i always ended up being upset or ruined my day. Although there are logical reason's why a person lies to another, but it's just sad, especially if you cared so much for that person and have established a good relationship for quite long...
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
12 Nov 12
If it is someone who you thought you could trust and they have broken it over and over again they are not worth having in your life. I know that is sometimes the harsh reality but its the way it is unfortunately. No matter how much it hurts to say goodbye to that person or relationship, it is better in the long run than to keep getting lied to and hurt that way...
I thought I had a good friend in this one person until she kept making things up and lying to me all the time about the most stupid things. But the little things added up and became bigger and bigger things. Eventually I did cut the relationship and I am SO glad I did. Probably the BEST decision I have ever made! I am much happier now and drama free again...
I hope you do the right thing for you and I hope the situation gets easier for you. 
@Nightshade13 (74)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
i guess you're right LovingMyBabies... i am hoping and praying that i will eventually get to move on with my life without him in my side, the memories of us being bestfriend will now just be written in my past and yes i agree with you that it really hurts but this is better than "me being always lied to by my best friend".
i just wish that he will never wear his mask on his "future friends" and learn from his past mistakes, because i know the pain that it will caused once they found out that he's fake or liar.
i am happy for you to have move on with your past friend and now living a happier life.
Happy Mylotting!
@GemmaR (8517)
•
20 Oct 12
I think that you have to take every situation on its own, and there is no way that you would be able to forgive everything that people have done wrong to you because why should you. If somebody has done something that is hurtful to you then it would make sense that in some cases you should certainly try to cut them out of your life because they do not deserve to have you. However if it is a close friend who you have known for a long time then you might want to spend more time thinking about how you could forgive them because it would be a shame for you to lose their friendship.
@Nightshade13 (74)
• Philippines
20 Oct 12
Hello GemmaR,
yeah, i'm still thinking and having a hard time deciding whether or not i should let go of that friendship i had treasured so much.
i could forgive the person, but it is not in my nature to forget things. i guess you have a point that i should take each situation differently, however, like what i said, no matter what is the motive, the act of lying is still a negative thing to me...
@rberon1985 (5359)
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
Very sad to hear about situation.is this the situation that you are undergoing right now that you can't really share with me?i actually don't know and have no idea who are you pertaining to this siatuation.i knowhow important the word "trust"to you.our friendship has tested this word. this word made me realize your worth as my bestfriend and me realize to do the right thing in my life.whatever you are facing right now,i know you can do it.i am just around and in the corner.you can count on me anytime. i hope whatever pain you have inside,it would heal as soon as possible.i know it is not that easy but i'm sure you can get to it.just give that person benefit of the doubt.
@Nightshade13 (74)
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
Like what you said you know me... i always give the benefits of a doubt, always, however, like i mentioned what if this has become an extensive behaviour? what's become of that person? i mean, in terms of its character and attitude? i am also concerned about that since we've became friends for quite a time and i had treasured that.
ahhh... to be honest, there are a lot of things that's currently going on in my mind, and this is the only one of my concern, the one that i mentioned to you is a different story but thank you for being there, for being supportive and i guess i should thank "mylot" as well, because i can write my feelings here and the member would actually respond to it and give me an advise or another point of view, and that's highly appreciated.
Keep Mylotting!
@I_am_yours_06 (185)
• Philippines
20 Oct 12
I experienced being betrayed,it was very painful experience. I can't forgive him for what he did. Until I finally say am perfectly okay then maybe I'll give my forgiveness..Its very easy to say but once you're in the weigh side you'll understand why sometimes its hard to forgive.
@Nightshade13 (74)
• Philippines
20 Oct 12
and that is what i am going through right now, i am weighing things up. and i could tell that a year of friendship is not easy to end, i'm still giving the thought that the person might change his/her attitude...
@puiuioandaniel (182)
• Romania
20 Oct 12
It's easy. I forgive, but I don't forget. If that person lie means he has a real reason. At least I think so. You can listen to that person and give the opportunities to explain. If there are a real reasons maybe it's ok, depends on you. For example, I can forgive almost the time, but I'll never forget and if that person continues I will do something about it.
@Nightshade13 (74)
• Philippines
20 Oct 12
i tried to listen to the reasons of that person, i tried asking why do such a thing over and over again, i also tried to say that i don't like liars and i want someone whom i can trust but nothing seems to work, that everytime that were together and have a conversations, i always had this thought at the back of my mind that hey maybe he/she is lying, that none or most of the thing that he/she says are lies... maybe it's just me, but i guess its hard to trust someone who lied to you many times before... what do you say?
@anggunmelati (551)
• Indonesia
9 Nov 12
for me, I think three days is enough to make piece again. Do not angry too long. That's not good for a relation ship. Just tell every thing what you hide to him/her. A relationship based thrust usually became long relationship. Try to forgive him/her if you can.
