Is he serious or not? Until now we are not married and I feel like he is playing
By ggubatina09
@ggubatina09 (36)
Philippines
October 21, 2012 1:02am CST
Hello friends. I am in a relationship with almost 4 years with the same person and the "main topic" is, I don't know if he is serious with me. We have a daughter who is 3 years old already. If he is serious, why in the world that we are not together and I am still hoping that one day we will live together. I am in Philippines and he is in Thailand. I don't know when we will see each other again. The good things is, she is sending money every first day of the month for me and our child. Guys, I need to know if he is serious with me and in marrying me.
Thanks!
6 people like this
20 responses
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
21 Oct 12
Typically the main reason that a man does not marry a woman, is because.......
He does not want to be married to a woman.
That's why he goes around and finds a girl who will sleep with him, without being married.
I am truly sorry. Chances are, you will never be married to this man. He got what he wanted from you. He has no need to marry you.
Is there any chance? Yes, but it is very, very small. Like one in a thousand chance.
If I were you, I would not waste the next 20 years of your life, waiting for a man who is not coming. He got what he wanted. He wanted to sleep with a woman, without being 'stuck' or married to her. He got that, now he's gone.
Move on girl. Don't waste your life on him. Get on with your life, and this time, don't give yourself away to someone who isn't your husband. You have more value than that. Don't be so cheap.
2 people like this
@ggubatina09 (36)
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
Thanks for the advice Andy. I think you are right and I don't want to miss any chances and opportunity to be loved by other men. I know that it is such a fool to live in love with the person who is totally invincible, it is just like I am living in a dream. Thanks for your help, will sure make a decision for it.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160491)
• United States
22 Oct 12
He still needs to continue to support his daughter, though. She is his child and his duty, and I would hope he would love her as well.
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
22 Oct 12
Although I agree with this, I would suggest you focus on reality. The reality is, him paying is a LUXURY.
You should live your life in a way that is not dependent on someone else, unless that someone else is MARRIED TO YOU.
If you depend on this guy, something is going to happen, and then he won't pay, and you'll be in a world of hurt. Live your life in such a way that when he pays, it's like a gift, a bonus you were not depending on.
Because one of three things is going to happen.
A: You will find someone else, and then he'll get upset that he is paying for someone else's kid, that loves their father and not him. Suddenly the payments will stop showing up.
B: He will find someone else, and that other woman will want him dedicated to their family and not yours. He'll stop paying to please his new wife.
C: He will have financial difficulty. When people are forced to choose between paying for their own food, or yours, they will choose their own food. (and they should).
So the point is, don't count on that money. If you can't afford something without his money, then don't do it.
He's not your husband. You can't count on him, no matter how good a guy you think he is.
@adhyz82 (36249)
• Indonesia
21 Oct 12
you make me confused..sometimes you write she, sometimes you said he..
but i can guess that you are female and you means he..
daughter??
how come?? you have kids and both of you aren`t married..
c`mon..ask him..convince him, that it`s not good for both of you
the kid grow and everday the kid ask who is her father? why her father isn`t appeared...
1 person likes this
@ggubatina09 (36)
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
Yes I am talking about my daughter which refers to "her" and he which refers to his "father".. Sorry about your confusion. By the way, I haven't decided yet coz I am still in the process of thinking and I don't really know the exact thing that he want from us. He said he wants me even without our daughter, but there are no actions.. Always lousy words to hear from his voice. Too disappointing!
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
21 Oct 12
You have been in a relationship with someone for four years... you have a child together... and you have never discussed marriage or living together? Do you talk about your relationship at all? You say you hope someday you'll live together -- what does he say about that? Are you making plans of any kind? If you are not currently preparing for the future together, I would say that he has no intentions of doing anything more or different than what you do now. You seriously need to open the communication between you... be the one to start asking questions. Ask him directly what he wants from you and the relationship, ask him when you can start making plans to live together as a family or to get married, if that is what you want. If you don't speak up and start to confirm your wishes and intentions, nothing will change.
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
22 Oct 12
I can absolutely understand why you feel that way, ggubatina09. You are living completely separate lives. What you share is your child ... and he sends support for the child so, in his mind, I guess he is doing what he is required to do. But, as for a loving relationship between you, it seems that is not really developing. Maybe your heart and mind are telling you that you should start thinking about how to move ahead on your own with your child. Think about what's best for you two and go in that direction. 
@ggubatina09 (36)
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
Hi. Yes we are still talking about our relationship and we fight sometimes. Do you know that I am almost lost my charisma for him? I call him just to say good night. thanks for unlimited skype to Thailand. LOL Without communication over the phone, I think we ended up all.
1 person likes this
@aeiou78 (3445)
• Malaysia
21 Oct 12
May be this guy has another family at Thailand or other country that you never know.
For you, you should ask him seriously. But you do careful that once you pressure him too much, he might break up the relationship with you without supporting your child and your living expenses.
Since you have been with him for the past four years, I suggest you to maintain the same relationship with him unless he ask for marriage.
To secure your future, you must persuade him nicely to invest a small business or to buy a property under your name. This is the fact that you are still in your dream.
Once you find out the truth, you are waking from your dream too and I guess it is probably not something good to you and your child too.
I do hope he is serious to you and his child. Good luck.
@sriroshan (2585)
• India
21 Oct 12
After reading your post I think you two should have been married and specially you have already have the daughter from him. Under such circumstances it you both should take the decision sitting together because your daughter need her father name. Talk to your boy friend and I am sure if he is really serious about then will agree to get married and if he had any problem then surely he will discussed that with you.
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
21 Oct 12
Hi friend, sad to hear about your stage, as you mentioned he is sending money for your as well as your kids, it shows he is responsible and have affection with you. I wonder why he is staying far away from you? he can come to your place or take you both to his place, why don't he take any steps for doing this things? Anyway let's have a hope
@ggubatina09 (36)
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
Because he is from Thailand, a Thai nationality and I am from Philippines. I don't have Visa yet but I always wanted to stay with him with our daughter. I have tried living in Thailand but I think that I am not yet ready for that. We don't have our home and we only rent apartment. I have better life here in Manila. I will ask him first his future plans for us and our daughter.
@GardenGerty (160491)
• United States
22 Oct 12
I think that you need to know what he really feels for you. He is from a different country than you are, and the legal issues of you and your daughter moving there may be overwhelming. He may not be able to find a job where you are. It might be a good thing to begin seeing what your other options are.
@gitfiddleplayer (10362)
• United States
22 Oct 12
Why do you both live in separate countries? I would say he is serious because he at least sends money to take care of you and your child but if you are looking to become his wife then you need to sit down with him and talk it out. If you have a child already then you are linked to him. Both parents in the home will help the child with esteem issues and they will be healthier because of it. Marriage is a big step but having a child together is an even bigger one. Talk with him about it, good luck!
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
23 Oct 12
If he really serious to marry you whatever distant you and him. That is not the reason but he should consider you as his partner in long lasting relationship. Because he is only supporting your children there might be a reason why he still not decide whether to marry you or not...
Try to figure out the reason because to decide so long is a matter of complicated relationship. Ask him the reason to be sure so that you know what to do in case the answer is not favorable unto you...
@gaiza12 (4884)
• Philippines
25 Oct 12
Base on what you have mentioned, I think he is not serious and he is only after your child that is why he is hanging around 
. But, of course, I can't be sure since I really don't know your exact story. Even so, try to ask him, talk to him and ask him to be honest. Whatever his answer will be, just make sure you try your best to accept it. Because it will be your lost if you wait forever for him to ask you to marry him when he really don't have any intentions at all. You'll just waste your time waiting for nothing. Better yet to ask him now while you still have more time to move on or maybe find another guy.
. But, of course, I can't be sure since I really don't know your exact story. Even so, try to ask him, talk to him and ask him to be honest. Whatever his answer will be, just make sure you try your best to accept it. Because it will be your lost if you wait forever for him to ask you to marry him when he really don't have any intentions at all. You'll just waste your time waiting for nothing. Better yet to ask him now while you still have more time to move on or maybe find another guy. @bhabycatch013 (9150)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
hi ggubatina,
Is he a pinoy or a foreigner?
There can be lot of reasons some people get married for wrong reason marriage is not a basis that he loves you or he doesn't love you.
Maybe you can ask him in a good way what is his future plan.
Welcome to mylot
keep posting
@ggubatina09 (36)
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
He is a foreigner, he is a Thai man but very lovely and I can see that he is serious, we have just met few weeks ago when I traveled to Bangkok, Thailand. I can see that he is very busy working. Thanks for making me feel good, I guess it is better to ask him first his future plans for us. This is the best thing to do!
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
he might care enough to send you money but we can't be sure he intends to marry you and be with you if you don't ask him about it. He's the only one who can answer you for sure.
It might be that he is preparing for a married life and wants to save up some money first or maybe he doesn't intend to marry but is willing to support you and your child as it is his responsibility to do so.
@ggubatina09 (36)
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
Thank you Aja for making me feel at ease with your advice. If he really wants me, he will do everything that me and my daughter will be closer to him. I have asked him too many times if he wants to marry me. Do you think that it is better if I am going to find someone else?
@caopaopao (12395)
• China
21 Oct 12
I can see that you are so brave. You bring up the child yourself. You two live in two countries. You even don't know when you can see him again. How can it happen? I think you had better ask him your questions and find out the answer soon. Nice day!
@ggubatina09 (36)
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
Well thanks for encouraging me Pao, you are right! I am brave enough to be in this relationship for long time, I work harder, 12 hours online on my data content job just to earn enough for living. I am a mother and a father as well. He send me money every 1st of the month but I think I need his presence more than his money. Sigh, this is life!
@eagle2lie (54)
• China
25 Oct 12
hello ggubatina09
Good wiil to you he is serious with you!Dont we always believe there is true love awaiting me though sometimes relationship between lovers seems vague quitely?Realities we should face have effect on choices about wedding or not.You are saying your lover is in Thailand,that hinder you people meet regular,also need to be solved.he looks like a responsible person and you guys have already had a daughter that made you together into a real family.Hold on ,he will marry you and you must be happy forever!!!
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
22 Oct 12
How have you managed to not discuss this in all the time you've been together? One of you will need to move to another country-would you be prepared to do that?
I think first thing is to discuss with him about your family's future-you won't really be able to take the next step until then. Best wishes!
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
22 Oct 12
Is he in Thailand for work? Does he say he misses you and your child? Does he call almost everyday? If so I think he is serious. But if all you receive is money each month and he Never calls to check up on your health or the baby's then he cares but he isn't in love with you. You have to talk to him and see why he is there in Thailand. If it is because of a good job and he loves you , then he is serious. Good luck.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
Why don't you ask him directly if what are his plans.
Your daughter is growing and she needs a father figure or at least a legit father that she can call her dad.
Good thing he is supporting your daughter- but you need to know what's really the real score between you and him.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
21 Oct 12
Only you can find that our for yourself. Maybe he doesn't believe in marriage or just have other reasons behind not marrying you even if you have a child with him. Much better if you ask him directly of what his sentiments regarding marriage.
@adnileb (5276)
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
Have you tried asking him when is he planning to marry you? 
If not, try asking him first. Based on what you said that he is giving money for your child, I think he is serious. It's okay for you to ask him since you already had a child with him. It's the only way for you to know whether he is serious or not. 
Hope that we ask him, the answer is sooner.
GOOD LUCK!
If not, try asking him first. Based on what you said that he is giving money for your child, I think he is serious. It's okay for you to ask him since you already had a child with him. It's the only way for you to know whether he is serious or not.
Hope that we ask him, the answer is sooner.
GOOD LUCK! @Clickston2 (39)
• Kenya
21 Oct 12
Could be he has somebody else, but need to talk through the issue with the guy. Try being close to him, he might just realize he need you much and propose what you've been waiting for long to hear.
