Trying to understand people can be seriously stressful.
By sharksfin
@sharksfin (1091)
Philippines
October 24, 2012 2:47am CST
They say we shouldn't be too concerned when people don't like us. Just let them be. There's no need to force yourself to them. I agree. But, the dilemma comes in when you're part of a circle and you just need to get along and build a relationship. It's tough because each individual is different. They have their moods, they have their own perspective, views...There are times that I get so drained trying to figure out why they act a certain way when I am sure I didn't do anything wrong. At times, I'd end up thinking hard I might have done something unconsciously which offended them. It's terrible. Worse, you try to help yourself by resolving whatever needs to be and they don't cooperate. They won't open up but you're sure there's something and you're sooo itching to know what might be it.
Often, I just want to shout really loud and tell them, gimme a break! I can't live up to all your expectations. You have issues with me? Talk to me for crying out loud! Why need to place me in this agony?
I realized that people will always take power over you when they can. Why should they care talking to you if right from the start they don't really like you, anyway? Makes sense. So, what's the point I bother keeping harmony? I do my part. If they don't do theirs, it's not anymore my problem. Communication line is open. They just gotta start it. I don't wanna sweat it anymore.
How do you handle situations like this?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
24 Oct 12
It is really draining! Sometimes you feel guilty of something which you are not supposed to be guilty about! If I feel real tired to know somebody, I just let go. We could not please anyone, right? So, what you see is what you get should be the attitude for those people who are so hard to know and understand.
1 person likes this
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
1 Nov 12
You're so right. There are times I just end up rehearsing and rehearsing the chain of events to figure out if I had really done anything. I wish people will also give enough importance to the people around them enough to learn how to communicate in stead of just acting a certain way mindless of how they make others feel. *sigh*
Thanks for your thoughts, jenny1015.
@Raine38 (12391)
• United States
24 Oct 12
I always try to be the "bigger" person by being extra patient and accommodating to persons who are being difficult. But of course, I always set limits since we cannot be always be responsible for every person's closed-mindedness. It is not our obligation to "tame" or to educate them, especially if they wouldn't even help themselves.
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
1 Nov 12
Thanks, Raine38. I understand what you mean. It's but wise to just set a limit to how much you give to people, esp effort and emotions. But, well, I guess, there are people who are simply important to you and so you'll end up with a decision to put up with whoever they are.
I agree that it's not our duty to change anyone. In fact, we are to just accept them and love them as they are because that's how they are. We can't just choose to be with people who we find easy to get along with or we'll never grow in a relationship and as an individual. Am sure there are always wonderful reasons why people come into our lives. If we just get rid of them as we find it more convenient then we might not learn how to truly love. It is seeing through the good and the bad of others that love flourish. We don't only love the loveable but the unloveable, as well.
@francesca5 (1344)
•
29 Oct 12
if you manage to solve this problem, you will do us all big favour sharksfin.
i started taking an interest in psychology as a way of understanding other people, and it was quite interesting to learn that quite often when people don't like you for no good reason, its often that they see in us that they don't like in themselves.
so they are projecting their own insecurities on to us. and i found once i understood that i could handle other people's irrational dislike.
sometimes there are good reasons for not liking people, but that's another issue.
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
1 Nov 12
Thanks, francesca5. ^_^ It's nice to bump into you here. I also started taking interest in psychology and other stuffs related to understanding people like personality typing. They help a lot. One thing I've learned was I gotta understand myself completely, firstly, before I can understand others.
I often heard the same idea, actually. They're only throwing their insecurities at another, thus making a person's life a hell. But, I dunno if it's just hard for me to consider that idea or what. Cause, am sure I also have insecurities in my body. But, what I do is improve myself in stead of envying other people, which won't do me any good, at all.
Liking or not liking someone isn't the question. The question is, are we likeable enough to simply dislike another? I mean, there are sooo many things about us that still need polishing and improvement. We all are flawed and with bad habit, attitudes and manners. There will always come a time when these things will be exposed and others will realize how we're not worthy of anything...just like those we don't like.
@ramiuniq (56)
• India
31 Oct 12
Hey,
Just know that you are not alone.I'm also going through this tension on a daily basis and it really gets on your nerves after sometime.The worst part is that you get stuck doing all the work and further more get scolded for not doing it according to how someone else thought.
WHile its easy to talk back...it usually complicates the situation.All the best and hope that this too shall pass away......
