is it fear or real hatred?

I think your aunt is reacting to fear more so than hatred. She's so afraid of being hurt again that she lashes out or man bashes. She does this to mask what's really going on. I think, if she'd be honest with herself and everyone else, that you'd find that she is a lonely person and would love to have someone to spend time with. She's just not able to get past the fear of being hurt again. A broken heart is something that is hard to get over, especially if someone loves as hard and deep as your aunt seemed to. She may not be gotten over that lost love and may never get over, but I hope she does. I hope her the best. Thanks for your discussion.

She really got hurt and never smoothed the pain lightly,it is difficult for people especially who ever loved someone with all heart to move on after being jilted.I dont think it is about hatred because you and the others are completely irrelevant to her love life.Only fear in the deep heart can affect her for such long time and have her act like less confidence with people all around her.

I suppose your aunt is an example to us of what happens if we harbour resentment,hurt,and betrayal over the years. Perhaps at the time she covered her hurt up and like a wound it just festered. Does she love anything? Is she only bitter towards men? Is there some place in her heart where she is loving, maybe if it is only towards an animal or an object. If there is then you have a place in which to begin to reach her heart and soften it a little by showing an interest in something that is precious to her.

She really got hurt once and never smoothed the pain lightly.It is difficult for people especially who ever loved someone with all heart to move on after being jilted.I dont think it is about hatred because you and other men are completely irrelevant with her love life,only fear from deep heart can affect her for such long time and sometimes had her act like less confidence with people around her..

I think that it is both fear and hatred. Due to her fear of getting hurt again she is not accepting another relationship, and on the other hand in my personal view I think that she had developed hatred towards the whole relationship thing. You have correctly said that she had not recovered from her First Love. Anyway love could be very much unpredictable. Some get it's petals and some get the thorns.

the best thing (as per me :D) is to do it bury sad history & live for future :) B happy :)

Some people love once and if they get hurt , they shut their heart and Never love And in time.The thought of trying again makes them angry so they never let love in. Is it because they never want to get hurt? Maybe. Or she tried love and she found she felt better being alone. The only way to find out is to sit her down and ask her.

I think hatred is too strong a word to use here especially when you are her nephew. She may have had an unpleasant experience with her love life but that does not mean that she should stop being your aunt and take care of you. I do not know the contents of her diatribes on you or other men, but I am sure it might be something she has spotted to be errant on their part and you. Especially, when they are insincere with their words and life. It is simply natural to stand up against those she regard would bring about problems to others and making them suffer as a victim like herself. So, do some reflection on what she said and learn some life lessons here.

it's a mixture of fear and hatred but more of fear. as time passes by, the fear of being alone, with no one by your side but yourself can be truly frightening. at times, hatred becomes the defense mechanism. i hope i'm wrong.

Hello mydanods! I think your aunt does not hate you personally, she just hates what you represent, MAN, MALE.. A male, who reminds her of the man she used to loved so much before but who jilted her.Usually, when a person gets hurt by someone he or she loves so much, they will get over it after some time. However, there are also people who focused so much on the person and was thus very hurt badly. I don't think it's fear that she feels. At her age, i think she's past way that stage. I think, what she really feels is hatred for the kind who have jilted her, hurt her. You could say that she has not really recovered yet from the hurts of her first love. When a person fears something, she may lash out at the source of her fear but when it comes to love. She knows it made her feel good, the love of that man, that is why she gets so hurt when he jilted her. If she has not loved that man, she would not be affected so much from his desertion. You could understand her hatred as it is. It's just that she has not gotten over it over time and she has carried the torch for a long time that even someone who represents the man who hurt her, makes her remember the pain and thus lashes out at the man, regardless whether he is of her own blood and flesh.

Hi, Fear begets anger which in turn begets hatred and in the long run turns into pain and the vicious cycle begins again until the person is trapped in the darkside. The only way to counter it is to face pain with love which can make a person courageous to face fear and eradicate it altogether. Now, it is not easy to show love to someone full of fear but then, as the song says "Love will make a way," just keep on showing that her fear for all men, fear for being hurt again for that matter, is unfounded.

To be honest I think it's more about ventilating her feelings, the old pain as real hate or hating men of being feared. She never felt as if people took her serious or did listen to her. Which is hard since even if we have the same experience, the feelings are not ours. It's hard to respond on this, so ease her (old) pain or to prove you/other men are different. I wonder if she really had the change to cry, to grieve, to give this pain a place in her life. I don't think so otherwise she was able to go on with her life which she didn't. She is kind of stuck in the past if it comes to love, trust, being close to someone. And no she is not recovered from the first love I think she thought for a very long time he would come back, which means she was not able to build a new life on her own, set her own goals and decide for her own happiness. Since after all happiness is a choice.

I guess it's both! Because she hate the guy who broke his heart and at the same time, she is scared, because until now she's still single at her age. :)

She needs to get over it. Tell her the light is green and go, before its to late.

hi mydanods it sounds like you are right bu t she needs to snap out of that. Whey not ask her what the hell you have done to h r to make her hate you? this might jolt her in to realizing she is picking on her own nephew only because she is afraid to love people.she has to get over that or end up alone and unloved.I feel sorry for you and in a way for her.But as an innocent man I would not let her do that to you as you do not deserve that.I think she has hatred mixed up with plain old fear. lord who ever dumped her is n ot the only man in the world and most m n are not mean either.

Your aunt, being in that phase in her life could be feeling both fear and hatred. I think she is scared of being heartbroken again. She has lost trust in men, I guess. It would take one real, good man to completely change her mind.

I think its both fear and hatred. She feels a little of that hate when she or see someone in a relationship. Fears comes out when she is in the relationship already. That is the time when she feels somewhat hesitant on showing her feelings toward the guy. She feels hesitant on showing her affection to the guy because of the fear when she show her affection, she lose the guy that he currently love. Have a nice day my friend.

A real hatred for that certain man she mistakenly projects to other men... which is a fear... a fear of getting deceived and left like that guy did... Maybe she should see a psychologist, they could help a lot.

I think at this point, it's more of fear of getting hurt again. We really can't blame her for wanting to protect herself, but then by doing so she is limiting herself and what's she's capable of by holding on to the thought that all men are like that guy who hurt her. I hope she realizes soon that being single doesn't mean she wouldn't be hurt anymore, by the same token that being married means no more pain or hurt. We have a choice, and it is our right and privilege. But a single incident by a one person doesn't necessarily speak for the rest of humanity.

Its a shame but I see that all too often in both men and women. If he was ever down right abusive verbally or physically I could see her being fearful but if he just hurt her really badly its probably more along the lines of hate. Especially when you sent on to describe launching things at people. Does she have any close male relatives that can remind her that all men are not bad? She may just have to be reminded of that.