Should elder brother get married first before sister marriage

mahi In a few families they may get the boy married first if he is well placed -- probably to get some money (not dowry) and using that they may get the daughter married afterwards. You have rightly stated about 2/3BHK concept. the new girl will take time to mix up with others and in between the daughter will have problems in getting used. Also a sort of envy will be prevalent when the boy goes with his new wife and he will become closer to her obviously. simple things like boy will get jasmine flowers for his wife and not for sister--these things cause a lot of problems.

In case the girl is employed to some extent problems will be less because she will go out of house for a few hours. otherwise the girl staying in the house 24 hours -- and if the daughter in law goes on duty outside -- lot of issues.

True that there will be cases of egoes making rounds between them, when suddenly a girl's brother is giving more imporatance to a new girl than her. As you said, I agree that there will be less of these things if the daughter is working as she goes out and she is not all looking for these little little things.

missjahn: You are from philipines. the system there is people get married after getting a child also. system in India is different. In your case also you are not married, is it not--you are already 30+?

I reported the other post sir- it's double posting so I ask the Admin for deletion. Anyway,there are culture and tradition in your country that I can hardly digest- not because I am not an Indian- but some of it I find it really hard to understant no matter how I tried to put myself in. There are cultures and tradition in your country that I admire a lot as well- and I consider amazing

jaiho: 'there were two responses of yours similar manner. I posted my reply on one of them and that was also deleted. no problem. you are able to appreciate the cultural difference between the two countries. you have learnt more about this through personal contacts and also mylot friendship. yes. expenses for marriage has to be borne by girl's family. it is a big budget affair. success lies in identifying a suitable match and spending within one's ability.

Maybe THAT'S WHY I'm alone! Because I deal the truth too bluntly! (They should have a 'eureka'-smiley---with a light-bulb switching on over its head!) You're right about the 'retired from active service,' but I never got married or had children. And not really 'retired from-' but more like 'never went into-active service.' (We're talking about 'having a job,' yeah?) My philosophy (derived from the 'Law' that the shortest route between any two points is a straight line) always was something-like 'if your goal is just "to finish," no harm in taking a shortcut' ... a philosophy that earned me the nickname "Speedy*." *I earned that nickname when--as part of 'initiation into the fraternity of the drum-line' in my freshman year of high-school--all the freshmen had to run a race through the park across the street from the high-school. When the leader said "Go!" I turned and made a bee-line for the finish while the rest of the freshmen ran around the curvy track. You could say I've applied that philosophy to my life: as we all end up 'living in peace off the bounty of the land,' I just skipped-ahead to that part. (Granted, it takes a 'lifetime' of work to "earn" the right to such bounty; but I was kinda forced to skip that by conquering a brain-injury, and feel I deserve the bounty as much as Stephani Angelina "Lady Gaga" deserves the bounty she takes from her ingenious creativity!) Anyway, the point of the babble is this: standing back away from 'active service' (whatever it is we do to keep busy---work, church, school, hobbies etc.) gives one clearer sight of larger truth. One often can't communicate that truth to those still in active service, as they won't hear it unless it profits them (or endangers their profits). And people are afraid to 'join you in standing back,' as they then lose "ownership" of the things they are given for their active service.

nicely written reply/response. good. your narration brought to mind this story: http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=3257963 In this story also Ganesha one of the two brothers went round the parents and said he has covered the world and claimed the Mango fruit as reward and he was given. (father and mother are considered as world.) I go with your views because i am 62+ and am of the view whatever happens is pre-destined. I always pray that good things shall happen to me, my people and all others also.

mythociate yes. conditions in USA/Canada are different from what it is in India. In your country it is not necessary for people to get married to live together and get children. many people live without marriage and there are thousands of single mothers on account of this trend. For you to get married -- yes you have income then you can get married provided as per your custom you must find a match. In India it is parents' responsibility mostly to get a partner for girl/son. (there are exceptions). For that you must be more appealing to girls -- I have seen a lot of your posts are on religion and spirituality-- normally girls desirous of getting married may not like such ideas. Your ideas are suitable for elderly people--those who got married and have grown up children and are retired from active service. this is my view. i may be not correct in your assessment. I know only a minute fraction of your personality.

Eldest daughter should get married is the norm adopted and it is right also. If the girl gets married first she will go to another family. there will be less problems and probably she may be a cause of problem in another family? Even when parents are alive we normally follow a system of getting younger sister married first and then go for son's marriage. of course in India it is mostly arranged marriages and less of love marriages.

arun you have told your views. that is right. that is also my view. let us viers ew what others think about it. many people from our country are also of this view. but the views of foreigners is different.

Hi.i am from iran.i dont understand why aboy must wait till his sister marry.whats problem if brother get marry before his sister.may be sister doesnt want marry and she want to wait and find a good husband,why she must marry by force just for old customs.its not fair.world progress and india still has stayed in the past.look around yourself and attention to serious problem.these customs and traditions doesnt allow your children have a good choice for their future.do you think about what they like or want?or just u want they do what you say them.something you heard from your grandmother and grandfather not new.you live in present not past time,plz forget the old india and allow your son and your daughter decide for their life.you destroy their life with this rules.it doesnt matter which one first get marry,just wish they will be happy.plz attention to this i said and save your kids from old rules.WISH A BEST LIFE FOR ALL BRIDES AND GROOMS.SONIA RAJABI

thanks for your response. yes. it takes a lot of time for the girl to adjust with the new family. hence it is better for the girl to get married first before her brother.

you are from philipines. I was told by other members from philipines that the culture is different. yes. if the boy is in love with a girl then he can get married quickly.

artemeis You have narrated nicely. you have explain in an interesting way. In Indian conditions many marriages are marred on account of relationship with in-laws. here the boy has extra responsibility of a parent also to see that the girl is settled in life. it is easily said but very difficult to decide.

surekha: i wish your brother gets married early. For that you must be able to register with matrimony sites for your caste. Also reduce the education requirements for girl-- If you look for a match with a girl studied +2 or so he will get married early. Do you think situation would have been different if your marriage is postponed to succeed your marriage. I do not think so.

Vidhyaprakash: thanks for your response. I think in your family also they believe in the same pattern. this is necessary because we do not have sufficient number of private rooms in our residences.

Your suggestion that nothing should be done in a hurry. He must think calmly and take a solution. Ydes. getting married will add responsibilities. similarly sister's marriage will add further responsibilities like child birth etc.

Exactly. Now things like traditional choice of husband is not given as important as it was done. I am not saying the practice was incorrect but it can be molded at times if that proves to be benefit. All the members are educated, hopefully their financial condition is also stable. He can afford to settle his mind instead of taking any step in hurry.

maria What has happened in your case is right. girl getting married before elder brother. in this case the boy and girl do not have parents. a new girl coming into the family guiding the sister may not go well. In India love marriage system is not that prevalent. It is the parents who arrange for marriage. Further the space available in the house may not permit also sometimes. true it is not a contest of games.

Raja: you were confused about the way relations were in your family earlier. it is mainly due to ego. each one feels he is important and others are not important. that makes them treat others in a bad way. happy there are not problems now.

yes. you are only 36 years old. your views are important. Boy's mother is not alive. you are of the view anything can be done. nice.

PAHAK I think I have not made it clear. the girl is doing M Phil after completing post graduation and she must be around 21 years. she is already a major. for safety wise brother is guardian. In Indian situations this is relevant.

Shavkat yes. you are also from philipines where Jaiho is staying. good it seems the view in philipines is different. yes. siblings can get married when they are ready irrespective of whether he is old or young. I was concerned about the responsibilities for the boy after his sister gets married.