Who generally bares the expenses of a marriage ceremony??

@riyauro (6421)
India
November 12, 2012 10:56pm CST
hi guys, there is something going on in my mind, me and hubby are yet to have a church marriage but since we could not afford one, we just waiting for the right time. whatever it is, now our situation is getting better no doubt but I was thinking if I was in my country, knowing that we have no enough for a ceremonial wedding, my parents would have taken the expense of the wedding no doubt. My parents don't have any savings or anything but I know them very well and i know they would have initiated it.. My parents are as rich as my parents in laws. my parents in laws have paid for the expenses of the other 2 children's wedding ceremony and also had their own 25th anniversary like a marriage in a big big way. even the video is there for their 25 the anniversary. I mean they can afford it. they are the rich people. now I have been here from 2010 and yet we have not got church ceremony, hubby had no work since i have come and just now he started one.we know how we were surviving. my mother in law will come my side and tell me that we must get a church wedding knowing our situation. She has no heart at all. She never said that okay I will get you married in the church.. I am not whining but i was just think about it. If the child cannot afford, isn't it is the parents duty to have them married in the church? and especially when the parents have taken the expenses for other children's wedding ceremony. Okay I would like to know about you guys, who took the expenses of your marriage? and if you are not married the how about your siblings?
2 people like this
16 responses
chiyochan
@chiyosan (30183)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
I think that should depend on the culture. more or less here in our country expenses are mostly shouldered by the family of the man/groom. the bride to be can help with the expenses and give her shares especially for add ons that she wanted so herself or her family. In our chinese culture, it is only actually the family of the guy that pays for everything and they should even be able to provide for the number of guests the bride's family requests to be invited. in most cases, if they cannot afford, the groom would even have to sacrifice the number of people his family should invite in order to give way to the guests of the bride's family.
1 person likes this
riyauro
@riyauro (6421)
• India
14 Nov 12
It is the guy's family who does it here as well and hubby got another brother and during his wedding his parents gave everything. I hope you can understand where I come from. I am from Fiji and it is this man for whom am here in India. The parents should be grateful that because of me the son has changed himself. his parents are crazy.. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead
aejey322
@aejey322 (1004)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
hi riya! maybe it depends on the culture or practice where you live. there are certain cultures where the parents really are the ones spending for their children's wedding, especially if their child is the groom. It was once practiced also here,and maybe some still do so until now... And I also even heard that the bride-to-be even was not made to spend even a single centavo. But nowadays, most are already spent by the couples themselves, which we did when we got married. We put some savings, and had some loans to pay off the wedding expenses. But maybe it's also a blessing that I have a little talent on making/imitating invitations and souvenirs, and others, but using cheaper materials. I did them all. we didn't hire a wedding planner or something... we did all the processing of documents, scouting for cheaper function halls which already offers food package with free use of bridal car, wedding cake, flower arrangement, etc.... my friend also helped me out in the programme... we really have saved much on it. But nevertheless, we do not need to have a stunning wedding especially if we do not have enough resources. What's important is the blessings from the church. Just think of some ways to make it simple but elegant (but within your budget)... and most especially, unforgettable. back to your situation, why not try to ask from your husband to ask his parents? Because we find it awkward for us to ask because it will look like we are demanding from our in laws.
1 person likes this
riyauro
@riyauro (6421)
• India
14 Nov 12
the culture says the boys parents should do here. It is not the only son they have but they have two. When other one was married, they took all the expenses. It is that the parents have some grudge against their son. They always neglect him and put him least in the family. It is not that we are looking for a stunning and expensive wedding but a simple one of course. well his parents are so so stupid. the mother comes and says that we should get married in the church after knowing our financial situation. she is like teasing us for not have enough to have a wedding. have you seen such kind of mother anywhere??
dpk262006
@dpk262006 (58678)
• Delhi, India
14 Nov 12
Hi! Hopefully yours was a legitimate and legal marriage irrespective of the method your adopted to perform the wedding ceremony at the time of wedding. I do not think there is any need of Church marriage in view of financial constraints. I think it is not fair to expect that your parents in law should bear the expenses of a Church marriage. It is their money and their whims and fancies and they are free to take their decision. In our case, expenditure for hosting dinner and other expenses are borne by bridegroom's family or expenses are shared with mutual consent.
bonnie
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Nov 12
here in USA its supposed to be the brides parents traditionally pay for the wedding, but there are times when just whom ever can afford it does it instead. are the other in laws girls they paid for? are your in laws your same race?
1 person likes this
riyauro
@riyauro (6421)
• India
13 Nov 12
The place where I am from, the boys parents do it. it is like held at girls residence normally because i am from village but the other expenses are from the boys side. I am christian and they are also. I am from Fiji Islands and my parents have never been to this place.. the other son's marriage they paid for everything, even the girls gown was given by my inlaws. Thanks for sharing and have wonderful day ahead
Jane
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
Here in our country, it is the groom who is responsible for all the wedding expenses. It is optional for the bride's side to share or if the bride side wants to share with the expenses. Of course, it is the groom's family to provide all the necessary things needed for the wedding. However, some couple these days save for their wedding and do not obliged their parents to spend for it. Maybe some may ask for financial help- but most youngsters these modern days- they save for their wedding expenses during their engagement/bf-gf relationship. There are couples who choose to have a simple wedding rather than spending their money to a lavish wedding party. Practically they will save their money for other needs and for their future- or buy a new house or car instead of spending it for a one day wedding ceremony. Even the rich families seldom throw a lavish wedding party these days (they're getting more practical) In your case, since you and your hubby are already living together and your hubby just started his job. Why not save for your future- start a business than spending your saved money for a grand wedding - only to satisfy your in-laws demand (unless your in-laws will give their money to spend for a grand wedding- like what she did to her other two children like you wrote here)
iluvusabado
@iluvusabado (2560)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
in the philippines, the groom usually shoulder the expenses but i guess since it's already the 21st century, any of the families can give their share. actually, i guess it's more practical to have equal shares.
Jane
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
@ iluvusabado and Angel, Well- if the groom's family cannot afford to shoulder all the expenses- I will never give my share- BUT....rather choose to have a simple wedding than spending it for a one day occasion.
Angelpink
@Angelpink (4034)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
Exactly , it is no longer the traditional one that it is the obligation of the man and his side to spend everything for the wedding but it is already a 50- 50 sharing of expenses especially if the girl is having an income already. The girl can have option whether to go for that 50 or lesser than that but for sure she and her family will share also.
Professor2010
@Professor2010 (20162)
• India
15 Nov 12
Here in my place, among hindus the marriages are arranged marriages, the ceremony stretches for 7 days almost, there are several rituals in brides home and guys home, expenses are born by the parents at their ends, there is dowry, the girls parents usually give to the groom's family
bhabycatch013
@bhabycatch013 (9150)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
hi riyauro, In our country mostly it's the groom who is responsible for that it is bride choice if she wants to contribute something but as everything changing now a days usually both parties decided to split the expenses. Well there will be no issue if they are not married we have law that says a child can be legitimate even his/her parents not married as long as the father of the child will prove that the baby is his child and willing to sign on the documents that he is giving the child his name. happy mylotting
pahak627
@pahak627 (4558)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
In the Philippines, it is the male who will bear the wedding expenses. But lately, there are practical couples, they jointly shoulder the expenses. I understand that he is already your husband so you had already married outside of the church. For me it's enough that there was already a valid marriage.
doroffee
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
13 Nov 12
In my country, traditionally, the parents bear the expenses... but nowadays the kids are doing it because of the financial situation. But I do think that the parents should help, if the couple can't afford it, especially if they insist on church wedding and have the money to pay for it. In the case of my boyfriend and I, we are getting no church wedding as we are noit religious. At least we are going to save some money and kind of mix the official wedding and the glamour. Oh, and if I were in your shoes, I would tell your husband to talk to their parents, especially the mother, because she's been really rude, and he has to stand up for you. He should tell her that if she bugs you for having a church wedding, knowing hhow bad your financial situation is, she should help with money, especially if she has done that for his two other siblings.
Gretchen522
@Gretchen522 (715)
• China
13 Nov 12
In our country men's family often pay for the most expenses,but that is not absolute.Enjoy your day!
Shavkat
@Shavkat (140102)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
In my motherland, it is both used to spend the money. In some traditional family, the man should spend the money for marriage. Different country have the same traditional way of budgeting the money for marriage systems.
Angelpink
@Angelpink (4034)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
Hi Riya ! Never mind if at present you are not yet having that church wedding , so alright ! If i were you , you need to save for that church wedding , why go for rush ? , why make it as a sentiment ? Our parents have favorite among the family , guess if they are interested to spend for that wedding church , long time they have done it without telling because it is their obligation but seems they 're not interested and that's so okay , it is more much beautiful and meaningful if you will have your wedding out from your own sweat. Don't worry , God won't be mad if you don't have that church wedding yet , He always understand.
lizlee
@lizlee (208)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
Hi there! My husband and I got married last year. And when we were planning for our marriage, we both agreed that we won't ask either of our parents for financial support. We would both save up for it with our salaries. Which is I think most couples are doing right now. But don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against other couples who have their parents pay for their wedding. Its their decision and probably their parents insisted that. Our parents too, they insisted that they would help us financially in our wedding. But we said that their support is all we need. After our wedding, both me and my husband felt great, of course for the obvious reason that we are married, but also we have made a big achievement of having a successful wedding one could dream of. :)
Jeffery_superman
@Jeffery_superman (179)
• China
14 Nov 12
As for the Chinses guys, usually the boy's family is responsible for the wedding expenses. Most their parents have the awareness that they need to keep a deposit for their child's marrige if they cannot afford at that moment in time. But as a boy born in a not very wealthy family, sometimes they work very hard to prepare the expense themselves as much as possible. So most of them are diligent. And very rarely, if the girl's family is considerate or understanding, her parents may spend some amount for the wedding expense. Bur it's less ofern really. And considering the location for wedding, generally a grand hotel hall is a choice. Only the wealthy family can hold a fantasy wed party. And usually the total expense will reach about 300,000RMB. It's just a big cost to ordinary-rich family. So how about the expense in your country?
Jenny1015
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
I married quite young. Our civil wedding took place 3 months prior to graduation in College. My dad really wanted me to have a church wedding and of course, I also wanted it too but I wasn't pushing my husband into it coz we do not have our own money yet. But the church wedding occurred 6 months after. My parents shoulder my wedding gown and all the gowns and suits to be worn by the entourage who were part of my family, the photo and video. My mom wanted to have just a simple wedding either on a restaurant or clubhouse. But my in laws insisted that it should be in a hotel instead. So my in laws shouldered the reception, gowns and suits for the entourage from their side of the family and the flowers.
prashu
@prashu228 (37524)
• India
13 Nov 12
Hi Riya, Now in India its common that Parents bare all the expenses. They save everything separately for their children's marriage. And they feel very proud about it. I think your in laws being Indians should know this. And why you are still now married ? i mean no church marriage. So did you get registered marriage? Only in some special conditions like if the child want to bear the marriage expenses or the parents are not really affordable and child is in good position then the child bares all those. But this is exceptional , as in India parents do save for their children and its very very common. I am not married but still my parents have separate savings for me and my brothers. As i said this is common here.