Relationship with my mother...

I agree that child's life affect your entire life. However, you have to look at the other side of it. As you have stated here, your mom is working in the farm, so how about your father? Does your father work like your mom did? It is the father's responsibility to earn/work for the family so the mother can take care of the children. Maybe your mom only care for your food that she overlooked at other things like those "undies" etc. I am not justifying what your mother did- but you must think of the reason why your mom neglect to give you other things that you need. I agree that having a child is big responsibility- not only to feed, to cloth, educate, care and most of all- love. Your mom is too old to be blame, instead of keeping the hate in your heart- why not forgive her for her misgivings. She maybe had done a lot of shortcomings as a mother to you- but on the other hand- she works hard for the family. You mustn't focus on negative side alone- but also consider the positive side of your story.

Give yourself a chance to appreciate life by leaving behind all the terrible memories of childhood. Past is past, it is time to move on and only you can do this. No other person can make you do this but only you. I can fully understand your mother. Her mind then was so engrossed with work because she was taking on the role of your father and your father instead is doing the work of a mother. Your mother must have a very hard life too and a very hard time keeping the family together. I think you should even thank her for all her struggles to bring up the family. You are a fine person now and you can change your life greatly by accepting the fact that not everyone has a perfect life. We all experience bumps and bruises along the way but we have to learn how to leave that behind and not be tied up to history.

I am so sorry if you didn't have a good relationship with your mother. But it is not too late for you to connect. Why not talk to her and tell her everything that you feel since you were young. She must have focused her time more on work but it is also for you. You are aware of what the reason why you are sometimes indifferent towards people. I do hope that when you have your own child that you will not do exactly the way your mother have treated you. Atleast make a better relationship with your children.

Hi friend, good to know about your mother. Really she is very much dedicated with her job and forget about other things, this is the only mistake of her which made your life very misery. As you mentioned you are ill treated with the village boys and faced a lot of problems in your childhood. why don't you share this things with your mum? if you shared it with her, surely she will take care of you. Each and every mother is living for her kids and dedicated her life for them. As you mentioned she is working hard in the farm, what is the reason for her hard work? to make money and spend it for your welfare, so don't take her wrong. Lot of modern mothers are addicted with technology items and don't care about their kids, your mother is not in this sort. She worked hard for your sake. Think about this and give importance to your mother, surely your life will change a lot

Hey there. I know it's hard for you to keep on with your life. My mother had experienced the same thing as yours but for me she's even worse. She was mentally-abuse by her father when she was small and it had influenced her whole life. She became so hot-tempered and emotional. I, as her daughter felt this impact too. Sometimes, my mum get mad on a small matter. She had a very bad father-daughter bond whereby she seldom went home. Now, my grandfather passed away 2 years ago and finally my mother forgave what he had done to her. From my point of view, even our parents are not good enough, I believed that all of us loved our parents as they brought us to this world. I hope you can face this world with open-hearted. You are a strong person! Believe in faith dear :)

we cant choose who are parents will be.. God has a reason for everything.. I can see in you that you grow up to be a strong person because of your past.. We only have one mother.. no matter what she's still our mom.. love her..

There are times in life when we should not dwell too much on the negative aspects of our lives but still give chance for us to see the good things in it as well. Have you ever stopped and thought about the good things your mom did for you? I don't think she enjoyed her job in the farm and would have traded those times in the farm to be with you - but sadly, she didn't have a choice. I don't really know you nor your mom, but I am hopeful that you'd see the good things too. Have a great mylot experience ahead!

i think the question what your father was doing during the time your mother was working in the farm was not answered. working in the farm is mostly man's work although in some countries women also work in the farm because of lack of money (poverty)to sustain the family's needs. children do need tender loving care but unfortunately, some mothers fail because they, too, were victims of dysfunctional families or cruel parents, or hateful mothers. sad but true but these mothers were not able to do something to improve their situation because maybe they went with somebody who is equally the same, penniless, or lacking in many aspects. and history repeats itself. however, as an adult and you said you are already employed, you already have the opportunity to improve yourself and your condition and not repeat what your mother did. forgiveness may not come easy but you have to move on and not dwell on the past because as you mentioned, it is affecting you. did you, at one time, ask your mother about the whole situation? or did you care to care, too, that she is toiling, where most mothers do not? or did you ask her if she loves her children, and despite a possible positive answer, ask her again why you did not seem to feel the love? we are responsible to our own well-being. we cannot forever blame others of our inner turmoils. we have to do something. we have to change if it is needed. we have to have a positive mindset. i hope all things will be better. do it one step at a time.

If you really want to forget this unhappy childhood then you do need to stop thinking about it. Every time you re-live a bad memory you experience the event once more and keep it fresh. When this happens deliberately make yourself think of something else, something nice. After a while these thoughts will occur less often. Many people have bad memories from their childhood and yes, it probably is the parents' fault, but it is our responsibility when we are adults to deal with those memories and even forgive our parents. Your mother seems to have known nothing except hard work, have you ever asked her about her experiences as a child? It may surprise you, hers may well be worse than yours. When you have children of your own and are a good parent to the best of your ability, then your focus will shift to your own children and the kind of family life you want them to have. There will be no shadows then.

My mother was also a hard worker.. before she passed last year. Shed take care of the house, then go out 5-6 hrs. per day and sell her baked goods here. Shed come home and start again cooking. I wish she would have taken time to rest sometimes. But rest wasnt in her vocabulary. Sounds like your mom is the same way.

Yes she maybe not a good mother for you but still you owe a lot to her. That life you have now is because of her , had she not in this world , you also wouldn't be here now. Still you are indebted to her ! Nothing you can do now since the damaged have been done but to forgive your mom for not caring and fulfilling some significant task that a mom should have done. Also try to forgive yourself for expecting so much from your mom and for giving her less understanding and questioning her love to you. In the near future you will become a mother , try to take another path different from your mom. Take extra care to fragile emotions of your kids , never hurt their emotions because it will no longer heal.

Do not feel bad about your mother if did not even care about you when you were young. I thought she was just busy in looking for a livelihood and working for her to earn a money for your living. After all she is your mother. Just be thankful that she raised you well and you owe it to her what you are now.

I'm so sorry that you feel this way. Your mother made her mistakes but never believe that you shouldn't have been brought into the world. There is no handbook for parents. At the same time, there is no excuse for what you experienced. Your childhood experiences can definitely affect you into adulthood. But it's up to you decide how much (and how long) you plan to let it impact your life. Don't be a victim of your past, learn from it. It's never too late to tell her how you feel and try to repair this relationship. Also, I dont know if you have children, but when you are a mom you can make sure you give them more than what you got from your mother. That alone, will give you so much fulfillment.

all memories with my mom is great

This sounds like me. :( Almost all my memories with my mom is miserable. I had very low self confidence because of her. She never had helped me in improving myself. Instead of helping me, she always made me feel that I can't do it and she always have deragatory/hurtful words. This is how she deal to me only. I call this as emotionally battering.I never understand her that is why I am closer to my father. Most people don't understand what I am going through. Childhood is the basic foundation. It really affects one's life. Until now, whether I like it or not, my life is still clouded by bad childhood memories. I suggest that you just let things pass, We can't do anything but accept things because we can't change who is our mother. Life ios unfair and this is what we call a balanced life. Maybe we create happy memories by ourselves now

I think it's true that childhoood life affect our whole life. From our childhood it's our parent's responsibility to raise us well. We need food, clothes, shelter and education. But don't blame your mother for her absence because you don't know how a mother loves her child. Let's say it's true she didn't help you in school and everything in your life when you are a kid. You said she works on a farm, she keeps on working on farm, but did you even realize why she is always working on farm? That she wasn't able to attend her duties as a mother for you? That she's not there to help you or even ask what happened to you at the end of the day? I think you are missing something very important Mickey. You are blinded of everything your mom is doing for you and your family. You only see the bad things that happened to you and blame everything to your mom. See this in your mind, if your mom isn't working who will give you food? clothes and education? Your mom is working for your whole family and yet you are blinded of everything she did. Blame everything to your mom as if she didn't do anything for you to be good. You just have to realize those things and start loving your mom.

I am sad to hear this story. It reminds me of how miserable we were too when we were children. Imagine, 10 children, and I am the youngest. I usually takes all the "used" everything, clothes, shoes, socks, underwears. I need to work to be able to finish college. and I did it. Hmmm..and yes Sigmund Freud could be right. but, I think it affected me to become me hardship resilient. But never have I put my parents to blame for all of this. In fact, when my sisters and I talked about how hard our life was, we almost cry because now, we all live not so rich but comfortably. We can eat what we want and we can buy our necessities. I missed my parents, they both passed several years ago. STill i am thankful and grateful for them I know they worked so hard to let us live. We may find a lot of friends and they come and go, but we just have one mother and one father and when they are gone (like in my situation) no more replacement.

When I was a child also I am also deprive of many things like clothes, and food.But I never complain to my parents because I understand them that they cant afford it.I never hate them also .What I did was I help them to earn a living and i studied hard to have the things that I want.We cannot blame our parents if they cant give what we want but we must understand them.You move on and start a better future.Forgive the past and start a new.