Child Support Issues

@CosmoOwl12 (411)

• United States

8 Mar 13

I agree with you on all of this except the part about me being miss perfect. I'm not perfect, nobody is. We've all made mistakes in our lives and one of my mistakes was staying with him for as long as I did. However, I wouldn't change it because then I wouldn't have my beautiful daughter. And believe me, I'm definitely teaching him a lesson!

tessah

@tessah (6617)

• United States

19 Nov 12

lessee if i get this straight.. yer upset that yer boyfriend.. who doesnt take care of his own children, went to jail? and you think its rediculous that he has to reimburse her the money it took for her to drag him to court that should NOT have been necessary in the first place? feh.. the lesson shes teaching you, is that this jerk is a deadbeat assh0le, and if yer stupid enough to have kids with this pr|ck youll end up in the same situation shes in, taking care of kids without ANY help from the father. wtf sort of person are you that you want to even BE with someone that doesnt give a crap about his children so much that he lapses on support into the thousands anyway? youve got a problem girl.. and it isnt this guys ex, its the fact yer in the mindset that this guy should just be allowed to abandon his kids and that shouldnt have any repercussions. and you should be ashamed of yerself, same as he should be.

1 person likes this

@CosmoOwl12 (411)

• United States

20 Nov 12

Wow. Apparently you can't read because not once in this discussion have I said that he doesn't take care of his children or that he has abandonded them. He is a great father to our daughter and also to his first child when her mother allows him to see her. Who are you to sit there and call him names and say that I'm stupid for having children with him? Just because you didn't understand what you read? That's not a very good excuse. Also, if you would have actually READ everything, the reason he wasn't paying is due to a medical condition. But you're probably not going to read this properly either so I'm just wasting my time. Therefore, YOU should be ashamed of yourself for being so quick to judge.

@CosmoOwl12 (411)

• United States

11 Jan 13

Don't start a confrontation and I wouldn't have to be so "confrontational". I see it as sticking up for myself. I also have the right to freedom of speech, as does everyone else on this site. She stated her opinion so I, in turn, stated mine. Simple as that.

Edward

@trinale (1479)

• United States

18 Nov 12

Hi Cosmo! Let me make sure I'm understood you correctly. She had him arrested to teach you a lesson? The reason she had him arrested is because she was angry at him and jealous of you plain and simple. You are definitely right about not having anything to do with her child support issues. Even if you were married and both of you worked, your income wouldn't even play a factor. I saw something on the news once before where a woman was asked by a judge if she wanted her deadbeat ex-husband arrested and she told him no. He reasoning was that if he was in jail, how was he supposed to get a job and pay child support? Too bad many women don't think things through that logically. How long does he have to participate in this work release program and how much does it pay? I bet he could have earned more without the arrest record. Stan

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Edward

@trinale (1479)

• United States

19 Nov 12

Ah ok. I misunderstood the work release part. Yes, I feel she was in the wrong for having him arrested also but from my personal experience, most judges don't take these cases on a case-by-case basis and look the individuals. The ex sounds like someone who may be a pain in the side for a lot more years to come. If you can, you all should try and save up some money, hire a lawyer to get a court ordered visitation routine to spend time with both his children. Since the best interest of the child is always supposed to be foremost, depriving a child of time with either parent is wrong. Stan

@mommyboo (13174)

• United States

19 Nov 12

Great. She sounds like mother of the year too lol. I think they both need to quit being stupid and share custody, then he would be able to see his daughter, pay less child support, and when she wanted to go out and party, there would be a safe place for her daughter. I'm only being half sarcastic, by the way.

@CosmoOwl12 (411)

• United States

18 Nov 12

She is absolutely crazy. I don't understand her thinking at all. He's not on a work release program. He had a job before he was arrested, so they are letting him continue his job while he's in jail. He makes $8.00 an hour for 40 hours a week and his payments to child support are $86 a week. Now that he has to drive back and forth from the jail, he is spending twice as much on gas because he drives twice as far. I think it's wrong of her to have him arrested because it's costing even more money and on top of that, he can't spend time with OUR daughter. She doesn't let him see their daughter the way it is unless she's out partying and drinking and she needs a babysitter.

@sid556 (30960)

• United States

20 Nov 12

Hi Cosmo, Well, I raised my 4 kids pretty much on my own. I got child support very randomly and it was very difficult. My ex never did jail time for his lack of paying but it was never anything I could count on either. I live in low income housing and for the longest time, my rent was much higher due to that so-called income which I hardly ever got. I eventually just dropped the child support to end the battle. I do feel that it is up to both parent's to provide for their children financially and physically & emotionally. $4000.00 is quite a bit behind and the further he gets, the more difficult it is to catch up. As for the legal fees, I do agree with that and it is a common practice. It should never have reached a point where she had to hire an attorney to go after him. He should have paid her willingly and timely. What was his reason for not paying? Does he pay her directly or was it to be paid through the Division of Child Support? As for her teaching YOU a lesson...that is just weird.

@sid556 (30960)

• United States

20 Nov 12

Ok. I know what Rhinorrhea is as my daughter has it. It causes naseau and headaches etc. As for taking him to court, I can tell you that it was not her but the Division of Child Support that took him to court. She has little say in it. She could go to court in his defense if she wanted to but it is not her that is going after him. He should have gone into court with documentation to his condition and his financial situation to show them. I am pretty sure you said that he works. Why is it that they are not deducting child support from his check? That is usually how it works.

@CosmoOwl12 (411)

• United States

22 Nov 12

Nope. SHE took him to court. He has papers from the courts and her attorney saying so. My mom took my dad and my sister's dad to court for not paying when we were younger, so the Division of Child Support doesn't have to be the ones to do it. The judge said that he would have had to been at least 10 years behind before the Division of Child Support stepped in, which is why she took him to court herself. They cannot deduct the payments from his paycheck because he works for a local business and they don't have the documentation for that sort of thing. He's already tried that. He has to mail a check or money order to the Division of Child Support.

@sid556 (30960)

• United States

22 Nov 12

Ok so your state is way different than mine. I went through the Div. of Child Support and I would have been unable to just take my ex to court on my own. If I did not like how they were handling the case, I would have had to take them to court. The paperwork when they took him to court always looked like it was from me but it was them acting on my behalf. So did he show up for the court date and tell them why he wasn't paying?

wonttakelong

@wonttakelong (3555)

• United States

19 Nov 12

The fathers always get the short end of the stick when it comes to child support Judges aways take the mothers side! My husband paid his support faithfully every week for years then he lost his job and was going to be late making his payment so he called he to let her know She turned around and called her lawyer and took him to court even hough he hadnt actually missedhis payment yet. then when the kid was all grown she tried to take him back to court for money she thought he owed her he had to pay the lawyer fees, take time off work and miss out on our childs birthday to go tend to that mess THEN the state of Iowa decided that he owed THEM money because they allowed her o collect state aid while she was recieving child support from him so he has actually paid TWICE what his divorce decree stated he would owe. he didnt have a problem paying for his kids but he does wish that he could have had contact with his kid while paying She (his ex) moved them out of state without his knowledge and the state wouldnt help him locate her so he could have his visitation rights every bit of what that woman did affected me and my (our) kidsbut she nor the courts cared one bi about me a my kids child support is neither fair nor logical, sorry but it doesnt get any better my best advice is to just accept it becauseit is what is is and it will never change.

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@sid556 (30960)

• United States

20 Nov 12

I agree that more than not, it is the guys that get the short end when it comes to this. It all depends. my ex got away with not paying for most of my kids growing up. ANd get this...he only had to pay 25.00 a week for 3 kids because he lied about his income. He rarely paid that and got thousands behind. Eventually, I just dropped it to end the battle. I dropped my youngest daughter's support because her father was out of work and suffering depression so not actively looking. He was not a big part of her life at the time and I would rather have him spend more time with her. I work 2nd shift on 4 nights a week and it would have helped me if he spent time with her on those nights and I felt it might help with his depression. He did manage to form a bond with her but didn't come around as much as I felt he could but who am I to judge that? I think it would be so much better if parents could work these things out between themselves rather than have the courts intervene. That is where the trouble starts because all too often, the courts will award an outrageous amount of support that leaves the father unable to barely live or even do anything with his children when he does have them. My ex that barely paid support, did take our girls on vacations that I could not afford and he taught them how to ski and snowboard ...the list goes on. I felt jealous a bit at the time but honestly, that does count...at least they got that.

child support

@mommyboo (13174)

• United States

19 Nov 12

Sometimes if a mother abandons her kids and is either unable to be found or constantly quits/hides in order to not have any income reportable on paper, the kids get no extra support. Other times, support may not even be requested because all the parties know they will never get any and it would be even more of a loss trying to find the person and get support from them because they have no money. Child support seems to cause more harm than good. Usually it strains the relationship if there even IS a continuing one with the child, sometimes the custodial parent has such an inflammatory relationship with the other one that they don't let them see the child, or they scare the child into not wanting to see them, or they move away. Lots of non custodial parents make big deals about wanting to see their kids and then you find out when they DO have their kids, they are leaving them with other people instead of spending time with their kids. They do this BECAUSE they don't want to give up the custody they have - if they do, they know their child support cost will go UP. If people were able to walk away without being penalized by so much child support I think more people would walk away instead of hurting their kids in the long run by being around even if their kids know they don't really want to be there.

wfhchristiner

@wfhchristiner (352)

• Canada

18 Nov 12

I don't have any idea about child support. I have not experienced that. As far as my friends told me, the father is responsible for child support until the child becomes adult and earns money. It doesn't matter whether he can afford it or not, he still have to pay it. I am sorry to hear about your boyfriend, but it is what it is.

child support

@CosmoOwl12 (411)

• United States

18 Nov 12

That wasn't my question. And saying "it is what it is" is one of the most annoying things I have ever heard.

@mommyboo (13174)

• United States

19 Nov 12

Just want to put it out there that there are deadbeat moms as well as deadbeat dads out there. It's not always a father who is responsible for child support, sometimes it's the mother, and sometimes the mother runs off, attempts to avoid paying child support, and/or has no custody. Either way, the 'absent' parent IS responsible for financial support in lieu of actual physical support until the child reaches 18. I would have a talk with the boyfriend about figuring out how to avoid this mess AGAIN - stay up to date with child support and by all means, SEE your kid. Maybe arrangements can be made to share custody more equally and then child support could be changed to be more affordable? I rather like 'it is what it is'. Very fitting explanation for a lot of things.

@CosmoOwl12 (411)

• United States

19 Nov 12

He was paying her before all of this but he has a medical condition called CFS Rhinorrhea (the fluid from his brain leaks from his nose sporadicly) that prevents him working sometimes. She is aware of this and all she's concerned about is getting her money. When he told her about the problem, she said it was fine and she understood. Now she had him arrested and I don't see how that's fair to anyone. Not even the daughter they have together because now he can't see her at all. He does see her whenever the mom allows it, but that doesn't happen very often. As for the 'it is what it is' statement, it just seems like a lazy way to look at things. Everyone has their own opinion. To each his own. I feel that if you are capable and willing to change a situation, you should do what you can to change it.

@mommyboo (13174)

• United States

19 Nov 12

Well..... I think it depends on a lot of factors. I have an ex husband but we did not have children together. IF we had, the route I would have chosen would be to have him sign off his rights of paternity and have nothing else to do with either of us. When we divorced, I did NOT want support, alimony, revenue from property, property, etc. HOWEVER! Some people do not have semi amicable divorces or separations, and some people are too concerned with appearances or making sure people THINK they want the best for their kids (even if they only are making an effort because they don't want people to think they are ok with not seeing their kid or because they don't want to pay alimony or child support). In a perfect world, the person with less custody or no custody would provide financial support to the person who HAS custody AND make arrangements to still be part of the child's life if they aren't a danger to the child or the other person in a physical or emotional sense. This could be EITHER the mother or the father, and the behavior and attitude of both should definitely come into play with regard to the safety and lifestyle of the child. I don't think people should be arrested unless they are actively trying to avoid paying child support and there is proof of a history of this. Taking care of a child does have a real cost component, and whichever adult is not there doing the day to day care, they do have a responsibility. I have no IDEA what YOU have to do with your boyfriend's ex - unless you know he has been avoiding child support and helping him do it. Did he have any opportunity to pay or get current without being dragged into court? Do you know how behind he was? How often does he he see his kid - does he have no custody or partial custody? Sorry I have so many questions but something is off about this.

@sid556 (30960)

• United States

20 Nov 12

Yes, and he could be much further behind. That could possibly be the very minimum that he has to pay in order to be released from jail. At least they are giving him work release. Some guys don't get that which I think is crazy.