Do you have the courage to really be yourself?

I've tried talking with him about these things. He just thinks that volunteering is a waste of time because we aren't making money doing it. But he knows that these things are important to me. We were both doing a lot of volunteer work before we were married. We had the same goals in this until he got side tracked by all the things that money can buy. I think that it will take some time for him to see that I would like doing other things besides just taking care of my family home life.He kind of has the mindset that women should enjoy staying home all day. That is definitely not the case with me. I'm a hard worker and I don't mind working. I would love to be the one who worked full time outside of the home and have him not work and be a stay at home dad. I would love for him to try that for about a month. I'm sure that he would go crazy. But he would see all that I do and that staying at home all day isn't that great.

hmmm.... I don't think that's a good idea, just for him to see what the world it is inside the house. but maybe try to express more of yourself and try not be dominated by him. There are still some diplomatic way of doing things. Expressing what you feel is not bad. go for it as I say. you can do it...

Lol. I'm sure that when people feel tipsy they are more likely to speak their mind. To tell others what they really think and feel. To stand up for themselves.I have to work on being this way more often in daily regular routines of my life.

I have done that, but he just couldn't see the need for me to be myself. He thinks I am selfish to be thinking this way. I am so tired of fighting about it. What makes it worse is when he gets real mad, he would say such and such to his parents that would make me look real bad. I am no perfect person, but I am not the kind of person he thinks I am. I did not change. He changed.

I understand what you mean. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in being what other people want us to be. But I had recently read that this is not a good thing. That we have to be ourselves. We have to forget what other people think and be ourselves. We have to live our life. Even though we are married we have to live our own life. Our life is what we make of it so we need to make it what we want. Life really flies by. We want to look back on it and know that we did live our own life. That we did the things we wanted too. We don't want to regret things or we will end resenting the people who we feel caused us to live that way. Sorry to hear that your husband expects you to live like his mother. You should tell him that since you don't expect him to live like your father he shouldn't expect those things of you.

Yeah I agree with you. Over time we do gain more courage. I hope to continue to gain courage in the areas that I need it. At times I often feel like I can not keep going in my current situation but I have to keep trying for a little while longer. Right now time seems like it is going very slow.

Thanks so much. I appreciate it. It is very hard to stay positive in such a situation. I'm glad that I'm going to continually work to do the things that I enjoy and to volunteer my time to help others. I hope that things will improve but I will try not to lose my own thoughts and feelings during this difficult time.

I agree that most of us have to work really hard at bettering our confidence. It is important that we do this. We don't want to be doing things just because of what other people are thinking or feeling. We need to be ourselves as long as we doing good we can be proud of ourselves.

I hope that you will soon be able to get your own place. I understand having to live with a parent that you absolutely do not get along with. Before we moved into our new place we had to stay with my mother. Which sad to say was an awful time. I knew it would end up like that before we even went there. Unfortunately things were so bad that we are still not on very good speaking terms at the moment. I think you may be right about my husband. He really does need me more than I need him. I would much rather just take care of myself and my daughter than to have to take care of a grown man who doesn't help me.

I'm glad to hear that you started being yourself. That really is so important. Your words hit right home. I have felt that way too-that I forgot who I was. I no longer did the things that I liked to do but only what my husband wanted to do. I stopped spending time with friends because my husband didn't like company coming over. I stopped going to gatherings because my husband would rather stay home and play video games all night. I had really lost who I was and what I enjoyed. But I'm really working to change that around. I have a lot of things and hobbies I would like to do. I'm starting to spend time with friends again and plan events. I like being me too and I will continue to do the things I want too.

I'm glad that you are able to be yourself. And that you have a husband who encourages you to be that way as well. It is nice when we have the support of family and friends to do the things we would like. It is important that we receive and give respect.

That is a good way to put it. I agree to each his own. We can't please everyone so it would be a waste of our time to try. And why should we worry about pleasing others when they after all don't care about what we think. I often times do have to tell my husband that I stopped caring what he thinks about a lot of things. For example I like to have different hair styles and he always has something negative to say about it, or if i buy a new outfit for some reason he doesn't like. But after you hear that enough times it gets old and we do what we want because we like it not because of someone else.

I agree with you. I'm continuing to try and do the things that I would like to do. I think that it is good for me to do this. I need to live my life. I shouldn't live my life only doing what others want me to do. Otherwise my life would fly by and I would realize that I didn't get to be myself.

You make good points. That is a great way to look at it. I will try and do what you suggested. He knows that I like to do good and help others. That is one of the reasons he fell in love with me. I'm going to start getting back into my volunteer work and spending more time with those who I can encourage and help. I think it's important for us to realize that there are always individuals who are worse off than we are. I think it's important to try not to be selfish but to help others in ways we can. I think that once he gets over the initial factor he will start to appreciate these things again. But I'm looking forward to working at and achieving my goals. It's important for me to keep a positive outlook on life and the people are involved in it.

Yeah I will definitely continue to work at being myself. I have improved a great deal already. I hope to spend more time with my friends and do things that I enjoy doing. It is nice to spend time with the girls to catch up and see how life is going for everyone.

I too hope that my husband will change. I though am already working on my plans to volunteer and to spend time on my goals. It has always been about my husband what he wants to do. I think that it has been unfair for awhile now. So I have made the decision to start doing things that I enjoy.

I agree we should be ourselves. The sooner we do this the better. We can't please everyone. The sooner we figure this out the happier we will be. It's easier to please ourselves than to try and please everyone else.

I'm glad that your husband makes you feel better about yourself. That is a wonderful thing. You are very fortunate to have such a wonderful person in your life. I'm trying to stay positive and hang in there but he continues to do things that upset me. We have recently had to make a decision about whether or not we wanted to have a counseling session with a couple. Now we were suppose to talk about it and make a decision. I explained to him that the sessions we are having are enough. I already have my hands full and I particularly don't want to keep talking about being a better wife when I know that I'm doing my part. So he said that's fine and so we agreed we wouldn't do the couple's session. Now when it came to talking to the person about that he made it seem like I was being difficult about it. And the person came up to me and started talking to me as if I'm in the wrong. Like I need to be "submissive." I was so mad because we had made a decision about it and now it looks as if I'm the person who isn't trying to make things work. Mind you my husband doesn't want to do any of this he is basically putting on a show. So that infuriates me because I know that if we separate or divorce he will not be doing any of the things that they suggest. And I will be the only one still trying to apply their counsel. It drives me crazy because the "headship" principle is going to his head and he's making me look like I'm not a good wife when he doesn't do anything as far as any of the principles based on the Bible.

I agree it's not a good thing for us to stop being ourselves because of others. I need to work hard at taking care of myself and work to support myself and my daughter. My husband is often times solely focused on doing what he wants and spending money where he wants to. Hopefully he will start to do better in regard to showing interest in the things that I would like to do. But if not I will still have to enjoy my life and do the things that I love.

I agree with you. It is best for us to be ourselves and do the things we like. I hope that you will continue to be able to get where you want to be. I hope that i will be able to take care of the things that I need too. There are often so many different directions we can go in our life.